THE OPEN: NOT EXACTLY THE CENTER OF THE FASHION WORLD

I used to do big fuckoff extravagant previews for every major golf tournament, which would only serve to amuse me and pretty much no one else. The 138th Open Golf Championship is going on right now at the Turnberry Golf Club (Ailsa Course) in Scotland, and I felt the need to comment on it. No, not on the actual golf being played, but the hideous outfits that some players have chosen to wear.

Ian "Ministry Of Silly Pants" Poulter has not disappointed, breaking out his usual British dandy fop-inspired line of attire (which sadly, he designs himself).



But the real standout has been John Daly. I can't even look directly at the pants he's wearing today; it looks like someone vomited the contents of a salad bar all over him.



Man, you can't get any worse than that. Unless you consider what he wore yesterday, which makes me just as nauseous.



I don't know if he'll make the cut, but one thing is for certain: Mr. Daly will get pants-shitting drunk after he's done. And the beauty is that you'll never even NOTICE he shit his pants.

LOUDMOUTH GOLF PANTS has all of these hideous golf fashions and more, including a "style" (or lack thereof) they call "Disco Balls". As of today, no one has had the balls to wear these beauties.

I know what you're asking: what happened to Sergio "Los Pantelones Feos" Garcia? In every previous major he's disappointed on the course; now, he's chosen to wear disappointingly tasteful pants. He doesn't even deserve a photo on this blog. How sad.

The only thing I'm going to say about Steve "Laces Out" Marino is: Cleveland Golf makes ski caps? Who knew?



In other words, it must be single malt drinking weather in Scotland. I'll drink to that!