BRACKET MADNESS: WWJP?

I'm in a training session right now. (Ah, the magic of blogging on the InterWebs.) Basically, a guy is doing a presentation for some laboratory software, and right now we're watching an HPLC system equilibrate. For those non-separation scientists out there, it's like watching methanol dry. This was supposed to be a hands-on training, but my cheap-ass company only has 3 computers allocated for 12 people; meanwhile, we pay 174 VPs over 6 figures and 10000 stock options a year. What a complete joke. So anyway, this is my revenge. BWAA-HAA-HAA-HAAAA!!!

Sometimes I look like I was drunk when I shaved, and other days I actually AM drunk while shaving (NOT RECOMMENDED). Today, it's the former; I have a quarter-inch stripe on my chin with 2 days worth of stubble on it, which I didn't even see until I went to the bathroom at 10 AM. The problem could be that I quickly shave at night before going in the shower, and in the morning I only look at myself in the mirror to make sure I'm not bleeding. I also switched the bulbs in my bathroom light to the crappiest of compact fluorescents (thanks IKEA!), which I highly recommend if you want to slip on something and brain yourself. I also use the same blade for 2 months or so because I don't grow a thick beard, and I'm annoyingly frugal and each MACH3 blade costs $11. Some days I think, "Fuck everything, I'm going to five blades", but nah, those things cost $14 each. No thanks.

But I think I know what my problem is. I have a touch of the dreaded MADNESS.

For the last month it's been nothing but NCAA hoops. I've been breathing, eating, drinking, inhaling, injecting, consuming, masticating, swallowing, digesting, processing, absorbing, excreting, defecating, cleaning, flushing and deodorizing NCAA hoops. I had it all at my fingertips: RPI, SOS, DNA, and many more acroynms. So with all this information at my disposal, the picks should be easy. I basically had it all figured out . . . and then I changed my picks about 6 times last night. That's never a good sign. I have no chance, and I would like to pre-congratulate one of the other people in my bracket pool for winning it all!

But then while reviewing my bracket for the 40th time, I had an epiphury epiphany. I asked myself, WWJP? It was suddenly so clear to me. Villanova will meet Holy Cross, and Georgetown wil play Oral Roberts in the Saint Sixteen. Marquette, Creighton will most surely make it to the Holy Eight . . . it's what God would want. And who would be in the Divine Four? Nova, Norte Dame, Xavier, and Oral Roberts--this is the Word of the Lord. (Screw Georgetown, not even God is rooting for them. How many John Thompsons and Patrick Ewingses must we endure?)

Screw that. UNLV is going all the way. They play "Viva Las Vegas" before every game! I'm not going to win the pool, so basically I'm just psyched that the BEST TOURNAMENT IN SPORTS is almost underway. Tonight and tomorrow it's supposed to snow like a bitch, and I say bring it on! I won't be at work anyway, I'll be inside watching hoops, drinking, and eating, so who cares?

Good luck out there, Bracketeers.

WAITING FOR THE BRACKETOCRACY TO TAKE OVER

Every year, somebody who gets paid more than me produces some ridiculous financial report to estimate how much money due to productivity decreases(oh, the irony) caused by employees following the NCAA tournament. Somehow, this figure is usually in the billions of dollars. But damn, this is the funniest thing I've read in a while: Does March Madness distract workers? They sum it up by saying that companies should embrace the NCAA tournament, and not blame it for lost work time. This section takes the cake:

" . . . companies should embrace the annual tournament by helping to organize events such as a company pool or team sweatshirt day. He also thinks employers should consider offering workers a flexible schedule so they can watch their favorite teams on their own time and then get back to work."

Are you kidding me? Is this for the employees of UTOPIACORP? This ARTICLE is complete madness. I guarantee that 95% of the corporations out there would do no such thing. Maybe I've worked for some crappy employers, but the slave labor camp that I work in would laugh at this notion. If I take 2 hours to go to a doctor's appointment, they make me take a half a sick day. FLEX TIME FOR A BASKETBALL TOURNAMENT? Are you out of your mind?

Of course, if my company actually embraced this, I'd probably learn to hate the NCAA tourney. As it stands now, I'm calling in sick on Friday.