IMPORTANT OLYMPIC UPDATE

This news just in: The Olympic Opening Ceremonies will have clowns!

I just had to mention that. I wasn't going to watch the opening ceremonies for the 2006 Winter Olympics in Turin, Italy, but how can I skip it now in light of that stunning news??? Plus, with HDTV, it will seem like the clowns are IN THE ROOM WITH YOU. Oh the horror.

The mascots they chose for this are predictably hideous, sort of like bizarre marshmallow headed Gumbys on crack.

''"Neve": she is a gentle, kind and elegant snowball; "Gliz": he is a lively, playful ice cube. They are the two symbolic characters of the XX Olympic Winter Games. They complement each other and personify the very essence of winter sports. The mascots were born from the pencil of Pedro Albuquerque, a 38-year old Portuguese designer who won the international competition launched by the Organising Committee for the Olympic Games in Turin (TOROC) on 25 March 2003. He was inspired by his passion for water and the incredible shapes this element takes on when it is transformed into snow or ice; by his research into the Italian spirit and the places hosting the Olympic Games; by the Olympic values; and by the technical characteristics of the various sporting disciplines of the Games. "Neve" and "Gliz" reflect the spirit of the Italian Olympic event: passion, enthusiasm, culture, elegance, and love of the environment and of sport. They are the symbol of a young generation that is full of life and energy.

Oh right, that explains it. Man, I wish I had a flamethrower right about now. They should have chosen Springy!



Wait, what kind of name is "Pedro Albuquerque"? Any relation to "Ron Mexico"?

Anyway, I heard there was going to be a lot of hockey broadcast in HD, so I can forgive them for the other crap. First, a disclaimer:

NBC HD: The Torino Games will feature the most high definition coverage in Olympic television history. For the first time, Olympic HD viewers will see a simulcast of the analog broadcast - same time, same broadcasters, same graphics - but in High Definition and in 5.1 surround sound. Figure skating, hockey, long and short track speed skating, ski jumping, freestyle aerials and moguls, and the Opening and Closing Ceremonies will all be broadcast in 1080i high definition because those venues in Torino are wired for high definition coverage by the host broadcaster. From those venues where the host broadcaster is unable to provide a high definition signal, a 16:9 signal will be upconverted by NBC. Your local NBC affiliate's digital channel will carry the high definition simulcast of the network coverage.

UNIVERSAL HD: Since USA, MSNBC and CNBC, like most cable networks, do not have high definition platforms, Universal HD, NBC Universal's high definition cable network, will carry a live simulcast of much of the cable coverage, featuring Olympic hockey like it has never been seen before.

Uh huh, okay, sounds good--in theory. Of course, a lot of this will be on in the morning over here and most of the US will miss it. Here's the hockey info/schedule:

Group A: Canada, Czech Republic, Finland, Germany, Switzerland and Italy.
Group B: Sweden, Slovakia, USA, Russia, Latvia and Kazakhstan.

All times are local (for EST, subtract six hours).

Wednesday, Feb. 15
Kazakhstan vs. Sweden, 11:30 a.m.
Italy vs. Canada, 1 p.m.
Switzerland vs. Finland, 3:30 p.m.
Germany vs. Czech Republic, 5 p.m.
Russia vs. Slovakia, 8 p.m.
Latvia vs. United States, 9 p.m.
Thursday, Feb. 16
Finland vs. Italy, Noon
Switzerland vs. Czech Republic, 1 p.m.
Sweden vs. Russia, 4 p.m.
Slovakia vs. Latvia, 5 p.m.
Canada vs. Germany, 8 p.m.
United States vs. Kazakhstan, 9 p.m.
Saturday, Feb. 18
Kazakhstan vs. Russia, 11:30 a.m.
Italy vs. Germany, 1 p.m.
Canada vs. Switzerland, 3:30 p.m.
Sweden vs. Latvia, 5 p.m.
Slovakia vs. United States, 8 p.m.
Czech Republic vs. Finland, 9 p.m.
Sunday, Feb. 19
Germany vs. Switzerland, Noon
Russia vs. Latvia, 1 p.m.
Slovakia vs. Kazakhstan, 4 p.m.
United States vs. Sweden, 5 p.m.
Czech Republic vs. Italy, 8 p.m.
Finland vs. Canada, 9 p.m.
Tuesday, Feb. 21
Latvia vs. Kazakhstan, 11:30 a.m.
Switzerland vs. Italy, 12:30 p.m.
Finland vs. Germany, 3:30 p.m.
Canada vs. Czech Republic, 4:30 p.m.
Sweden vs. Slovakia, 8 p.m.
United States vs. Russia, 8:30 p.m.
Wednesday, Feb. 22
Quarterfinal (A1-B4), 4:30 p.m.
Quarterfinal (A2-B3), 5:30 p.m.
Quarterfinal (B1-A4), 8:30 p.m.
Quarterfinal (B2-A3), 9:30 p.m.
**order of quarterfinal games is subject to change
Friday, Feb. 24
Semifinal, 4:30 p.m.
(winner A1-B4 vs. winner B2-A3)
Semifinal, 9 p.m.
(winner B1-A4 vs. winner A2-B3)
**order of semifinal games is subject to change
Saturday, Feb. 25
Bronze Medal Game, 8:30 p.m.
Sunday, Feb. 26
Gold Medal Game, 2 p.m.