LIVE BLOG: NINERS @ GIANTS - 1ST HALF

San Francisco 49ers at New York Giants.

I'm going to live blog this for the hell of it, because I can. The G-Men, winners of 4 in a row, are way overdue for a letdown game that Coughlin coached teams always have. This could be the week! Woo hoo!

1st Quarter
I tuned in at 1:03 PM and so far there hasn't been one video clip of Leonard Marshall obliterating Joe Montana. What are you waiting for, jackasses? I also heard that Matt Bahr and Jeff Hostetler were on hand for the coin toss, but it wasn't televised. Thanks for the voluminous ALCS promos though. Fuck you right in the pants, FOX.

The Niners have a pathetic 63 points scored in 5 games. We thought the Bills 65 points was awesomely bad, but that's sad.

A relatively impressive opening drive for the Giants, scoring on a TD pass to Amani Toomer. 49 TDs is the new Giants record, previously held by Kyle Rote. No, I actually don't know who held it before. (Edit: It actually was Rote.) And the PAT was missed. God, this team is going to be the death of me. 6-0 Giants.

They just said "because of the heat down here the Giants are trying to get the Niners defense to run a lot". It's a beautiful sunny 68 degree fall day. What heat? Oh, it's Tony Siragusa who is bothered by the heat, mainly because he's a 400 pound fat fuck who's wearing a black wool coat. Dicktard.

And that's it. It only took me 15 minutes of Tony Siragusa's useless sideline jackassery to unplug the center channel from my surround sound receiver. This is a welcome option thanks to these games being broadcast in Dolby Digital: you don't have to hear the announcers at all, if you so choose. This is sort of like the "silent" game back in 1985 1980, Jets vs. Dolphins. If only I could figure out some way for my receiver to also mute "This is Ouuuuuuur Couuuuuuuntry", then I'd be set.

Maybe it wasn't his fault, but Eli just threw one of his patented crap INTs inside the red zone. There might be an incentive clause in his contract for these.

Why do FOX's game graphics need to make so much noise? Whoooosh! Shwoooop! Bzzzz-click! Blip blip blip shhhhwonk! What is the fucking point of that? I may just put the CD player on.

2nd Quarter
The Giants defense is playing well. However, they just let Trent Dilfer escape and scamper for 11 yards and a near first down. Trent Fucking Dilfer! Someone needs to Leonard Marshall his dick into the dirt right away, as payback for that Super Bowl back in 2001.

On 4th and 1, Frank Gorshen--uhm, Gore is stopped right at the first down marker . . . but they're not even going to measure apparently. That was too close for these shitty refs to eyeball, in my opinion, but okay. And of course, the Niners score. 7-6 Niners.

A fumble recovery by UMENYIORA leads to a Brandon Jacobs TD. He's been a bull in the first half, 86 yards. 13-7 Giants.

Sam Madison has done nothing this year, but after that INT he decided to make some dumb victory dance, wherein he gives the baseball "safe" sign for some godforsaken reason. Was that a FOX promo for baseball? Anyway, thanks for that.

FOX uses "London Calling" by the Clash for next week's Miami/Giants in London promo. Spinning tunes tonight, DJ Obvious! I hope they don't let the Aquatic Mammals beat them down in Trafalgar Square or wherever they play, that would be horrible.

Despite not being able to kick an extra point after from 7 feet away, Tyner managed 2 FGs in the half of 29 and 39 yards, respectively. 19-7 Giants.

Holy crap, the Patriots are murdering the Dolphins to the tune of 42-7. Brady's halftime stats: 16/19, 291 yds, 5 TDs. The New England Cheaters certainly have a chip on their collective shoulders this year, and Bill Simmons is sporting a huge boner right now. That can only lead to a messy release when the Sox win Game 7 tonight.

The NFL team record for most points in a game by a single team is 72, by Washington vs. N.Y. Giants on Nov. 27, 1966. I don't know what the record is since the merger, but there's a good chance the Pats break that record today.

Here's the problem with the NFL: there are so many mediocre teams, there are no compelling matchups. We've gotten to the point where only the teams' fans would give a shit. Look at the 1 PM games: ATL @ NO, TB @ DET, ARI @ WAS, BAL @ BUF, TEN @ TEX. Ugh. And that last game on the list currently features the exciting QB matchup of Kerry Collins versus Sage Rosenfeld. I wish I were joking.

I will be not be watching the halftime jackassery, starring Terry and the Fucktards.