2008 OPEN CHAMPIONSHIP PREVIEW EXTRAVAGANZA

If you're reading this, the Open at Royal Birkdale is already underway! It snuck up on me this year because the media doesn't pay attention to golf if Tiger isn't playing. It's a shame, but that's the truth. (I wonder what he's doing right now: banging his wife on his yacht or in his house. Hey, don't bang her TOO hard, you have to be careful with that knee.)

However, what little buzz there's been has been about FIGJAM! and Los Pantelones Feos, by the US and European press respectively, and the possibility of them stepping up in Tiger's absence and winning this major. But when the pressure is on, that's the last time I see these guys playing well. They are incredibly talented but only really excel when the stakes are low, like some random California tournament or in Tiger-free fake-majors like the "Players".

Today's weather looks downright nasty: rainy, windy, chilly. In a word: English. (No wonder Amy Winehouse has turned to crystal meth, it's depressing.) So I wouldn't expect big scores this weekend, but good performances by solid, all-around players.

Here's the skinny on the 3rd major of the year, the 137th Open at Royal Birkdale.

COURSE INFO
Course: Royal Birkdale Golf Club
Location: Southport, in northwest England
Par/Yardage: 34-36-70
Yardage: 3417-3753-7173
Purse: $8.24 million.
Winner's share: $1,487,000.
Description: The Open comes to Royal Birkdale for the ninth time this July, and competitors will find a course that is 155 yards longer than the challenge presented to them in 1998, the last time the event was played here. The extra length is relatively inconsequential, however, compared to the tightened bunkering, newly-introduced mounds and, in the case of some holes, altered playing lines. The philosophy of the changes – which affect 16 of the 18 holes – is to reward strategic play and accurate shotmaking.

Hole by hole info (Hole/Par/Yards/Rank):
1 4 450 2
2 4 421 4
3 4 451 9
4 3 201 17
5 4 346 11
6 4 499 1
7 3 178 8
8 4 457 14
9 4 414 7
10 4 408 5
11 4 436 6
12 3 184 15
13 4 499 13
14 3 201 12
15 5 544 16
16 4 439 3
17 5 572 18
18 4 473 10

LEADERBOARD

WEATHER FORECAST
Shitty.

ODDS
Sergio Garcia 10-1
Ernie Els 12-1
Lee Westwood, Phil Mickelson 16-1

MY PICKS: Adam Scott, Lee Westwood, Hitch Furyk.

MY MISSES: FIGJAM!, Los Pantelones Feos, The Kaiser.

TV SCHEDULE
Thursday 7/17: 7 AM - 3 PM (TNT)
Friday 7/18: 7 AM - 3 PM (TNT)
Saturday 7/19: 7 AM - 9 AM (TNT), 9 AM - 3 PM (ABC)
Sunday 7/20: 6 AM - 8 AM (TNT), 8 AM - 3 PM (ABC)

UPDATE: Unfortunately, ABC/TNT has taken a step backwards and will NOT BE BROADCASTING IN HD, and instead we get lovely SD upconverted crap. While it's certainly 'watchable' this is a MAJOR tournament, if I'm not mistaken, and therefore a major disappointment. I don't know if it's because England is behind on the technology (it's allegedly BBC's fault), but I'm guessing they cheaped out and just decided to use SD equipment over there. The kicker is that they don't say it's NOT in HD, they advertise it as being on "ABC and ABC HD". Seriously, fuck ABC/ESPN right in the pantalones, and BBC can take one up the trousers while we're at it. So if you haven't bought that HDTV yet (Rob, I'm looking at you), then there's no hurry. (At least I won't have to bust my ass looking for an HD screen at the bars this weekend.)

RASPBERRY LAMBIC IS FOR PUSSIES. REAL MEN DRINK BANANA BREAD BEER.

I'm taking advantage of posting this on Open Hockey to express myself. I'm going for the post-title of the year.

Anyway, Julie was in London a couple of weeks ago (or last week...who can keep track, that chick travels more in a month than I do in a year) and she brought back some beer. She's good about that...She'll ask her distributors for advice about beer and get whatever they like for me. Anyway, I don't know this distributor, but he apparently swings to the fruity side of things; he suggested Wells Banana Bread Beer. The company that imports Hooray Beer! Red Stripe and Mexican Toilet Swill Corona to England brings us this "intriguing, award-winning beer" that kinda realifies the moniker "Liquid Bread."

Honestly, if it wasn't British, I would've turned my nose up at it and left it in the fridge for months or years...but come on, the Brits brought us IPA and Porter, they can't be completely off their rocker when it comes to beer. It'd be like not drinking a Bordeaux because there wasn't Cabernet Sauvignon or Merlot grapes it in...it's just not done. So; looking at the bottle, I'm informed that it's a "Full English Pint" none of this shitty "Europeanization" crap. These fuckers mean business to the tune of 568ml (that's like 19 fl oz). This poses a problem. All my pint glasses were "acquired" in bars that serve non-English pints. I thought my Old Speckled Hen glass was up to the task...Alas, nothing could solve the problem...I still had a couple of drops left in the bottle. Oh well...the sole solution is the take a few sips to liberate the space for the remainder.

I read another review that spoke of the aftertaste being pleasantly bananatastic...I got a full Banana from the get go...but not in a bad way. The fair trade bananas used in this brew are not sweeted (a frequent problem that I've found with fruit-fortified brews), so this doesn't get that "I can't drink another drop" sweetness that certain others have displayed.

It hits your palate with a surge of banana, but it kind mellows out. It's banana all the way through, it's ind of refreshing and interesting. I'll tell you. I wanted to dislike this beer. I mean who puts banana in a beer, but it really was an different beer. It's a change from the Heinishit that I usually drink here (it's better than "33" believe me) and it actually goes down quite well...in fact, my glass is totally empty (or "completely lacking fullness" if you prefer) and I could go for another; but only one more...I'm sure that more than two of these babies and you would be spending the better part of the evening near the piss trough of your local. It's not too sweet, but it's sweet enough that you'd want to quickly shift to something a bit less fruity, if you will. The aftertaste does have a bit of bitterness to it, but I've always found that the best solution to bitter aftertaste is to not allow the aftertaste to hit between sips...No honestly, the aftertaste is completely acceptable, although while burping you get the distinct feeling that you just ate a pound of bananas.

I do vote the logo for this beer as my #1 for the summer-season 2007; without touching another summer beer, I am sure I won't find one better than the one below.

So, in conclusion: Banana + Beer ≠ Bad. If you have a chance, I suggest that you do taste it, just to say "yeah, I've had Banana Bread Beer." But I would also say...if you're in England on a beer-tour, you'll probably want to spend more time tasting porters, bitters, IPAs, pilsners, ales and what have you. This beer is the answer to the question that very few people asked: "What other fruit can use to brew beer?"