WRIST SHOTS: A BUSY WEEK

A lot has happened since the last semi-irregular installment of Wrist Shots, so let's get into it.

* Tom "Robot" Renney was fired as the New York Rangers coach, after losing to a terrible Toronto team in overtime, adding to the teams' recent slump. The most poignant parting video clips of him were when the Rangers tied the game with 25 seconds left, and then lost in OT: HE DIDN'T REACT AT ALL. Not a fist pump, not a grimace, not a sigh: NOTHING. Now, I know it's not necessary to show emotions to succeed as a coach (see: Joe Torre and Bill Belicheat), but this guy was a complete flat line. When asked for comment after the game, Computing Operational Athlete Control Hardware (COACH) Renney streamed the following message to the media: "010011010010010011001010." I'm sorry, but that just does not compute. When a team is reeling as badly as this one is, you have to hold someone accountable, or at least exhibit some sort of pulse, and the Renney 5000 did neither.

ROBOT BINARY SOLO!



John "Asshat" Tortorella was hired to replace him, and he immediately paid dividends last night: got Wade Redden to score his first goal since 2002! No, actually, they lost to the same terrible Toronto team, but they made it all the way to the goal-off shootout this time, so they're much improved. (Hey, Torts can't score goals for them . . . or can he?) It remains to be seen if the players decide they want to play for their new coach; regardless, I'll be DVRing all of the press conferences hoping to catch a random expletive. If the Rangers fail to make the playoffs, next up on the chopping block: Glen Sather. I heard a comment on XM the other day that he's starting to make Isiah Thomas' tenure at MSG look competent by comparison. Ouch.

* Meanwhile, somewhere in western New York/southern Ontario last Saturday, Sabres goalie Ryan "Genuine Draft" Miller sprained his ankle on an unfortunate, but not intentional, collision behind the net with Gomez. If he's hurt for an extended length of time, there go the Sabres' playoff chances. (Though even a limping Miller with one arm could probably outduel Fleury at this point.) While backup Patrick Lalime is a known entity (as in: we know he's medicore at best), who the hell is Jhonas Enroth? Is he one of the Jhonas Brothers? The one Miley Cyrus let get to 2nd base? Whoever he is, he's apparently not as good as a flu-laden Lalime. Not a good sign.

* In happy news for Devils fans (e.g. me), Martin Brodeur is back. His rehabbed arm will be tested tonight against the Avs, and I will be there in The Rock to witness it. He claims to be "in the best shape of his life", and in fact switched from bacon double cheeseburgers to bacon double turkey burgers. (I keed, I keed, because I love.) At this point, with 22 games left and a respectable playoff spot well within reach, I just want him to play well. I'm not asking for him to be shutout-brickwall-Vezina Marty . . . at least until the playoffs. Even though he had to be sent down to the minors as a result of taking Brodeur off IR, let's never forget Scott Clemmenson. His name is Scott Clemmenson.

His name is Scott Clemmenson!

(BTW, I did the math, and it would be cheaper to drive to Newark and park for $20 than to take the train--which is annoying since I'd PREFER to take the train. If they really wanted to give us an incentive to take mass transit, I should get a discount on the train just for showing my hockey ticket. But alas.)

LET'S GO MARTY! LET'S GO DEVILS!

(LET'S HOPE MY CAR IS STILL THERE AFTER THE GAME!)

We don't do a "Saves of the Year" here, but maybe we should. This stick save by Kiprusoff, stopping a sure Kyle Wellwood goal en route to a 4-3 goal-off Canucks win, is just amazing.

BLOGGER FOR JAGR

I haven't really read everything concerning Jaromir Jagr and his possible departure from the New York Rangers and/or the NHL for greener European pastures, and have long ago stopped trying to extract any worthwhile information out of the New York Post, Daily "Avery's Heart Stopped" News, or The New York "Hired A Woman As The Team's Beat Reporter" Times. Currently, everyone in the Metro Area seems to be split as to whether or not he should return next season, a decision complicated by his fiery intensity and regained scoring touch during the series against the Penguins. While his decision to hint at his desire to leave during the playoffs is questionable, it simply underlies just how much he is misunderstood. As for his future endeavors I will merely say this: if you love Jagr, set him free.

Starting his career under Super Mario's wing, he thrived; however, when he became the main focus in Washington and forced to carry the team, he struggled. During his tenure as a Ranger, the veteran winger has done everything he could possibly do for the team, short of a legitimate Cup run. But in the biggest media market in the US, that's never enough. From the day he was named captain of this current squad he has been skating in the shadow of Mark Messier, a player who raised the bar for what a team leader exemplified. While he has the talent and the poise, I just don't think Jagr has the personality to match (and honestly, very few players do). While he is undoubtedly respected as a team leader by his teammates and coaches and vice versa, the media and fans have different (and unfairly inflated) expectations of him. Sorry to break it to you, but the definition of "captain" is not someone who makes wild proclamations like guarantee a win (and score two goals in the process), and wins the Cup every year simply due to his magnanimous nature.

Over the past few seasons, people have pointed to his recent unwillingness to shoot the puck, and his inability to score in the shootout (and dislike of it as well, which I agree with). I think this is a result of the massive pressure he's under in New York; here, if you don't score every nearly time you take a shot, especially in the shootout or in a clutch situation, your playing ability will be analyzed and questioned ad nauseum. While he proved he could still score, he began to play more unselfishly and tried to help his team by setting up his teammates, which was construed as a lack of confidence. Everyone seemed to expect the 35 year old, still a dangerous but no longer dominant offensive threat, to play like the freewheeling 25 year old he once was. There's really no way he can win in this kind of atmosphere.

Deep down, I believe that Jagr is simply not happy here, both professionally and personally. Additionally, he's not married and all of his friends and family live in Europe, which has to be a constant drain on him. All he wants to do is play hockey, and he probably feels that his current situation doesn't allow him to do so on his terms. Some might even argue that the current state of play in the NHL, with opposing players allowed to constantly shadow and harass at will, and minor penalties being called seemingly at random, doesn't fit his definition of 'playing hockey'. So while he may garner a lot of attention in Omsk or wherever he decides to play next year, he won't be under the biggest microscope in the world where he is expected to be his new team's saviour. If he decides to turn down offers to continue playing in the NHL, I can't say that I blame him.

(Photo by Jim McIsaac/Getty Images)

WRIST SHOTS: HE LITERALLY VENTED HIS SPLEEN

Well, it looks like it's just about over for the Rangers. Jagr started off like a house on fire, exhibiting emotion and that sweeping wraparound move (that brought back nightmares from the numerous times he'd done that vs. the Devils), but in the end they couldn't stop The Malkin Machine. Sidsburgh is now up 3 games to none.

It was also nice of Jagr to show up, considering this might have been his penultimate game as a Ranger/NHL player. Do you know the way to Omsk?

Browsing TSN for NHL news I happened upon this article:

Sean Avery has a lacerated spleen and will be out the remainder of the season, sources tell TSN. The source went on to say that the laceration was detected with a CT scan after Avery was taken to hospital following the Game 3 with the Panguins. Full Story

Why do good things happen to bad people? I mean, the other way around??? (Uhm, the Panguins?)

I also commented on Chris Drury, who appeared to hurt himself while celebrating a (non) goal last night in the 2nd period. Shooting from MAF's right side of the crease, he put his arms up in anticipation of the puck going across the goal line along the far post, but Hal Gill deftly swept it out. Drury put his arms about halfway up and then he winced and put them back down. He looked like a broken man for the rest of the game, skating at half speed and unable to keep a puck in the zone during a key sequence in the 3rd. At the time I was thinking he pulled a muscle in his back or something; TSN said he was "hampered" and may have injured his shoulder (it looked like his right side).

As it turns out The Pensblog has a frame-by-frame account in their goofy-ass Game 3 recap . (The "Sidney Plissken in Escape from New York" yesterday had me LLOL.) If anything sums up the Rangers awful play and horrible luck in this series with the Pens, it would be that: a key player getting injured while celebrating a goal that never happened.

Meanwhile, both Detroit and Dallas have taken commanding 3-0 leads in their respective series. So tonight we're going to have a conference finals party like it's 1-9-9-8!

If you haven't checked out Hockey-Reference.com yet, you must. My favorite stat is Bobby Orr's plus/minus of +124 in 1970-71. That season, he wasn't even the leading scorer on his own team, and total goals for vs. against while on the ice was an astonishing 258 to 85. Since they scored 399 goals that year, that means he was on the ice for about two-thirds (65%) of them. Basically, only good things happened when he was out there.

Another question I meant to ask last night in my anti-livebloggery: why aren't there more songs about hockey? Sure, there's "The Good Old Hockey Game", but what else? It seems like they make a craptacular Super Bowl Shuffle-esque song every year, and there are more baseball songs than I care to remember. I have one I'm working on about the Avs called "Hejduk" (to the tune of Pink Floyd's "Hey You"):

Hejduk
Skating in the cold
Sakic and Forsberg growing old
Can you help me?
...
Hejduk
Why can't Theodore make a stoooooop?
Together we stand, divided we flop

Uhm, that's all I've got so far.



(Photo by Bruce Bennett/Getty Images)

WRIST SHOTS: CONSPIRACY CONSHMEARACY

In the New York area, the discourse surrounding the first two games of the Rangers/Penguins series have been decidedly NOT about hockey. This is not a surprise, as the New York (sports) media is seemingly built on sensationalism and ridicule, but it is more than a little disheartening. But instead of focusing on the Rangers' defensive lapses that erased a 3-0 lead halfway through Game 1 (thanks to twice giving up 2 quick goals, 14 and 20 seconds apart, respectively), and their inability to score during 7 power plays in Game 2, blame for the teams' predicament seems to be focused elsewhere.

If you don't watch hockey all year or have only started to tune in due to the Rangers' recent success, I can understand that you might smell a controversy or feel some injustices have been thrust upon them. Allow me to address some of the accusatory statements that seem to be flying around the Metro area this time of year like so much grass pollen.

1. "Crosby is getting all the calls!" He's a phenomenal player, and thus draws more attention as other teams focus on him. He also skates with the puck like he owns it, and keeps his feet moving through traffic. Therefore, it's no mystery or conspiracy that he draws a lot of penalties. Fast, skilled puckhandlers lead the list of most penalties drawn per game (Crosby, Cole, M. Richards), as do those who complain a lot after the whistle (Avery, Burrows). Late in Game 1, Crosby was interfered with in the neutral zone to prevent a 2-on-1 breakaway from occuring, the exact type of interference infraction that everyone has been complaining about since the invention of the "neutral zone trap". Now people are arguing that it shouldn't have been called a penalty. I'm sorry, you can't have it both ways.

2. "Crosby is a diver!" In Game 2, Tyutin pulled Sid by his shoulder in the corner, and he really had no other choice but to go down. Instead of inspiring his own team to kill the penalty and fight through it, Jagr immediately skated over and bitched at Crosby allegedly accusing him of diving. This helps absolutely no one, and he even later admitted former teammate Super Mario used to get the same superstar treatment. Jagr has let this get into his head, just like Brodeur let Avery get into his noggin in the first round. Instead of getting guarantees and positive talk from their team captain, they get to hear him complaining to the media about the officials--not a good sign.

3. "Crosby is a sissy!" The hell he is. He goes out there and busts his buns EVERY NIGHT. You tell your old man to try dragging Avery and Jagr up and down the ice for 60 minutes.

4. "The NHL wants the Penguins to win!" This statement is total bullshit, as New York is the #1 media market in the country. Furthermore, I'd argue that Bettman is less concerned with ratings than with bringing the Cup to non-traditional hockey cities (Tampa, Carolina, Anaheim), and neither city in this series is in that category.

5. "The refs are screwing the Rangers!" New York penalties = 12 (I didn't count the one Straka got for complaining at the end of Game 1), Pittsburgh penalties = 10. Yeah, that's not exactly an unbalanced screw job there. In Game 1, the Rangers got a PP early and scored, while the Penguins scored on a late PP (which cancel out, since both goals are equal). Meanwhile, the Rangers got two PPs late in Game 2 (13:54, 17:38) and didn't score. The quick whistle before the Rangers seemingly tied up the game was an unfortunate break, but there's nothing you can do about that (and even the Rangers didn't complain as much as the fans have).

As an objective observer with no rooting interest (well, I was rooting for a long OT game on Sunday), they've been calling this series pretty fairly by my estimation, consistent with what we've seen in the regular season. If the Rangers don't shift their focus away from the refs and back on their opponents tonight at MSG, this will be a very short series.

WRIST SHOTS: ROOT, ROOT, ROOT FOR THE HOME TEAM?

When you have a rooting interest and your team loses in the first round, it's hard to give a shit and write about hockey. The Great Wyshynski manages to plug away despite the Devils demise, but then again he gets a paycheck. I'm going to agree with the fans at MSG: Brodeur played like complete crap during this series. He stunk on ice in the five games, letting in some softies en route to a 2.98 GAA, and let Sean "Fucking" Avery get under his skin, even (rightfully) snubbing him during the handshake. All season I knew this Devils team isn't that good, but I thought they were at least good enough to beat an enigmatic and erratic Rangers team, led by Jaromir "What The Fuck Is The Euro Trash Beard On Your Face" Jagr. I know Marty had a great regular season, but just how many times will there be a "next year" for him?

All I know is that I'm suddenly surrounded by Rangers fans who weren't here in October, which proves this town is filled with more fair-weather fans than ever before. I can't wait for these people can go back to watching the Yankees or the stock market or whatever they were doing before discovering last week that New York City has a hockey team. But you know what? Despite the fact they knocked off my team I'm going to be a man and actually root for the Rangers to represent the Wales, or at least go down fighting. That's right, the very team that eliminated my team (essentially, this was payback for the 2006 sweep). How many Rangers fans would root for the Devils if the situation was reversed? I'm thinking approximately zero, since all of them thought it funny to say things like: "Thanks for all the home games in Newark" (screw Newark, you can have it) and "Marty sucks!" (overall, he doesn't, and as good as he is Lundqvist will never match his ridiculous career stats). Yes, I'm hoping New York buries anyone they come across, especially if it's the Philthy Lyers. In fact I would love a Montreal/Rangers Original Six matchup, if I had to chose right now.

(Of course I'm also rooting for Avery to fall down a flight of stairs and break his skull, but that's a different, more personal story. Oh, and Rangers fans who call the Devils goalkeeper "Martha" can also fall in front of a NJ Transit train on their way out of Newark for all I care.)

* Golf season may be on hold for Tiger Woods, but it just started for me on Friday (I played in Maine, no less!), a day earlier than the Devils. (Actually, how many hockey players actually play golf? They always make the "tee time" joke this time of year, but I don't think many of them play.)

* Meanwhile, if the Lyers and Massholes both win tonight I could go 0-for-the-Wales Conference with my blognostications (again, I feel sorry for you if you listened to me). Out in the Campbell, I managed to correctly pick the Red Wings, Stars (to "upset" the Ducks), and the Avalanche (to upset the Wild). I'm so happy for Willa Ford, who chose to marry an American hockey player who led his team to a first round win. I'm so ecstatic that I had to post another picture of Mrs. Mike Modano.



* With Osgood now taking over for the Red Wings, is Hasek done? I see him going back to Buffalo next year to back up Miller, just like old times. The Ray Emery era is over for the Sens, which leads me to ask: was there ever a Ray Emery era? No, no there wasn't, as you have to accomplish something in order to have an "era" named after you.

* In their continuing effort to completely shit all over tradition, the NHL will fine anyone $10,000 for spinning around any octopi. In other words, Bettman sucks.

* Chris Pronger spent his teams' final minute of play where he belongs: in the penalty box, feeling shame after getting called for cross checking. Have a shitty summer, Chris!

* By the way, Marty, Henrik and Nabby have been named the Vezina Trophy finalists. Here's the breakdown:
BRODEUR: 2.17, .920, 4 SO, 44-27-6
LUNDQVIST: 2.23, .912, 10 SO, 37-24-10
NABAKOV: 2.14, .910, 6 SO, 46-21-8

It's a close race, and though my East Coast Bias says it's between Marty and Henrik . . . I think Nabakov will win it.

WRIST SHOTS: GREAT (DEVIL) MINDS THINK ALIKE

You might not know Greg Wyskynski* but he writes the fantastic NHL Closer on Deadspin (and also for a new startup called AmericaOnline, which allows you to connect to the "information superhighway" via several local dialup numbers at speeds of up to 14.4Kbps on your internal/external fax-modem). I now find that I can't go a day without reading his humorous daily take on the NHL and the world around it, as his funny references and pictures pretty much sum up everything I wish this blog could be. We seem to have a lot in common, as he also hates Bettman and the shootout, and he's a Devils fan (and a Mets fan, Jebus help us both) originally from Monmouth County, New Jersey (we were probably neighbors!). Like me, he's also a little disturbed by the way the Devils been playing. So as I was lamenting the Devils' latest loss and their complete inability to beat the Rangers, I included the following sentence in an email:

"What are the odds the Devils miss the playoffs? They're only 3 points from the cut line, so I'd say 50/50 right now. Seriously, they are looking like the September 2007 Mets right now."

Not 5 minutes later did I read this on the freshly posted NHL Closer: The Rangers Are the No. 1 Cause Of Depression : "They might as well play the rest of their home games at Shea Stadium". That's pretty freaky, but I guess great (Devils) minds think alike. In all honesty, if they miss the playoffs this would be a bigger choke-job than the Mets and the Sabres combined, the latter of which were never really in the playoff picture at any time this season. And if I see Thomas Glavine warming up in the Devils pre-game skate, I am going to jump off the Pulaski Skyway. (I LLOL at the "have another donut, Marty" line. I think he's bulking up for when Bettman cuts the size of the goalie pads next season. Or he carries the practice pucks in his cheeks.)

As for last night's debacle, the Devils dominated early in this game but as usual had fuck-all to show for it (see also: 3/8 @ TOR). Somehow the Rangers end up winning it on a bizarre lucky goal by Devilslayer Nigel "Tufnel" Dawes (I didn't see it, I was flipping and watched Xavier tie their game and beat Huggy Bear in OT instead):

A pass by Chris Drury, who assisted on every New York goal, hit the skate of Devils defenseman Sheldon Brookbank and caromed in on Brodeur. He steered the puck into the onrushing Dawes, on the ice after being knocked down by Travis Zajac. Both players barreled into the crease, with Dawes pushing the puck over the line with his shoulder with 3:06 left.

With his freaking shoulder? Ugh. Yeah, this stuff happens in hockey all the time, but why did it have to be in the Strangers' favor? So not only is this Devils team not getting any breaks, they're also playing like bitches (0 for 25 on the PP). What can I do? Instead of watching the Philthy matchup tonight, maybe I'll just sit in a darkened room and listen to my deluxe edition CD of Jeff Buckley Live at Siné as he sings "The Man That Got Away", which crying into my bottle of Westmalle. Whoa, I'm starting to sound like KSK's Emo Eagles.

/smacks self in face

By the way, Avery For Men is the biggest bitch on the ice. I was forced to watch the MSG feed (the only HD broadcast of the game--thanks Dolan, you dick) and the Rangers production crew must be in love with him, because they showed close ups of him the whole fucking night. After every play, he (gets up off his ass and straightens his helmet and) complains about something, dropping an F-bomb at whoever is within earshot. Every time he's cleanly checked, or flops on top of the goalie, runs into the boards of his own volition--it seems he believes that someone else should be blamed for it. Everyone is obviously wrong except him. He's such a douche . . . but I guess it's great if he's on your team.

What is a Ranger anyway? I understand the Texas Rangers being called that, since they existed, but what's a New York Ranger? Did they ride on horseback through Central Park on their way to the rink? Kris enlightens me: "The original owner of the NY Rangers Tex Rickard. The New York papers started calling the team "Tex's Rangers." Man, that's lame. My only response to that is that I fucking hate Texas.

At least I can Schadenfraude my day away with this TSN front page epitaph for the 2007-08 fallen LEAVES:

It's Over.

Boo hoo! Bye bye LEAVES! As the old adage goes: "It must be spring, because the Leafs are out." Or maybe you like "Make like a tree and LEAF!" Either one works for me. I'm going to out on a maple tree limb, but maybe it's time to get rid of selfish assholes like Darcy Tucker and Mats Sundin who sabotaged the system by refusing to waive their no-trade clauses, thus preventing the team from making any improvements. I blame the ownership, whoever that is. I just found out it's a combination of the Ontario Teachers' Pension Plan, CTV, TD Bank and Kilmer Sports. Wait, they're owned by a teachers' pension plan? No wonder they're a mess. As it is, they are the most profitable team in the NHL, so why should any of the owners care if they make the playoffs? Why mess with the status quo?

In his free time between doing nothing running his business and Photoshopping in "blood splatter" to his Sabretooth-beheading-Devil masterpiece, Kris mentioned something about the Sabres winning a game in Canada somewhere wherein Maxim for Men scored a goal as pretty as his flowing blonde hair. If you ask me, that's the ultimate garbage time goal: when your team is out of playoff contention! He'll probably go on a spree, scoring 7 goals in the final 6 games as they finish 4 points out. Whatever. I stand by my assertion that Maxim for Men can go screw.

NBC has another hockey "Game of the Week" at the crack of dawn on Sunday morning, and guess what? The Nothing But Crosby network is featuring the Sidsburgh Crosbys (against some other team)! I actually like The Kid, but the constant drooling over him MUST STOP. How about giving some attentoin to Lucic or Kane? And would it kill you to show a West Coast matchup? (I've only heard rumors that Vancouver has a team, is that true? There's a British Columbia now?) This Peacock Blocking is because they must get the hoc-key out of the way early to show some crappy non-major golf tournament, in a shitty combination of HD and SD, at 2:30 PM. I'm so sick of this crap. I hit a bird on the way into work today, and although I'm not sure what type it was, I really hope it was related to the NBC peacock. (Actually, I probably would have felt that.)

In other Crosbys news, "♪I see my Maryanne skating awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!♪" As Kris stated, Maryanne Hossa might be literally made of glass; ever since the trade deadline he's been fragile, playing in only 8 games. Oh, Ruutu (who last night overshadowed Crosby saving hockey yet again) might be a bigger douche than Avery, but it's close.

I'll leave you with a lovely shot of a hockey player who truly hates pants. Man, that's got to be cold.

* Yay me, I spelled his name correctly without looking. That's when you know you've been reading too much Deadspin. Check out his book Glow Pucks and 10-Cent Beer. Thanks again for the Deadspin blogroll shoutout, Greg.