WEEKLY TOP 10: LOVELY CASHMERE THROWDOWN

10. Why is the term "in broad daylight" only used to describe a crime scene? Why can't you say, "I played golf today in broad daylight"? No, it's always "the victim was brutally beaten with a golf club in broad daylight".

9. There no better way to announce "it's over" than putting a marginal talent in a popular, award winning musical. I thought it couldn't get any worse than "Tony Danza in Mel Brooks' 'The Producers' In Vegas!" until I saw this: Clay Aiken joins Broadway's 'Spamalot'. Okay, it's now officially over.

8. Quote from the NY Times Magazine that I never thought would be attributed to an NHL hockey player (New York Rangers' Sean Avery):

"I just got a lovely cashmere throw from a friend who works at Calvin Klein."

It's lovely? Seriously? He also says he'd like to be the "editor of a fashion magazine", that his next big purchase will be the "spring/summer Dior men's collection". Wow, I'm speechless. He also says the most annoying piece of equipment is his helmet, "It's always tight no matter how much I loosen it." Hey, how about you make your next big purchase A HELMET THAT FITS! What, does Armani Exchange not sell them?

7. Reason #2934875 Not To Watch Fox: Subliminal Messages during playoff baseball games.



Gee, I wonder if that Transformers DVD is out yet. Sweet buttered christ.

6. iAppleRipoffTunes is now selling its DRM-free 256 kbps songs for $0.99 each, down from $1.29. That's funny, because Amazon has been selling those (most of them at a cheaper price) for a month now. Feeling the heat, are we, Stevie? Reminder: I must buy something from Amazon this week.

5. TV, I tried. I tried to enjoy your new offerings this season, but they left me feeling empty. I sat through "Pushing Daisies", "Cavemen", "Carpoolers", "Tell Me You Love Me", "Curb Your Enthusiasm"--none of them are horrible, but none of them are exciting. I even watched 20 minutes of "Journeyman" and "Reaper", and accidentally viewed 30 seconds of "Chuck". Ugh. I guess it just wasn't meant to be, TV. Let's just be friends and watch hockey together, okay? Meanwhile, I'm going to catch up on "The Wire" before January.

4. Action-packed hockey game on Monday night between the Maple Leaves at the Miller-less Sabres (on VS HD, no less), where the two teams traded goals back and forth in the final 10 minutes, seemingly scoring on every shot, ending in a Sabres 5-4 OT win with :03.7 remaining. Although there's a nice NHL highlight video of this, sometimes it's best to enjoy games like this through the open thread on Bfloblog. When they Sabres are on, they're ON (they had 19 shots in the 3rd + OT). Crazy, and it's only game #5.

3. Congratulations to the Colorado Rockies for making it to the World Series, basically by beating the living crap out of everyone in their path. They've won 20 of their last 21 games, including sweeping the Phatally Phlawed Phillies and the Uninteresting D-Backs. After the miserable 40 degree rainy weather at Coors Field on Sunday night, I think they're just motivated to wrap this shit up before it snows.

2. Screw the NFL! NCAA college football has been incredible this season. Somehow, every major team has been upset in some amazing way, from last week's Kentucky upset #1 LSU in OT and Oregon State beating #2 Cal, to the 40 point underdog Stanford beating USC two weeks ago. This weekend #2 South Florida (?!) visits Rutgers . . . could we be looking at another upset? Regardless, it will be interesting to see. Oh, and Notre Dame being winless is completely hilarious.

1. NOMINEE FOR BEST PRODUCT OF THE YEAR (thanks Kris):



"The Back Up: some people are buying one for each side of the bed!" Sure, it's great and all, but I'm constantly tripping over the legs of my bed and falling over, so I'm sure I'll blow my nuts off if I had one (or two) of these.

SALSA & SELTZER & SHAMROCK SHAKES

(I just realized that "salsa & seltzer" were on my shopping list. Please, Jerry Seinfeld, don't sue me.)

It's SHAMROCK SHAKE TIME! I haven't been to a McD's in about 3 years but I'm pretty sure they still have these. Or do they? You may not know this, but the McDonald's character Grimace is thought to represent their shakes, though he's not a "shake-based creature" (God bless you for your gleeful inanity, Wikipedia!). A few words about Grimace: he's actually known as "Shaky" in Brazil, and his Irish relative is named Uncle O'Grimacy (see photo).

I've heard someone say that saying St. "Patty's" Day is offensive, and that you should say "St. Patrick's Day" instead. And some people are annoyed by the decorations featuring leprechauns carrying mugs of beer, saying that they are "unfair stereotypes". Are we kidding? How did everyone get so whiny and sensitive about everything?

VIACOM is suing GooTube for $1 billion. Wait, isn't there an MTV channel on Google? So what's the difference? Stupid douchebags. In a related story I'm announcing that I will be suing VIACOM for 100 billion dollars in damages, just because. I'd have no need for them if it weren't for "The Daily Show" and "The Colbert Report". It seems that whole sections of the population now are self-appointed PC policemen, who seem to exist just to blow the whistle on who said the word "faggot", "nigger", "vagina" or whatever word is offensive this month. How did this country turn into a bunch of whiny tattletale assholes? And I've never been a Patti Smith fan, but I admire her for singing "Rock and Roll Nigger" as her final song after her Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame induction; I'm sure a few people got their panties in a bunch over that song selection. (Oh, and the original four members of R.E.M. performing "Gardening At Night" last night really took me back.)

Between heckling A-Rod incessantly for "only" driving in 120 runs, booing Beltran on opening day, and chanting "SHOOT THE PUCK" on the Rangers power play, I'm beginning to think New York fans are irritating, arrogant pricks. Just a thought.

Does Old Spice make a "LOW ENDURANCE" deodorant? Because I don't know what they think I can withstand, but I don't think I'm ready for a HIGH ENDURANCE PACIFIC SURGE. In fact, the whole Pacific coastline is incerdibly vulnerable in the case of a tsunami, so why would they even name their product something so horrible?

WAR OF THE WORDS

"Do you know how I know you're gay? You bought a spa ball." That's right, I bought one and it's AWESOME, and only a little gay. You can laugh all you want, but I'm in pursuit of a sexy core. Is that too much to ask? Actually, I believe that's one our unalienable rights, right after "life" and "liberty". "Sexy core" might even be in the Bible but don't quote me on that.

Speaking of the Bill of Rights, people who hate freedom of speech have decided to declare a symbolic moratorium on the use of 'N' word. What word is that? Nuptial? Negligee? Necromancer? No, it's "nigger", in case you haven't guessed (thanks for the shitstorm, Kramer!). What's even more absurd is that it's even been "banned" at the Laugh Factory in New York. A comedy club banning words. Now THAT'S a joke, and not a funny one.

Back in the day, the 'F' word used to be "fuck", but now it's apparently also "faggot". Now if someone says, "You shouldn't use the 'F' word", how the f*** do I know what you're talking about, you f*****? In related news, a theater somewhere in Bumfuck, USA who is hosting "The Vagina Monologues" has changed their marquee to read "The Hoohaa Monologues". Let me just clue you in on something: everyone knows that slang terms like this probably shouldn't be used among strangers, and that there can be consquences if you do. Too many people blame popular culture, or hide behind their supposedly anonymous Internet usernames, instead of using simple common sense. So now we have to be told by lawyers and politicians about how to act in public. Fantastic.

Maybe it's me, but I'm not really offended by anything. I'm sometimes disgusted, nauseated, annoyed, or perturbed, but I've never been up-in-arms angry about anything. I don't know, maybe growing up with MAD magazine, violent video games, and Howard Stern will do that to a person; nothing surprises or shocks me anymore. I just can't understand why people are so uptight about these completely innocuous things. But once we start making it illegal to use certain words, we are doomed as a society. Doomed!