LOST SEASON 3 FINALE: LIVE BLOG!

9:00> Welcome to my live blog of the Season 3 finale of LOST. Will it give us more questions than answers? You be the judge!
9:01> We start with a Jack flashback. Crap. You might as well erase about 10 uninteresting minutes from the show. But I love Jack's fake playoff hockey beard. Seriously, that's not a good look for anyone.
9:03> And . . . cue Jack crying. Man, he's cried a lot this season.
9:04> Iron & Wine, don't jump! He doesn't, obviously, because this is a flashback. Duh.
9:05> Is there an unlimited supply of Dharma platinum blonde hair dye for Juliet?
9:07> "License To Wed" looks like a shitbomb. Robin Williams must die. I feel sorry for Jim from The Office for choosing that script.
9:10> Hey, how did they get an iPhone on the island already?
9:12> I guess hobbits are good swimmers, because Charlie is still alive. But the functional underwater station is manned by two women (womanned?). At least he's getting tuned up by a hottie.
9:14> So Ben just found out that Juliet is a mole . . . and sends in his henchmen (I love that name--what's a hench anyway?) to go kablooey anyway?
9:20> "Did they blow up 3 tents, or only 2? Well, to tell you the truth I kind of lost track in all the excitement. Let me ask a question: do you feel lucky, punk?" The three get captured after killing 7 Others with the TNT. I believe this is Sayid's 14th time getting captured so far.
9:21> Rose has the line of the show so far: "Jack, if you say 'Live together, die alone' I'm punching you in the face." Do it now!
9:25> As Sayid and Jin keep their mouths shut about Jack and the LOSTIES' whereabouts, Bernard spills the beans. Bernie, you are a douche.
9:26> Pixar's first dud?
9:28> Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse than "The Suitcase Opening Show" . . . it's "National Bingo Night" on ABC. IT'S BINGO . . . TO THE EXTREEEEEEME!!! Not only does this show exist, YouTube already has the commercial. This country is retarded.
9:30> Ben is a real bitch when he's angry. I still don't quite understand the whole "Jacob's haunted house" thing from a few weeks ago, but that's not important right now.
9:31> Sawyer & Kate having a lover's quarrel. "Ever since you killed that con man is cold blood, you've CHANGED!" No, she didn't say that, but she did say, "Since when are you calling me Kate?" I don't understand how these people are so emotionally connected to each other--what, have they known each other for about 90 days? And Sawyer & Kate have only gotten close in the past month since she split up with Jack. It's like frigging high school.
9:33> I have to say, Charlie is making me laugh tonight. They should tie him to a chair every week.
9:39> Dr. Unabomber is a stubborn prick. WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING? Stop the flashback, I want to get off.
9:41> Saywer's going "Back To The Beach" with Annette, Frankie and Pee Wee. The bird is the word!



9:42> Actually, he's going back to the beach with Juliet. A hidden cache of guns? Juliet is just filled with juicy info. How about a HIDDEN HOVERCRAFT SO WE CAN END THIS SHOW?
9:44> Ben says "Everything I've done, I've done for the island . . . with love." Everything sounds funny when you add "with love".
9:50> Oh, Juliet was lying but they're going to beach anyway.
9:53> It only took an hour, but we have our first LOCKE sighting, and he's a gun totin' cripple!
9:55> It's a 27 year old WAAAAAALT! (It's not the same without Michael yelling it.) He's almost as tall as Walt Frazier now, and tells Locke to get up and stop whining.

HOUR TWO COMING UP!

Meanwhile, this The Office Primetime Preview is hilarious:



Dwight: Water is incredibly overrated, both as a beverage and as an element. First of all, it has no taste, and fire is much more destructive. You've never heard of water burning down a building.