MLB: MAJOR LEAGUE BULLSHIT!

That's right, I said it. I'm pretty much done with it. You can't root for these guys anymore because half of them have cheated, or continue to cheat, and when they get caught they don't admit it, saying it was "unintentional" or claiming ignorance. (When Jose Canseco and Pete Rose are the most honest and credible former players out there, I'd call that a serious problem.) On top of that, most of the players only play when they feel like it (or when they're due for a new contract), and are either ornery assholes or moody divas. So you try to root for your favorite team, but they constantly let you down because they never live up to the preseason hype, and make dubious moves just to fill the seats. And the only reason the MLB Extra Innings TV package is good is because every game gets boring and unwatchable after about 10 minutes, so you just switch to one of the other 12 games, and hope for the best. I can't watch it anymore. And I can't believe I'm already getting interested in the NFL (which I will be complaining about soon after it begins). Over time, my interest in these sports ebbs until eventually the flow ceases altogether; it's a viscous cycle.

Someone said to me "Hey, Manny was almost a Met!" My reply to that was, "Yeah, and I was almost a Met, too!" There was an equal chance of that happening, because the "Manny trade rumors" last week were all calcuated bullshit, expertly scripted by the Red Sox front office. Manny was unhappy, Manny wasn't playing hard, Manny wants to be traded, boo-freaking-hoo. So knowing he's a temperamental headcase, they "talked" to a few teams, without ever planning on trading him EVEN FOR A SECOND, then they go back to him and say "we love you, we need you, and we realized that we don't want to lose you, please stay, big guy!", like encouraging a 12 year old who almost runs away from home. They even scratched him from the lineup on the day of the trade deadline, after he was being booed the day before. Then once the deadline passed and he was told he wasn't being traded, they put him to pinch hit in the 8th. Predictably, he gets the game winning hit, and the Fenway fans go crazy (suckers). So everyone's happy, it's a big love fest. Pure theater, and pure bullsh!t (like Schilling's fake-blood red sock). It was all just a ploy to make him feel wanted and happy again, so he'll go on another tear and lead them into the playoffs (he's batting .563 since he was "almost" traded, with 3 HR and 11 RBI). I have to admit that the Red Sox have something that they've never had: a smart front office. GM Theo Epstein is the man--well, boy, no . . . he's the man-child of the year.

That being said, Joe Torre should be the manager of the year. I don't care what anyone says, because if you told me before the season started that: 1. he'd be trotting out Al Leiter (39), Kevin 'Mordecai Three Fingers' Brown (40), Randy Johnson (41) and Mike Mussina (36), (who have to be the oldest starters lined up for 4 consecutive starts in baseball history); 2. Chien-Ming Wang, Aaron Small and Shawn Chacon would come in to help out, and 3. Jeter would be producing less runs than the Mets' Jose Reyes, I would have predicted that they'd be at least 15 games under .500 and out of the race. But they're not, in fact they have a good chance to win the division or the wild card. Hard to believe.

On the flipside, Terry Francona (Red Sox) and Mike Scioscia (Angels) are the worst managers in the league. They have so much talent (Red Sox are #1 in hitting, Angels are #4 in ERA, in all of baseball), they just have to get out of the way and let them play. If they CAN'T win with the talent they have, they shouldn't get paid. Sorry, I don't mean to be so anti-Scioscia, but that's how I am.

(I apologize, I thought of that last joke while in the car this weekend, and I had to let it out somehow.)