WRIST SHOTS: IN THESE TROUBLED HOCKEY TIMES

In these troubled times (Media Cliche of The Year), it seems that more has been made about the NHL's off-ice follies than the on-ice action. Of course, this leads us to the whole Sean Avery kurfuffle whose douchey comment received a ridiculous amount of attention. This was most likely due to the post-election hangover, where the media was desperate for something to talk about (see also: Plaxico Burress).

But it's beyond silly to even get worked up about someone saying "sloppy seconds" during a pre-game interview, while a dozen rabid reporters eagerly awaited his every utterance. Yes, Sean Avery is an arrogant, narcissistic, self-promoting dickslap who thinks he's smarter than he actually is, mainly because he spends a lot of time around hockey players. But Gary "Fucking" Bettman was way out of line giving him a 6 game suspension, and Stars' GM Brett Hull was gutless by washing his hands of him. This was less about "offensive" words and more about the league wanting to "protect its image", and quiet a loudmouth who thought the league does a "lousy job of marketing its players". If the league had instead read a list of his crude, boorish behavior, and his general lack of respect for the game, his teammates, and everyone around him, they might have made a better case for his exile.

Neverthless, not discussed much during this whole debacle is the fact that this happened in Canada (some say Canada, others Calgary), where they don't have "free speech" as most people know it (thanks to Rob for the link). Also not discussed: how fucking horrible those sunglasses are for someone who claims to be fashion savvy.

But the most overlooked part of the equation is Canada's own Elisha Cuthbert, one of GAvery's former "girlfriends" who was implicated in this mess. Since her acting "career" is all but non-existent, I think she should use this golden opportunity to pose for Playboy. This way, everyone wins.

THE NEW MEDIOCRITY. The NY Times Slap Shot hockey blog (who I've linked to before) broke down the playoff standings last year using an alternate scoring system (3-2-1) to illustrate how deceiving the current NHL standings are. Jeff Z. Klein wrote a great article showing how the NHL standings system makes mediocre teams look much more impressive than they really are.

Let’s examine the record of a random team, like the Rangers. The N.H.L. tells us they’re 20-11-2. Wow, that sounds good — 20 wins, 11 losses, and 2 “OTL,” which seems like ties or kind-of ties. They’re a powerhouse, and Rangers fans should be really happy!

The reality, of course, is that 9 of those 20 wins came via overtime or penalty shootout, and those 2 “ties” are actually losses in OT or PS. And, you know, in the playoffs there is no four-on-four overtime or penalty-shot contest … just hockey, with five skaters a side and no guaranteed points for being tied after 60 minutes.

So the Rangers, when playing actual hockey during the 60 minutes of five-on-five with no points guaranteed for making it to overtime, have really won 11, lost 11 and tied 11. Hey, Scott Howson, isn’t that mediocrity? Yes, it is — and anyone who’s watched the Rangers will tell you that’s a far better reflection of reality than their official record, inflated as it is by their luckiness in penalty-shot contests this year.

As it stands now they're 12-11-12, and anyone who has watched this squad (and especially their defense) knows they're not dominant world beaters. But hey, they've won enough to lead the division and that's really all that counts in the NHL, where 22 of 30 teams are somehow above .500.

SHOOT THE SHOOTOUT. I really wish they'd do away with the shootout so we wouldn't even have the aforementioned scoring system problem. I honestly lose interest in a game if it's not won in regulation or the brief overtime session, and usually just turn it off. Furthermore, some people have complained about this shootout spin-o-rama goal by Jason Blake (okay, Devils fan Greg "Puck Daddy" Wyshynski did), but I think it's a brilliant move.

While some like Bobby Holik have said it's "bullshit" and "un-hockey" and others claim it's "illegal" (since the puck isn't moving forward at all times), I personally have no problem with it. Since the shootout is already gimmicky, I say anything that lets the players show off their creativity and skill should be encouraged. As it is now, players only seem to go with two different moves: come in wide and try to go five-hole, or come in slow and try to bury it one of the top corners. Rarely do they show off their skating and puckhandling skills. Isn't that whole purpose of this tacked-on sideshow?

GOAL OF THE YEAR? This happened way before Turkey Day (Nov 26, in a 3-1 loss versus Jesus Price and Les Disciples), but I'm just getting around to it now. At this rate I should be done with my Christmas shopping by January 15th. Anyway, check out Johan Franzen turning O'Byrne inside out (poor kid had a rough month) before netting this ridiculous backhand shot.



THE WAR ROOM. They had a little piece about the Toronto instant replay HQ during one of the MSG games a few weeks ago. I envisioned a giant high ceilinged suite with giant screens, or maybe something like the police station in the underrated Minority Report. But it wasn't even close to being anywhere near hi-tech as that; it was more akin to an air traffic control room, but more depressing. One of the things they bragged about was their 3 HDTVs that they use for replays, along with several video walls split into 4 different games. Go back and read that again: only 3 of their monitors are in full HD. And when they showed a "replay official" in action, the special TiVo-like unit that they used showed a pixilated mess that looked worse than my Cablevision HD feed. Are you kidding me? This is what the league is using to decide winners and losers. Astonishing.

I'M SICK OF THE WORD 'BAILOUT'. Despite layoffs at MLB, NFL and the arena league shutting down for a year (okay, that last one is no shocker), Gary "Fucking" Bettman claims the NHL is doing well. Is he whistling in the dark, or is the league actually financially solvent? I would be willing to bet that if this recession keeps up, a heaping handful of teams will suddenly cry poverty, perhaps shutting down the weakest teams. I have no problem with that happening. I just hope the Canadian government doesn't intervene and bail them out.

INTERESTING QUOTE: "It ended up coming to me, bouncing, and I knew that if I would just turn around and shoot it that Price is solid in there, so I had to get him off because I was in so tight. I just tried to put it between my legs and it worked out." Allegedly, Thomas "Manic" Vanek was talking about hockey. I'm not convinced.

CHITOWN CAM. This is officially cool: a webcam showing the construction of the Wrigley Field Winter Classic rink. I can hardly believe it's only 13 days away. The long range forecast for Jan 1 in Chicago calls for a high of 23, windy and colder with sleet, freezing rain and snow. Yecch, that could be a mess. The question is: will the wind be blowing out or in at the Friendly Confines? And who would win a hockey game: the 1990-91 Blackhawks or a whole team of mini-Ditkas? I just hope it goes off without a hitch . . . whoops.

Finally, Happy Birthday to Alyssa Milano, who turned 36 today. Naturally, that calls for pictures of her sporting her "touch" line of sports-related clothing (or less).







Remember the 80's? And is that a Claude Lemieux jersey she's got on?

WRIST SHOTS: HE LITERALLY VENTED HIS SPLEEN

Well, it looks like it's just about over for the Rangers. Jagr started off like a house on fire, exhibiting emotion and that sweeping wraparound move (that brought back nightmares from the numerous times he'd done that vs. the Devils), but in the end they couldn't stop The Malkin Machine. Sidsburgh is now up 3 games to none.

It was also nice of Jagr to show up, considering this might have been his penultimate game as a Ranger/NHL player. Do you know the way to Omsk?

Browsing TSN for NHL news I happened upon this article:

Sean Avery has a lacerated spleen and will be out the remainder of the season, sources tell TSN. The source went on to say that the laceration was detected with a CT scan after Avery was taken to hospital following the Game 3 with the Panguins. Full Story

Why do good things happen to bad people? I mean, the other way around??? (Uhm, the Panguins?)

I also commented on Chris Drury, who appeared to hurt himself while celebrating a (non) goal last night in the 2nd period. Shooting from MAF's right side of the crease, he put his arms up in anticipation of the puck going across the goal line along the far post, but Hal Gill deftly swept it out. Drury put his arms about halfway up and then he winced and put them back down. He looked like a broken man for the rest of the game, skating at half speed and unable to keep a puck in the zone during a key sequence in the 3rd. At the time I was thinking he pulled a muscle in his back or something; TSN said he was "hampered" and may have injured his shoulder (it looked like his right side).

As it turns out The Pensblog has a frame-by-frame account in their goofy-ass Game 3 recap . (The "Sidney Plissken in Escape from New York" yesterday had me LLOL.) If anything sums up the Rangers awful play and horrible luck in this series with the Pens, it would be that: a key player getting injured while celebrating a goal that never happened.

Meanwhile, both Detroit and Dallas have taken commanding 3-0 leads in their respective series. So tonight we're going to have a conference finals party like it's 1-9-9-8!

If you haven't checked out Hockey-Reference.com yet, you must. My favorite stat is Bobby Orr's plus/minus of +124 in 1970-71. That season, he wasn't even the leading scorer on his own team, and total goals for vs. against while on the ice was an astonishing 258 to 85. Since they scored 399 goals that year, that means he was on the ice for about two-thirds (65%) of them. Basically, only good things happened when he was out there.

Another question I meant to ask last night in my anti-livebloggery: why aren't there more songs about hockey? Sure, there's "The Good Old Hockey Game", but what else? It seems like they make a craptacular Super Bowl Shuffle-esque song every year, and there are more baseball songs than I care to remember. I have one I'm working on about the Avs called "Hejduk" (to the tune of Pink Floyd's "Hey You"):

Hejduk
Skating in the cold
Sakic and Forsberg growing old
Can you help me?
...
Hejduk
Why can't Theodore make a stoooooop?
Together we stand, divided we flop

Uhm, that's all I've got so far.



(Photo by Bruce Bennett/Getty Images)

WRIST SHOTS: THE ICE IS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE

I've had a chance to watch a little of each of the playoff series during these NHL playoffs, and I have to admit: the Rangers and Devils are by far playing the crappiest hockey out of anyone in the first round. The three games so far have been grinding, sloppy, chippy and unexciting, as equal attention has been given to both Sean Avery's jackassery and his goal scoring, and only Lundqvist has earned his cheers . . . which have been most loudly heard in the Devils' building by visiting Rangers fans. Unlike previous postseason matchups between these two cross-river rivals, this plodding series will not go down as a classic.

Everywhere else you look, there is simply more compelling and better played hockey. (Really, Kris, the rest of the hockey has been pretty good.)

* The Predators have just capped off an unlikely comeback at the hands of the Red Wings, scoring two goals in 9 seconds against "The Decentator" in the 3rd to take the lead, then adding an empty netter in a 5-3 Game 3 home win.

Interesting fact: #22 Jordin Tootoo, born on 2/2, has scored 22 career goals for Nashville, and currently has 2 goals (2 points) in 2 playoff games.

* Pittsburgh and Ottawa had a combined 84 shots in a 5-3 Sidsburgh win last Friday, which sounds like an exciting game and a Bettman wet dream. Tonight, they've put a strangehold on the series, going up 3-0.

* The Stars skated circles around a flat-webfooted Ducks team as they won Game 2 by a score of 5-2.

* AARP member/Flames goalie Curtis Joseph was dusted off after Kipper gave up 3 goals against the circling Sharks, and was the beneficiary of 4 unexplained goals by the home team in the 4-3 win. Patrick Marleau wonders where his little brown doggy is after this hit.



* Montreal got an Game 2 OT thriller from Kovalev, but got wicked shawked the next night in Beantown by an OT winner by Marc "Brokeback" Savard, to slim Les Habs series lead to 2-1.

Meanwhile, the news out of New York is "Avery act prompts NHL to amend unsportsmanlike rule". So yeah, the Devils/Rangers has not at all been fun to watch, and this is the shitty icing on the garbage cake. I think I'm done with it unless it somehow gets to a Game 7. However, I see the Rangers taking this thing in 5, as I try to play some golf before the Devils take all the good tee times.

WRIST SHOTS: SEAN AVERY IS A FUCKING DOUCHEBAG

I know, that post title might surprise you and raise some eyebrows, but it's true. (CBC wanted to use it as a headline but changed it at the last minute.)

Sean Avery raised his "harrass Brodeur" technique to new douchebaggish heights in Game 3 last night. He came on for one of his shifts in the 2nd period and skated straight from the bench up to Brodeur, and with his back to the play began screwing with him, screening him and waving his glove and stick directly in his face. He did it for 30-40 seconds and never once turned around, looked at where the puck was or followed the play. Even if it's not "illegal" it was total bush league garbage.

This morning I read the ominous statement "the league is looking into it", so we may have an official (or unofficial) "Avery Rule" on the books before too long. But if the refs continue to let him do this, since there's technically no "rule" forbidding it, I am done watching this series. I'll say it again: Avery is a good player (he has 3 freaking goals in 3 games!), why does he have to do this crap? Better yet, why does the coach let him do it? Could Tom Renney maybe rein him in a little, or does this moron only have an on-off agitator switch? All I know is there isn't an ounce of sportsmanship in his body. Sean Avery, you are a classless douchebag.

Here's TSN's Bob McKenzie's take on it, and a clip of it from CBC's Hockey Night in Canada.



At one point his OWN TEAMMATE (Drury) tries to get him to stop by pushing him. The referee, of course, doesn't chase him out until he's already done it for 30 seconds. Though there's no "rule" I suppose they could have called "unsportsmanlike conduct" (a 10 minute "game misconduct" might be a little excessive), but the refs have proven they have no idea how to control these games.

(Oh, the game was won 4-3 in OT by the Devils thanks to lucky deflection by Madden off of Staal's skate. It may have been a great game, but I turned it off after seeing that Avery horseshit, and only turned it back on when I saw it was going to OT.)

Other scores: Philthy Lyers won 2-0 (series tied 1-1), Calgary came back from 3-0 deficit to win 4-3 (up 2-1 on SJ), Bruins actually beat the Habs in OT (Habs lead 2-1).

One other thing: I'm no longer impressed that Rangers fans show up at games in Newark, as half of northern Jersey and most of the adjacent New York metro area are Rangers fans anyway. I'm more impressed by Philthy Lyers fans that drive 2½ hours to D.C., and Habs fans (reports have them showing up by the thousands) that drive 6 hours down to Boston, to see their teams play. Now that's a real hockey fan.

I had to include one last picture of that OT goal, not to rub it in but because it looks great (thanks to Getty Images).