SPENDING MY TAX MONEY ON WHORES

No, I'm not talking about getting something special for my $600 tax rebate. I am of course talking about the dishonorable jackass himself, Eliot "Client 9" Spitzer, who was just caught as part of a online prostitution sting and forced to resign. Just the other day, Rob and I were talking about the horrible politicians we have "representing" us in the sorry state of New York (Spitzer, Schumer, Clinton) and wondering why we even live in this state. Well, despite our low expectations, ol' Spitzy managed to slither underneath them somehow. The most shocking thing is not that he got some 20 year old strange behind his 50 year old wife's back, it's that no one seems the least bit surprised by all of it. I guess the recent local scandals involving former NJ governor McGreevey, former Connecticut governor Rowland, and oh yeah, Hillary Clinton's husband, will numb anyone.

Storming into the Governor's mansion in early 2006, Spitzer vowed to wake up the state legislature, make people responsible for their actions, pompously declaring himself a "fucking steamroller" in his first month in office. All of this bloviating and overcompensation should have been warning that he was probably hiding something. Well, just 14 months later he's now been steamrolled out of office, for the aforementioned illegal activities uncovered by a federal wiretap (featured on the next episode of "The Wire"?). Guys like this, hypocritical politicians blinded by ambition and power (family be damned!), are the most loathesome individuals I can think of. (Followed closely by the wives who "stand by them" in order to salvage their own careers.)

His slogan last year was "Bring Some Passion Back To Albany", and now that's he's been caught paying for sex, how ironic does that statement sound now? He's reportedly spent $15,000 during a half-dozen trysts over the past 6 months, and up to $80,000 on prostitutes over the past 10 years, numbers which are speculative at best but could realistically be higher than that. We should be able to sue this guy for using our tax money (his salary) to fund some of this debauchery. It's only fair. At the very least, I want the $306 I just paid to the New York state tax department so I can spend an enjoyable night at the local "gentleman's club" this weekend.

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The local papers didn't let me down. The New York Post headline read "HO NO!" while the Daily News went for the tasteful "PAY FOR LUV GOV". Well done, idiots!

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Bonus topical MP3: James Taylor "Steamroller Blues (Live)"

T.I.H.™: POLITICIANS (ESP. THOSE WHO WON'T ANSWER A DAMN QUESTION)

Sometime back in the 17th century, political debates were a vital forum for candidates to state where they stand on certain issues, and propose their solutions for the nation's problems (I assume). However, in the current 24/7 news media climate we live in, the whole purpose of these debates seems to be to not say anything of substance, or even answer a question in a straightforward way. These politicians all act like lawyers, making sure they say nothing incriminating, questionable, or concrete that you can call them out on at a later date. The best sound bite that one can hope for is a cheeky comment like the one from Mike "I Heart" Huckabee who, when asked the asinine question, "What would Jesus do about the death penalty?", his cheeky reply was, "Jesus was too smart to run for public office." Oh boy, we've reduced political discourse to a punchline. That's fantastic.

In my attempt to be a good, informed citizen, I attempted to watch one of these "debates", but the candidates' complete inability and unwillingness to ACTUALLY ANSWER A QUESTION was completely infuriating. Here's a sample from the 5 minutes that I recently endured of last week's CNN/YouTube Republican Presidential Debate (the very name makes me want to puke blood). This is taken from the transcript and features the sassy Anderson Cooper trying (and failing) to get a straight answer out of Governor Mitt Romney. (Personally, I would never vote for someone named after a baseball glove, but maybe that's just me.)

Cooper: Governor Romney, you said in 1994 that you looked forward to the day when gays and lesbians could serve, and I quote, "openly and honestly in our nation's military." Do you stand by that?
Romney: This isn't that time. This is not that time. We're in the middle of a war. The people who have...
Cooper: Do you look forward to that time, though, one day?
Romney: I'm going to listen to the people who run the military to see what the circumstances are like. And my view is that, at this stage, this is not the time for us to make that kind of...
Cooper: Is that a change in your position...
Romney: Yes, I didn't think it would work. I didn't think "don't ask/don't tell" would work. That was my -- I didn't think that would work. I thought that was a policy, when I heard about it, I laughed. I said that doesn't make any sense to me.
And you know what? It's been there now for, what, 15 years? It seems to have worked.
Cooper: So, just so I'm clear, at this point, do you still look forward to a day when gays can serve openly in the military or no longer?
Romney: I look forward to hearing from the military exactly what they believe is the right way to have the right kind of cohesion and support in our troops and I listen to what they have to say.

Etc., etc., ad fucking nauseum. He was rightfully booed at this point, which is the exact point I turned it off. Sweet fancy Moses, this stuff is mind-numbing. How the hell are you supposed to decide on who to vote for when no one will answer a question?

Whenever I think I've reached my breaking point with 2008 election coverage I realize, oh my lord, there's ANOTHER YEAR OF THIS CRAP. I have to say that I love all the candidates equally, which is to say I loathe all of them. So I've decided that I'm voting for Hilary Duff for President, which was also my write-in vote for the NY Senate. (Did you know I can't find one single person that I know in New York that voted for the other Hillary? Funny, that.)

As always, the Onion News Network seems to say it best.



Poll: Bullshit Is Most Important Issue For 2008 Voters [Onion News Network]

"No one party has the monopoly on bullshit . . . "
"I've always been a big fan of Hillary. She's so full of bullshit."

I like how ONN calls their election coverage "War For The White House".

CNN/YouTube Debate transcript [Part 1] [Part 2]

#1 THREAT TO AMERICA IN 2008: COLBERT!

Stephen Colbert is running for president in 2008! Appearing on "The Daily Show", he said he was ready to consider a run but he said he'd prefer to do it on a "more prestigious show"--his own. He's also going to run as both a Democrat and a Republican so he can lose twice.

Obviously, this is a funny idea that might sell him some books, but hopefully it's just a joke and he's just doing it to get the youngsters to register and ROCK THE VOTE. The best by-product of "The Daily Show" and "Colbert Report" is that they (allegedly) make people more politically aware, even if it's in a humorous way. I just hope the same hipsters that are complaining about the current administration don't turn around and waste a vote on him. What kind of idiot would do that? Personally, I'm voting for Christopher Walken in 2008.

Although, voting for Fred Thompson because he guarantees "the hottest First Lady in US history" is a tempting choice, too.

COMMIE LOVING ASSHOLES

I realize that this makes the last three posts mine, which is highly irregular, but I've had a lot of bitching to do lately and Kammann has been getting to know EL VOSTRO MAGNIFICO in highly intimate, non-blogging ways. Anyway, I just put Fark.com's RSS feed on my yahoo! and now I have occasion to get upset at stupid people on a daily basis.

Anyway, some people are mad at Google. Why you ask? Google changed the Google Logo to show the Sputnik in the second "g" on the 50th anniversary of the launch.

They see this as honoring the Soviet Union and claim that Google does nothing to honor American heroes, as any true "American" company should do...They have also celebrated the Chinese (fucking commies) New Year for the last 4 years, and not once have they celebrated that holy of holy holidays Christmas...Opting instead for the catch-all "Happy Holidays."

The anonymous site owner of zombietime.com, who created a competition to make a Memorial Day Google logo "to prove to Google that it wasn't too hard" said:

"I have no problem with Google commemorating obscure holidays or some of the trivial anniversaries that they note, just so long as they also make special logos for the more significant holidays."

WHAT? Who the fuck is he to tell a company with a $190 billion market cap what they have to do? Oh right, the owner of a site with some articles and pictures of middle-aged San Francisco gay men.

I just want to say one thing: The most beautiful thing about capitalism is: You don't have to use Google, you fucking putzes...

I don't care what you think, I actually like Google's use of obscure dates and references in their header. The fact of the matter is that the Soviets did beat the US to space with the Sputnik, I think that it counts for something and there's no reason that we should censor a 100% private company because we don't want today's kids to know that the "USSR" actually existed at one point.

Ok, I know that the point is that they should give "fair" coverage to red-blooded American dates...Ugh, why don't these people start focusing on important issues, like reducing carbon emissions and saving Antarctica...kidding, of course.

I'm actually embarrassed that I spend so much time on this non-story...I need to start hating important things, like bears and cheats named Dida.