PATRIOTS FANS ARE A SPECIAL BREED

As you might have heard the New England Patriots had won 21 games in a row (regular season, obviously--we all know what THE WORLD CHAMPION GIANTS did to them in THE SUPER BOWL), before losing to Miami this week. So how did the fans show their appreciation once the streak inevitably ended?

(AP) "Fans booed the Patriots. Many left early. The record winning streak of their favorite team was ending with a stunning domination by the lowly Dolphins."

There was none of that clapping as if to say, "thanks for all the memories" or "through good times and bad, we'll be right here rooting for you!" Nope. After seeing 84 consecutive quarters of stellar, winning, record-breaking, sign-stealing football, they boo. In fact, they booed them off the field as they went in the tunnel at halftime. That should make the backup QB, who's already got his work cut out for him filling in for Tawmmy "Golden Boy" Brady, feel all warm inside.

Choke on a bucket a chowdah, ya facking facks! God, do I hate Pats (and Boston sports) fans. Before their latest spate of winning teams they were just bipolar and arrogant, now they're a bunch of spoiled babies.

WAYS TO MAKE SUNDAY'S JETS/PATRIOTS GAME MORE COMPETITIVE

In the epic battle between the 3-10 Jets vs. the 13-0 Patriots, a game for the ages in which the Patriots were initially favored by 27 points--ahhh, who are we kidding? This is going to be a complete shitshow. I'll tune in, but I'm really just praying for a snowstorm, a season-ending injury and a possible fist fight between coaches.

How could the NFL make this game more competitive? We asked the experts (ourselves) and here's some of their proposals:

• When Patriots have the ball, they have a “shot clock”: they have to score or turn the ball over in 24 seconds. (Rob)
• Patriots have to play with sausage in their pockets while wild dogs run free on the field. (Rob)
• 3 times per half, Jets are allowed to call time and stop the action at any point during the play. (Rob)
• When the Jets are on offense, a Wilson Pee Wee size football is used. When Patriots are on offense, a cannonball is used. (Rob)
• Tom Brady will be "steady QB" (he has to play for both sides). (Karl)
• Patriots offense must wear blindfolds. (Jeff K)
• Jets offense: first down = 5 pts. (Jeff K)
• Patriots defense must shout out 7 "Mississippis" before rushing the QB. (Jeff K)
• Jets defense can use two-hand touch. (Jeff K)
• Jets and Pats cheerleaders both allowed on the field of play. (Karl)
• Randy Moss must get shock collar, [Jets' coach] Mangini gets to hold the remote trigger. (Karl)
• For a touch of realism, the Patriots can only wear clothing made before 1776, including those stupid tri-corner hats instead of helmets, while the Jets are allowed to advance the ball by using actual jets. (Jeff K)
• Jets get extra points for "clown catches". For example, diving catch = 3 points. A diving catch in end zone = 7 x 3 = 21 points. (Kris)
• Game must be played mano a mano in Madden 08. (Karl)
  

• Jets must use one of those super-distance Nerf balls, along with Velcro stick-em gloves. (Jeff K)
• Pats must use the skin of a freshly killed pig. (Jeff K)
• Jets: extra points if Suzy Kolber kisses Joe Namath. ("I could care less about the team struggggling.") Pats: negative points if Amanda Kremer kisses Tom Brady. (Jeff K)