Sunday, December 17, 2006


I am in serious need of a new computer desk. Ever since the Great Basement Apartment Flood Of 2005, I've been making do with some sort of end table (it's amazing how long I'll put up with shit, like my entire lab career). I've been looking around for a real honest-to-goodness wooden desk with a surface big enough to play shuffleboard on, but I'll probably end up with something from IKEA's "Sweden Was Just Going To Burn It Anyway" Collection. As it stands, I hate blogging here at home because it gives me a backache, so I only end up doing it at work (again, fuck you, lab!). So here's my lame ass blog for the day.

God bless MSG Network! I didn't even know they had programming other than hockey and basketball games, and as witnessed last night, they don't. Apparently, they turn into the Hot Air Balloon Network after hours. Who knew? Maybe it was the alcohol I was consuming, but I swear that after the Rangers game debacle ended they devoted the rest of the night to hot air ballooning. Is this now considered a sport? Are they boldly trying to set the next new trend to unseat poker? All I know is if I drank anymore Woodford Reserve I probably would have woke up thinking, "How did I get home last night? A hot air balloon?" Or even worse: I would have been strong armed into buying a hot air balloon by the paid programming scam that is the Hot Air Balloon Network. God, I've said "hot air balloon" so many times the term has lost all meaning. Anyway, god bless the HAB Network! (Oh, they also have Summer Sanders, so that's okay with me.)

Captain Morgan was in Bourbon Street last night. That's right: THE Captain himself. First of all, what is he a captain of? And who did he blow to even get promoted higher than lieutenant? If you ask me, Captain Kangaroo did more in service to this country (kids TV), and should have at least been made an admiral. What a joke. Seriously, how much would they have to pay you to dress up in a fucking pirate costume complete with a massive fake beard and push crappy spiced rum on bar patrons? Whatever it is, they couldn't afford me. Hey, I have an idea: why don't they have a guy from Brooklyn go bar-to-bar promoting Brooklyn Lager, flanked by skanky baseball bat wielding "Brooklyn Girls" who force you to drink their product or else they'll break your kneecaps? Just a thought.

Just a quick note about Bourbon Street in Nyack. In the last month alone, we've managed to: persuade them to play XM Lucy on the radio, keep Cutty Sark in stock for Rob, and convince them to show every available hockey game (at one point, 5 of the 8 available TVs had hockey on). Yeah, they know who butters their sourdough po' boy bread. All we have to do is get them an HD box and we might never leave.

Man, I'm babbling. Let's get to the UPSET SPECIAL.

After having to sit through one of the most miserably played NFL games in recent memory (thanks NFL Network!), I realized that 90% of the matchups this week are sucktacular. (Tampa @ Chicago? Cleveland @ Baltimore? Ugh.) As for the UPSET SPECIAL for the week known as #15, I couldn't even come up with a matchup that was the least bit interesting. So this is what I came up with: after the Jag-gernauts' stunning ho-slapping of the Colts last week, they will come down to Earth and be upset by the Tennessee Vinceyoungs (+3.5).

One last thing: word is that the NFL's Sunday Ticket anti-trust agreement with DirecTV will be broken up by Congress, making it available to any cable/satellite/fiberoptic service provider (a package that anyone in Canada can get--yeah, that's officially screwed up). But the longterm plan for the NFL is that once their deals with the networks and ESPN expire, that they're keen on broadcasting all the games themselves. That combined with some uninspiring teams and matchups will be the death of this league (like the NBA and their eroding viewer base). Oh, and NFLN, stop fucking with the NCAA bowl games, most notably the Rutgers appearance in the Texas Bowl, which most of the country will NOT get to see because of the pissing contests that these networks and cable companies get into. Hey NFLN, you've already proven you're completly incapable of showing your own NFL games, don't screw with the NCAA! Especially during CapitalOne® Bowl Week. Dicks.

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