Thursday, November 22, 2007


People "rescuing" farm animals: Is there anything stupider (more stupid?) than adopting a white turkey? This thing's sole role in life is to be roasted for 3 hours at 325°F and eaten with a side of mashed potatoes. Wait, wait; there is something more stupid - submitting to a way-of-life and financial audit to be able to adopt said turkey. I am not kidding, these fucking people have to swear that they are vegetarians and submit to income tax reviews and site visits. I think that it's tougher to adopt a turkey (which has a life span about 2-3 years) than it is to adopt a Chinese [girl] child.

You're not doing anyone a favor by giving a turkey (or a pig or a chicken or whatever) a home. These animals were genetically formulated to be juiciliciously good eatin'. If you want to adopt something, how about going to the local pound and finding a dog or cat (or hell a fucking parrot if you want) that's about to be euthanized.

I'm not a big fan of turkey farms with thousands upon thousands of not-occurring-in-nature animals, but that's the nature of the beast in today's economy. Everyone wants to pay 29 cents a pound for their turkey at Thanksgiving and $9.99 for great, juicy, marbled steak the rest of the time. Just like your shoes are made by barefoot Asian kids, your meat is made by Dow Chemical and genetics researchers in labs around the country.

Somehow I think that these people would do better for the world overall if they were to focus their energy (and money, Farm Sanctuary has a $5.7 million budget!) on the evils of factory farming, instead of trying to find foster homes for 50 lbs turkey breasts with legs.

BONUS FOOD SUPPLEMENT: Mother nature extracts her revenge as millions or billions of jellyfish attack a salmon farm off the Northern Irish coast. Apparently jellyfish prefer organic Salmon as well.

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