SUCK IT, RIAA!

In a decision sure to please music and file sharing fans everywhere (and give Lars Ulrich a rash), the judge in the Jammie Thomas vs. the Recording Industry Assholes of America (RIAA-holes) tossed out the verdict that sentenced her to pay $222,000 for having mp3 music files on her computer uploaded through the infamous KaZaA software.

A federal judge dealt the Recording Industry Association of America and record labels a setback Wednesday by throwing out a $222,000 verdict against a mom who was convicted of illegally sharing music over the Internet.

U.S. District of Minnesota Chief Judge Michael Davis ordered a new trial for Jammie Thomas, saying the jury's punishment was "unprecedented and oppressive." Davis said that the term "distribution" does not apply to simply making music available. It requires actual dissemination, he said.

A jury convicted her of putting 24 songs on Kazaa's file-sharing network and ordered her to pay $9,250 per song.

24 songs at $9,250 per, which is "more than five hundred times the cost of buying 24 separate CDs"? This was a ridiculous case with an even more ridiculous verdict, and the overturned verdict is a crushing blow to the RIAA and its slimy lawyers, who no doubt wished to make an example of the Minnesota mother.

It couldn't happen to a nicer bunch of backwards-thinking, price-fixing, copyright-changing, money-grubbing assholes, who incidentally won the coveted Open Hockey Blog 2007 Dicktards Of The Year Award.

The website RIAA Radar is fantastic, and allows you to search for music acts and songs that are NOT affiliated with the RIAA, so you can purchase with a clear conscience knowing that your money is not lining their greedy pockets.

As a basic rule of thumb, most independent labels (Sub Pop, Merge) and indie rock bands are usually not part of the RIAA, whereas the big labels are (Sony, Geffen). Hence, the early albums by the Black Keys are not RIAA-affiliated ("Rubber Factory") where the newer ones are ("Magic Potion"). The site also has great charts (including an Indie Top 100 list) and is directly linked to the AMAZON.com store for purchasing discs and mp3s. Sure, most major artists are RIAA members, but you can find some decent new bands on here. I think I'll be buying that Robyn Hitchcock collection and Fleet Foxes EP I've been meaning to add to my mp3 collection. I already picked up Black Mountain's "In The Future".

SUCK IT, RIAA!

2007 DICKTARD(S) OF THE YEAR: RIAA

January is almost over and I'm sure everyone has forgotten about 2007 a long time ago. But just like the banks sending out W-2 forms at the last possible second, I sneaked this in just under the wire. I thought about several nominees for 2007 Dicktard of the Year, but this is by far the biggest offenders I could come up with: the RIAA (Recording Industry Asshats of America).

The method of music delivery has changed forever with the advent of the digital download, and as a result consumers just aren't buying as many CDs. But don't try to tell the RIAA this. Have you ever made a copy of an CD, either into a compressed, portable format, or onto a CD-R? Well, if so, you're a filthy pirating thief in their eyes. I believe one of their lawyers would like to have a word with you, because you owe them some cash.

Instead of embracing the new technology, they and the record companies are fighting it to the bitter end by hiring an army of lawyers to protect their assets by suing everyone in sight. A brief list of those being "made an example":

• Random college students (perfect targets, since they most likely cannot afford legal representation)
• XM Radio (for making satellite players capable of recording songs)
• Ancient USENET message-board newsgroups (calling them "brazen outlaws")
• 30-year old single mother Jammie Thomas $222,000 for making 24 songs "available" through file sharing software
• Anyone who has ever made a copy of a CD, the ridiculous amount of $1.5 million for a 10 songs

That last one is part of an actual copyright reform bill being reviewed by Congress, called by Google's top copyright lawyer William Patry "the most outrageously gluttonous IP bill ever introduced in the US." The "damages" they are claiming aren't anywhere near the losses they are incurring as a result of illegal downloading. It's absurd. They just don't get it, and neither do the record companies that are allowing this to happen.

Congratulations RIAA: you are the 2007 DICKTARDS OF THE YEAR.

(I know it seems like I'm picking on lawyers, but since 2006 Dicktard of the Year was forced to declare bankrupcy a few weeks ago, I'm hoping for a similar fate for the RIAA's lawyers.)

2006 DICKTARD OF THE YEAR

Remember all that talk about the 3 Duke lacrosse players being accused of sexually assaulting a stripper at a party last year? I'm sure you do, since this sensational and divisive case was covered by the media ad nauseum when the story broke in March. But it was raised to a ridiculous level thanks to District Attorney Mike Nifong, who began holding numerous press conferences, leaking information about the case to the media, and grandstanding in front of protest groups in North Carolina. Despite his comments he didn't really have any solid, damning evidence against the students, as DNA testing came up negative. His prosecution hinged mostly on the testimony by the accuser, whose credibility was questioned almost from the start.

It turns out that most of the charges were dropped against the students on 12/21/2006, after the 28 year old accuser now says she is "no longer sure if she had been raped". On 12/28/2006, Nifong was charged with ethics violations by the NC state bar, and the remaining two students who have not yet graduated have been welcomed back by the university. They still have a hearing on sexual offense and kidnapping charges, but they are expected to be dropped as well.

So why was Nifong making misleading comments about these kids, and steadfastly seeking an indictment against them? In the name of justice? Nah. Basically, he was just looking to get elected as DA, which he did in November and was privately sworn in yesterday. He's suddenly shy towards the media and declining to comment on the case, when a few months ago you couldn't shut him up. Now he's quoted as saying he "needs to be part of the healing process", despite the fact that he'll be kicked off the case and could ultimately be suspended or disbarred. I guarantee that he thought this was an easy case to prosecute, and it backfired badly on him.

What a grade A prime asshole. Congratulations Durham County DA Mike Nifong, you are the 2006 DICKTARD OF THE YEAR!

A special honorable mention goes to THE MEDIA who reported on this case, most of it inflammatory and reactionary comments against the students involved (none of them substantiated), thanks in no small part to Nifong himself. Naturally, now that the students have had the rape charges dropped, and the sexual assault/kidnapping will likely be dropped, it's BARELY IN THE NEWS AT ALL. Imagine that! This is akin to the newspaper putting a screaming front page headline in size 72 Arial font, and later printing a tiny retraction/correction on page 56 under the horoscopes. I've said it before, and I'm likely to say it again: the news media and lawyers can go fuck themselves in 2007.