RANDOM SHITLINK MONDAY: STUFF WHITE PEOPLE LIKE

In an effort to keep this pointless blog alive (at least until hockey starts up again), I've decided to post a Random Shitlink every Monday. Basically, it will be anything I find amusing, interesting, annoying and/or completely and utterly stupid. I have no idea, but one thing is for sure: you sure as shit won't be learning anything.
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Today's link is Stuff White People Like. It's a web site (and now a book) that reads like a user's guide to getting to know white people, and it's funny because it's pretty painfully spot-on fucking true. Here's the full list, and some sample entries:

#125: Bob Marley. During the course of a white person’s education they will go through many phases including but not limited to: “awkward,” “classic rock,” and “being really into a foreign country.” Of these phases, there is only one that all white people are required to go through before they can obtain their bachelor’s degree. It is known as “Bob Marley.”

#18 Awareness. This belief allows them to feel that sweet self-satisfaction without actually having to solve anything or face any difficult challenges. Because, the only challenge of raising awareness is people not being aware. In a worst case scenario, if you fail someone doesn’t know about the problem. End of story.

#38 Arrested Development. Since the show was cancelled before it jumped the shark, it’s effectively like a rocker that dies at 27. Also, the show got terrible ratings, meaning that it wasn’t ‘mainstream,’ which makes white people love it unilaterally . . .
If you are ever a white person’s house, and you see an orange box in their DVD collection, you should say “oh, you have Arrested Development, I love that show!” To which you will be offered a glass of wine, and perhaps an invitation to 80s night.

#109 The Onion. It is so popular, that every white person home contains at least one book from The Onion. If that home is occupied exclusively by white men then said book will be located in the bathroom. There are no exceptions.

Well, my Onion Atlas used to be in the bathroom but I value it so highly I moved it, lest it get warped from the humidity. So there!

However, according to the official SWPL Facebook quiz app, I'm not as white as I thought I was:

Based on a total score of 37, you are officially 54% white and a card carrying member of the Shorts Group. Firmly in the shorts group.

Maybe that's a good thing. I'm still shocked that hockey isn't on the list yet. (I'm sure it's coming soon.)

RANDOM SHITLINK MONDAY: BLINGEE

In an effort to keep this pointless blog alive, I've decided to post a Random Shitlink every Monday. Basically, it will be anything I find amusing, interesting, annoying and/or completely and utterly stupid. I have no idea, but one thing is for sure: you sure as shit won't be learning anything.

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When talking about any truly terrible website or popular trend, a lot of people throw around the terms "a sign of the Apocalypse" and "I weep for the future" around these here interwebs.

But I am not fucking around this time.

Just stare into the soulless void that is Blingee, a site that allows you to "Make Your Own Glitter Graphics And Profile Comments", and you'll see what I'm talking about.

For instance, here's a fan made "Blingee" for the Twilight series of sexy teen vampire movies:






Hurts, don't it? Probably not as much as this one, called "Me And My Cat" (After Dropping A Shit Ton Of Acid)":






I weep for our future Apocalypse.

RANDOM SHITLINK MONDAY: GEEKOLOGIE

In an effort to keep this pointless blog alive, I've decided to post a Random Shitlink every Monday. Basically, it will be anything I find amusing, interesting, annoying and/or completely and utterly stupid. I have no idea, but one thing is for sure: you sure as shit won't be learning anything.

Today's link is Geekologie, the self-proclaimed site for "Gadgets, Gizmos and Awesome". It's quite the potpourri of weird links and bad ideas, with posts like:

• Booze Detector Reveals Purity Of Your Drink (pretty useless since it only works on currently only 6 different types of drink, I might add)
• I'm At A Loss For Words: An LOL Swastika (has to be seen to be believed)
• Fail: How Not To Use An Automatic Door (ditto)

And of course, there's always Junior hockey fight.

RANDOM SHITLINK MONDAY: GOTCHA

In an effort to keep this pointless blog alive, I've decided to post a Random Shitlink every Monday. Basically, it will be anything I find amusing, interesting, annoying and/or completely and utterly stupid. I have no idea, but one thing is for sure: you sure as shit won't be learning anything.

Today's link is from KLOV (Killer List of Videogames).
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I'm not going to lie: I love video games. This is directly attributable to me growing up at the height of the "arcade" era, when PAC-MAN fever was both a rampant social disease and a massive hit song, and just at the beginning of the "home gaming system" craze with the introduction of the Atari 2600 and Mattel Electronics IntelliVision.

What the early video games of the 1970s lacked in overall graphical presentation they made up for in creativity. (The opposite can be said for some of today's games, which look frighteningly photorealistic but can be boiled down to: "hey, let's shoot stuff and make things 'splode"). Programmers were frequently coming up with more alluring and addictive ways to entertain and delight. In their quest for quarters, not every idea was a winner.

Enter GOTCHA, the 4th game ever made by Atari Games in 1973. This simple 2 player arcade game consisted of a simple maze, where the object was for the "Pursuer" (a "square") to catch the "Pursued" (a "+" sign). Each player used an optical trackball to control their on-screen counterpart. Sounds pretty innocuous, right? However, this game created a bit of controversy when it was released.

First of all, let's start with the weird photo of a sweatered preppie stalker grabbing the woman on the waist from behind, which in the 70s constituted "consensual sex". Second of all, take a look at the mammary-shaped controls on the game itself. Apparently, several people who worked at Atari joked that typical video game joysticks looked too "phallic". In response, video game designers decided to create a "female" game that instead featured pink rubber bulges resembling breasts that were squeezed to control the action. The game was later re-fitted with standard joysticks, but needless to say neither version was well received.

Video game programmers must be a lonely bunch.

Reference: Wikipedia (Gotcha - arcade game)