Thursday, November 20, 2008


With a title like that, I've set the bar awful fucking low. Let's see if I can live down to the expectations.

Apparently on the internets all the kids are doing "bulleted lists." It's sounds like a Sean Gayvery invention to me, but whatever: he makes more money than me.

* Whiskey (translation for the English/Scottish/Irish readers out there: whisky): Holy shit, I used to be fully in the beer camp, but I've swung into the whiskey camp with great zeal. Here's why: You open a beer and drink it. You open another, drink it. After a couple of these your significant other (or dog or conscience if you live alone) starts to give you the "how-many-of-those-have-you-had" look. There's a bottle-trail of your dependence on alcohol. Whiskey, you can pour yourself a small one, then another small one, etc...yes, this is all about justifying my consumption...But you know what - fuck you for judging, asshole.

Since, I've been in France I've "felt" my American roots more and more. Not that I'm ever going to be one of those balls-in-your-face Palin loving idiots, but (tangent alert) when some stupid cock of a Frenchman feels like he needs to criticize me because our democracy elected Bush, I do feel like punching the asshole in the head. So (tangent ending) I have been drinking bourbon (the Brownest of the brown liquors) whenever possible. But my choices are limited to Four Roses (which is surprising not horrible) and Makers Mark. I think there's a brand called "Wild Chicken" or something too, but that's horrible stuff. I can get Woodford Reserve, Basil Haden's and most of the other premium stuff, but it's so damn expensive that I can't justify it.
So the logical step is Scotchland...It's just so much closer, so there's obviously more choice.

Snap Drinky Drinky Review: Highland Park 12-year old Single Malt. Mmmm. I'm not a big fan of the whole "peat-fire-still-buring-in-the-bottle" aspect of some Scotch and Highland doesn't disappoint. It's actually quite sweet for a scotch, and it's not surprising, following my brief flirtation with bourbon, that I like this. I'm sure that many connoisseurs (did you know that the base "con" in French is dick or asshole? just saying) would find it below them. But damn it, it gets the Krusty Brand Open Hockey Seal of Approval.

* Fantasy Hockey: Is awesome because the "No Homers" club, managed by yours truly, is kicking major ass so far this season. Through 7 weeks, I'm undefeated in head-to-head matchups (Jesus Price saved my ass with a lackluster win last Sunday to defeat Kammann's Zelepukin Slappers/Kiss of Death team 5-4) and I'm a very respectable 35-12-8 overall.

* Fuck Nokia. Honestly. I changed my Blackberry Pearl for a Nokia E71 a couple weeks back. The Nokia is like a supermodel. So damn sexy that you want to take it into a bathroom stall the web with it. But it's also dumb as fuck. No built in push mail is like walking up to some really hot chick and asking her to go out with you and her lazy eye shoots up towards the sky and she mutters something about her cat liking catfood. Then there's the "Nokia PC Shite Suite". RIM has you install this little non-intrusive program to sync with Outlook. Nokia, this giant memory hog of a program that runs in the background all the fucking time (why the fuck would I want to send SMS messages from my computer, I HAVE A PHONE FOR THAT!) and won't shut off. I can't watch pirate videos anymore with this fucking thing installed because it makes VLC jump so much. I may learn to live with it - because it is fucking sexy and much more capable than my crackberry (I get TV on it!) for many things, but the change is the hardest part. I have a new found respect for those crazies from America's hat that invented the whole Blackberry system.

Anyway, I think I had other things to complain about...But whatever. I'll post again in the next 3 or 4 weeks. I promise!

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