PHILLY FANS ONCE AGAIN SHOWING THEIR TRUE COLORS

As a prelude to the riots and fires sure to be touched off by the impending Philthies World Series win (delayed for the first time by shitty weather--yes, it's snowing in upstate New York right now), a Flyers fan threw a smoke bomb onto the ice during the Devils/Flyers game on Saturday night.



Meanwhile, across the way at Citizen Spank Park they are building onto their reputation as awful, boorish fans by acting like complete tools towards visiting Rays fans during World Series Game 3.

Children were cursed at, and one 9-year-old boy had beer poured on him. A Rays family member stayed locked in a bathroom stall because, he said, Phillies fans were banging on the walls and threatening him.

Tampa Bay Rays manager Joe "Not To Be Confused With John Madden" Maddon added, "Throwing mustard packs at my granddaughter is not very cool". Wow, that's fantastic. And this shit is tame compared to what goes on at Iggles games.

I'm so tired of fans' awful behavior being tolerated just because they're rooting for a bunch of athletes who play a sport near their house. As a kid I didn't understand why some people really hate sports, but now I get it. It's not so much the sport itself but the attention lavished on it by the media and the asinine actions of its fans. While I enjoy sports, I can't get that emotionally involved in it; my eyes glaze over whenever anyone tries to explain why they're a bigger fan than that guy over there. It really doesn't matter. It's certainly not an excuse to lob the c-word at women and terrorize kids just because they're not wearing the same color shirt as you.

So after the Philthies finally win the WS (if anyone watches it) I hope they burn down Independence Hall, defecate in the Liberty Bell and slap a few children along the way, as that will definitively prove to the world that they're the best fans and have the best team! Woo hoo!

Stay classy, Philthadelphia!

(As an aside, as soon as the Anaheim Ducks dropped the "mighty" from their moniker, they won the Stanley Cup. I thought as soon as the Rays dropped the "Devil" from their name they were a shoo-in to win it all. That remains to be seen.)

THROW UP AT SHEA, BLOW UP AT SHEA

After many years and many memories, an historic baseball stadium is finally being demolished.

Of course, I'm talking about Hiroshima Citizens Stadium, which is going to be bulldozed after 51 years. In their final game in the old stadium, fans threw inflatable pink dildos through the air while the Hiroshima Carp beat the Tokyo Yakult Swallow. Personally, I think while Hiroshima's Crap, the Tokyo Yakult Swallow!

No, I'm talking about the 44-year old Shea Stadium, the multi-purpose monstrosity that has finally closed its doors today. There's nothing special about this dump; it was ugly when I first went there in the late 70s, and it's ugly and outdated now.

Is that it? The 2008 Mets (a team some say "underachieved" but I say "wasn't that good") are done putting the finishing touches on their second straight September collapse? Great. No postseason ball in NYC for the first time since 1993? Beautiful.


Is everyone out of the building? Piazza and Seaver have symbolically closed the center field gates? Yogi finally made it out to his car? (God, that awful pun reminds me of that awful Bon Jovi song "Never Say Goodbye". Thanks for that, idiots.)

Good. It's time to BLOW UP AT SHEA. What? City laws prohibit imploding buildings? Goddamn politicians. Don't they know I need an explosive catharsis? Okay then.

BULLDOZE IT.


Wait, is that Doc Gooden and Straw together for the first time since, well, forever? No, I mustn't be swayed by pointless nostalgia. This place is an ulgy ass eyesore.

DESTROY IT.

No one really cares about it. The stadium housed teams that won IN SPITE OF IT, not because of it. Seriously, get rid of this massive hunk of shit. I don't want to talk about it again.



(I wonder if Yogi knows which stadium farewell party he's at.)



Aw shit, I thought those explosions meant they were about to level the building. Alas, it was only fireworks.

Photos courtesy AP/Al Bello-Getty Images

BASEBALL GAMES IN THE FUTURE WILL TAKE TWICE AS LONG

The Yankees/Mets played at Shea Stadium (good riddance!) for the final time this weekend, but the most compelling matchup was between their local A affiliates last week.

Pat Venditte of the Staten Island Yankees is an ambidextrous "switch pitcher" who can throw 90 MPH with either arm, and has a special 6 fingered glove. Brooklyn Cyclones Ralph Henriquez is a switch hitter. Watch as the hilarity ensues!



I always wondered if this would ever happen. What is the rule here? I always thought the batter had to choose first, and the pitcher could do whatever he wanted; only if they change pitchers could the batter choose another side of the plate to swing from.

WORD OF THE WEEK: JETÉ

je·té (zhuh-tay)

[n.] A leap in ballet in which one leg is extended forward and the other backward.
[French, from past participle of jeter, to throw, from Old French.]

Yankee shortstop Derek Jeter, after retrieving a grounder deep in the hole to his right, instead of the normal plant-and-throw he performs a unique jeté as he hurls the ball to the first baseman, sometimes called the "Jeter Jump".

This seems to happen much too early and often: interleague baseball this weekend, Yankees @ Mets. I say the Yanks take 2 of 3. Why not?

I just found out that Tom Glavine is an excellent golfer (shot a 79 at Manhattan Woods on Wednesday), a lefty who swears a lot on the course--just like me (2 out of 3, anyway)!

SHAVE THE METS!

My first baseball post of 2007 admittedly is an odd one: 21 of the 25 Mets players shaved their heads before playing the Brewers on Friday. Pretty damn funny.


New York Mets' Oliver Perez, second from left, holds his cap over his chest exposing his shaved head while standing for the national anthem with Ramon Castro, far left, John Maine, center, Shawn Green, second from right, and Mike Pelfrey, all whom shaved their heads before playing the Milwaukee Brewers in Major League Baseball action Friday, May 11, 2007, at Shea Stadium in New York. (AP Photo/Julie Jacobson)

Now if we could get Pedro to shave his dumb head--but it will probably prolong his stint on injured list.