I'm rooting for a big snowstorm so I can hire the Chicago Blackhawks Ice Crew to do some shoveling for me.
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Here's a shot of one of the poor girls having to clean up souvenir "fire helmets" (excellent idea, promotions department) after a Toews hat trick.
I was going to just do a MARISA MILLER IS SO FREAKING HOT post to get it over with, but why not a hockey themed post?
Thanks to The Fourth Period, we have the women of the 2009 TFP Ice Girls™ Calendar.
To keep things local (and because there's no Miss Buffalo or Miss Newark, god forbid), here's Julia and Jessica, Miss New York and Miss, er, New York. While only one of them is of the opinion that Potvin Sucks, they both can agree that they completely abhor pants.
I have to say that I also really like Pamela (Miss Pittsburgh) almost as much as she hates her pants.
For the record (and in case she's reading this), I have no problem with Sidney Crosby.
The Bruins have a secret weapon to help them beat Les Habitants tonight.
There's nothing in the NHL rule book that prohibits it, so it's all perfectly legal (just like Avery's antics, or Barry Bonds sticking a needle in his ass). The Bruins have reportedly signed him to a 12 year/$48 million deal, and the Russian Superleagues are outraged. I fully expect Colin Campbell to add an "unsportmanslike ursine" penalty to stop such egregious wrongdoing in the future.
Yeah, I'm phoning it in too. Let's just mention quickly:
* Marty flopped and dove his way to an embarrassing Game 4 loss last night (or so I've heard, I didn't watch one second of it and I feel better for it) as Staal's winner gave the Rangers a virtually insurmountable 3-1 series lead (and made up for his Game 3 off-the-skate-own-goal-in-OT).
* Some might say the Sens played lifeless hockey, that they're gutless, or their star players didn't step up, but I say this is the real reason they were swept:
I don't know where to start with that, but it appears that Sens Army is ambiguously gay and into cosplay. The part where the helmet falls down cracks me up everytime (next time go with JOFA instead of RBK). I'm just really pissed that I didn't picked them to lose in the first round, which is what I do every year! I'll show myself out.
* But not before mentioning that the Preds tied up the series with the Red Wings last night. As you can see, Maranda is really excited about this!
The 2008 Stanley Cup playoffs are finally here! After a brutal playoff push that saw two Canadian teams get ousted, the Kaps and Lyers rise from the dead, and last year's Presidents' Trophy winner fizzle out, we're finally down to 16 teams. Let's take a look at the matchups and get into the blognostications.
Prince of Wales [Eastern] Conference
This is about as perfect a collection of eight Eastern teams that you can imagine, especially if you're a hockey traditionalist. While I would prefer jettisoning the Philthy Lyers and putting the Sabres in their spot, you really cannot ask for better matchups here. All of the teams in this conference are fighters, and none of them are a pushover. Best of all, there won't be a single game played south of D.C.! Screw you, South! Go enjoy the beach or NASCAR or dogfighting or something, and leave the hockey to us.
(1) Montreal vs. (8) Boston. A matchup of Original Six teams with a long history. Which reminds me: I made a sandwich the other day with honey maple turkey, cave-aged gruyere and wasabi mustard on toasted 7 grain bread. The ingredients by themselves were great but it just didn't work well together, sort of like this defensively minded but otherwise toothless Bruins team. Why French Canadians would chant in Spanish ("Olé, olé-olé-olé!") I'll never figure out. Habs in 5.
(2) Pittsburgh vs. (7) Ottawa. How far the Sens have fallen, and everyone has written them off. However, don't count them out here, because as long as the Pens have M.A.F. in goal I don't see them etching "Crosby" into the Cup. (This is my shocking pick of the bunch.) Sens in 7.
(3) Washington vs. (6) Philadelphia. What a fantastic run for the Kapital Komrades. This is just Year One of their resurgence (also known as "Finding Talent To Play With Ovechkin"), and while their late season momentum might propel them into the next round, that's about it. Expect a lot of late hits and soft goals given up by the Philthy Lyers. Typically, Philthy's slogan is "VENGEANCE NOW". Who, exactly, are they exacting revenge on? The league, for rightfully suspending their players for being dirty? Who did them wrong, besides their own management? Screw them. They shouldn't even be here. Kaps in 6.
(4) New Jersey vs. (5) New York Rangers. A rematch of 2005 where the Devs swept their Blueshirted nemeses, I see this as a better matchup between two teams that are mirror images of each other. Devils: world-class goaltending, weak power play; Rangers: great goaltending, weak defense. I said this last year, and I'm just going to cut-and-paste it in here: "New Jersey has had some serious ups and downs this year but as always it's about Brodeur, who had an amazing season this year." Interesting fact: Brodeur has played 164 career playoff games, while the rest of the starting goalies in the East (Price, Henrik, Thomas, Huet/Kolzig, Biron, Emery/Gerber, MAF/Conklin) have played a combined 107 (45 of which are Kolzig, who won't start for the Kaps). Devils in 6.
Clarence Campbell [Western] Conference
I'm not as impressed by this conference as I was last year, as there seem to be more fighters in the East, though the top 2 seeds are as tough as it gets.
(1) Detroit vs. (8) Nashville. Ahh, the mighty Red Wings are in first again. I'm getting so sick of typing that. Nashville was the only team in their division to hold their own against the Wings. But I don't see them emerging from this series against a loaded Wings team, despite their (scary) enthusiastic home crowd and the presence of Vince Gill. Wings in 5.
(2) San Jose vs. (7) Calgary. I have no idea what to make of Keenan's Calgary squad, since I've seen about 2 whole periods of them in action. Although Ignila scored 50 goals and carried this team, and Kiprusoff's been solid I don't think they have enough firepower. Nabakov has been borderline Vezina this year and I expect him to continue his stellar play. Sharks in 5.
(3) Minnesota vs. (6) Colorado. I like this Avs team, I don't know why. They have some good young talent mixed in with wily vets like Sakic and Forsberg. Oh, and I also will root for no team with Chris Simon as a member. Did anyone catch Ian "Stone Quarry" Laperriere fighting Martin "Zsa Zsa" Gaborik the other day? The former still had his gloves on because the latter was wearing a visor. What kind of fight is that? "Who throws a shoe? Honestly, you fight like a woman!" Avalanche in 6.
(4) Anaheim vs. (5) Dallas. I think I say this about two teams every year, so here we go again: can both of these teams lose in the first round? No? Has any team worn out their welcome faster than the Ducks? This season they've been predictably ornery, with Pronger being a complete douche. And although Nieds and Selanne are well-rested (assholes), this is the year that Turco FINALLY steps up and forces them to retire. Again. Stars in 7.
For those who care (and there aren't many) I will also be simulating the playoffs using NHL 2002 on the PC with the current rosters (as close as I can get them, anyway). Enjoy the hockey related songs I put on the Playlist as well. Okay, that's all I've got. Let's drop the puck!
KUKLA'S CORNER EYE ON THE MEDIA - TV SCHEDULE
VERSUS TV SCHEDULE
HDSPORTSGUIDE.COM NHL SCHEDULE
NHL.COM TV SCHEDULE
(Interestingly, VERSUS has only chosen to show 2 games each from the Sidsburgh/Bruins and Devs/Rangers series, yet the combined forces of NBC/VS are showing every single Detroit/Nashville and Philthy/Kaps game. Where's the Sid and Marty love?)
It was bound to happen. I'm just going to chalk this up to coincidence, because there's no way someone read the ever-popular Open Hockey blog and copied off of my idea. But no sooner did I post something about hockey cheerleaders did the unfortunately named Puck That Hit blog (I guess they were going for "Fuck That Shit" or something equally witty?) post "Who Has the Hottest Ice Girls?" which then got noticed by the mighty Deadspin NHL Closer.
Everyone seems to like the Florida Ice Whores Dancers, and while I agree that they look the strippiest and seem to hate their pants the most, I deduct points if they don't skate. I sense I might be alone in this assessment but if you're an ice girl, this means you have to lace up the skates and step out onto the ice. As Barr Flys' Captain Karl used to say, "Yeah, but can she skate?"
I immediately eliminated Dallas, Phoenix, Nashville, L.A., Anaheim and Tampa Bay from the running because they just seemed so fake. I like the Devils Power Players (since I've seen them in person), and was leaning towards Atlanta or Carolina, but in the end, I voted for the Chicago Ice Crew. Not only do they exude pure, unadulterated Midwestern hotness, but their name is even a double entendre: ICE CREW! Yeah, I bet you do, you little minx. (Get it?) I also voted for the groundbreaking Islanders Ice Girls squad, as they are very underrated, and simultaneously able to piss off Henrik Lundqvist and inspire Craig Anderson. However, they shouldn’t have signed Kelli to a 15 year deal, as she’ll be pushing 40 by the time the contract ends.
This got me to thinking: is this bad for the NHL? Well, under Bettman it couldn't get any worse, so we may as well have some eye candy along with our expensive tickets.
