Monday, August 31, 2009


In an effort to keep this pointless blog alive (at least until hockey starts up again), I've decided to post a Random Shitlink every Monday. Basically, it will be anything I find amusing, interesting, annoying and/or completely and utterly stupid. I have no idea, but one thing is for sure: you sure as shit won't be learning anything.

Today's link is Stuff White People Like. It's a web site (and now a book) that reads like a user's guide to getting to know white people, and it's funny because it's pretty painfully spot-on fucking true. Here's the full list, and some sample entries:

#125: Bob Marley. During the course of a white person’s education they will go through many phases including but not limited to: “awkward,” “classic rock,” and “being really into a foreign country.” Of these phases, there is only one that all white people are required to go through before they can obtain their bachelor’s degree. It is known as “Bob Marley.”

#18 Awareness. This belief allows them to feel that sweet self-satisfaction without actually having to solve anything or face any difficult challenges. Because, the only challenge of raising awareness is people not being aware. In a worst case scenario, if you fail someone doesn’t know about the problem. End of story.

#38 Arrested Development. Since the show was cancelled before it jumped the shark, it’s effectively like a rocker that dies at 27. Also, the show got terrible ratings, meaning that it wasn’t ‘mainstream,’ which makes white people love it unilaterally . . .
If you are ever a white person’s house, and you see an orange box in their DVD collection, you should say “oh, you have Arrested Development, I love that show!” To which you will be offered a glass of wine, and perhaps an invitation to 80s night.

#109 The Onion. It is so popular, that every white person home contains at least one book from The Onion. If that home is occupied exclusively by white men then said book will be located in the bathroom. There are no exceptions.

Well, my Onion Atlas used to be in the bathroom but I value it so highly I moved it, lest it get warped from the humidity. So there!

However, according to the official SWPL Facebook quiz app, I'm not as white as I thought I was:

Based on a total score of 37, you are officially 54% white and a card carrying member of the Shorts Group. Firmly in the shorts group.
Maybe that's a good thing. I'm still shocked that hockey isn't on the list yet. (I'm sure it's coming soon.)

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