WEEKLY TOP 10: IN THE COURT OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL

10. Will there be an outdoor hockey in Buffalo on New Years Day? Stay tuned! That would rock, minus the harsh reality of being in Buffalo on New Years.

9. The new Indy movie due out Memorial Day 2008 has been granted a title: INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL. Sheesh, that's a mouthful. Wasn't that a King Crimson song?

8. Rob noted that the most disturbing thing is not that bin Laden made a new videotape (which we know is authentic, because he commented about chubby Britney's listless MTV appearance), it's that he had time to DYE HIS BEARD BLACK. How does he find the time? He probably doesn't have WiFi and a Sony PS3 in his cave, so he might have nothing BUT time to kill doing such things. We envisioned ol' Osama having a conversation with one of his intern gofers: "I want to look good for my new video, so please buy me some of that stuff that Clyde Frazier uses--JUST FOR MEN. And get me a Kit Kat. That's the only good thing those evil American devils have ever made."

7. The new HBO show "Tell Me You Love Me" is so insufferably bad and its characters so incredibly unlikable, even the prosthetic genitals won't make me keep watching. You read that correctly. I have just three words for HBO: BRING BACK DEADWOOD! Even if it's Al Swearengen running a bar with no other original cast members, that would be fine.

6. I stumbled across Jonathan Katz' podcast "Hey, We're Back" recently. It's not quite "Dr. Katz"--in fact, it's hard to follow and rather odd, like Woody Allen's new book--but it's good to hear his voice again. If they wanted to start a channel with nothing but Dr. Katz and MST3k, I'd tune in.

5. While waiting for "The Daily Show" to come on Monday night, I regretfully stopped at MNFF on ESPN. For some reason they chose Mike & Mike & Mike (Golic/Greenburg, and Ditka) to do the commentary, which is about 2 too many Mikes. For about 2 straight minutes while the game was going on THEY WOULD NOT FUCKING SHUT UP. And whatever they WERE saying was completely incomprehensible. It was horrendous.

4. A Chinese worker at Nanuet's "Great" China Buffet was caught CRUSHING GARLIC WITH HIS SHOES a few weeks ago. This happened in the parking lot behind the strip mall, and an AT&T store employee took a photo of him doing it. I'm so glad I've sworn off eating at those awful places years ago. I mean, imagine what they do behind closed doors? Ugh.

3. Gay Overly sensitive Apple iPhone owners were whining and complaining this past week about the $200 price drop announced by the company, a mere 2 months after the gadget's release. Well guess what? This happens all the time in technology, and I guarantee the same thing will happen before I even get my laptop. Hey, you wanted to be the first to have the phone, so why shouldn't you pay for it? You're part of the Apple club and bowed down to their marketing machine, so you get what you deserve. I have three words for Apple fanboys (and girls) regarding the price cut: TOO FUCKING BAD.

(Now I'm disappointed that Steve Jobs decided to coddle his creepy cult disciples and grant them $100 store credits as a sort of "rebate". What a bunch of pansies.)

Meanwhile, the newly announced Apple iPod touch (what a sissy name) has a touchscreen, only 16 GB of storage and costs $400. The Archos 605 has a touchscreen, 160 GB (10 times the storage) and also costs $400. But naturally, everyone wants the iPod because it's been shoved down their throats. Hooray, marketing!

2. God bless VENEFICUS.NET and their streaming MST3K episodes! Although I frequently can't get it to work using Winamp/Shoutcast, it's worth it when "Gamera" or "Alien from L.A." randomly pops up on my screen. Rob said this site was one of the highlights of his year--maybe his entire life.

1. The NY Brewfest is today at South Street Seaport in NYC! This will be the first "fest" I've ever attended, so I'm looking forward to it. There are a bunch of breweries slated to attend, but my short list includes: Captain Lawrence Brewing (Pleasantville, NY), Defiant Brewery (Pearl River, NY), Southern Tier, Ommegang, Sixpoint Craft Ales. There's also Rochefort, Maredsous, Duvel, Smuttynose, Unibroue, Victory. So many choices, but I can't drink them all . . . or can I? Stay tuned!