WRIST SHOTS: FINAL THOUGHTS

This is my final collection of blogified thoughts on the end of the 2007-08 NHL season. Enjoy.

The Penguins scored their final goal of the season in the closing minutes of Game 6 on a 'light hooking' (as CBC put it) penalty to make it a close game. If the Pens had managed to tie it up and win in OT, you just KNOW that the conspiracy theorists would have had a field day. Again, the NHL and Bettman are not smart enough to "fix" the outcome of four consecutive 7 game series.

Dan Cleary became the 1st Newfoundlander to hoist the Cup. It's about time! What took you guys so long? What else is there to do up there except skate and eat back bacon? This article interviewed his old junior coach, Dick Power. No, I had nothing interesting to add, I just wanted to say "Dick Power".

FUN FACT: Did you know that the Devils were the first team to give each individual player their own personal time to skate with the Cup? This was their way of stating that the team is more important than the individual, which was certainly true of that 1995 team. Additionally, during that same postseason Devils fans also invented the "Let's Boo Gary Bettman At The Arena", when the NHL boneheadedly announced to possible relocation of the team to Nashville, a microcosm of this regime's cluelessness and utter disregard for the fans.

On that note, I noticed that the PA announcer didn't even announce Bettman's name before he handed out the hardware and he quickly went into his speech, most likely to ward off the inevitable chorus of boos. Once he relinquished his icy grip on the Cup (why does he have to touch it creepily?) and handed it over to the Wings, we got to witness the most boring Cup celebration I've ever seen. I'm not saying they should be disturbingly orgasmic like Messier in 1994, but could someone show some emotion? You're on national TV! Only Dallas Drake looked excited to be hoisting it, probably because this is the first time he could do so in his 16 years in the NHL. This whole team is boring, but luckily for them personality doesn't win championships. Just ask Niklas Lidstrom, who was the first European captain to win th . . . zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

(While we're at it, the New York Giants invented the Gatorade bath after a big victory. Say what you want, but a lot has happened in that Jersey Swamp.)

The ratings were great for this Penguins/Red Wings series, and I'm not that surprised since these are two strong hockey markets. Game 5's OT marathon were the highest since the final game before the lockout (Carolina's Cup clinching game), and last night matched the 2003 finals, which was (not coincidentally) the last matchup between two U.S. teams. I'm not that surprised since these are two strong hockey markets, and NBC committed to showing the games in prime time without interruption. But the fact that the sport is JUST NOW getting back to the pre-lockout numbers from 3 years ago makes these latest numbers not that big a deal to me.

Tiger Woods was being a bit dickish when he said "no one watches hockey anymore". Well, no one watches golf when you're not in the field, smart arse! That being said, I'm looking forward to him winning the US Open at Torrey Pines next weekend.

I question the complaints about Detroit having a hard time selling out playoff games because of "the economy". So does this mean the economy is booming in Pittsburgh? What about Buffalo, where they sell out every home game? No, those cities aren't exactly rolling in money either; in fact, these cities are the top 3 declining markets in the nation. I think it means there are better hockey fans in those cities (who also have nothing better to do with their free time and money).

Thanks to Greg "Puck Daddy" Wyshynski and the crew over at Yahoo! for their fantastically funny live blogs during the finals. Puck Daddy had the line of the night (while he can no longer curse over at the Exclamation Point, he can still bust out a cancer joke), but the most shocking revelation was that someone in Indonesia checked in who couldn't watch the game and was listening on NHL Radio. It (thankfully) made me forget about the juvenile taunts and Cindy Crosby jokes that were coming every 15 seconds. Technology is pretty amazing when you stop and think about it.

While I was obviously rooting for a Game 7 on Saturday night, I would have been blind drunk by then and may not have been able to fully appreciate it.

Congratulations to the Stanley Cup Champion Detroit Red Wings, and also to the Penguins for a great season (unfortunately for fans of the other teams in their division like me, I think this team is going to be a contender for a while).


(Photo by Jamie Sabau/Getty Images)

2007-08 STANLEY CUP CHAMPIONS: DETROIT RED WINGS

The Sidsburgh Penguins put up a good fight (even scoring a late PP goal, and nearly tying it with time running out), but they finally lost to a talented Red Wings team in Game 6, 3-2.

This is the Wings' 4th Cup in 11 years, as Niklas Lidstrom became the first European-born captain to win it. This was an enjoyable series with two very worthy teams fighting for the championship. And while I'm sad hockey season is over, I'm also glad I don't have to hear the words "Bettman", "goalie interference", and "obstruction" until October.

Here's Conn Smythe winner Henrik Zetterberg (and some little schmuck) and the Stanley Cup.



(Man, that thing sure looks pretty in HD.)

In one of the weirdest and funniest plays I've ever seen, the eventual game winning goal went in off of MAF's ass, as he attempted to sit on the live puck.



ASSGOAL!

Congratulations Detroit!


(Again, if you trusted my blognostication, shame on you.)

(Photos by Jim McIsaac/Getty Images, AP Photo/Gene J. Puskar)

WRIST SHOTS: PANIC IN DETROIT

WTF happened to the "marquee matchup" we were supposed to get?

The Stanley Cup finals just started, but they already feel like they're over. They've only played two games in Detroit but it's already apparent who is the better team. I think Sidsburgh's ill-fated goal-free visit to Hockeytown can be summed up by Flipper's deal-sealing goal in last night's 3-0 Game 2 win.

The Red Wings have outshot, outworked, and outplayed the Penguins in every facet of the game. While Crosby has been working hard, Maklin has been invisible (being put on the 3rd line last night surely didn't help), the D has been spotty and mistake-prone, and Bloomin' Marc once again looks like his ordinary self.

Detroit is a talented team, there's no denying that. But man, once they get a lead they clamp down with that trap just as severely as the those NJ Devils Cup winning teams everyone complains about. I don't have a rooting interest here so I just want to see some great hockey (and I'm just hoping for a long series, which has all but slipped away) but that 3rd period in Game 1, and most of Game 2, was nearly impossible to watch.

Sure, it's only two games and a lot can still happen in this series (he said optimistically), but it turns out that the Campbell Conference competitors are simply stronger. I'd feel better if the Penguins played two well-played, close-fought games at the Joe, but that clearly hasn't happened. Nah, the Pens had a good run through the East (they certainly fooled me), but this is over. Now Western Pennsyltuckians can focus on the Pirates--D'OH!

Anyone for golf?

CUP PICKS

Yes, I know, generally picking your choice for the winner happens before the series starts. Last round I sent my picks in after the Wings had beat Dallas in game 1 (although I still picked Dallas to win that series). I went a stunning 0-2 in the last round and 1-3 in the previous round. Therefore, my picks mean absolutely nothing.

I am going with the Wings. The Pittsburgh fans bug me to no end with their hero-worship and we're-better-than-youisms. Sidney Christ will most likely bring the cup to Pittsburgh sometime in the near future, but that time isn't now.

WINGS IN 5

I do know the wings won game 1.

2008 STANLEY CUP FINALS EXTRAVAGANZA

Soooo . . . who won the Stanley Cup? That should be over by now, right? What? It's not? Sources tell me the Stanley Cup Finals between the Detroit Red Wings and the Pittsburgh Penguins starts tonight! Keeping with the Indy theme here on the blog, I stole the excellent Photoshop poster at left from the hilarious Pensblog: Quest for the Holy Grail. Sidney grew that "beard" a month ago merely to look like Harrison Ford's scruffy Indy character. It's all making sense now.

(I also love this girl's MAKLIN sweater. Fail indeed.)

Anyway, here's a quick guide to the nicknames we might be using here at the OH blog during this series:

Datsyuk = Gadzooks
Rafalski = Raffi
Franzen = Hanzenfranz
Osgood = Charles/various Ozzy Osbourne jokes
Hasek = The Benchwarminator
Valtteri Filppula = Flipper
Kris Draper = Curtains
Zetterberg = Zeppo
Niklas Lidstrom = The Lid

Sidney Crosby = Sidney Christ
MAF = Bloomin' Marc (his name means "In Bloom"; incidentally also a great Nirvana song)
Ruutu = Jerko Ruudetoo
George Laraque = Black Rock (no, I'm not being racist, it's a LOST reference)
Malkin = Russian Bride, Maklin
Gonchar = Gunshy
Sykora = Sicko
Marion Hossa = Marianne, or Marion Ravenswood (obligatory Indy Jones reference)
Jordan Staal = Staal III
Tyler Kennedy = TFK, Jr.

(Yeah, that's the best I could come up with. It's not great, but then again I've been half-assing everything lately.)

Overall this is a great matchup, the one the NHL probably wanted to see but not the one imagined by Canadian viewers. Regardless, it should be a good series: youth vs. experience, speedy forwards vs. solid blueliners, and two goalies playing way better than anyone expected.

PLAYERS TO WATCH. Everyone will be fixated on Christ and His Russian Bride, Zeppo, and Marianne. So I'm just going to tell you to watch out for Gadzooks and The Lid because good things happen when they're on the ice.

OFFENSIVE ADVANTAGE. Sidsburgh, with their combination of youth, speed and playmakers.

DEFENSIVE ADVANTAGE. Wings, with Raffi and the The Lid.

GOALTENDING ADVANTAGE. This is a surprisingly close matchup, but I give the nod to Ozzy because the D in front of him has been rock solid. And if the octopus hits the fan, they can always turn to the well-rested Benchwarminator.

ODDS ODDITIES. The odds are greater for the Wings winning in 5 games (4-1) than in 6 (5-1), which I found strange; I guess this is because they'd play Game 5 (if necessary, and it will be) at home. As of right now, the price is: Pittsburgh Penguins +145 Detroit Red Wings -165.

The "miscellaneous" odds are pretty funny.

• Will Al Sabotka or any member of the Red Wings staff be fined by the NHL for improperly handling an octopus* during the 2008 Stanley Cup Finals? (Yes -700 (Yes Only))
• Will there be an octopus thrown on ice at Mellon Arena in Pittsburgh ? (Yes -700,
  No +350)
• Will a player from the losing team in the 2008 Stanley Cup Finals be awarded the 2008 Conn Smythe Trophy? (Yes +750, No -1500)
• Will there be a 5 minute fighting major penalty called during the 2008 Stanley Cup Finals? (Yes +700, No -1400)

But honestly, you'd have to be a complete idiot/degenerate to bet on hockey.

*Bettman is an incredible douche (upgrade from his current status as "total douche") if he fines anyone for this harmless yet disgusting Red Wings tradition.

"EXPERT" PICKS.
Ashley (Ultimate Hat Trick): DET (in 6)
Buccigross (ESPN): PIT (in 6)
Going Five Hole: PIT (in 6)
Greg "Yahoo! Puck Daddy" Wyshynski: PIT (in 6)
Kukla: DET (in 7)
Maggie the Monkey: PIT
Barry Melrose: DET (in 6)
McKenzie (TSN): DET
Melrose Rocks: DET (in 7)
Milbury: DET
Mirtle: DET (in 6)

WTF? Bill Simmons actually mentioned the NHL in a positive light in his latest column.

Sid the Kid, the return of Don Cherry, the old Flyers uniforms, Montreal self-combusting, the four-OT game, Bucci and Barry, Chris Osgood clipping the dude with the butt of his stick, HD telecasts, a Wings-Pens Finals ... I have to admit, I'm enjoying the NHL playoffs. No, really. I even figured out how to find the games on my cable system and everything.

Uh huh. Naturally, he had to get a sideways jab at VERSUS in there. This is the same Beantown douche who wrote off the league a few years ago when the Bruins were in the dumpster. Suddenly, they're in the playoffs and he's watching again? Fuck off, Boston Sports Guy. Oh, and Giants 17, Pats 14.

BLOGNOSTICATION. Yeah, I know I said I wasn't going to do this but . . . PENGUINS IN 6.

Let's drop the puck already!

PLAYOFF SCHEDULE

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