DANA JACOBSON, WILL YOU MARRY ME?

Dana Jacobson is an ESPN anchor (or so they tell me, I don't watch the channel enough to have seen her) who recently got into a bit of trouble. Allegedly, she got rip-roaring drunk at something called "The Mike & Mike in the Morning Celebrity Roast" (some self-congratulatory piece of shit ESPN function), got up on stage and dropped some F-bombs. She said something to the effect of "Fuck Notre Dame, fuck Touchdown Jesus, fuck Jesus". This apparently "embarrassed" ESPN (as if their horrendous programming isn't doing that job already) and forced them to give her a week's vacation.

(Before anyone gets outraged about these out of context remarks, remember that this is a roast, so there's bound to be some off-color remarks made. And even if she said this to Jesus' face, I believe he would forgive her. So basically, you bunch of overly sensitive PC pussies, get a fucking sense of humor.)

Anyway, this is what I know about her:

1) She's 36 and single
2) She's a sports fan
3) She's tall (reports have her as being anywhere from 5'9" to 6')
4) She loves Belvedere vodka
5) She hates Notre Dame
6) She can't endure worthless banter surrounding two completely uninteresting sports radio hosts while sober

What's not to like about this woman? I'm trying to find a fault and I really can't, except for her employer (but who am I to talk?). Some internet trolls have declared her "unattractive", but I can only assume they are all capable of dating supermodels when they're not commenting on Deadspin and downloading hentai porn.

What I'm trying to say is . . . Dana, will you marry me?

(Feel free to leave your answer in the comments.)

UPDATE: Baseball Musings found this fantastic picture. How can you beat that?