I'm rooting for a big snowstorm so I can hire the Chicago Blackhawks Ice Crew to do some shoveling for me.
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Here's a shot of one of the poor girls having to clean up souvenir "fire helmets" (excellent idea, promotions department) after a Toews hat trick.
It's January, so who better to paste up here than January Jones, who plays Betty Draper on the critically acclaimed/incredibly depressing TV series Mad Men. I take her to be a mature, sensible, intelligent woman, so I'm sure she doesn't HATE pants, she's just open to the possibility of not ever wearing them.
Oh wait, she dated Ashton Kutcher. FOR FOUR YEARS. Never mind, she's a total dingbat. But alas, she looks damn good when she shakes off those pants. 
Wait, these pictures are the Vanity Fair outtakes? Oh that's right, their editors are most likely gay. I'm guessing the pictures that made the cut are ones of her wearing a giant poncho, baggy jeans and a ski mask. 
When was January born? In May, of course. No, just kidding, she turned 31 on Monday. HAPPY JANUARY BIRTHDAY, JANUARY!
I was going to just do a MARISA MILLER IS SO FREAKING HOT post to get it over with, but why not a hockey themed post?
Thanks to The Fourth Period, we have the women of the 2009 TFP Ice Girls™ Calendar.
To keep things local (and because there's no Miss Buffalo or Miss Newark, god forbid), here's Julia and Jessica, Miss New York and Miss, er, New York. While only one of them is of the opinion that Potvin Sucks, they both can agree that they completely abhor pants.
I have to say that I also really like Pamela (Miss Pittsburgh) almost as much as she hates her pants.
For the record (and in case she's reading this), I have no problem with Sidney Crosby.
This poor girl ended up on the NBC show "Heroes" last season, which after its promising Season 1, turned completely craptacular during their horribly muddled Season 2. Previously she had been the star of something called "Veronica Mars", a show which had amassed quite a cult following, no doubt due in part to her pulchritude. I honestly don't know what the show was about, so I'm just going to imagine it featured Victoria's Secret models on a space mission to the Red Planet. I think of it as a 21st century version of Barbarella filled with babes like Kristen Bell who utterly despise their pants.
I'm serious: this show has gotten so bad that I've completely given up on watching Season 3 (here's the Hulu.com site--help yourself).
That's right, this hot chick (who apparently can shoot lightning out of her ass or something--on the show, not sure if she can in real life) AND Hayden "Barely Legal" "Cup Licker" Panettiere are both on THE SAME SHOW, and I still refuse to tune in. That's when you know a show truly sucks.
With a name like "Blake Lively", you have very limited career choices: singer, actress, talk show host, fashion designer, toy dog salesperson, stripper, porn star--that's about it. Well, it just so happens she stars on the show Gossip Girl and, as a result, is a gossip column target. Oh, the irony.
[Photo courtesy of What Would Tyler Durden Do?]
The summer Olympics began today, and I'm going to be honest: I don't really like the summer Olympics. Some of the major track and field events are exciting, but everything else (especially the gymnastics, which they force feed the US viewers) is just dull to me. This year, because it's in the horribly overcrowded and polluted city of Beijing, China all the events are 12 hours ahead, so I will know what happens even before NBC Sports screws up the tape delay broadcast of it. Maybe I'll focus on the fringe sports like kayaking, judo, fencing, heptathalon, and shooting (which the USA should win every year, since we're so skilled at shooting each other). Or I could waste time watching our overrated, narcissistic basketball players like Kobe Bryant get beat by Argentina. Nah, I'll just watch golf.
However, I do like female synchronized swimmers. They're not as muscular and butch as their swimming cohorts, since they're sort of doing gymastics in the water and are judged on their appearance and style. Wait a second: who thought doing gymnastics in the water was a good idea?
In synchronized swimming not only are pants hated, they're illegal as sanctioned by the IOC. 
Here's the U.S. team. They probably don't have a chance in hell of medaling, but they have photo galleries in Radar, Fitness, and don't they look nice?
Here are the Russian duet swimmers.
Oh my. So THAT'S how it is over there.
Finally, here is the classic video featuring the men's synchronized swimming team, who were hoping to be included in the 1988 Olympics.
Okay, it's actually an SNL skit featuring Harry Shearer, Martin Short and Christopher Guest.
"I'm not that strong a swimmer."
"Heyyyy you! I know you! I know you!"
The Euro 2008, with its thrilling zero-zero games and diving pansies, is in full-swing. I've watched a bunch of matches, more out of love-of-sport then out of love-of-footie. The Dutch team is crazy good this year and are actually fun to watch. They beat the bejesus out of the Italians (3-0) and the French (4-1) last week and I'll be looking for them to go all the way. The Turks played what was probably the match of the tournament so far, needing a win, they were down 2-0 with 15 minutes remaining against the Czech Republic and the formidable Petr Čech. At 75 minutes they scored to make it 2-1, at 87 minutes they scored to make it 2-2 and on their ensuing possession captain Nihat Kahveci buried a 40-meter shot to give the dark-horse Turks a spot in the Quarters.
That's all well and good, but that is not the reason for this post. A much much more important match was played in Vienna on Sunday. The Austria Topless Women's team spanked the German Topless Women's team 10-5 in beach soccer (SFW link, for NSFW photos click here). If WWL showed this, many many more American [men] would probably watch soccer.
Sydney Morning Herald (SFW) and Stuff NZ (NSFW photos)
[Update: NSFW videos are available at Euro2008unleased]
If I had a dime for every "swimsuit-model-turned-actress" there's ever been, I'd have a whole shitload of dimes. How many swimsuit-models-turned-actresses have won the Oscar? Zero. That's why next year they should have an award for Best Swimsuit Model Turned Actress; I might actually tune in.
Since the unofficial start of the summer season, Memorial Day, is upon us, what better time to declare your hatred for pants and sport that bikini, ladies? Here's SI swimsuit model Michelle Lombardo who has acted in something or other, probably.
She's got that smile that says, "You know, I don't really HATE pants, but I really prefer not to wear them, you know?"
Michelle Lombardo [#59 on AskMen's 2008 Top 99 Women]
I don't know who Misa Campo is, and I don't care. All I know is she's 50% Phillipino, 50% Dutch, and 100% hot.
It also appears that she hates pants and steadfastly refuses to wear them.
LET'S GO HABS! (Whoops, too late.)
Yeah, I'm exhausted after that too.
Misa Campo [MySpace site]
Official Site
After spending way too much time (yes, it is possible) in a strip club over the weekend, I have a new sense of appreciation for the natural female form. Keeley Hazell, who gained notoriety as a 'Page 3' girl in England's The Sun, is one such "natural" woman, if you know what I'm saying. I hope this illustration helps:
Google image searches of her are not only among the LEAST SAFE FOR WORK, they also confirm her all-consuming hatred for pants. 
Since she's overtly flaunting her assets in every photo ever taken of her, it's possible she merely harbors distrust or apathy towards pants. However, she doesn't seem to hate shirts that are at least 3 sizes too small for her. Whatever the case may be, it's landed her at #13 on the 2008 AskMen Top 99 internet spank-fodder list.
Keeley Hazell [Official Site]
Evangeline Lilly is from Fort Saskatchewan, Alberta, where she frequently wore pants to survive the harsh Canadian winters. 
However, after moving to southern California and spending several years filming the show LOST in Hawaii she has begun to dislike her pants intensely. I don't blame her one bit.
Off with you, evil pants!
[Update: This video seems to be having problems. I hope the internets fix the problem]
Directed by my favorite director ever - Judd Apatow - Hayden Panettiere tells us, umm, something. I believe she is talking or something about whatever...ummm. Is she 18?
I just checked it. It turns out that you, our faithful readers, are legally required to drool. She's been 18 for almost 9 months.
[Funnyordie via Slate]
Even though Jeff generally does the DON'T YOU HATE PANTS postings (and does them better) I can't ignore her apparent extreme aversion to pants.
This is Elin Nordegren, formerly a member of the Swedish Bikini Team (if she wasn't, she should have been). Before she married Tiger Woods and had a kid, she seemed to really dislike pants immensely. 
I'm not sure about her current stance on pants, but if her husband brings home another green jacket this Sunday it would behoove her to lose them.
This reminds me: I really have to work on my golf game.
This is Olga Kurylenko, who will be starring in the new 007 film with the staggeringly obtuse title Quantum of Solace. That sounds like an awful Cinemax soft porn movie.
Regardless, Olga hates pants. Don't believe me? There's more proof here. But there's more to her besides lingerie. This is from Olga's profile on my favorite Russian bride website:
| I like these kinds of music: | disco, pop, electro |
| My favorite cuisine: | Russian, Italian |
| I like these physical activities: | swimming, billiard, large tennis |
| More about me: | Careful, with excellent(different) sense of humour. Very much I like to learn a lot of new, to travel. And flew to me very much it is pleasant to have fun with the friends in clubs. In soul kind, but I like and to bite. |
| My perception of an ideal relationship: | The man of my dream should be courageous, but in too time romantic. He(it) should have good sense of humour, and as sharp mind(wit). To me the man which is necessary all world would present me and has made me by his(its) queen. It would be desirable to feel tenderness, care and caress.The man, which will understand me also of signs such what I is. I want simply to like and to be happy. |
This is Willa Ford, but you might know her as Amanda Lee Williford-Modano. That's right, she's married to Mike Modano, the all-time goals and points leader among American-born NHL hockey players. She's also put out an album, possibly played football in lingerie once, and was on some dancing show. Most importantly, she appears to vehemently despise pants. 
In 1310 career games, Modano has 525 goals, 751 assists, and 1 hot piece of ass wife. Hey, he's earned it.
Second photo courtesy of Stuff, the magazine for guys too stupid to read Maxim (if you can imagine).
This is Megan Fox and from all indications (and Google image searches) she appears to dislike pants immensely. She's an "actress" who appeared in The Transformers "movie", or so I'm told by the interwebs. I'm not planning on ever watching it, but I can attest to the fact that she transformed my loose jeans into a pair that is significantly tighter in the crotch area.
Whenever I see a link for "megan fox wet bare feet", there is a 100% chance that I'm clicking on it. I predict that this will be the downfall of our country, wherein a not-too-web-savvy future President clicks on a similar link, and unbeknownst to him it will accidentally launch a thousand nukes, release cyanide into the water supply, or erase the database for every bank in the entire world (possibly all three).
But I digress. The bottom line is: Megan is quite a Fox! (See what I did there? Clever, eh?)
(Now, to throw some cold water on this post: the 21 year old actress is engaged to 34 year old "Beverly Hills 90210" assclown Brian Austin Green. I also predict, judging by her tattoos, nip slips and plastic surgery, that she will hit the wall hard and become the next Tara Reid.)
I should write something witty and LOLable, like Kammann would...but I won't...I'm covering the Don't You Hate Pants this week since Kammann just didn't show up...rumors of drinking during snowstorms or some bullshit.
Anyway, it's Sunday morning so my brain is officially in the "Off" position...I'm just posting a picture of Mlle Johansson for your viewing pleasure.
Oh and finally a GPS system that makes some sense...I don't fucking care where the nearest McDonald's is (except maybe to stay away) and I could care less that my gas is "Texaco" or "Mobil" brand...well except Citgo of course...commie motherfuckers. But let's say for a minute that you've driven to Cleveland, OH...who knows why...who fucking cares. But now you're in Cleveland with nothing to do...You could go see the Browns stadium, I guess, but you need to do something more worthwhile with your time. Introducing NUDAR, a company that basically turns your GPS unit into the "MILF Hunter." You're looking for a topless juice bar at lunch time? No problem...All Nude Girls? Ok! Barely legal? Gotcha covered. The best in local prostitution? Umm, there may be something illegal there...check with your lawyer.
Anyway, NUDAR is an add-on for your Garmin, TomTom or Magellan that will lead you to the nude or semi-nude joint of your choosing.
Anyway, [NUDAR (NSFW) via Jalopnik]
I really like this guy's artwork, so I'm going to link to him here. It's Atom-Bomb Bikini: The Art of Rob Ullman.
He's got various sketches, drawings and comics up on his blog, and most of them show his affinity for the female form (some NSFW, if cartoon nudes offend anyone). A great example is his drawing of a girl in her Winter Classic powder blue throwback Pittsburgh Penguins sweater:
Great stuff.
Today's DON'T YOU HATE PANTS? post is a tribute to the University of Minnesota’s Gopher Hockey Cheerleaders.
Want attendance to go up in the NHL? Try this out, Bettman! It couldn't hurt.
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