PHILLY FANS ONCE AGAIN SHOWING THEIR TRUE COLORS

As a prelude to the riots and fires sure to be touched off by the impending Philthies World Series win (delayed for the first time by shitty weather--yes, it's snowing in upstate New York right now), a Flyers fan threw a smoke bomb onto the ice during the Devils/Flyers game on Saturday night.



Meanwhile, across the way at Citizen Spank Park they are building onto their reputation as awful, boorish fans by acting like complete tools towards visiting Rays fans during World Series Game 3.

Children were cursed at, and one 9-year-old boy had beer poured on him. A Rays family member stayed locked in a bathroom stall because, he said, Phillies fans were banging on the walls and threatening him.

Tampa Bay Rays manager Joe "Not To Be Confused With John Madden" Maddon added, "Throwing mustard packs at my granddaughter is not very cool". Wow, that's fantastic. And this shit is tame compared to what goes on at Iggles games.

I'm so tired of fans' awful behavior being tolerated just because they're rooting for a bunch of athletes who play a sport near their house. As a kid I didn't understand why some people really hate sports, but now I get it. It's not so much the sport itself but the attention lavished on it by the media and the asinine actions of its fans. While I enjoy sports, I can't get that emotionally involved in it; my eyes glaze over whenever anyone tries to explain why they're a bigger fan than that guy over there. It really doesn't matter. It's certainly not an excuse to lob the c-word at women and terrorize kids just because they're not wearing the same color shirt as you.

So after the Philthies finally win the WS (if anyone watches it) I hope they burn down Independence Hall, defecate in the Liberty Bell and slap a few children along the way, as that will definitively prove to the world that they're the best fans and have the best team! Woo hoo!

Stay classy, Philthadelphia!

(As an aside, as soon as the Anaheim Ducks dropped the "mighty" from their moniker, they won the Stanley Cup. I thought as soon as the Rays dropped the "Devil" from their name they were a shoo-in to win it all. That remains to be seen.)

PHILTHY MEMO KICKS FLYERS OUT OF PLAYOFFS

I hope there's enough room in that penalty box for an entire hockey team and its management.

In an unprecedented move, the NHL has taken disciplinary action this morning against the Philadelphia Flyers for their dirty play this season. In light of new evidence found, the entire team has been suspended and barred from participating in postseason play, as outlined by Senior VP/Director of Hockey Operations Colin Campbell and commissioner Gary Bettman. Wow.

Apparently, an interoffice memo within the Flyers organization, thought to have been co-written by current Senior VP/former GM Bobby Clarke, has been discovered entitled "Restoring Honor: Philadelphia Flyers 2007-08". This outline essentially instructs players to play borderline illegal hockey in order to win, regardless of current NHL rules and practices. Some choice quotes include such instructions as: "increase your hitting, without regard to current imposed NHL limitations", "follow through on all your checks, using your stick or elbow if necessary", "continue to intimidate well after the whistle has blown", with the caveat that "referees cannot call every infraction". This is all expected to add up to "the restoration of the honor and pride of the Flyers organization, using our collective will, strength and intimidation". As a result of this damning set of instructions, the league took the "only recourse that would deter any further league infractions", according to Sherriff Campbell's statement. No response has been released by the Flyers as of yet.

None of this comes as a complete shock to me, as they've been "on notice" all season. Despite my obvious bias as a Devils fan, I'm not alone in feeling that Philthy is (and has been) as dirty as they come, as players like Jesse Boulerice and Steve Downie seemingly to have no respect for the game or the livelihood of their opponents. It turns out that management is complicit in this, as I suspected all along. However, as satisfying as the punishment is, the solution to this problem was rather eye-opening: not only have the Flyers have been banned from the Stanley Cup playoffs, but the Sabres have been awarded their playoff spot (#8 seed). Are you kidding me? What is the reason? "As the reigning President's Troohy winner, we felt it was only fair to reward [a playoff birth to] the Sabres organization, who have always acted with the utmost professionalism both on and off the ice," Bettman said in an early morning press conference. "We also wanted to reward the loyal Buffalo hockey fans, who are the greatest fans on the planet!" Unfortunately, he was not standing at center ice at the HSBC Arena when declaring this, and not surprisingly there was no effusive applause from the collected members of the sports media. As it turns out, Bettman still sucks.

So because the Sabres have a low number of suspensions this year, that's the sole requirement to play extra games? What about having 2 fewer points than the Kapital Komrades? That doesn't enter into it? I can't believe I'm torn about this decision, as I've been calling for the league to hand down meaningful punishment on Flyers management since the preseason. On second thought, forget about my apprehension, I'm all for it. Hopefully, this will be an actual deterrent and teams will realize that they cannot hide behind dirty play and intimidation in lieu of talent and teamwork.

Flyers suspension press conference - NHL Video - April 1, 2008 [YouTube]

UPDATE (10:00 PM): I forgot to add . . . APRIL FOOLS!

FLYERS ON A WARNING. NEXT STEP SITTING IN THE CORNER FOR A TIMEOUT

It took five different illegal head-hunting shots before the assholes in Toronto even thought about speaking with the management of Philly?

Seriously, and the league didn't lay down any actual, you know, concrete punishment if any of Philly's goons (or even normal players, because this is well beyond normal goon behavior) hurt anyone else.

What is it, Colin, the "we'll cross that bridge when we get to it" philosophy? Well, since you guys are taking such a stand, I'm going to assume that you won't have to wait long before you need to make a decision regarding Holmgren & co's punishment.

This "warning" really shows the fucking league management's true colors...we don't care fuck-all for the safety and welfare of our players, but we'll make tiny changes if it will get the critics to shut up.

Fuck you Bettman. You suck! Oh and Colin Campbell, you pussy, you're no better than Gary-the-dick.

[Sportsline]