HOW TO DISMANTLE A JOSHUA TREE

U2 won 5 Grammys last night including the big kahuna, Album of the Year. So if you add in the 2 they won for "Vertigo" last year, that's 7 awards they've managed to get out of the worst album of their career, which easily beats the previous record holder, Toto (for 1981's "Toto IV"). Now, I agreed with the Album of the Year for "The Joshua Tree" in 1987, but that's where it ends. I'm just going to assume the Grammy voters are playing catchup for snubbing them early in their career, for "Pride (In the Name of Love)", and the albums "War" and "Boy", and/or "Unforgettable Fire". But seriously, the throwaway B-sides from "Joshua Tree" are better than anything on their current disc. Anyway, the Grammys are just so lame and predictable, I can't deal with it anymore. Just the fact that Gwen Stefani's "Hollaback Girl", which would have been stupidest song of the year if it wasn't for Black Eyed Peas' "My Humps", was considered one of the TOP FIVE BEST SONGS OF THE YEAR tells you where music is at nowadays. Obviously, the Grammys are just trying their hardest to get people from every walk of life to tune in (by throwing Mariah, Sir Paul, Kanye, Gwen, and U2 in the same category), but none of this stuff is close to being groundbreaking or the "best" music of the year. I mean, how many polka Grammys can Jimmy Sturr win before someone does something about it?!? (Rhetorical question.) Personally, I can't wait until they add the categories "Most Downloaded Song" and "Ringtone of the Year".

To illustrate how meaningless award nominations are, the "Dr. Phil" show got a daytime Emmy nomination for "Outstanding Achievement in Hairstyling". I'll let you think that one over for a minute . . .

The Daily News had this headline in the paper about the Giambino:
JASON NO LONGER SORRY
Injects himself with new pride
Wow, that's puntastic! He does look a lot like Meat Loaf, or maybe he's just been eating a lot of meat loaf.

Duke beat North Carolina the other night on an unbelieveably lucky break: with 20 seconds left and down by 3 with the ball, NC inexplicably did not attempt a 3 point shot, instead driving the lane and missing a layup with 8 seconds left. Whuh? Duke doesn't need breaks like this, they do just fine without it. And why isn't this even mentioned in the recap? It makes it sound like Duke won easily. In other news, Dick Vitale masturbated in his hotel room afterwards. And what's the deal with J.J Redick? Is there anyone whiter? No, I'm not playing the race card, I'm just talking about his pigmentation--his skin is a deathly pale white. Does he ever get any sun? Does he ever leave the gym? Is he a member of a some weird goth club? I bet even albinos even call him "whitey". Seriously, he's white.

What's the record for an actor who has starred in the most movies that have titles stolen from songs? Because I think Reese Witherspoon is up there at the top, with "Walk the Line", (Johnny Cash), "Just Like Heaven" (The Cure), and "Sweet Home Alabama" (Lynyrd Skynyrd). She was also in "Twilight", which HAD to be stolen from the U2 song, but I can't prove it.

I know "Brokeback Mountain" is the big gay Oscar hit of the year, but now they've made a movie out of "Bicurious George"? That's just wrong. Stop monkeying around, Hollywood! Or maybe I read that ad wrong. Oh, and those remakes of "Pink Panther" and "When a Stranger Calls" are sure to do well, but I can't wait for the big screen version of "Small Wonder".

Why does it take the Super Bowl for people to discover: 1) how horrible NFL officials are, 2) how stupid the majority of commercials are, and 3) how old the Rolling Stones are? Guess what? It's been like that for quite a while. Are we all caught up now? Super.

I don't understand Cablevision. Yes, I'm happy with their HD programming, since they exclusively carry "Fox Sports NY-HD" and "MSG-HD", but I don't understand how they choose what gets broadcast in HD and what doesn't. The Knicks @ Nets game was in HD on BOTH channels last night, meanwhile the Rangers were at home (HD ready!) and the Islanders were in Philly (not HD ready)--and neither of them in was in HD. If you put the Rangers on MSG-HD, the Isles on FSNY, and the Nets on YES-HD, then everyone wins. Cablevision OWNS the Rangers, and can't get them broadcast in HD?