LOST SEASON 3 FINALE: LIVE BLOG! (HOUR TWO)

9:59> This blog entry is being most likely read by no one but me, so it's really just to refresh my memory when the show returns next season TO RUIN MY LIFE.
10:00> Kate was kicking ass and beating up US Marshalls in the first year, and now she wilts when Saywer tells her to piss off and keep walking to the radio tower? "Ever since you got pregnant, you've changed, Freckles."
10:01> So Jack just said, "I LOVE YOU!" to Kate. Maybe they're going steady again after all! I hope he asks her to the prom! "Did you hear she got pinned? Did she kiss him and cry?" I don't miss high school AT ALL.
10:02> FUCK! The Jack flashback continues, as Grizzly Shephard is cranking "Scentless Apprentice" by Nirvana and going to a funeral for . . . wait, who is in the coffin?
10:05> Jack and Ben, together again. I'm getting all misty.
10:09> Mikhail thankfully puts the eye patch back on (ewww), but after he snuffs out the two chicks, Dez shoots him in the chest with the spear gun! "My uncle shot me with a spear gun once . . . ONCE." Is he really dead though? Do I really care?
10:14> Ben about Naomi: "She's not who she says she is." This is about the 234th time they've said this on 3 years of LOST. This show makes my head hurt.
10:23> Charlie is the only one making sense right now . . . and he's about to die, brutha!
10:25> Danielle finally meets her daughter, Alex, and asks if she wants to help her tie her dad up. So THAT'S how it is in their family.
10:28> HURLEY AND THE LOVE BUS! He runs down The Others who were holding Bernie, Sayid and Jin captive in his Bitchin' Dharmawagen! Holy shit, that was awesome! Yes, those three were NOT shot (as I guessed) despite Ben telling Tom to do so. Sayid does this nifty leg-twist-neck-snapping thing, and Sawyer shoots Tom. The body count rises. WAR: IT'S FAAAAAN-TASTIC!
10:34> More Jack and his daddy issues. "Call him, and if he's as drunk as me . . ." Is this a competition?
10:36> I hate commercials. They waste my life.
10:40> Charlie types in the magic code: "Gotta keep those lovin' good vibrations a-happ'nin' with her."



10:41> With the jammer off, Charlie talks with Penny on the telly . . . but HEEEEEERE'S MIKHAIL! He rises from the dead YET AGAIN and blows open the porthole with a grenade. I told you! He's like the Russian Terminator! "He'll find him! That's what he does! That's ALL HE DOES!"
10:43> As the room fills with water (glug glug) Chuck's final act (glug glug) before drowning (glug glug): he writes on his hand and shows Dezi "NOT PENNY'S BOAT".
10:44> Oh shit. I'm getting a very bad feeling about this.
(EDIT: I thought about this later. Why didn't Charlie just swim up out of the blown out wall?)
10:48> Ben tells Jack, "You don't know what you're doing!" I hate the fact that Ben is probably right. Danielle knocks him unconscious anyway. Ha!
10:49> So now that Charlie's turned off the underwater jamming device with his Good Vibrations, Rousseau shuts off her distress message, and Naomi gets a signal to her boat on her iPhone . . . and Locke throws a knife in her back! "My father knifed me in the back once . . . ONCE."
10:50> Locke threatens to shoot Jack if he picks up the phone but he doesn't, saying, "You weren't supposed to do this." Yeah, and I wasn't supposed to watch this. Really, blowing up submarines? Killing people with sat phones? So he really wants to stay on the island, I take it. It's nice and all, but they don't have broadband internet.
10:52> The boat has a fix on their location. The LOSTIES are excited to hear from the outside world . . . but I'm guessing this is not a good thing. Remember, they don't get off the island until the series ends in 2010!
10:54> Back to Jackland, who in his drunken state has called Kate, who meets her out by the airport--so apparently this was a flash FORWARD. Or was it a parallel universe? Or an alternate reality? My head REALLY FUCKING HURTS.
10:57> Long story short, he says he made a mistake, and that maybe they shouldn't have been saved. And we still don't know who was in the coffin, but it's someone Kate also knows, and whose funeral she wouldn't go to (Locke? Ben?). Also, Oceanic apparently gave him a Golden Pass to apologize for the "crash" (or are they in PURGATORY, man???), which he uses to get drunk ALL OVER THE WORLD. Aim high, brutha!
10:58> As Kate drives away to go back to whomever she's with (Sawyer? Ben?), Jack screams, "WE HAVE TO GO BACK! WE HAVE TO GO BACK!"
10:59> And I have to go to sleep! At least the Yankees beat the Sawks, that's the only thing I know FOR SURE ACTUALLY HAPPENED.
11:00> I just remembered that LOST doesn't return for another 8 months. SEE YOU IN FEBRUARY, LOSTIES! Only 48 episodes to go!

God damn this show.