HOT MUSIC (P)REVIEWS!

So I've been listening to the new White Stripes and Coldplay albums for the past few days. Yeah, they don't come out until tomorrow, but as you may have heard there was an "internet leak". I panicked and didn't know how what to do, so I stuck a bucket under it to catch it, otherwise my hard drive might have been flooded! Yeah I know, lame joke, but that's the best I could do. I had semi-medium expectations for these two discs--actually, no, I thought they'd probably be less than amazing. And after listening to them this weekend, I'm so underwhelmed, you have no idea. [I tried to come up with concise reviews for these, but I wasn't feeling that creative.]

On "Get Behind Me Satan", it sounds like Jack White made a deal with the Devil and traded in his guitar for a piano, with mixed results. On the plus side, Meg was told "less drumming, more tamborine". However, they still let her sing, which helps bring the album to a grinding halt (she's now officially the Ringo Starr of this band, in every way). Overall, a very odd pastiche of an album with a lot of awkward moments--not at all what I expected. I don't know what to make of it yet, but maybe it will grow on me. Now that Jack had his WHITE WEDDING, perhaps he'll start writing love songs, nothing but love songs . . . like Chris Martin.

Which is a not-at-all-forced segue into my capsule review of the new Coldplay album "X&Y". Well, hey, it sounds a lot like Coldplay . . . just a lot more bland (maybe Gwyneth softened him up . . . hey, it happens to the best of us, or does it?). Seriously, I've listened to the whole thing a few times through, and there isn't one song that stood out, except I think I heard one of them on the radio before. I'll sum it up briefly by comparing it to the giant 4x4 SUVs that the soccer moms who will buy this CD drive around in: it's comfortable, reliable, yet uninspiring. And, although it has the potential, it never really veers off the road or anywhere unexpected. (It should sell about 2 million units this week.)

I was also searching for a good summer concert to attend, and pretty much came up snake eyes there too. Of course, there is "An Evening With Journey". What does that mean? It alludes to more than just a concert: maybe dinner, a few glasses of wine, and if everything goes right, spending the night with them (included in the ticket price)? I have a feeling that's a "sneak out in the middle of the night" kind of thing, you don't want to be "Waking up with Journey". Or godforbid, "Breakfast With Journey". Oh, the horror.

Anyway, hey kids, rock and roll. Rock on.