BANDWAGON JUMPING 101 HOLY FUCKING SHIT! DID I JUST SEE THAT?

I watch Soccer (football of the European persuasion) from time to time. I watch big matches. When I get free tickets, I go see the Bordeaux team (CHAMPIONS OF FRANCE!).

I watched maybe 20 minutes of the USA's match against Brazil in the group matches. I saw a team that was confused beyond belief and watched Brazil score 2 goals (of their eventual 3-0 pasting of the US).

I read (but did not see) that the US had gone through to the semi-final in the Confederation's Cup because the Egyptians were beat up by a bunch of South African Whores.

I knew the game was tonight, so why not watch them lose to Spain.

Spain: Reigning European Champions.
Spain: The #1 ranked team in the world
Spain: The team that hasn't lost in 35 straight games.
Spain: A disaster waiting to happen.

I was out and picked up at 48 minutes, with the US leading 1-0. The Spaniards were pressing. It's just a matter of time before they put one, then two in the back of Tim Howard's net. It was fun while it lasted.

74th minute: Whoa, what's this, the US is attacking. Oh fuck, bad pass in front of the net. Sergio Ramos, controls...Sergio Ramos gets made the biggest ass in sports today. BOOM! Clint Dempsey fucks up Spain with a icing goal.

What? We have to play 15 more minutes...Ugh.

Offside USA...Hey wait, that wasn't offsides. The French announcers on Eurosport agree.
[1 minute later] Offside USA...Hey wait, that wasn't offsides. The French announcers on Eurosport agree.

What the fuck is going on?

86th minute: Spanish control in front...Bradley steps out...tackles...Ugh...ok, free kick. Oh shit, he's going for his card...Ok, yellow card. Whatev...WHAT THE FUCK. RED CARD? FOR THAT? FUCK YOU! Seriously, that was the weakest red card I've ever seen.

But...The US has confidence now, brought on by a 2-0 lead...Killing time and (finally) 90+3 minutes. FUCK YOU SPAIN.

Now the US will get to lose to the Brazilians again...or not...yeah, they'll lose.

Holy fucking shit.

(UPDATE: This song should sum it up)

SOCCER WE CAN ALL GET BEHIND

The Euro 2008, with its thrilling zero-zero games and diving pansies, is in full-swing. I've watched a bunch of matches, more out of love-of-sport then out of love-of-footie. The Dutch team is crazy good this year and are actually fun to watch. They beat the bejesus out of the Italians (3-0) and the French (4-1) last week and I'll be looking for them to go all the way. The Turks played what was probably the match of the tournament so far, needing a win, they were down 2-0 with 15 minutes remaining against the Czech Republic and the formidable Petr Čech. At 75 minutes they scored to make it 2-1, at 87 minutes they scored to make it 2-2 and on their ensuing possession captain Nihat Kahveci buried a 40-meter shot to give the dark-horse Turks a spot in the Quarters.

That's all well and good, but that is not the reason for this post. A much much more important match was played in Vienna on Sunday. The Austria Topless Women's team spanked the German Topless Women's team 10-5 in beach soccer (SFW link, for NSFW photos click here). If WWL showed this, many many more American [men] would probably watch soccer.




















Sydney Morning Herald (SFW) and Stuff NZ (NSFW photos)

[Update: NSFW videos are available at Euro2008unleased]