WRIST SHOTS: NEW YORK NEW YORK (AND NEW JERSEY)

This is it.

The Battle Of New York. The Clash Of The Inconsistent. We'll see what these two teams are made of tonight, if the Rangers can right the ship, if the Sabres can play their own game and cling to a playoff spot, and other cliches along those lines. For the first time all season, they could tie each other in the standings (BUF would be lower with one extra loss, but the same point total). I think this will be a good game, which could only be better if they played it on Lake Erie. I'm not sure why this rivalry doesn't get more press coverage, after these two teams played an inspired playoff series in the first season after the lockout. They could meet again in the first round of the playoffs this season, and I'd be all for that.

Adding to my fantasy league KISS OF DEATH roster: Manek Vanek broke his jaw, which has nothing to do with his skating/shooting ability, yet he's going to be out 2 months? Vanek is a sissy Eurobitch twunt.

Pop quiz, asshole: which duo has more goals this season?
1) Sid/MAKLIN, 2) Elias/Parise, 3) Marianne/Zoiderberg

If you said, 1 or 3, you're wrong! Zach "Attack" Parise and Patrik Elias (58 combined goals, vs. 47 and 55 for 1 and 3 above) have been astonishingly consistent this season, and are a big part of why the Devils are playing so well as of late. They're also 7th in the league in scoring, a stat you can use to shut up those idiots who insist they play a "boring brand of hockey". I honestly thought without Brodeur they'd struggle, but I forgot about how deep this team is (thanks, Sweet Lou Lamoriello!). Once they began to gel defensively, they took off. Beating Boston and San Jose in one week was a highlight, and although they predictably have played slugglishly against the two Floridian teams so far this week, I like their chances with Marty coming back in a month and not having to be pressured into winning right away. (Having said this, they will probably struggle tonight on Strong Island.)

One other note about Boston sports fans: before the Bruins resurgence the past two seasons, they were all but ignored by fans and the media alike for about a decade. Now, there's suddenly this GO BRUINS! bullshit everywhere you look. I hate to say it (no, actually I love to say it), but Boston fans are such frontrunners. Basically, they're all Red Sox fans who pretend to be huge fans of the other local teams only when they're succeeding. Eat it, Beantown!

Regardless, I'm going to Ginger Man this afternoon for the continuing Jeffuary celebrations (more to come). Afterwards I'll be visiting Lansdowne Road for the post-Ginger show, which would be the first bar I've ever been to that has the NHL Center Ice package. I can't believe there isn't an excellent hockey-centric bar in Manhattan or any of the boroughs; that's about the only thing the city lacks. I think it's time to open a bar appropriately named TOP SHELF.

In closing, the young hockey player from Mystery, Alaska who gets knocked out during practice and declares upon, er, "coming-to", "I'm a premature ejaculator!" -- he looks exactly like Sidney Crosby. Methinks they have a lot in common besides hockey.