WEEKLY TOP 10: YOUR SKEETIN' HEART

10. This has been one cah-ray-zee NCAA football season, am I right? (Hence the need to give the word "crazy" an extra syllable.) On Saturday, #1 Missouri lost to Oklahoma (which everyone saw coming) and West Virgina, being #2, was required by law to lose to Pitt. And with Ohio State and LSU chosen to meet in the Big Game sometime in mid-January, people are whining about the BCS bowl system! Shocking! Just put the frigging bowl games on and I'll watch them. Anyway, screw the BCS (British Cardiovascular Society), they haven't helped me once.

CapitalOne Bowl Week preview coming soon!

9. Stephen Colbert will be doing "The Colbert Report" live at the Upright Citizens Brigade theater in NYC at 6:30 PM tonight. Man, I wish I had tickets. Regardless, I've been talking about it for years, so I think it's time I saw a comedy show down there. (Whatever happened to the Rascals Comedy Club in the Palisades Mall? Did it ever open? They put a sign up, and that's it?)

8. The New York Times wrote an article on bourbon and didn't even mention Booker's? BLASPHEMY! I guess they didn't taste anything above 101 proof, which is really is a shame: everyone should feel the glorious burn that is Booker's. The top bourbons they chose (Pappy Van Winkle’s Family Reserve 20-Year-Old ($99), Vintage 17-Year-Old ($54), Knob Creek ($20)) must be pretty damn good, because according to them "Maker's Mark didn't come close". Well then.

7. My favorites from the Tim Tebow Facts: "Tim Tebow can divide by zero" and "Tim Tebow CAN believe it's not butter". I submitted this one: "When Tim Tebow stares at the sun, the sun has to look away".

6. "Funeral for a Fiend" was the funniest Simpsons episode I've seen in a long time, definitely the best of the season. I just really like what Kelsey Grammar does with the Sideshow Bob character. Of course, FOX in their infinite wisdom decided that while every show is in hiatus because of the writers' strike, this Sunday was a good time to show a repeat.

5. The NFL claims to want to "give more football to the fans", but this is clearly not the case. Not only did very few get to see Green Bay get beat by Dallas on Thursday, but they've also eliminated those great Saturday afternoon games, and instead give us one Saturday night matchup. Memo to all sports league commissioners: don't insult my intelligence, just say it's a business decision and move on. My favorite description of the NFL Network: "24 hours of live football, 8736 hours of filler".

BLOGNOSTICATION ALERT: The New England Patriots are going to go undefeated this season, including the playoffs. That's 19-0. Congratulations, Pats!

4. Two new HD channels were added to Cablevision this week: HGTV and Food Network. I can't wait for CSPAN2-HD and Game Show HD, since the latter will allow me to view those "Match Game '79" episodes the way God (and Charles Nelson Reilly) intended.

3. I decided that I would rather go to happy hour early on Friday than attend my company holiday party. Does that make me an alcoholic? No, I think it's just common sense. There was no place to sit when I actually bothered to attend last year, so screw them.

2. After seeing someone post this online, this song was in my head all day. It's Nick Rivers "Skeet Surfin'", from the 1984 movie Top Secret!, one of the most underrated and overlooked comedies of all time.



Nick Rivers & Tammy Wynette "Your Skeetin' Heart" cracks me up every time. The East German National Anthem is priceless too: "Hail, Hail East Germany, Land of Vine And Grape, Land Where You'll Regret, Any Try To Escape!"

1. When you type in "BETTMAN SUCKS" into Google, the first image that comes up in the search is the header for this blog! We're really going places. Oh, and Bettman sucks.