The new Budweiser ad campaign states, "This is Budwesier, this is beer". I believe this might be a bit confusing, making one think there is missing punctuation, as in "This is Beer?" Allow me to illustrate the meaning of this slogan to you, with the help of a couple of pictures:
This is Budweiser:
This is Beer:
Any questions? Now, don't EVER confuse the two. Thanks.
Sorry, that was just a tribute to Bruce Willis and his Seagrams Golden Wine Cooler commercials, which remain his finest work. I got flooded out the other day, so I didn't get a chance to really blog anything lately. Allow me to explain.
I was sitting at my computer on Tuesday December 13th, feeling jolly and all ready to print out my Xmas card list, when I put my foot down and a puddle of water pooled up underneath it. I had no idea what the hell was happening, and I sat there and pondered my next move. I immediately shut off the computer and unplugged every electrical item in the room, figuring that being electricuted while downloading an episode of "My Name Is Earl" would be a horrible way to go.
It turns out that the flood was caused by a water heater leak. I slept in my bedroom after 24 hours, even though there was still a dehumidifier and fan sucking and blowing me all night, respectively. It was so dry in there, I was chapped in places I once thought unchappable. But it lead me to realize that I need to buy my own place, so I can take care of this nightmarish stuff myself!
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I overheard this on an American Express card radio spot: "All small businesses have one thing in common: they need stuff." Well, that dumbed-down statement is really hard to argue, but it's also incredibly vague, and hardly an exclusive concern of small business owners. In fact, I can think of plenty of other parties who "need things":
teachers
fire
auto mechanics
grizzly bears
windmills
flowers
fudge manufacturers
accountants
pedophiles
space shuttles
fruitbats
orangutans
animatronic talking Santas
wind
toilet brushes
grapes
bladders
screwdrivers
politicians
bar patrons
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RANDOM QUOTES
"How can I say no to the woman who gave me chlamydia?" - James Lipton (as Warden Gentiles) on "Arrested Development"
(For the last time, I just thought I'd mention that it's a shame that FOX is giving up on this show, once of the smartest comedies to come around in a long time. Which means it has no place on regular TV, along with the likes of "Extreme Baby Swap: Nursery Edition", and Chad Johnson's new reality show. That's right, the annoying Cincinnati Bengales wide receiver wants his own show. During an interview he pitched the idea, and this quote was attributed to him: "I'm going to travel to all 51 states to see who can stop 85." Beautiful. I also hear Al Sharpton wants his own sitcom. Well, congratulations America, you deserve to watch that moronic garbage versus something like "Arrested Development", a show with more inspired slapstick, wit and humor than all the other crap network shows combined.)
"Remember: every time you say 'Happy Holidays' [instead of 'Merry Christmas'], an angel gets AIDS." - Steven Colbert "The Colbert Report"
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If Darryl Dawkins can have the nickname "Chocolate Thunder", and Jason Williams "White Chocolate", I've decided while eating my favorite winter time Oreo cookie that I would like to be nicknamed "White Fudge". Thank you.
I just found the perfect gift. It's the Total Body Workout by Arnold Schwarzenegger! Yes, the Governor of California barks out workout orders over songs like "It's Raining Men" and "Don't Stop Believin'"! Hurry if you want to get this in time for Xmas!
Just wanted to mention . . . this morning at 6:44 a.m., my nephew Brandon Michael Franklin was (finally) born! He was 10 lbs. 1 oz (yikes! Yes, that's bigger than even I was when I was born), and 22 inches long. This was a note from my dad: "He has a head like a casaba (true Kammann) and hands like Jeremy Shockey. Yeah, I definitely see him playing the O-line (note to self: buy a tiny pair of hockey skates). Of course, the note from my mom is more conventional: "He is just beautiful." Anyway, mom and baby are doing fine.
Sports Guy had some good comments about the Giants/Seahawks fiasco last Sunday, where Jay Feely missed 3 game-winning FGs. Amazingly, there was someone with worse luck, and his name was Neil O'Donoghue.
SG: You know what was crazy about that game? I remember thinking to myself, "Wow, that was one for the ages -- the first-ever Triple Stomach Punch Game. We will never see anything like that again." Then I'm watching "SportsCenter" that night and they show a graphic about how Cardinals kicker Neil O'Donoghue missed three overtime kicks in an eventual Monday night tie against the Giants in 1983 (including a 19-yarder). Astounding, right? So I immediately went online to research this O'Donoghue game, stumbling across another O'Donoghue disaster in Tampa Bay where he had four kicks blocked by the Vikings in a 1979 game, including a last-second PAT attempt that would have sent the game into overtime.
Now I was intrigued. I started googling phrases like "Neil O'Donahue horrible," "Neil O'Donahue missed" and "Neil O'Donahue blocked." And games kept popping up, In 1984, he blew a game to the Packers with a missed PAT and a 45-yard field goal that was short. On the last game of the '84 season, needing a win against Washington to make the playoffs, O'Donoghue missed the game-winning field goal as time expired. Playing for Tampa Bay in 1978, someone snapped the ball over his holder's head, followed by O'Donoghue trying to kick the ball out of bounds and whiffing on it -- leading to an 80-yard return by the Vikes and Bucs coach John McKay to derisively call him "The Irish Wonder." Turns out he played nine seasons for three teams and went 112-189 on field goals, which means he averaged 12-for-21 every year for nine years. If this guy doesn't warrant his own "SportsCentury" episode, I don't know who does.
Here's some of the "highlights" of the Irish Wonder's career:
Career Stats
Profile: Kicked the NFC Central Division title winning field goal in 1979 but was replaced by veteran Garo Yepremian the following season. A native of Ireland by birth, he kicked for the Cardinals for several seasons after that. Kicked two seasons for Auburn and was a 5th round pick of the Bills in 1977. Played five games with Buffalo before being cut and had immigration problems in 1978 that nearly saw him deported back to Ireland before being able to sign for the Buccaneers. Played soccer for Shamrock Rovers and also rugby and hurling to a high standard before crossing the Atlantic.
Sept. 17, 1978: The first NFC Central win in franchise history was not without a Bucs blooper. Tampa Bay led 16-7 with about 5 minutes left and lined up for a game-clinching field goal, but Charlie Hannah snapped the ball 10 feet over holder Dave Green's head. The ball was bouncing around near midfield when kicker Neil O'Donoghue tried to boot it out of bounds, prompting coach John McKay to call him "the Irish wonder." He whiffed and Fred McNeill picked up the ball and headed for a Vikings touchdown. He was tackled at the 10 by O'Donoghue. Tampa Bay lost 80 yards on the play, but the defense held Minnesota to a field goal, and the Bucs won 17-10.
Oct. 24, 1983: In one of the worst ``Monday Night Football'' games in history, Cardinals kicker Neil O'Donoghue misses three field-goal attempts in overtime -- including a chip shot from 19 yards -- in a 20-20 tie with the New York Giants.
Sept. 2, 1984: In Forrest Gregg's coaching debut for Green Bay, the Packers won at home, but more by default than anything. They were outgained, 417 yards to 266, and escaped with a 24-23 victory only because St. Louis Cardinals kicker Neil O'Donoghue missed an extra point in the third quarter and left a 45-yard field goal attempt short with 2 minutes 10 seconds remaining in the game. "We lost the football game," Neil Lomax, the St. Louis quarterback, said in the locker room. "I don't think they won it."
Dec. 16, 1984: With one week to play, Washington led the NFC East at 10-5. Breathing down their backs were the Giants, Cardinals, and Cowboys, all tied at 9-6. Thus, with the division-title at stake, the Redskins hosted the rematch versus St. Louis. The Cards had taken the first contest, a tightly fought 26-24 decision, earlier in the season. Thus a win at RFK Stadium would have given St. Louis the season-sweep and hence the tie-breaker advantage and the NFC East title (the team would also have held tie-breaker advantage over New York and Dallas). A loss would mean elimination.
This battle would be prove to be just as competitive as the earlier meeting, but the situation would be reversed. This time it was Washington who held the slim 2-point lead, 29-27, late in the fourth period. Amid the swirling December winds, the Cardinals frantically tried to put together one final drive. Then, as the final seconds were ticking away, St. Louis managed to creep into field goal range. Unable to stop the clock, the kicking unit was raced onto the field. Kicker Neil O'Donoghue had earlier tied the team record for most points in a season with 117, but on this final, hurried attempt, luck would side with Washington. The kick sailed wide as time expired.
I had been meaning to post this photo for everyone's benefit. This is from the Kris & Julie (not pictured) Cornfield Hall Extravaganza back in October. Thanks again for inviting us all, we had a great time!
