Wednesday, November 29, 2006


It's Cabot Harpoon IPA Beer Cheddar Cheese! What more do I have to say? Creamy, hoppy, tasty: it's BEER and CHEESE together at last! IT'S BEER CHEESE! Milk, cheese cultures, salt, beer, enzymes! What more could you possibly ask for? This is right up there with anything you could find in any cheese shop.

"I thought to myself, 'a little fermented curd will do the trick'. So I curtailed my Walpoling activites, sallied forth, and infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some cheesy comestibles!"

"Let's keep it simple: how about Cheddar?"
"Well, I'm afraid we don't get much call for it around these parts, sir."
"Not much call--it's the single most popular cheese in the world!"

Monty Python's Flying Circus - Cheese Shop (transcript)


Here's a picture of my brand spanking new 2007 Toyota RAV4 V6, which I just picked up on Friday.

My new car - 2007 Toyota RAV4 V6

It's got plenty of room inside, rides smooth, and has amazing pickup. I haven't taken it on a long trip yet, but so far I love it and I'm happy that I finally pulled the trigger and bought it.

(Of course, the actual purchasing process was thoroughly annoying: you can read about the whole ordeal on the Eye-Opener blog.)

Tuesday, November 28, 2006


Los Angeles Kings' Anze Kopitar gets the puck past New Jersey Devils goalie Martin Brodeur to score the first goal of an overtime shootout during an NHL hockey game in Los Angeles Monday, Nov. 27, 2006. Kings won 3-2. (AP Photo/Branimir Kvartuc)"Wrist Shots" was supposed to be reserved for my latest hockey notes, but I think I broke my own rule when I lumped together all sorts of miscellany into the last entry. I didn't watch a lot of hockey over the Turkey Break (it was mostly football, from Thursday to Saturday) so I'm just catching up now . . .

The Devils just completed the worst road trip in recent history: 0-3-1, 1 point. Last night's loss in the shootout to the L.A. Kings hurt the most, because this is a team they used to be able to beat in their sleep (though they have the top rookie, Anze Kopitar, who has 23 points). Once in a first place tie with the Rangers and Islanders (welcome back to the top of the standings, Fish Sticks!), they've slipped to 3rd because while Marty's been decent, the offense has been lacking (they've only scored more than 3 goals in 1 of the last 20 games--what's new?). Watching them play the Ducks, I realized that one of the players that they must miss the most is Scott Niedermeyer. He's a top notch defenseman who used to torch everyone during the 'fastest skater' contest during the All-Star Skills Competition. I also wonder why the Ducks named their rink the Honda Center, when Honda Pond has a much better ring to it--they should have consulted me. Oh, and if L.A. can get 16K to show up for hockey, I think they can support an NFL team, don'cha think?

I watched most of Sunday night's Sabres/Rangers game (inbetween segments of TARX). It was a well-played game, less than stellar officiating. Classic interference/pick play off the final faceoff in OT -- Pomenville held Shanahan so Drury could rush the net and deflect in the winner, for a 3-2 final. Funny how that's not in the AP article anywhere. I haven't been watching the Sabres closely enough, maybe THAT'S how they've been winning all those games. The skating in the Stars @ Wings game last night looked much slower in comparison; that's why Detroit lost in the first round last year, and probably won't take home the Cup this year either.

The Penguins came back down to earth (now in 4th place), as Malkin failed to score a goal in EVERY GAME (for shame) and Marc-Andre Fleury started to show his inexperience. The jury is out on their goaltending, but I like the rest of the team's chances to make the playoffs.

Ken Hitchcock has gone from the last place in the East Flyers (17 points) to the last place in the West Bluejackets. Good luck with that.

Since this is officially "driving season" for me, I have decided to sign up for XM Radio, and should be getting my Delphi RoadyXT soon. Once I get it set up I'm looking forward to listening to the great music channels (especially LUCY), some comedy, PGA and actual hockey sports radio (which doesn't exist in the NY/NJ/CT area, despite all the Cups the Devils have acquired). The website describes their 24/7 hockey talk station like this:

Hockey This Morning with Scott Laughlin and Cam Stewart (Weekdays - 6-9 AM ET): Tune in to Home Ice - XM 204-209 on the morning after the night before for post-game analysis.

Kris pointed out: "'The morning after the night before'--doesn't by definition the 'morning' fall after the 'previous night'?" That's exactly what I was thinking when I read that sentence, which makes me feel like I'm stuck on a Möbius strip. Hopefully, the actual radio station will be more intelligible, even if it's hopelessly Canadian. Question: can I tune in the evening before the morning after the night before for pre-game coverage? And does Canada call Plan B "the morning after the night before pill"?

Rob V. from Nyack asked: "The hockey season starts in October and ends in March, that's 180 days to play 80 games. Why are there so many back to back games on the schedule this year?" I have no idea why that is. For instance: the Devils play on Friday/Saturday back-to-back games 4 times in December (and a Saturday/Sunday in the middle week), yet both games are never at home. There's no Olympic break this year, so that's not the reason they're cramming them in. I should consult a hockey expert about this to find out.

I'll leave it with this YouGoogle (GooTube?) video of Colin White hitting Sean Avery.

Monday, November 27, 2006


It's hard to believe there are only 23 more days until CapitalOne® Bowl Week. Every year, it seems like CapitalOne® Bowl Week starts earlier and earlier! The CapitalOne® Bowl Week commercials have been running since Halloween, CapitalOne® Bowl Week songs have been on the radio all week, and everyone's put up their CapitalOne® Bowl Week decorations before Thanksgiving! People complain every year about the commercialization of CapitalOne® Bowl Week, but if you think about it without it there wouldn't BE a CapitalOne® Bowl Week! I've always found that it helps to just keep in mind the true meaning of CapitalOne® Bowl Week, and then no one can take CapitalOne® Bowl Week away from you. Which reminds me: I should start sending out my CapitalOne® Bowl Week cards!

Some companies (like Rob's) shut down for CapitalOne® Bowl Week, but unfortunately I have to take a few vacation days in order to fully appreciate CapitalOne® Bowl Week. But I feel I need that extra time, as there are all those CapitalOne® Bowl Week presents to wrap, and CapitalOne® Bowl Week cookies to bake! They're saying that there will be more traffic this CapitalOne® Bowl Week than ever before, so be careful out there. CapitalOne® Bowl Week can be a stressful time for everyone, so most of all take some time to sit down and relax during CapitalOne® Bowl Week.

I wish you and your families a very happy CapitalOne® Bowl Week!

CapitalOne® Bowl Week Games
Bowl GameLocationDate/Time(EST)Station
San Diego, CA
Dec. 19, 8 p.m.

Pioneer PureVision Las Vegas
Las Vegas, NV
Dec. 21, 8 p.m.

New Orleans
New Orleans, LA
Dec. 22, 8 p.m.
Birmingham, AL
Dec. 23, 1 p.m.

New Mexico
Albuquerque, NM
Dec. 23, 4:30 p.m.

Bell Helicopter Armed Forces
Fort Worth, TX
Dec. 23, 8 p.m.

Sheraton Hawaii
Honolulu, HI
Dec. 24, 8 p.m.
Motor City
Detroit , MI
Dec. 26, 7:30 p.m.

Emerald Nut
San Francisco, CA
Dec. 27, 8 p.m.

PetroSun Independence
Shreveport, LA
Dec. 28, 4:30 p.m.

Pacific Life Holiday
San Diego, CA
Dec. 28, 8 p.m.

Gaylord Hotels Music City
Nashville, TN
Dec. 29, 1 p.m.

AutoZone Liberty
Memphis, TN
Dec. 29, 4:30 p.m.

Champs Sports
Orlando, FL
Dec. 29, 8 p.m.

Meineke Car Care
Charlotte, NC
Dec. 30, 1 p.m.

San Antonio, TX
Dec. 30, 4:30 p.m.

Atlanta, GA>
Dec. 30, 8 p.m.

MPC Computers
Boise, ID
Dec. 31, 7:30 p.m.

Tampa, FL
Jan. 1, 11 a.m.

Orlando, FL
Jan. 1, 1 p.m.

Sunday, November 26, 2006


Bad news: some thugs tried to rob PS3 shoppers in line at a Wal-Mart in Putnam, CT and someone was shot. Good news: it was a Nintendo NES fake gun stolen from that "Duck Hunt" game.

Speaking of, look out Sabres, guess who has more wins and less losses than you? That's right, the no-longer-mighty Ducks, who are tied with the most points in the NHL with 38.

The Devils have had a horrible Western roadtrip (thankfully, they only do this once every THREE years now), going 0-3 and being outscored 9-3, despite Marty's solid play (save % of 0.91 and GAA of 2.36). The only offensive highlight of the whole trip was Brian Gionta scoring on a quick burst of speed between two Duck defensemen to beat Giguere, leaving the defensemen completely flat-footed. Actually, since their not technically "on foot", what would be the hockey equivalent of "flat footed"? "Flat skated"? "Dull bladed"?

Dissing Cristal, Jay-Z has chosen his new champagne: Armand de Brignac, the "gold bottle with the ace of spades" on it. Hey Kris, I need some of this for the holidays, you're in France, could you help a brutha out?

I borrowed a Japanese cough drop from a coworker the other day. It says it has eucalyptus and spinach in it. I don't know what to say about that. It's Halls Mentholspinach! Man, I have to get out of this company.

What kind of world are we living in when a comedian has to apologize for racist remarks he made while on stage? (Isn't that pretty much EVERY COMEDY ACT?) Oh, that's right, the Seinfeld Season 7 DVD is out, that's why. I envision a phone call from stately Seinfeld Manor: "Mike, take care of this mess. NOW." Man, this country is sensitive, even more so when money is involved.

I love this article (thanks Rob): 'BEER GOGGLES' EFFECT EXPLAINED. In true BBC style, they report on this without a hint of irony. These "scienticians" got government grant money for this?

As Rob was trying to explain the concept of a "Freudian slip" to a BS bartender, he said "Well, maybe it was more of a Jungian slip." My reply: "She's too Jung for you."

Listen up, snowboarders: yes, I know you're all extreme with your big air tricks and half-pipe tomfoolery. But why do you constantly feel the need to grind down the railing along the stairway leading to the lodge? Look behind you: there's a whole mountain covered with snow, deeply packed and freshly groomed, and you're using the stairs? It's a SNOW board, SNOW is even conveniently in the name to give you a hint as to what you should be using it on. Snowboarders: you are ON NOTICE.

From now on, Colts WR Marvin Harrison will be known as OCHO OCHO (or double ocho).

NFL UPSET SPECIAL: New Orleans (+3) over Atlanta. Fun fact: 74 year old K Morten Andersen is the all-time leading scorer for BOTH teams.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006


I want to wish everyone out there (all 3 people who read this) a very happy and healthy Thanksgiving. I know I whine and complain a lot on this here Interweblog, but I truly am thankful for everything that I've got, and especially for my family and friends. I'm also thankful that I have a four day weekend, during which I will be marinading in scotch.

The only thing I'm going to wax nostalgic about is the old Comedy Central "Mystery Science Theater 3000 Turkey Day Marathon" (1991-1997), which I watched every year religiously. I guess I have more than enough DVDs now to replicate it, but it's nothing beats just turning on the TV and having it automatically be on for 30 straight hours! I guess I could watch a few episodes and intersperse some of the MST3K Turkey Day Promos from 1991 (there are a whole bunch online):

"Ad lib response!" "Ad lib retort!" (Crow, Joel, and Tom Servo, 1991)

"Turkey Fact #12" (Crow, 1991)

Okay, they're not all hilarious but nonetheless they bring back memories. Thanks to YouTube for filling the void that I would otherwise fill with alcohol! Ah heck, I'd do that either way. At least we have Mike Nelson's Rifftrax (and don't miss this special SA interview). I might have to get the trax for "The Matrix" or "Road House" for the holidays.

Anyway, have a fantastic holiday (except for a select few in France who I merely wish a happy Thursday)!

Satellite News - Official MST3K Web Site
MST3K Volume 10 DVD [no longer in stores, but available through]
MST3K Rhino DVD site

Sunday, November 19, 2006


Well, that was fleeting. After being the darlings of college football for the past 8 days, the Silly Rutgers Scarlet KAH-NIGGITS got spanked by Cincinnati last night, ending their undefeated season and likely their BCS bowl hopes. But at least they've gained respect this season, which is saying a lot for RU football.

#1 OSU beat #2 Michigan 42-39 last night, which while an entertaining game was NOT a classic. ESPN would beg to differ, as they've already made it an Instant Classic (and like Instant Coffee, I'll skip it). But all told, the score is misleading as Ohio State was the much better team and were in control of this the whole way. Despite the turnovers, Michigan's defense was nonexistent. I hope they don't meet again in the BCS Bowl, because that would have made this game a mere exhibition. The scary thing about this: the Ohio State Lottery Pick 4 in the evening on Saturday: 4-2-3-9. Spooky.

What does "flea flicker" mean? Can anyone explain the origin of that term? It doesn't really make any sense. Also, has anyone explained the physics behind the "perfect" onside kick? You know, when the football, if kicked properly, bounces low the first two times, and then HIGH on the third bounce? There's GOT to be a good explanation for that.

AND NOW, #1 THREAT TO THE JETS TODAY . . . BEARS! They've been hyping this up around here, but I expect the Bears to win this easily. Hats off to the Amazing Mangini The Magnificent for a great job so far, as I expected them to be in the AFC East basement.

NFL UPSET SPECIAL: Cincinnati (+3.5) will beat New Orleans.

Friday, November 17, 2006


I was about six feet tall by the time was 12 (I'll check with my mom, but that sounds about right), so naturally I played a lot of basketball as a kid. My dad, being a physical education teacher and a coach for both high school football and baseball, probably thought I was a shoe-in to be good at some sport. Though I was a clumsy and slow catcher/first baseman back in my prepubescent youth athletic league days, I was a formidable force in basketball. Okay, that might be overstating it, but at least I was the tallest guy out there and could rack up rebounds and points just by accident. But for some reason, unlike everyone else puberty actually decreased my athletic prowess, and even though I was 6'4" and relatively in shape the rest of the kids blew right by me. Maybe they "wanted it more", maybe I could say I was "concentrating on my studies", but it was pretty pathetic. Tired of riding the pine for the basketball team (Coach Sherman, if you're out there, you're still an asshole) I quit and decided to play tennis my senior year. I proved unequivocally that I could suck at that sport too (I've since branched out to suck and hockey as well).

To this day, I get asked if I played basketball, and I'm embarrassed when I say that I'm horrible at it, can't remember the last time I played, and don't even own a basketball. I always wonder what might have happened if I didn't have a NEGATIVE vertical leap and could actually play. Tonight, my alma mater Villanova plays in the Paradise Jam basketball tournament in St. Thomas in the U.S. Virgin Islands . . . are you kidding me? Man, that would be great to play ball in the Caribbean. I always stayed up late to watch the Maui Invitiational every November, thinking how awesome those all-expenses paid trips would have been (well, provided I paid my tuition), if only I didn't stink at basketball and actually made the team. Oh well.

NCAA college basketball is back, but I can't get too excited about yet. I don't even know how you determine a preseason Top 25; after the first dozen or so you're pretty just making shit up or just picking schools because of reputation alone (Creighton?). I can't figure out if "upsets" like Vermont beating B.C. and Oral Roberts beating perennial bracket-killer Kansas are even a big deal because it's so early, and all of those teams have been in the NCAA tournament in recent years. But I've found more evidence that ESPN hates sports fans: they've already got a tournament bracket(ology) on their website. Are you joking? Whew, that's a relief that Villanova got a #7 seed, I wasn't sure they'd get in! Plus, Dan Shanoff has chosen his Final Four and Champion already. Ugh. Slow down, idiots, we've got a long way to go. At least wait until March to make your horribly incorrect picks.

(I know, that wasn't really a preview of anything. I'll check back in January.)


There are a plethora of drinks out there, and plenty of them claim to be healthy. But Bolthouse Farms actually backs it up with their all-natural beverages, my favorite being their Perfectly Protein Mocha Cappuccino (despite the weird adverb usage). From their site:

Our Perfectly Protein Mocha Cappuccino is a smooth blend of 100% Arabica coffee, premium cocoa and pure Madagascar vanilla extract. We carefully selected Arabica coffee beans for their distinctive, full-bodied character and delicate caramel aftertaste. For a rich and creamy consistency, low-fat milk and whey protein are gently combined to complete this delicious blend. Perfectly Protein Mocha Cappuccino is truly an experience any coffee connoisseur will appreciate. Only the best ingredients go into our beverages, and the same should go for your body.

Damn straight! (Who writes this shit?) Anyway, it has caffeine in it, as any self respecting coffee product should. But while most protein shakes taste like chalky mucus, this stuff is akin to a Starbucks Mocha Frappuccino. However, the difference is in the nutritional information (yeah, some of us read that stuff).

Bolthouse (16 oz.):360 calories, 19 g of protein, 2.5 g fat, plus vitamin C, B6, B12
Starbucks (16 oz.): 320 calories, 10 g of protein, 5 g fat, no vitamins

Yes, they both have high amounts of sugar, but at least you're getting something in return (vitamins, and twice the calcium) when you drink the Bolthouse Farms product. Highly recommended. If only I knew what the hell a Bolthouse is.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006


Here's something fun you can do with Google Earth, or as I call it "GEarth". You can link to any address by typing it into GMaps first, and adding "&output=kml" to the end of it and making it a link. For example, here's where Kris lives (approx): Bordeaux, France

And here's where I am, more or less.

Enjoy playing with your GEarth!

Monday, November 13, 2006


Thanks to their astonishing comeback win vs. Louisville, and Saturday losses by Cal, Texas, and Auburn, the mighty RUTGERS SCARLET KNIGHTS are now #6 in the BCS, and #2 according to the "CPU", whatever that is (is that Intel Inside or AMD?). If they win out, and a lot of kooky stuff happens to the other top teams, it's maybe entirely possible that they could possibly play for the BCS National Championship on January 8. Let me read that sentence again. Yikes. It's certainly a bizarro world when "RU" is being mentioned in the same breath as "BCS championship". It makes the past 137 years seem like ancient history. Some "experts" even have them currently playing Notre Dame (*cough*OVERRATED*cough*) in the Sugar Bowl, how fun would that be? Whatever the outcome, it's shaping up to be a great CapitalOne Bowl Week.

In James Joyce a guy came up to the bar and ordered a Michelob Light, and he was told they don't carry it. He then insisted that he had gotten one earlier, and the bartender insisted he didn't, so he accepted a Michelob Ultra instead (he later admitted he was at another bar across the street, and that he was drunk). In any case, so what? Was he really going to notice? It's a mass produced American light beer, I defy you to taste the difference. There should be a single term that people can use to order such beverages, "Grab Bag Light", "Mass Light" or "Mystery Lite", and the bartender will just give you the one closest to him.

On Friday afternoon, we were trying to figure out why ESPN Classic decided to show a random midseason USC vs. Oregon game from 10/26/2002. Other than the fact that it was Carson Palmer's school record performance, and the fact the two teams were playing the next day, it didn't make a lot of sense unless Carson himself called up to request it. But now we know the reason: they were merely predicting that Palmer would have a huge (and eerily similar) day in the Bengals/San Diego game on Sunday. Take a look at the numbers:

10/26/02: 31/42, 448 yards, 5 TD (W 44-33)
11/12/06: 31/42, 440 yards, 3 TD (L 41-49)

And although it was in a loss, Ocho Cinco was muy bueno with 11-260/2 TD. Viva la Ocho Cinco!


(Hey, they don't care if it's a crap name if they're getting $20M a year for the next 20 years.)

Sunday, November 12, 2006


I took off Friday and played golf at the Links @ Unionvale, in Lagrangeville, NY. It was a perfect day, about 60 and not a cloud in the sky, and it only cost $30 to walk 18 holes. Beat THAT with your "work".

Unionvale - Bunkers around Hole #17
Unionvale - Hole #5
Extra points for hitting the silo

MY NFL UPSET SPECIAL: I was going to say Steelers will beat the Saints, but inexplicably the 2-6 team is favored by 6 at home over the 6-2 team--go figure. So I'm taking Cleveland (+8) over Ron Mexico's overrated Atlanta Falcons.

Oh, and I just got back from getting a massage. It turns out that this weekend is all about me.

Friday, November 10, 2006


I don't know what to say. What a tremendous win for Rutgers, beating Lousiville 28-25 on an Ito FG to win it. They are unbelievably now 9-0, and will easily be in the top 10 in the country the next time the polls come out. Incredible. Great job by the RU defense in the second half giving Brohm no one to throw to, and Ray Rice and Brian Leonard played outstanding in the win. It doesn't get any better than that. Words can't do it justice, so here's some photos.


Empire State Building lit up in scarlet, Nov. 9, 2006 (AP Photo/Frank Franklin II)

Fans mob Jeremy Ito after game winning FG, 28-25 against No. 3 Louisville, Nov. 9, 2006 (AP Photo/Tim Larsen)

Fans rush the field in Rutgers Stadium, Nov. 9, 2006 (ESPN)

Thursday, November 9, 2006


The Tri-State Area's favorite underdogs, the Rutgers Scarlet Knights (#13 BCS) play the Louisville Cardinals (#3 BCS) tonight in Piscataway in what might be the most important football game in their 137 year history. This is the first time Rutgers has played a ranked team while also being ranked themselves, going to back when Ulysses S. Grant was still President and they played the first intercollegiate game against Princeton in 1869. Rutgers football has never been good, mainly because they could never attract the top local high school players, who would end up at Penn State, Notre Dame, Pittsburgh and the like. And before Miami and BC left the Big East, they would be consistently trounced on a weekly basis. So I'm happy to see them turn it around under head coach Greg Schiano, and it's great that the area has a quality college team. Even if things don't go quite as hoped tonight and their dream of being in a BCS bowl game is shattered, hopefully they can build on it and continue to recruit the top players and be competitive for years to come. Maybe they'll even get a corporation to pay big money for the stadium naming rights, and play before sold out crowds in Johnson & Johnson Stadium.

However, the excitement has apparently reached a fever pitch as it seems that suddenly everyone is a Rutgers fan. Thousands camped out for tickets to this game the other night, as 10,500 student tickets were given away for free. But even worse than a bandwagon jumper is an obnoxious one, especially those who are calling themselves members of the "Scarlet Knights Nation". Please, I beg you, this trend has to stop. There's "Queer Nation", and its much less respected bastard cousin "Red Sox Nation", and that's where it should end. If you go to the school, you can just say you're a Scarlet Knight, or if that sounds too weird, a Rutgers student. If you don't, just say that you're rooting for them, don't claim to be part of some fictitious "club". It's pathetic, and actually kind of creepy.

Personally, I never understood people who buy season tickets and go to college games without having any affiliation with the school whatsoever. Maybe people are looking to "be a part of something", and its hard to beat the sheer passion and (apparent) innocence of college sports. But unless you went to Rutgers, work there, sent your kids there, have had season tickets for 10 years, etc., there's really no reason for it. Yes, I admit that I'm officially rooting for them tonight, and even though I took a summer course at RU and my sister went there, I'm not going to claim to be part of a "nation". I'm thinking that all the fairweather Rutgers fans that have popped up will retreat back into the woodwork (?) if they lose to Louisville and West Virginia over the next month, and then we can see who's a real fan.

As for tonight's game, I hate to say it but I don't see them stopping this high scoring Louisville team. QB Brian Brohm led them to victory versus a stacked WVU team last week (354 yds/1 TD, in a 44-34 win), and completely torched RU last year (315 yds/3 TD, in a 56-5 win). Although they're much improved on defense and sophomore Raymell Rice is an excellent runningback, Rutgers has to play perfect football tonight and get some breaks to win. My blognostication is that Louisville (-6) will win 31-13. Of course, I hope they prove me wrong and there are some serious parties up and down Easton Avenue tonight. Knowing Rutgers, there probably will be anyway.

Go Scarlet Knights!

Louisville vs. Rutgers Preview [Daily Targum]
Rutgers supplying wins to meet demand [Daily Targum]

Monday, November 6, 2006


I've heard the Rush song "Tom Sawyer" about 400 billion times in my lifetime. What does it mean? It came out when I was 10 years old, and I wasn't too keen on the lyrics then, nor am I now. Please explain in 50 words or less. Oh, and I never read "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer" either, so I'll need a short synopsis of that too.

My HOME DOME DOG pick, the Detroit Lions, didn't let me down (well, I didn't blog it because I was away for the weekend, but I had a feeling they'd beat Atlanta). And also a big thanks to the NFL officials for letting a bad call (questionable face mask penalty on blocked FG attempt runback by Redskins) lose a game for the Cowboys! Great job, you blind part-time morons. Blognostication: Bill Parcells will be free to play golf full time by February 12, 2007.

And now that the Bears undefeated season has been erased, and half the players are hurt (Urlacher, Strahan, Umienyora, Burress, etc), can you switch the Bears @ Giants game back to Sunday at 1 PM? No, you're still showing it @ 8:15? And the 4th quarter won't start until 11 PM? Okay, fuck you NBC, I'm not watching.

Before they attempted to drag the U.S.S. Intrepid out of New York harbor today, Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton said, "The Intrepid stands for everything we believe in ... our freedom and our values." So it's incredibly appropriate that the massive aircraft carrier couldn't be moved because it was stuck in the mud.

Jagshemash! The #1 Movie of the weekend was BORAT: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan, which got an astonishing 96% review rating on RT. Enjoy the first four minutes of the movie right here. He's the 21st century answer to Yakov Smirnoff! (Except that he's funny, and he's not really from Kazakhstan.) I like sex, it is nice!

Great Xmas gift idea: VANILLA FUDGE T-SHIRT.

Friday, November 3, 2006


Since I do a lot of whining here, I'm introducing a new Open Hockey feature: THINGS I LIKE. Every once in a while I'm going to just post something positive, something that makes me feel warm and fuzzy. Well, I don't know about the fuzzy part.


(This picture is from the 2007 SI swimsuit calendar, and more pix are here and here, if you're into that sort of thing.)



The NHL has joined up with Google Video for an exclusive deal to show complete commercial-free hockey games. From the looks of it, they're delayed about 3 days. They're expected to get classic games on here in the future. Eventually, they'll charge for this service (duh), but it's all FREE for the first two weeks in November. This is perfect if you're the Biggest Sabres Fan In France or don't have a TV. As for me, maybe I can catch up on some of the West Coast teams that I don't get to see much of. It's not live streaming (like, but it's a start.

Thursday, November 2, 2006


» That crazy Russian is on a historic streak! Malkin has scored a goal in his first 6 games, a feat not done since 1917-18. This was also the NHL's first year, which makes the accomplishment even more impressive. (Think about it: if it was the NHL's first year, those guys could have been scoring goals in amateur hockey for decades before then, right?) Anyway, I think this kid is going to be pretty good.
» Okay, the Sabres are starting to scare me. They FINALLY lost in a shootout vs. Atlanta on Saturday night (take THAT, Kris "Biggest Sabres Fan In France" Salo!), ending our long national nightmare. Tonight they were down 4-1 visiting the Bruins at the TDBankNorth BookDepository. With under 9 minutes to go, it appeared they were about to lose for the first time in regulation . . . but not so fast! OF COURSE they reeled off 3 unexplained goals and won 5-4 in a shootout, as Maxim "Magazine For Men" Afinogennycream added two more goals to his ledger.
» I heard a local slack-jawed sports yokel refer to the Ducks as "undefeated" before the Rangers beat them in OT on Wednesday night. But they were 9-0-3 at the time, which includes 3 OT losses. So we can't say they're undefeated, but we can say "undefeated in regulation". Let's please try to get this straight.
» Finnish goalie Kari Lehtonen is making all the difference for the 1st place Atlanta Flames--uhm, Thrashers (8-3-3). Unfortunately, his name looks like "Let one in". Think of the puns!
» Local boy Jim Dowd, formerly a Brick (NJ) Dragon, is back with the Devils. You might remember (or not) that he scored the winning goal in Game 2 en route to a 1995 Stanley Cup Finals sweep of the Red Wings. That was 11 years ago??? Wow, I feel old.
» By the way, statements like "The Devils need to find more offense" make me laugh, because I read those stories 3 Cups ago. But it might be more true in the new NHL.
» If you happen to be shopping in the Hartford mall, say hi to Darius for me. Which reminds me, I need to see a Lowell Devils game before the season is over.
» Lastly, columnist Jim "Not The Bills QB" Kelley of Prime Time Sports said the new Sabres logo looks like Donald Trump's hair. Brilliant observation. Here's the side by side comparison:


That's awesome! If I had Photoshop, I'd stick that thing right on his skull.

Well, if you hate the Buffaslug, it could be worse. No, I'm serious. Check out these links for some truly bad logos:
WORST HOCKEY LOGOS OF ALL TIME. I remember seeing a shirt for the NJ Rock'n'Rollers. Ewww.
BUSH LEAGUE FACTOR has some hideous minor league hockey logos (what the hell is an ice bat?)


I think I might choose this over playing golf in Georgia too.It's here, the PGA Tour's final tournament of 2006 (sort of), THE TOUR Championship! What the hell is THE TOUR Championship, you ask? And why the weird capitalization? I don't know. Apparently, it's a four-round, cut-free golf tournament that invites the top 30 money winners, and all 30 will be richer by the end of the weekend. I'm not sure what its purpose is.

So why should we watch it? Because the top 30 golfers are there, that's why! Oh, except the #1 golfer, Tiger, who's cruising around in his yacht with his Swedish thing. And Phil (#4) won't be there either; he's at home watching the replay of the 2006 U.S. Open while crying into a pint of Chubby Hubby. Oh, and none of the Europeans who played well at the Ryder Cup will be there, like Montgomerie, Garcia, Clarke, or Harrington (in fact, Luke Donald is the only one). And the one Canadian, Stephen Ames, withdrew. So it's the TOP 27 in the world in a showdown to . . . eh whatever. If Tiger and Phil don't care, why should we?

I'm a golf fan, and I'm not even sure I'm going to tune in. And with football, hockey, and basketball all in full swing, it's a tough sell for the rest of the world too. Regardless, this is the last year that this tournament will be held in November, as in 2007 it will be moved up to September to be an integral part of "The Chase for the FedEx Cup". I don't know how I feel about this idea yet, but I hate the name which makes it sound like some lousy NASCAR type point race. I can't even find an article discussing the pros and cons, the only ones I can find are gushing praise written by the PGA itself (This just in: FedEx Cup is AWESOME!). You would think that the PGA Tour is doing this because it's suffering and needs more exposure, but that's hardly the case. Maybe the purses have become so bloated that they have to support it somehow, but I don't know if inventing an imaginary "cup" and giving the winner $10 million is the way to go. But I might be wrong.

Anyway, if you have the means, you can watch the rich get richer at the East Lake Golf Club in Atlanta, Georgia this weekend. Or just hop on your luxury yacht. Either way, enjoy!

Wednesday, November 1, 2006


Montreal goaltender David Aebischer collides with teammate Mike Johnson as Ottawa's Patrick Eaves takes a tumble into the net. The Canadiens straightened out well enough to beat the Senators 4-2I don't have much to say today, I just wanted to post that humorous hockey picture. Before I die, I'm going to see a hockey game up in Montreal. Overall, I have a feeling it will be a different atmosphere than seeing a game in the swamps of Jersey. Of course, Canada is no longer a vacation bargain since the latest exchange rate is $1.00 USD = $1.13 CAN. Wow, that's craptacular. It used to be a 30% difference (some Maine retailers still insist on this) but now the loonies are catching up with us. Since 9/11, it seems like you can't find a cheap stripper anymore.

Is the NBA season over yet? I'm already sick of people talking about it. You can also get your Knicks ticket "mini-plans" and "micro-plans". I can't decide between the "nada-plan" or the "zilcho-plan".

According to Slate, Bono is a tax-dodging hypocrite. Of course, I think we all wish he would stop trying to get a Nobel Peace Prize and concentrate on writing NON-CRAPPY SONGS.