RANDOM SHITLINK MONDAY: BLINGEE

In an effort to keep this pointless blog alive, I've decided to post a Random Shitlink every Monday. Basically, it will be anything I find amusing, interesting, annoying and/or completely and utterly stupid. I have no idea, but one thing is for sure: you sure as shit won't be learning anything.

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When talking about any truly terrible website or popular trend, a lot of people throw around the terms "a sign of the Apocalypse" and "I weep for the future" around these here interwebs.

But I am not fucking around this time.

Just stare into the soulless void that is Blingee, a site that allows you to "Make Your Own Glitter Graphics And Profile Comments", and you'll see what I'm talking about.

For instance, here's a fan made "Blingee" for the Twilight series of sexy teen vampire movies:






Hurts, don't it? Probably not as much as this one, called "Me And My Cat" (After Dropping A Shit Ton Of Acid)":






I weep for our future Apocalypse.

BANDWAGON JUMPING 101 HOLY FUCKING SHIT! DID I JUST SEE THAT?

I watch Soccer (football of the European persuasion) from time to time. I watch big matches. When I get free tickets, I go see the Bordeaux team (CHAMPIONS OF FRANCE!).

I watched maybe 20 minutes of the USA's match against Brazil in the group matches. I saw a team that was confused beyond belief and watched Brazil score 2 goals (of their eventual 3-0 pasting of the US).

I read (but did not see) that the US had gone through to the semi-final in the Confederation's Cup because the Egyptians were beat up by a bunch of South African Whores.

I knew the game was tonight, so why not watch them lose to Spain.

Spain: Reigning European Champions.
Spain: The #1 ranked team in the world
Spain: The team that hasn't lost in 35 straight games.
Spain: A disaster waiting to happen.

I was out and picked up at 48 minutes, with the US leading 1-0. The Spaniards were pressing. It's just a matter of time before they put one, then two in the back of Tim Howard's net. It was fun while it lasted.

74th minute: Whoa, what's this, the US is attacking. Oh fuck, bad pass in front of the net. Sergio Ramos, controls...Sergio Ramos gets made the biggest ass in sports today. BOOM! Clint Dempsey fucks up Spain with a icing goal.

What? We have to play 15 more minutes...Ugh.

Offside USA...Hey wait, that wasn't offsides. The French announcers on Eurosport agree.
[1 minute later] Offside USA...Hey wait, that wasn't offsides. The French announcers on Eurosport agree.

What the fuck is going on?

86th minute: Spanish control in front...Bradley steps out...tackles...Ugh...ok, free kick. Oh shit, he's going for his card...Ok, yellow card. Whatev...WHAT THE FUCK. RED CARD? FOR THAT? FUCK YOU! Seriously, that was the weakest red card I've ever seen.

But...The US has confidence now, brought on by a 2-0 lead...Killing time and (finally) 90+3 minutes. FUCK YOU SPAIN.

Now the US will get to lose to the Brazilians again...or not...yeah, they'll lose.

Holy fucking shit.

(UPDATE: This song should sum it up)

GOALS OF THE YEAR: OVIE!!!!!!!1

Yeah, it's Ovechkin.

Again.

This one was vs. Ryan Miller and the Sabres on 12/26/2008.



Wow. Just, wow.

This is a better quality video (OVIE's goal is at 3:39).

RANDOM YOUTUBERY: THE INEVITABILITY OF GRAVITY

Rally racing is my favorite type of racing because it's a much bigger test of driver skill than many of the other types of track-based racing. A traditional rally takes place over a few days with varying types of road surface over 100s of kilometers and the driver is totally reliant on his co-driver who made one quick pass over the road at the beginning of the rally and now must guide the car at 100mph+.

Formula 1 is all about which manufacturer has the biggest budget for engineering. NASCAR is based on turning left and driving straight. There are some types of racing that are more interesting, like touring cars and the like, but overall, I like rally racing best (and V-Rally2 is by far the best racing game ever made for Playstation).

One of the other reasons that rally racing rocks is that you always have cars flying into things (or people), flipping upside-down (they generally continue after a helping hand from the crowd - try that with your Toyota!) and other crazy shenangans. However, after this little journey, I don't think that the driver of this Peugeot 206 kept going.



In case you were wondering, yes, I'm phoning this one in today. I forgot about it until just now (5pm CET) and don't have the time or energy to find anything else.

9/11

Everyone has their own thoughts and prayers on a day like this. Naturally, I turn to humor in these situations, and have chosen to link to a classic article from The Onion's triumphant post-9/11 return, the HOLY FUCKING SHIT issue from 9/26/2001.

Hijackers Surprised To Find Selves in Hell

Six years later, this map is still pretty appropriate.