WRIST SHOTS: TROPICAL DEPRESSION

Anything would be finer than to be in Carolina this morning.

The Carolina Hurricanes, once a Category 3 in the conference, have been downgraded to a tropical depression and are drifting out to sea. Now they have to wait for the selection committee's decision tonight to see if there is still hope. What? It's a points based playoff system and there IS no selection committee? They're ELIMINATED? Sweet tea with biscuit gravy! That would be like the nearly unbeatable North Carolina Tarheels and Tyler Whitesbrough forgetting to show up in their Final Four game with Kansas. Oops.

A different storm has taken the 'Canes place, the cyclone called the Kapital Komrades. (Hey, who let the Swede and the Canuck in the photo?) In last place at the end of 2007, going down the stretch they tore the Southeast Division a new five-hole winning 14 of 18, and they're not even located in the Southeast (see how silly and misleading the new division names are, Doc Emrick?). Catching up with Carolina and tying them with one game each to play, it's amazing that it came down to beating Florida, which Carolina couldn't manage yet the Kaps could. They won't meet Sidsburgh in the first round (thankfully!), though I much prefer forcing the struggling Sens or the Philthy Lyers to skate face-first into this buzzsaw instead.

What a player Thomas Vanek is! Freed from the burdens of "pressure" and "playoff race" he scored 3 garbage time goals (an "unnecessary hat trick") to meaninglessly lead the Sabres over the Bruins, 3-0. How fantastic of him to step up when it didn't matter. Enjoy rooting for this non-entity for the next whatever number of years (6?), Buffalo.

Meanwhile, Montreal beat Toronto (love the "Na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye" chant at Le Centre Bell with 5 minutes left) to set up an ORIGINAL SIX first round matchup with Boston, which is the way it should be. Typically, the Leaves throw in a cheapshot with less than 5 seconds left in this one (and in their season), with McCabe and Stewart battling with their sticks in an asinine way I can only call Youngblood-esque.



Hey hey hey, goodbye Leaves, you pugilistic pricks.

So it's come down to this: the Strangers visit the Devils in beautiful downtown Newark today to decide home ice in their 4/5 playoff matchup, with a regulation win putting Game 1 in MSG. You know, I hope the Rangers go 8-0 in the regular season and lose to the Devils in the first round, just to prove how little that matters (just like the SUPER BOWL CHAMPION GIANTS losing to Green Bay and Dallas only to beat them in the playoffs).

I realize this report shows an East Coast bias, but with the fantastic TV deals Bettman's signed that's I'm allowed to see. As it is, I'm watching Chicago play today for maybe the 3rd time this season, which is just as many games 'Hawks fans got to see under the watchful, miserly, cold dead hand of Bill Wirtz. (Hey, I'm sure NBC Sports is broadcast free in Hell.) Welcome to the 20th century, you're finally going to show all 82 games on TV next season. Brilliant.

In closing, screw NBC Sports once again for making Doc Emrick call the inconsequential game in Detroit, meaning he won't be present at the Devils' final home game. How about some "home fan appreciation"?