MORE HATE: LASER PRINTING YOUR OWN MONEY

The way I see it, this is the only way to make buying new toner for a personal laser printer worthwhile.

Ok, let's take a step back. I'm looking to buy a color laser printer because my Oh Brother Inkjet takes 2 hours to print anything that's bigger than a monochrome Word file and I'm just sick of it. Entry-level color lasers cost around €150 right now. With that you get four toner cartridges (CYMB) that should last for something like 1,000 pages depending on your usage, then you need to buy more toner! I've been pricing this a bit and many consumer brands (Epson, Canon) price the four cartridges of toner at a little less than the printer itself (maybe 10% below the cost). Today I got a brochure from Dell and figured I'd check it out. The printer with 4 cartridges is €169. Replacement cartridges (normal capacity) €33 Black, €49 each CYM! So a little math tells us...€180. Hmm. Here's the thing, when it's more economical to throw out the printer when the toner is done, something isn't working.

I know that they bundle and all that shit, but do they think that people are that stupid? It's fucking ridiculous that it costs more money to buy the fucking toner than it does to buy the printer that is bundled with the toner. I know, I know economies of scale...Fuck that, computer chips and plastic and metal that are used in the printer costs money too. If a computer company respects you this much about a printer, imagine how much they're going to respect you when you have a problem with your system ('of course we can fix your computer, it will only be 112% of your purchase cost'). I'm pretty happy, over all, with Dell, but come on Mikey....That's fucking stupid.

2008 NHL STANLEY CUP PLAYOFFS: FIRST ROUND REPORT CARD

The second round of the 2008 Stanley Cup playoffs starts tonight, so it's time for a first round blognostication report cards.

Kris: 6/8. Great job by the BIGGEST SABRES FAN IN FRANCE, considering he can only view barely-illegal hockey through his laptop using a convoluted collection of wires, aluminum foil, ball bearings, duct tape and whiskey. Additionally, the distance allowed him to not get sucked in by Ovechkin Fever like I did, and he learned to stop worrying and love Sid n' MAF.
Grade: B+

Jeff: 5/8. I got the entire Campbell Conference correct despite only being able to see about 8% of the games on VERSUS. However, I choked on the Wales, only picking the Habs to move on, as the Devs and Sens turned out to be just as crappy as they appeared to be.
Grade: C

Rob: 1/1. After the Devils won home ice the last day of the regular season, he sent me a text message saying: "Meh. Rangers in 5." Spot on!
Grade: INCOMPLETE

Every Facet Of The Game blog made a nifty comparison chart comparing human "hockey expert" picks vs. EA Sports' NHL 08. As it turns out the computer simulation got 100% of its picks correct. Now that's scary. As Wyshynski deftly noted, ESPN's Barry Melrose was rocked by Barry Melrose Rocks. Special shout-out to Ashley at Ultimate Hat Trick who got 7/8 correct. Nicely done! I guess it pays to spend a lot of time in the hockey hotbed of Nova Scotia. (Slow down there, Maestro: there's a NEW Scotland?)

Anyway, in light of this shocking news I will be posting my own computer predictions using NHL 2002 on the PC with the current playoff rosters. I doubt they will be as accurate as these, but who knows?

(Coming soon, as I forgot to bring the game with me to work.)

WEEKLY TOP 10: NOT THE BEES!!!

10. The tire pressure light went on in my car the other day, and it turns out that I ran over ANOTHER NAIL. Damaging tires at an alarming rate is my only true talent. I should buy stock in the Yokohama Tire Company.

9. The lunchtime cup of coffee I get (at David's Bagels almost every day) is both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, it gives me the resolve to continue with my day. On the other hand, it fools me into thinking I can tolerate another afternoon at my cruddy job. I think I need to wake up and stop smelling the coffee.

8. Yet another reason why Wikipedia rules. Here's a line from the entry about 1985's "Lifeforce": "Stars Steve Railsback as the leader of the shuttle mission and Mathilda May as the beautiful female space vampire with nice boobs." I've always been interested in renting this movie because of its floptacular legacy, now it's a must-rent.

7. The only thing that preseason NFL is good for: injuries! I love waking up on Monday morning only to find that the Giants already shitty secondary lost Will Demps and Sam Madison. Fantastic. It's going to be a terrible year for Big Blew. With any luck, Tom Coughlin will be fired before Week 1 begins (*fingers crossed*).

6. The PGA is trying to tell me that the "playoffs" have begun with the The Barclays Tournament in Harrison, NY. Uhm, that's nice, but how is it the playoffs without Tiger Woods? Does he get a first round bye, like Peyton Manning occasionally does? All I know is by seeing the extremely sparse crowds (watching Hitch and FIGJAM!, who claim to be #3 and #4) at the Barclays yesterday is that the public hasn't bought it either, and if Tiger doesn't show neither will they. This is one package it's going to take a long time for FedEx to deliver.

5. The Texas Rangers scored 30 (unexplained) runs on Wednesday vs. the Baltimore Orioles, winning 30-3, the first team to score that obscene amount of runs in 110 years--okay, the first actual baseball team to ever do it. What are the odds the two Texas NFL football teams don't score that much combined on Week 1?

4. Great quote from Rip Torn from The Larry Sanders show: "Scotch whisky -- Glenlivet -- single malt. When you die and you go to heaven, you'll say hello to God and when God says hello to you, this is what you'll smell on his breath. "

3. The Onion's Shattered Expectations fantasy football league is genius. You pick from a handful of players and get points for their ineptitude: if a QB gets no TDs for the week, or a kicker misses a FG less than 24 yards away, you get 100 points for each! The only irritating thing is that 3 of the Tier 2 WR/TE you can pick are on the Giants. And how come there are no Jets on the list? An obvious East Side/West Side bias by the Onion, but I'll let it slide this time.

My league name: OCHO STINKO.

2. The Old Computers Museum is endlessly fascinating. I had the TRS-80 Color Computer, the IBM PC Portable (or "luggable", as it was 30 lbs). Before that we also had the Atari 2600 and the Telstar Ranger, which was a pong game equipped with a light gun, for a shooting game that never really worked.

1. Someone says that "Wicker Man" is becoming a cult classic. If by "cult classic" they mean "insufferable crap movie featuring bear-suited Nicolas Cage screaming a lot", then yes, I agree.



HOW'D IT GET BURNED HOW'D IT GET BURNED HOW'D IT GET BURNED?!?!?

NOT THE BEEEES!!!