DRINKY DRINKY: ELLEZELLOISE HERCULE STOUT

I have this funny feeling that the meeting between the CEO of Ellezelloise and the brewmaster went something like this:

CEO: "What's the best known stout in the world"
BM: "Guinness, for sure"
CEO: "Ok, use Guinness as a reference and make something twice as good"
BM: "umm..."

The brewmaster, knowing this task impossible, said to himself, 'what the fuck? I'll make it twice as bubbly...and twice as strong; then go drink some real Guinness."

And bam! Hercule stout rings in at 9% ABV and all kinds of bubbly. I didn't even know that in Belgium they knew how to make stouts, but lo-and-behold, they do.

I actually thought of the previous conversation after taking the first sip...It didn't go too well. Too many bubbles. and too much molasses. But having drank a good part of the 33cl bottle, I'm liking the taste a little more. It's still too sour for my taste, but the bubbles aren't as offensive. And I'll be damned if the 9% ABV isn't rushing to my head.

This beer is ruined by the too-high alcohol content. If it was 7%, it would be easier to take.

All this may be for naught, because as I have previously mentioned (I'm sure I have, but I'm not going to go look for the link), I'm not a stout drinker. I prefer my beers blond, not black...and no, I won't continue that sentence. I just checked on Ratebeer and they fucking love this stuff (98th percentile for Imperial Stouts).

Don't listen to me. I don't know what the hell I'm talking about.

Final word: Too strong, too sour. Other than that - Awesome fucking beer. And you can quote that.

Final Final Word: this is a beer to drink in a beer bar (Ginger Man anyone?), with friends. It's not a beer to drink at 7:30 pm on a Monday (and even less so for 7:30am on Monday!) It's too complex to be appreciated when you just want something to wash away your case of the mondays.

DRINKY DRINKY: BELHAVEN TWISTED THISTLE IPA

Man, this is a good beer. That pint had no chance whatsoever.

I went to the beer store the other day to return my empties and they had a "Scottish" display. "Why not," I said. Despite the fact that it was like 2€80 for a pint bottle (whereas the Germans cost like 1€50-1€90). I cracked it open today and it's not like most of the IPAs I have had. It's much sweeter. You still get the crazy hopiness, but there's a nice sweet side to it. I wouldn't want to have more than 1 or 2 of these in a row because I'm sure that the hangover is probably wicked bad, but one beer on a relatively nice Monday afternoon (it is a holiday, before you fuckers get all judgemental) is pretty good.

I don't know if there's any thistle in it...The bottle doesn't have a lot of information regarding the inclusion of thistle and/or dog, but whatever.

This beer gets 8.5 thumbs up from the Open Hockey Official Team of Beer Reviewers (OHTBR).

If you find it, drink it; although according to the boffins at Rate Beer the US-version is different (dumbed-down for American tastes?)

GINGER MAN: TWO GREAT BREWS

If you've never heard me blather on about Ginger Man before, all you need to know is that they focus on beer and get it right, featuring 70 taps and hundreds of top notch beers on their menu. During our Jeffuary visit, we were once again we were greeted by bartender Kate The Adequate (if you can call her emotionless inquiries a "greeting") who served us up some fantastic beers. (Quick question: when someone says they are involved in "various artistic endeavors, let's just keep it at that", doesn't that mean they're stripping on the side?)



Dogfish Head Red & White. I'll say one thing about Delaware's Dogfish Head Brewery: though their brews can be hit or miss, even when they miss at least they're throwing it out there. However, they definitely have a hit on their hands with Red & White, a white ale aged in red wine barrels. It's smooth and full bodied with carbonation like a fine champagne, with a fruity, wine taste at the finish. Definitely the tastiest and most complex DFH beer I've ever had (and hard to believe it's 10% ABV).



Brooklyn Black Ops. In case I haven't mentioned this before, Brooklyn brewmaster Garrett Oliver is my hero. I'm going to have to meet him just to say "thank you for getting it", and flying in the face of the macrobrews of the world and succeeding. As for the Black Ops, as the label exclaims, this beer does not exist. If it did, it would be a bourbon-y, chocolatey, fantastic brew like . . . I imagine this one might be. And at 10.7% ABV it (allegedly) packed a wallop, sending us walking out into the brisk winter night.

(Little did we know, the walk from Ginger Man to Lansdowne Road was 1.2 miles across town. We won't make that mistake again. Unless there's a REALLY good hockey game on.)

Speaking of Garrett Oliver, this is a great video:



"You show up in your average decent restaurant, and you get a beer list that looks like it came from a gas station."

DRINKY DRINKY! HANSA PILS

As summer is [finally - at least in France] starting, it's time once against to half-ass some beer and various beverage reviews for your summer consumption. Now, don't get me wrong, it's not that I haven't been drinking, it's just that what I have been drinking hasn't been particularly blog-worthy: Pelforth, George Killian's Irish Red (which is completely different in Europe, our version hasn't been castrated by the Coors), Stella...average beers at best, but worse "supermarket beers." The way I figure it, if I can buy where they sell eggs and milk, it's not worth talking about.

I get to the beer store from time to time, but it's expensive and the selection isn't always great (although in their defense they do have 5 of 6 Belgium Trappist brands - will I ever get Westvleteren?) and it's out of the way. However, last week, with the Euro 2008 in high gear and France still having a chance at not totally sucking, we had a little Beer, Soccer & Pizza gathering. As this is France, normal "beer" would be some swill that August Busch IV wouldn't touch. So it falls on me, the only person in France (that I know) who cares about beer, to "take it up a notch": Direction V and B.

As previously mentioned, the beer's usually a bit pricey: around €2 per bottle (with certain Irish and British bottles going for over €3/each. This brings the [20 bottle] case price up to around €40. So I walk in and immediately see a big giant pile (stack if you prefer) of Hansa Pils for €16/case. Not having my handy list of "the best Deutsch beer" I figure what-the-fuck, for this price, I can't go wrong: Well, yes and no. First things, first: It's not terrible. It's not even as terrible as RateBeer (or the Beer Advocate) would have you believe, but it's not great either. Bitburger (the epitome of average German beer for me) gets a 2.9 on RateBeer. Hansa isn't worse than Bit is. Bit may be easier to drink, but Hansa is fine if you're looking for an easy-drinking brew on a hot day.

One of the criticisms on RB is that it has a tinny, thin head. Well, the trick is not to pour it like a beer, but instead pour the last 1/3 like soda - straight down into the glass...Then you get a beautiful (if extremely temporary) fluffy white head. Beyond that, the taste is quite dry and just a tad sour. The mouthfeel is...Ok, I still don't know what that means, but I still love the word. All in all a great deal at 80 cent a bottle, but it would be a horrible deal at twice that.

I'm going to try to be a better client of the beer store and spend more time writing Drinky Drinky columns. I urge the other contributors of this blog to as well. The single most important factor to our readers (beyond the cynicism, hate and women without pants) is alcohol reviews.

RANDOM YOUTUBERY: THE PENULTIMATE BEER

SABMillerCoors (or whatever the fuck they're calling themselves these days) hit the trifecta this morning. Someone bought an old repro porcelain sign of the "Girl on the Moon" from my store, I some how got tricked into watching that "cat fight" ad again and a banner ad for "Miller Lite: The Ultimate Beer" was displayed on CBS Sportsline (which, per Jeff, will not be linked here).

It got me thinking about a couple of things:
1. Is Miller Lite ever the right choice?
2. What happened to the classy advertising of beer like The Girl on the Moon?
3. Who the fuck would buy a beer with corn syrup in it?

The answer is "Not Me," but that's beside the point. Here's a "Champagne of Beers" commercial from what (I guess) is from the mid-50s. I'm not sure what's more disturbing, how absolutely whipped our fathers (or grandfathers for some of us) were, the fact people thought Miller High Life was acceptable to serve with a "fancy" dinner, or Harry telling his beer that he'd be right back.




The funny thing about all this is that I don't have a overwhelmingly negative image of Miller High Life (Miller Lite, yes; Ultra, yes). If I was in a bar and it was Bud, Coors or High Life, I'd be a Miller Man for one day. Hoo-ray Marketing!

[Update: After checking out Ratebeer (2nd percentile) and Beeradvocate (C), I may just stick with tap water if I was in a bar that had Bud, Coors and Miller High Life]

DRINKY DRINKY: JEVER PILSNER

Really quick review, since it's Friday night and I've got more beer to drink.

Interesting tasting pilsner. It's too cold here to truly appreciate it, but that's not a problem: I've turned the heat up to 95 degrees to imagine that I'm basking in the sun on a summer's day instead of the reality of being a virtual shut-in because of the fucking rain.

This beer has a smoky taste to it that I can't really define. It's crisper than I thought it would be and a bit dry, but there's a [not completely unpleasant] taste that I've never recognized in a beer before, maybe it's herb because all of the reviews I read say it has an herby taste and I know fuck-all about reviewing alcohol. I'm limited to: Did I manage to drink it all? Check! Did it make me feel good? Check! Was I sick the next morning? No! Perfect.

I read a review that said Pilsner Urquell is better. I don't know. Pilsner Urquell is probably easier to drink/less complex, but Jever definitely deserves your time, if you're in a beer store or a bar, that has it. That's as good of a review as this brew's going to get. Taste it if you can. If not, meh. There are better Germans out there (allegedly there is beer in that picture, who knew?).

DRINKY DRINKY: BEER MADNESS!

This time of year, it's all brackets, brackets, brackets! Emulating the NCAA men's basketball tournament 64 team bracket, there are brackets everywhere. The most annoying ones are drawn up for all sorts of non-sports related contestants, from the hilarious Name of the Year, Real NFL Mascots (Kill Kill Kill), Hottest Chicks, Nerd Icons, the TV show LOST (SPOILER ALERT: Desmond won!), and Books (BORING!). But those are all a little too sissy for me.

So while drinking/watching the NCAA tournament in White Plains, I had the genius idea to create a bracket of 64 beers. So Karl, Rob and I drew it up, and held a draught (with help from Lee) comprised of beers that we like, for reasons of taste or sentiment. The only stipulation was that it could only be beers that we've actually had, so there's no Westvleteren, Kate the Great, Three Floyds, or Russian River entries here. There are, however, multiple Chimays, Stones, Ommegangs, Unibroues, Sam Smiths, as well as various domestics and Germans on the list.

I thought we might set up the bracket and then leave it up to voting on the blog. But it was a long afternoon and Karl had his laptop, so we forged ahead and chose the winners through a combination of opinion, intuition and coin flips. I think it turned out pretty good. It's BEER MADNESS!

Let's take a look at the ROAD TO THE FINAL POUR.
The four #1 seeds were (in order):
Chimay Blue (Dark Region), Rochefort 8 (Oatmeal Region), Ommegang Abbey Ale (Belgian Region), Allagash Tripel Reserve (Commercial Region).
Last pour in: Grolsch, Negro Modelo, Rheingold Extra Dry, Corsendonk
Last pour out: McAndrew's Scotch Ale, Saison Dupont, Schneider Aventinus, St. Bernardus Abt 12.

BITTER 32. None of the #16 seeds (Rolling Rock, Michelob Dark, Rheingold Extra Dry, Ballantine IPA) stood a chance against their heavier, unfiltered foes. Though there were few early upsets and the entire Oatmeal region went to chalk, there were a few underdog brews to advance:

#9 Hoegaarden def. #8 Duvel
#9 Young's Old Nick def. #8 Spaten Optimator
#9 Harpoon IPA def. #8 Thomas Hardy's Ale
#10 Anchor Porter def. #7 Sierra Nevada Bigfoot Ale
#11 Stone Smoked Porter def. #6 Ayinger Celebrator Doppelbock
#12 Sierra Nevada Pale Ale def. #5 Samuel Smith's Winter Warmer

One scary matchup involved #3 Westmalle, who needed Tripel OT to defeat the smooth Sam Adams Cream Stout at #14.

HOPPED 16. Cinderella arrived dressed like a Piraat, as the #6 brew boarded the Old Thumper ship and made the #3 Shipyard beer walk the plank. #6 Sam Smith's Oatmeal Stout, possibly getting a lower seed than they deserved, cruised past the #3 Philosophers, who spent too much time thinking instead of drinking.

AROMATIC 8. In a battle of the Blues, the impressive Guinness-beating Blue Point guards couldn't hand-pull it out, succumbing to the formidable Chimay Blue. Rochefort 8 couldn't make it to the 8 against a syrupy Triple Bock attack. Fuller's Vintage Navy sunk the Piraat, and Westmalle mauled a wordy Shakespeare, who were ineffective on the iambic pentameter. But the biggest shocker was the affable #6 Affligem Noel who gift wrapped a defeat of #1 Allagash, whose starters and Reserves couldn't hit the Tripel to save their lives.

FINAL POUR. The shocker heard across the pond was the upset of the consensus #1 beer in the tournament, Chimay Blue, spilled and mopped up by Fuller's Vintage. The 'Gang's all here and upstate New York was ecstatic as two Ommegang offerings advanced (Hennepin, Abbey Ale) . Chimay's lighter, faster brother Red, filled out the Pour. Eventually the #2 seeds prevailed, as Chimay Red's Trappist defense and FVA proved too strong for Cooperstown representatives.

CHAMPIONSHIP. In the end, the Vintage brew crew couldn't run with the Red, as Chimay won handily to down their Premiere title. The Abbey is not too shabby, and they will be partying in the Abbaye Notre Dame de Scourmont in Belgium tonight!

(Do monks party?)

MY FLORIDA HANGOVER

I just got back from Florida on Monday night, but in my mind I'm not truly "back" yet. While I was gone for the week a lot happened: the New Jersey Devils were (briefly) tied for first place in the Wales Conference (along with two Canadian teams), Blu-Ray won the HD war, the Hollywood writers' strike ended, and Castro quit. Maybe I should take another week off and we'll settle this whole Middle East conflict. I'll even go to Hawaii if you want--I will do whatever it takes.

Here are some things I learned during my week in Florida:

GOLF! It's hard to beat a round of golf in the winter, and Myakka Pines was in great shape (even though I wasn't). I may have said this before, but it bears repeating: if you lose a golf ball in a water hazard in Florida, DO NOT TRY TO RETRIEVE IT. There are alligators in every pond, and it's not worth losing a limb over a $2 piece of plastic.

TRAVEL: Waverunners are a great form of transportation. My cousin Heather in Bradenton has one that I got to tool around on, and I decided that I would take a waverunner to work every day if I lived down there.

As far as air travel is concerned, TSA sucks. The miserable people that work for them apparently flunked their DMV training and had no other job prospects. Why does everything from mouthwash to hemorrhoid cream have to be in a tiny plastic Ziploc bag? Can someone explain this to me? However, watching security shake down an 80 year old woman to make her relinquish her can of seltzer never gets old.

FOOD/DRINK: There are few places better than Florida to get fresh seafood. I recommend the grouper with the Caribbean chips starter at Sun House. On the other hand, no one should ever eat at Cracker Barrel. Just trust me on this one. I just had my innards violated by one of their high fat, high salt, high risk breakfasts on Monday. Never eat there. Ever.

Thank god for ABC Fine Wine & Spirits stores, because I was afraid I'd have to do all my beer shopping in Wal-Mart, where A-B unabashedly sells Michelob Ultra in flavors called "Tuscan Orange Grapefruit" and "Lime Cactus"--just the thought of that makes me want to puke. Thankfully, I was instead able to pick up a Schneider Aventinus which I enjoyed with my birthday steak.

OTHER. Rock Band, well, rocks. I played it on my cousin's XBOX360, and even though I consider it "the opposite of music" it's both a hilarious and addictive party game. I wanted to try every song but my parents were there too, and getting a little restless (though my mom rocked the cowbell on "Don't Fear the Reaper"). Now I'm thinking of buying a Sony PS3 before the year is over. (Oh, and "My Name Is Jonas" is the best song on Guitar Hero III.)

Young girls in bikinis also rock. It never fails: there's always some ridiculously gorgeous young girl on the beach that you can't NOT stare at. You just can't help it. I creep myself out when I catch myself doing it. I have an idea: it should be illegal to get a tattoo until you turn 18. This would make it much easier to determine if they're legal. Sure, it's still creepy when they're half your age, but at least you can't be locked up for it.

In closing, I found out that everyone outside of New England was rooting for the Giants (or should I say, against the Patriots) in the Super Bowl. Random strangers even came up to me: in the parking lot outside of Target, I had a Pittsburgh Steelers fan thanking me for snuffing out the evil Patriots. And it sure was fun to ride back on a plane full of New Englanders wearing a Giants shirt.

WELCOME TO THE HEART OF JEFFUARY

It was a beautiful day for golf--in south Florida anyway. If I can find an interwebs connection above 24K I'll post something for real.

UPDATE (11:47 PM): Okay, I'm connected at 26.4K right now which is technically "faster", even though my cell phone's browser blows this away. It just shows you how far we've come in a decade, though I'm not sure it's "progress".

Welcome to the HEART OF JEFFUARY, which I've named because we're halfway through the month and it's my birthday (thanks for the birthday wishes, you know who you are). Oh, and it's also that annoying, lovey-dovey, buy-chocolate-and-jewerly-for-no-reason Hallmark holiday.

Most importantly, after my round of golf I found a place nearby that has a great beer selection, because I needed a quality brew to have with my birthday steak. After much deliberation I picked up a 500 mL bottle of Schneider Aventinus, "Germany's Original Wheat-Doppelbock Ale". It's a fantastic 8.2% ABV malty concoction with both fruity cherry and chocolatey notes, and it singlehandedly blows away any crap candy you might have gotten for V-Day.

So I had a fantastic HEART OF JEFFUARY, and I hope you did too.

(P.S. This is blog post #666, which may or may not be a good omen.)

BIER UND WEIN

Yep, the only two words I learned in my trip to Deutschland. Ok, not true. I also learned "hello", "goodbye" and the always necessary "Bitte ein Bit"!

The Germans drink a lot of Bitburger...everywhere we went there was Bitburger on tap and at the wedding that was the beer of choice. They had Paulaner Weiß in bottles for those who didn't want ein Bit.
The Rhein Valley, where we were, west of Frankfurt and north of Mainz is a heavy wine producing region - Riesling mostly. The whites were pretty good, but the red was a little harsh and "red wine" in German is "Rotwein"- it makes me think of "rot gut", never something that you want associated with alcohol.

I got to drive an Audi for three days! This just convinced me further that I do want an Audi when I grow up. It had a diesel engine (which I usually dislike), that wasn't much different than a gas engine.

Ugh, anyway, this is the shittiest post I think I've ever written. I'm dragging the whole blog down with me. But I wanted to post something about Germany...Oh, unlimited speed limits on the highways are pretty cool...but when we arrived it was nighttime and I'm pretty sure there's a speed limit after dark and when we left I was working on 4 hours of sleep and a beer/wine/disgusting red Italian shit hangover and didn't really feel safe going over 90mph. I did get up to like 110mph or something or a couple of short bits, and for a fairly small car, that fucker is stable.

I did have the opportunity to drive on some pretty awesome roads, but Julie's not really a good rally copilot (for some reason she sees her life flash before her eyes if you're more than 10mph over the "Suggested Speed" for a corner). This road would've been even more fun if it hadn't been dark and foggy, but it was still pretty fun to blast up one side and down the other side of the peninsula between the Mosel and Rhein rivers.


View Larger Map

Well, hopefully that makes this post a bit less sucky. I'll try to come up with something witty and sarcastic soon. Oh that reminds me...I've gotta go acquire yesterday's Office (fuck you NBC).

WEEKLY TOP 10: IN THE COURT OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL

10. Will there be an outdoor hockey in Buffalo on New Years Day? Stay tuned! That would rock, minus the harsh reality of being in Buffalo on New Years.

9. The new Indy movie due out Memorial Day 2008 has been granted a title: INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL. Sheesh, that's a mouthful. Wasn't that a King Crimson song?

8. Rob noted that the most disturbing thing is not that bin Laden made a new videotape (which we know is authentic, because he commented about chubby Britney's listless MTV appearance), it's that he had time to DYE HIS BEARD BLACK. How does he find the time? He probably doesn't have WiFi and a Sony PS3 in his cave, so he might have nothing BUT time to kill doing such things. We envisioned ol' Osama having a conversation with one of his intern gofers: "I want to look good for my new video, so please buy me some of that stuff that Clyde Frazier uses--JUST FOR MEN. And get me a Kit Kat. That's the only good thing those evil American devils have ever made."

7. The new HBO show "Tell Me You Love Me" is so insufferably bad and its characters so incredibly unlikable, even the prosthetic genitals won't make me keep watching. You read that correctly. I have just three words for HBO: BRING BACK DEADWOOD! Even if it's Al Swearengen running a bar with no other original cast members, that would be fine.

6. I stumbled across Jonathan Katz' podcast "Hey, We're Back" recently. It's not quite "Dr. Katz"--in fact, it's hard to follow and rather odd, like Woody Allen's new book--but it's good to hear his voice again. If they wanted to start a channel with nothing but Dr. Katz and MST3k, I'd tune in.

5. While waiting for "The Daily Show" to come on Monday night, I regretfully stopped at MNFF on ESPN. For some reason they chose Mike & Mike & Mike (Golic/Greenburg, and Ditka) to do the commentary, which is about 2 too many Mikes. For about 2 straight minutes while the game was going on THEY WOULD NOT FUCKING SHUT UP. And whatever they WERE saying was completely incomprehensible. It was horrendous.

4. A Chinese worker at Nanuet's "Great" China Buffet was caught CRUSHING GARLIC WITH HIS SHOES a few weeks ago. This happened in the parking lot behind the strip mall, and an AT&T store employee took a photo of him doing it. I'm so glad I've sworn off eating at those awful places years ago. I mean, imagine what they do behind closed doors? Ugh.

3. Gay Overly sensitive Apple iPhone owners were whining and complaining this past week about the $200 price drop announced by the company, a mere 2 months after the gadget's release. Well guess what? This happens all the time in technology, and I guarantee the same thing will happen before I even get my laptop. Hey, you wanted to be the first to have the phone, so why shouldn't you pay for it? You're part of the Apple club and bowed down to their marketing machine, so you get what you deserve. I have three words for Apple fanboys (and girls) regarding the price cut: TOO FUCKING BAD.

(Now I'm disappointed that Steve Jobs decided to coddle his creepy cult disciples and grant them $100 store credits as a sort of "rebate". What a bunch of pansies.)

Meanwhile, the newly announced Apple iPod touch (what a sissy name) has a touchscreen, only 16 GB of storage and costs $400. The Archos 605 has a touchscreen, 160 GB (10 times the storage) and also costs $400. But naturally, everyone wants the iPod because it's been shoved down their throats. Hooray, marketing!

2. God bless VENEFICUS.NET and their streaming MST3K episodes! Although I frequently can't get it to work using Winamp/Shoutcast, it's worth it when "Gamera" or "Alien from L.A." randomly pops up on my screen. Rob said this site was one of the highlights of his year--maybe his entire life.

1. The NY Brewfest is today at South Street Seaport in NYC! This will be the first "fest" I've ever attended, so I'm looking forward to it. There are a bunch of breweries slated to attend, but my short list includes: Captain Lawrence Brewing (Pleasantville, NY), Defiant Brewery (Pearl River, NY), Southern Tier, Ommegang, Sixpoint Craft Ales. There's also Rochefort, Maredsous, Duvel, Smuttynose, Unibroue, Victory. So many choices, but I can't drink them all . . . or can I? Stay tuned!

DRINKY DRINKY: OC'ALE BIÈRE NOIR (STOUT)

I've never been a big stout fan. While other posting-members of this blog are content to pass their evenings swilling Guinness, I usually go for Harp or something or have a Black-and-Tan or Half-and-Half when I want to join the Guinness fun.

Anyway, getting to the business at hand, after having prefaced this review as "Not-a-Stout-Fan":

Oc'Ale is brewed in LaFrançaise, Tarn-et-Garonne, France, which is basically equivalent to East Bumblefuck, Kansas by Jack Courmont. I'm pretty sure that this is more or less the same as if Wagner started selling his brews. They're definitely barn-made, each batch probably tastes slightly different and I doubt they're pasteurized. There's nothing wrong with any of this and I would rather drink 10 beers that I don't like from artisan brewers than allow one fucking AB product touch my lips.

It comes in a 50cl bottle with the manual closure, like Grolsch or Fischer. I don't fully understand the process of beer-making, Mr. Wagner, care to weigh in, but I think, if it's possible, that this continued to ferment in the bottle. A loud pop was heard upon opening and a huge number of bubbles were present after first pouring.

First sniff, holy Molasses! First taste, sweet, no sour, no sweet, no dry...umm wait. Holy christ this stuff is strange. First off it's very "light tasting" (not to be confused with Cold Tasting) on the tongue...unlike other stouts that have always given me the impression of being more than just liquid. Oc'Ale is quite watery. The first taste is extreme lemon zest to the maxxxxxx! Then get ready for the sweet and sour ride of you life. The lemon and molasses kind of compete (in an ungood way) for your attention as it passes through your mouth. I can't say that I like it, but the after taste is better than anything that precedes it...what other beer can say that. With such a dry finish, you're really only left with the taste of lemon (it's a good thing) when the beer is gone. If they notch down the lemon extract/zest in the next batch, I think this beer could really have promise...It'll still be too sweet, but you won't be blown over by the sweet and sour/tart mix that you are now.

You'll never find it in New York or Paris for that matter, but if you happen to be at my local beer store in Merignac France, pick up a bottle to try.

RASPBERRY LAMBIC IS FOR PUSSIES. REAL MEN DRINK BANANA BREAD BEER.

I'm taking advantage of posting this on Open Hockey to express myself. I'm going for the post-title of the year.

Anyway, Julie was in London a couple of weeks ago (or last week...who can keep track, that chick travels more in a month than I do in a year) and she brought back some beer. She's good about that...She'll ask her distributors for advice about beer and get whatever they like for me. Anyway, I don't know this distributor, but he apparently swings to the fruity side of things; he suggested Wells Banana Bread Beer. The company that imports Hooray Beer! Red Stripe and Mexican Toilet Swill Corona to England brings us this "intriguing, award-winning beer" that kinda realifies the moniker "Liquid Bread."

Honestly, if it wasn't British, I would've turned my nose up at it and left it in the fridge for months or years...but come on, the Brits brought us IPA and Porter, they can't be completely off their rocker when it comes to beer. It'd be like not drinking a Bordeaux because there wasn't Cabernet Sauvignon or Merlot grapes it in...it's just not done. So; looking at the bottle, I'm informed that it's a "Full English Pint" none of this shitty "Europeanization" crap. These fuckers mean business to the tune of 568ml (that's like 19 fl oz). This poses a problem. All my pint glasses were "acquired" in bars that serve non-English pints. I thought my Old Speckled Hen glass was up to the task...Alas, nothing could solve the problem...I still had a couple of drops left in the bottle. Oh well...the sole solution is the take a few sips to liberate the space for the remainder.

I read another review that spoke of the aftertaste being pleasantly bananatastic...I got a full Banana from the get go...but not in a bad way. The fair trade bananas used in this brew are not sweeted (a frequent problem that I've found with fruit-fortified brews), so this doesn't get that "I can't drink another drop" sweetness that certain others have displayed.

It hits your palate with a surge of banana, but it kind mellows out. It's banana all the way through, it's ind of refreshing and interesting. I'll tell you. I wanted to dislike this beer. I mean who puts banana in a beer, but it really was an different beer. It's a change from the Heinishit that I usually drink here (it's better than "33" believe me) and it actually goes down quite well...in fact, my glass is totally empty (or "completely lacking fullness" if you prefer) and I could go for another; but only one more...I'm sure that more than two of these babies and you would be spending the better part of the evening near the piss trough of your local. It's not too sweet, but it's sweet enough that you'd want to quickly shift to something a bit less fruity, if you will. The aftertaste does have a bit of bitterness to it, but I've always found that the best solution to bitter aftertaste is to not allow the aftertaste to hit between sips...No honestly, the aftertaste is completely acceptable, although while burping you get the distinct feeling that you just ate a pound of bananas.

I do vote the logo for this beer as my #1 for the summer-season 2007; without touching another summer beer, I am sure I won't find one better than the one below.

So, in conclusion: Banana + Beer ≠ Bad. If you have a chance, I suggest that you do taste it, just to say "yeah, I've had Banana Bread Beer." But I would also say...if you're in England on a beer-tour, you'll probably want to spend more time tasting porters, bitters, IPAs, pilsners, ales and what have you. This beer is the answer to the question that very few people asked: "What other fruit can use to brew beer?"

BEST SUMMER BREW™ REVIEW: SHIPYARD SUMMER ALE

To me, summers in Maine will always mean warm days on a white sandy beach, cool sea-breezy nights spent being bitten to death by mosquitoes, all the while knocking back a few ales--what could be better? Well, I was kind of disappointed by this Shipyard Brewery offering. In the past, I've recommended this one to everyone who's looking for a good easy drinking summer brew. Maybe it's gone downhill in the past few years that they've contract brewed it (they used to make everything at Federal Jack's Brewpub in Kennebunkport, but now they also make it in Portland), or my tastes have changed.

It poured a nice orangey amber color, with a white head that dissipated leaving some wispy lace. CO2 bubbles abounded in the bottom of the glass. The odor was lemon, alcohol and . . . soap. Yes, soap. No, I wasn't hallucinating and poured a big glass of Sun Light Dishwashing Liquid. The biggest problem is when I tasted it; there was a nice malty bitter bite to it, some spicy hoppy notes, some citrusy sweetness . . . and soap. GODDAMMIT. I couldn't get it out of my mind, so I kept tasting it. I had to have another one, maybe that was a bad batch (this one had a "best by" date of 10/06), or I used a tainted glass.

Take #2, poured into new glass rinsed with copious amounts of water. Fuck. It's soapy. Screw it, I guess it's just not that good. Sure, it's easy drinking, with a medium mouthfeel and a crisp, dry finish, but I just can't recommend quaffing a whole bunch of these. I'm calling this one Soapyard Summer Ale from now on. Oh well.



P.S. I would recommend their Blue Fin Stout in a second, but not as a summer brew.

BEST SUMMER BREW™ REVIEW: THURN AND TAXIS WEISSBIER

Following JK's review of a German Weisse, I finally got around to opening mine up for a taste.

Thurn und Taxis (it looks like an "R" on the bottle, but apparently it's an "X"), is a Weissbier that is from the city (as far as I can tell from the bottle) of Regensburg, which is somewhere in the independent country of Germany.

It is a "Hefenweizen," which is a type of wheat beer. It's much darker than other wheats that I have had the opportunity to taste (basically limited to Hoegaarden and Bruges). 5.3% alcohol by volume, 50 cl bottle, and of course it conforms to the 1516 Bavarian purity law.

As you can see from the picture, the head is nicely formed of a light white-to-off white color. The head is surprisingly resistant...It's been about 20 minutes since I poured this into the glass and I still have a 1/2 inch head or so. God bless those Germans.

It's quite good (although I've always like wheats in small quantities - too much (even 3 or 4 pints) makes me feel quite sick). Julie seconds this opinion. She picked up the glass with some hesitation, but was surprised to like it.

I caught a tiny hint of bubblegum somewhere around my 5th sip, but since its been elusive. Very yeasty in the beginning, but I guess once you get used to it, the yeast becomes less of an issue. I'm not good at describing taste, but I can tell you what I like and not - this I do like. The aftertaste has just the smallest bitterness to it.

Overall a decent Weisse. 8 thumbs for the Germans.




Here's the ratebeer.com review.

BEST SUMMER BREW™ REVIEW: SCHNEIDER WEISSE

This Hefe weisen was served in a 500 mL brown bottle accompanied with a nifty Schneider Weiss glass, with a slice of lemon on the rim. Pouring from the bottle was tricky, since it was heavily carbonated and produced a huge white head, so the slower the pour the better. Once it settled, it left very little head but produced a hazy, dark amber color, much darker than I anticipated. It had a nice wheaty, lightly spicy nose. My first sip revealed a well-balanced wheat beer with a pleasing light fruity flavor, and a not-too-overwhelming clove taste. Smooth and easy to drink, and I would have had several of these if the bar (Stuff Yer Face in New Brunswick, NJ) didn't have such a fantastic selection of bottled beer. The Germans sure do know their Weisse, and this is a fantastically drinkable summer beer. In fact, if you're in southern Florida, I'd choose this as your Miami Weisse. (Get it?)

Excellent beer (made even more so since I had just played golf in brutal 90°+ weather). Highly recommended.

BEST SUMMER BREW™ REVIEW: MAGIC HAT #9 I.P.A.

Okay, I'm going to make this one short. Vermont hippie brewed Magic Hat #9 IPA is not my cup of tea. Let's start off with the hideous pseudo-psychedelic orange and brown label, which is what your puddle of puke will look like after drinking too much of this. Pouring this into a glass, it was a funky orange amber color, with a frothy white head that dissipated quickly. It was a little hazy, as if it had been filtered through a used pair of hemp underwear after a Phish concert. The aftertaste was no treat: it was fruity and hoppy (FROPS!?), and not at all pleasant, like there was a party in my mouth, and Israel and Hezbollah were invited. Not a beer you could repeatedly drink on a hot summer day, and for that matter, you wouldn't want to waste your time with this on a cold winter day either.

Better luck with #10, you silly hippies!

BEST SUMMER BREW™ REVIEW: HINANO

We're trying a new format for the beer review of Hinano. Jeff and I were chatting and Jeff had the idea to post the comments we had as kind of a stream-of-consciousness review.

[We now join this chat already in progress]

me: Check this out

Jeff: mmmm beer gun

me: that's one way to speed up slow delivery in the bar...making a gun that'll take 12oz bottles...tough

my f--king neighbors have a bird, and all it does, all day long is chirps...I swear...I'm investing in a bb gun

Jeff: There are a lot of good ones in the beer category

me: nice: This is probably one of the most creative - http://www.google.com/url?sa=D&q=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.worth1000.com%2Femailthis.asp%3Fentry%3D304440

Jeff: one word: defogger

just set it off when they're not in the apartment

love that

i can't stand those smug f***ing Apple commercials

me: yeah, the problem is that their windows are on the same wall as mine - so to get to this damn bird isn't that easy...

Did you read the review in Slate.com about those apple ads?

Jeff: no

why, should i?

or "why should I?"

Sent at 5:14 PM on Friday

Jeff: oh, i have to get some beer reviews up on the blog

me: I never get to see US commericals, so I get my news from stuff like slate...I don't even remember exactly what he said, but it was somewhere along the same lines as what you just said

Jeff: it's not like i haven't been drinking any, i've just been lazy

me: Part of his conclusion from Slate: And isn't smug superiority (no matter how affable and casually dressed) a bit off-putting as a brand strategy?

Jeff: Sierra Nevada Summerfest, Brooklyn Weisse, Magic Hat #9 IPA, Saranac Kolsch (which was AWFUL), Shipyard Summer Ale, all of these and more have been consumed!

EXACTLY

just sell your iCrap and shut up

me: Wow! I drank my Togolese beer, but I was at the beach and didn't pay much attentioni...Other than that I have a Weisse in the fridge and I NEED to go to the beer store soon b/c I'm all out

Oh, yeah, I drank a Fijan (fijian?) beer and it was awful...Bud in a different package...no taste...I didn't even review it

Jeff: And those were just the ones I had BEFORE work!

Fijian?

me: from Fiji

Jeff: What was with that weird animated smiley thing?

That scared me. But then again, I'm drunk.

me: I don't know - Gmail does it whenever you do THAT

Jeff: CREEPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jeff: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! MAKE IT STOP!!!!

me: wow, Google, taking over the world, one animation at a time

Jeff: You know someone was in a basement in Palo Alto working on that for 72 hours straight.

me: GET IT RIGHT DAMN IT!!! I don't want some 1/2 @ssed "Microsoft" image!

Jeff: MORE RED BULL I MUST CRUNCH CODE FOR INVERTING EMOTICONS

Sent at 5:21 PM on Friday

Jeff: There is no emoticon for what I'm feeling!

me: that beer I had was so underwhelming that I can't even remember the name, or actually confirm that it was from Fiji

Jeff: Fijiweiser?

me: Budiji?

Jeff: Fijiller Lite?

Sent at 5:24 PM on Friday

me: Jebus...it was from Tahiti: http://www.google.com/url?sa=D&q=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.hinano.com%2Findex.php

Jeff: I went to a place called The Map Room while in Chicago. If I wasn't already drunk and could read the chalkboard, I would have tried several more of their beers. I think I had an Ayinger Weisse but I can't be sure . . .

Tahiti???

http://www.google.com/url?sa=D&q=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.maproom.com%2F

Yeesh.

me: yeah...Who knew that ancient french colonies could make fake bud?

Jeff: It's probably better than drinking the water . . .

Sent at 5:26 PM on Friday

Jeff: I think I've drank so much bottled/filtered water over the past few years that I can't process regular tap water anymore--the water I had in the Catskills a few weeks back tasted like antifreeze

me: yeah...that's true...Hopefully the alcohol kills any bacteria still in the water when they make the beer

Sent at 5:27 PM on Friday

Jeff: eh i just closed the window accidentally

i'm so wasted . . .

me: Created in 1955, they noticed their problems early and in 1957 "Mr Robert Ledoux realised the first taste improvements"

Sent at 5:29 PM on Friday

Jeff: Huh???

me: I don't know either...it's a bad translation from French I'm sure

are you really still drunk?

Jeff: i wish

no i haven't had a drink all week

just talking my liver into tonight's festivities

i had a Summer Ale on Tuesday, and about 1/5 of that awful Saranac crap

I lied

me: We went out for some going away party for julie's coworkers last night and since I don't know anyone, I buried myself in the bottles and bottles of red and rosé thatt were at the table

I was ok this morning, burning headache was all

Sent at 5:33 PM on Friday

Jeff: nice

me: I'm still looking at the Hinano website, check out this entry from 1976: "The sales to China takes over the presale" WTF? I don't even understand

Sent at 5:34 PM on Friday

Jeff: 1965: Hinano lawyers determine mass deaths were not for the purpose of the lager found with at the party.

me: 1993 "New label improvement made more modern"

2006: "Sale of bad crap beer, still main interest of company"

Jeff: 2005: Plutonium bottle scrapped for aluminum one, for increased image enhancer potential.

Sent at 5:37 PM on Friday

Jeff: 1959: Smoking and beer taken together proven by top scientitians to be double enjoyment for Hinano lovers!

me: 2007: Cancer rates for Hinano drinkers decrease 2000%

Jeff: I was just LLOL and my boss came in and asked "What's the matter?"

I admitted I"M DRUNK . . . ON LIFE!

me: nice!

does your boss speak english?

Jeff: I immediately pretended to be really into an Excel spreadsheet

Yes, XingXing knows many English words, and will disclose them when forced to.

The first panda bear to ever be taught English.

me: well, at least you've got that going for you...you "can" communicate, in a pinch, if need be

Jeff: I might be drunk by the time I make it to the dentist's office.

Uhm, sort of.

Sent at 5:41 PM on Friday

me: well, pandas had to start learning to speak sometime...It may also be the first panda bear to lead a chemistry group...have to look into that

Sent at 5:42 PM on Friday

[...]

Jeff: You have full permission to use any of my jokes herewith at your discretion.

---------------------------------------------

Anyway, you get the idea, Crap Beer. Zero thumbs up

BEST SUMMER BREW™ REVIEW: LA BECASSE FRAMBOISE

I'm not going to waste your time with an image of this beer, and I'm not going to waste [much] time with this review.

La Becasse (the Woodcock) (AKA: Belle-Vue Framboise in the USA) is a Raspberry Lambic from Belgium and it is now an InBev production. After tasting La Choulette Framboise, I decided to taste some other raspberry-flavored beers, because I was quite happy with La Choulette. La Becasse can be had in the supermarket for about the equivalent of $3.50 for a 6-pack. It would be easier and more economical if I could buy this and be as happy with the brew as with La Choulette. Unfortunately, this is not the case.

Holy sweetness, Batman. La Becasse Framboise is too sweet. I can't tell you about the flavor, I can't tell you about the aftertaste, I can't tell you about the mouthfeel. It's liquid sugar, and that's not what I want for the summer. I shared a couple of bottles of these with Julie at the beach and we could [barely] finish them.

Sorry, InBev, but "The Woodcock" doesn't fly here.

1 star 'cause I didn't throw up (in my mouth or otherwise). (It does manage a 43rd percentile on Ratebeer.com)

BEST SUMMER BREW™ REVIEW: AKERBELTZ (BASQUE FOR BEER)

I don't think I've ever tasted Basque beer before. It is prohibitively expensive (gotta fund ETA, I guess) and there are not too many varities to chose from. Since we decided to do some summer beer tasting, I figured, Basqueland - it borders France and Spain, two of the hotter European countries, why not give it a go. My local Carrefour had Akerbeltz in 3x33 cl packs or 1 pint bottles. I opted for the pint bottle to see how it was.

Now my Basque-language skills are zero-to-none, but looking at the bottle, I think that Akerbeltz may mean "Goat." I can tell you very little about the beer, while in theory it is written in French and Basque, it means nothing to me. The Basques don't follow any "normal" word formation rules. Just to show you I am going to write the English translation of the French address and then the Basque address that [I guess] corresponds:


Akerbeltz Basque Beer
Brewery at Licq Atherey
Soule Province
Basqueland F-64560
Open to the public

and now in Basque:
Euskal Herriko Garadardoa
AKERBELTZ Garagardotegi
XIBEROA
F 64560 Ligi Atherei
Deneri Idejia

See how easy the Basque language is? Anyway, long story short, I have no idea anything about this beer, other than the fact that it is an amber beer with an ABV of 5.5% made in "Ligi Atherei."

The beer is surprisingly good. I didn't know what to expect, but it comes across as almost a pale ale, in terms of bite and crispness. Imagine a PA with a sweet aftertaste and you have Akerbeltz. It pours well, with a nice amber color and a fine off-white head (which unfortunately does not last long before fading away to nothing). The smell is sweeter than the beer is; which is good. Sweet beers aren't good for summer IMHO and that's what we are here for: SUMMER BEERS. Therefore, the first sip is a bit of a [pleasant] surprise in that you think you are in for a much sweeter taste than you actually get.

The aftertaste is sweet at first that gives way to a kind of empty mouthfeel (I sure hope I am using this word correctly!). It does, it gives way to a kind of sweet nothingness.

Overall, the beer is very good. I find very few Pale Ales/IPA in the South of France, so I am happy when I can get my hands on anything that resembles these epitomic summer brews.

Interesting: As the beer warms (yeah, I'm writing this as I'm drinking my pint) the bite is giving way to a much sweeter taste. Definitely a beer that needs to be drank (or is it drunk? damn my high school English teacher would kill me) cold and fast!

After all this, I am really liking this beer. However, the cost is going to make it lose a couple of thumbs, 'cause the fact of the matter is, a summer beer is generally to be consumed en masse and therefore price is important. Therefore, taking the the supermarket price of €3.50 for a pint in to account I whole-heartedly give this beer a 7 thumbs up. If you can find it in the states, TRY IT!