Tuesday, August 14, 2007


Today I am 37½ years old, exactly halfway between 35 and 40. I can't believe no one has sent me a card, text message or bouquet of flowers to mark the occasion. While this particular age may not mean much to you, it's important to me. When rounding to the nearest half-decade, now I can only round up to 40, and can no longer round down to 35. See how that works?

I've also realized that I've become very set in my ways and cranky over the last few years, and it isn't helping my blood pressure. Most people have "New Year's Resolutions", but this is much more ambiguous and unique. Without further adieu, here are some of my 37½ Year Suggestions.

1. Embrace mediocrity. It's really the only way to go, since there's so much of it to choose from. The new Smashing Pumpkins album, summer blockbusters, Wal-Mart, chain restaurants, ESPN--it's all there for my semi-enjoyment!

2. Stop being so cynical. This might be the hardest one of all, since pretty much everything is going to hell in a Happy Meal. But I'm going to try to see the silver lining in every pile of crap, no matter how much it stinks.

3. Try not to get so easily discouraged. It's easy to type out, not so easy to do. I get frustrated very easily by people, situations, this annoying blog. I have to learn to not let things bother me, and just move on.

4. Buy real estate. This is something that I can't believe I haven't done yet, and the market is still pretty good for a first-time buyer. And once I exercise those stock options, look out! That island I've been dreaming of owning will become a reality! Or maybe I'll just get that tiny condo in the suburbs. Either one.

5. Try more new things. Since I turned 30, I've tried out sushi (very good), playing hockey (very difficult), and yoga (very relaxing)--three things I thought I'd probably never do. Now, I'm not saying I'm going to suddenly start line dancing, jumping out of planes, or watching NASCAR anytime soon. But I wouldn't rule out jetskiing, snowboarding or watching Canadian football.

6. Travel more. I know, everyone says this one. But I get 3 weeks of vacation a year, and seem to use it all going to Maine, playing golf, maybe taking the odd long weekend to Cape Cod or camping with my family. There's nothing inherently wrong with that, but I think I need to spend a full week somewhere I've never been before: Seattle, Hawaii, the Caribbean, Italy, Myrtle Beach, Iowa! Okay, scratch that last one.

7. Don't act like such a know-it-all. I'm incredibly guilty of this. From now on, if someone asks me something I'm not going to pretend like I know what I'm talking about, I'll just say, "I have no idea."

8. Ease up on the road rage. Yes, the idiot in front of me doesn't know how to drive, has no idea what the speed limit is, and is probably lost. No, there's nothing I can do about it, except bite my lip and turn up the XM radio.

9. Less sports, more politics. Sports talk infuriates me because at the end of the day it's completely meaningless; sports websites are frustrating because they're all trying to either sell you something or say something outrageous (or both). Also, I don't care what the athletes do or say right before and after the game: just go out on the field/course/court/rink and entertain me for a few hours. As for politics, I should be paying more attention to the story behind Stephen Colbert's smirk, and actually learning something about the 2008 presidential candidates. Regardless, it sure beats the hell out of Sportscenter.

10. Don't snap at my stupid co-workers. Okay, I've already gone cynical in the space of this blog entry. Damn.

Basically, I'm going to try to use this pseudo-milestone to help me embrace the future and work on improving my most annoying personality traits and bad habits. It probably won't work, but at least I can look back at this blog an laugh at my inability to change.

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