THE DRINKY DRINKY YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR: DUFF BEER

Ok, so "Duff Beer" in the Simpsons is knock-off of Bud, the worst mass produced beer I've ever drank (well at least since Coors Light); but as a Simpson fan and a beer drinker, I think it's one of those fetishs that we all have: TASTE FUCKING DUFF BEER.

Well the other day, I was at the beer store buying a case of my now House beer (Schoenberg or something - don't ask, it's not that good). I was waiting for the cashier to ring up the lady in front of me and looking over the different cases of beer that they added since my last visit and I see a little hand-written sign "Duff: Simpsons beer" and I covered the 3 meters between the register and the display in 1.5 steps. I have no idea how much it cost, I really don't care. I had no idea that someone was selling Duff beer, but figured 'why not:' Fox has licensed the shit out of the Simpsons from Weber Grills to Krusty's Home Pregnancy Tests ("may cause birth defects") (ok, maybe that last one wasn't real) so why not the beer that says "fat and bald men."

Anyway, after getting back home I figured I would do a little research into this product. Wikipedia EN (which is always accurate) told me that my beer was made in Mexico for the South American market. While, I guess it's possible that there were grey market imports to Europe, the bottle itself directly contradicts this with the statement "Gebraut in Deutschland" and the website of the brewer (or at least marketer) www.duff-bier.de. This website enlightened me with the following statement:

The legendary Duff Beer gibt es jetzt auch in Ihrer Nähe!

OH REALLY! Ok, I don't speak or read German, so I headed over to Babelfish:

The legendary Duff Beer now gives it also in your proximity!

Well I guess that answers someone's question about what gives "it" in "your proximity". Ugh.

Next stop Rate Beer where "Duff Beer" gets a stunning 8th percentile in the Pilsner category...wait, that Duff is brewed in Belgium by Haacht (which sounds exactly like the sound I'll make tomorrow morning after drinking a sixer of this beer).

So, with these elements in hand, I can honestly say "I haven't the fucking foggiest idea where this beer came from, it's relationship to Matt Groening and if it has a Dry variant." Honestly, I think that someone registered the brand name "Duff Beer" in Germany (or Europe) and started producing it. I don't think it has any relationship to the Simpsons; but who the fuck cares. I'm going to go back to the beer store soon and buy the rest of their stock (like 2 cases, I think/hope).

Anyway, you came for the review, here's the review:
Painfully mediocre. But not how you think: I would expect a real Simpsons "Duff Beer" to taste kind of like Bud or Miller or Coors or something patently American and this doesn't. Since it's made in Germany they don't put rice in it, so you don't get the crisp, watery (shit) taste that rice-based beers usually bring to the table. It doesn't taste bad per se; although it has a nasty carmel/over-cooked hoppy taste to it. If I had to compare this, I would put it firmly in the generic German "beer" segment; it tastes like St. Pauli Girl or Becks (to compare it to American offerings)...actually a lot like Becks, but with that burnt hops taste omnipresent.

I'll try to get some more of this (like I mentioned) and I'll try to sneak a few back into the US next time 'round.

Anyway, I never thought I would taste Duff and it turns out I haven't. FOX/Groening will probably never officially license Duff (and I assume they'll shut down production of this stuff PDQ), just like they won't officially license "Krusty Home Pregnacy Test," but whatever; as cynical as I am, I am well-aware that, at times, I'm no better than the knuckle-draggers who watch American Idol (you fuckers came for the hate...there's a little taste).