Tuesday, June 24, 2008


Honestly, for a blog that proclaims to "hate you already" we've been pretty big pussies in terms of spewing that vitriol that we all love. Luckily there's a bunch of stuff that's been pissing me off lately.

1. I'd mention Apple and the i[gotscrewed]Phone Version "double their profits," but everyone knows where I stand on that and I'm so sick of them I don't even want to waste time it. Ok, just for old times sake: Fuck Apple.

2. Once again proving Vertullo's First Law of Humanity (everything goes to shit), Mozilla came out with Firefox Version S3ck this past week. Because I do have herd tendencies, I wanted to help Mozilla kick the living fuck out of Microsoft and get some Duff Guinness Book of World records for most downloads on crack (or something). Yeah, well it turns out V3 sucks the hairless balls of Bill Gates. They basically made Firefox exactly like IE7.Shit. The same shitty zoom (when you zoom you increase the entire page, not only the text size), the same fucking interface (FF2.x had a neat little green arrow that would allow you to load the page, they deleted that - fuckers) with the similar header "look." Plus since I DL'ed early many of my add-ons didn't work right. And of course (of course) once you update you're fucked beyond belief if you want to go back to the stable and easy V2.x. The dictionaries work for shit too. The old dictionaries actually "recognized" misspelled words. The new one, not so much (both in French and in English).

Yes yes, I know you're going to say that programmer "דּïř3dØg978" has come out with a "'fox 2.0" theme or some shit. I don't fucking care. If I have to work this hard to make something I used to like work correctly, someone fucked up. I also don't notice the decreased memory usage or the shortened loading times on gmail or other stuff. I'm almost (almost) tempted to give IE7.0 again.

Fuck them right in their pants.

3. GPS. I've always hated [for the most part] the idiots who stick those portable GPS units on their windshield (except for those people who have a top of the line Garmin system attached to the cracked windshield of a 25-year old beater that probably wouldn't make it 20 miles down the highway, I love them). I agree that GPS does have its uses, sometimes, but yesterday we had a car cut us off three times and I realized what the problem was. Pre-GPS you either had to a) Look at a map and determine where you wanted to go b) Ask someone's help or c) Wander around aimlessly until you ran out of gas or accidentally happened upon your destination.
If you choose options "a" or "b" your main focus would be finding the correct roads. To do that you would need to (and stick with me here now folks, many of these phrases are going to seem incredibly foreign to you) "Pay attention to the directional signs and street names" and "Watch the road." With a GPS the act of driving has become:
1. Drive at half the marked speed limit.
2. Listen for audio prompt from GPS.
3. Hit brakes and swerve (left or right, it doesn't really matter)
4. Look at GPS screen to "make sure" the computer meant "Right"
5. Start to turn left. Slam on brakes. Stop.
6. Reprogram GPS in the middle of the road. Accelerate.
7. Repeat as necessary

And I would say that there's a 90% chance they they were looking for the "Stadium" or the "Highway" both of which were marked by large, clearly indicated signs right in front of their fucking car. GPS is making good drivers bad and bad drivers worse, while dumbing down people who already thought that the sun rose in the South.

I truly truly think that a driver's license should be for 15 or 20 years, after which you had to repass the road test. It's easy for the state to ban drivers for drinking 2 beers (in France you're illegal above 0.05 BAC, which they claim is two 25cl bottles of beer - one pint) or driving 8 mph over the limit on an empty highway. I'm not going to be one of those idiots who say I drive better drunk, but I am sure that I drive better than a large majority of the drivers after a pint and a half of beer, which would make me illegal in France.


Jeff K said...

Hey, I hated on Mike Meyers, didn't I? Maybe that's an easy target, since even Canada has disowned him.

To be fair, you can't hate GPS, only stupid drivers who rely on them every metre of the way.

And I'm currently running FF 3.0, and while I don't love the new interface I have no complaints with the browser in general. Yet. Maybe you should stop using these so-called "French" words on it.

Kris said...

Yeah, but everyone is hating on that movie which will not be named, so it's not like anything special...but yeah, you're right. I meant more that I hadn't hated on anything lately.
No I don't "hate" GPS. It is useful sometimes, but it is not a replacement for "common sense" or "paying attention."

I still use FF3.0, but I'm not convinced...2.x was better,I have had more RAM "incidents" with FF3.0 in the last week than I had with FF2.x in a few months.
But yeah, it's still better than IE7.0.