NEW YORK GIANTS FOOTBALL SQUADRON ELECTRONIC NEWS BULLETIN

The New York Giants Football Squadron, affiliated with the National Football Conference, have fallen on hard times in recent days. Sunday's most recent contest on their home pitch in New Jersey against a collection of Cowboys from Dallas, Texas proved to be less than favorable, leaving them with an equal number of failures as successes after a dozen matches. I have but a few suggestions about how this group of strapping, talented young lads can reverse their fortune in their future athletic endeavors.

First and foremost, it appears that fellow Eli Manning needs to work on his mastery of the "forward pass". At his position of "quarter back", he needs to be more scrupulous whilst hurling the pigskin towards his available teammamtes downfield. Additionally, the brash toeheaded "tight end", who answers to the name of "Shockey" and whose blonde locks can scarsely be contained by his leather helmet, should be instructed more often to receive said ball advancements to assist the squadron. Furthermore, progress may also be achieved by "forward running", and the strong "half back" with the moniker "Tiki" should be called upon increasingly to undertake this necessary duty. Perhaps implementing the ol' hook-and-lateral, and possibly the Statue of Liberty play, may help them to better advance into the enemy's field. In using the aforementioned stratagems, perhaps they shall increase their number of "touching downs", and thus their chances of emerging victorious.

Yes, those NY Giants sure are a tough lot! Wish them luck as they fight onward towards capturing the ever-elusive National Football Conference crown. All hail the boys from East Rutherford!

(I'm so sick of hearing about/talking about these punks, I thought I'd fashion an old school article instead. This is the last you'll hear about them here. Trust me.)