BEST SUMMER BREW™ REVIEW: LA CHOULETTE FRAMBOISE

Ok, I lied. Coors Light is not the best beer for summer.

I'm not usually too big on "flavored" beers. I like my beer to be "beer-flavored." However, since we are in a quest for the best summer beer, I figured I would give a raspberry-flavored beer a try, just to see what happened. It turns out that this makes for a very good summer beer.

La Choulette (FR only) has been a family brewery since the end of the 19th century in the Nord-pas-de-Calais region of France, an area that includes Calais and Dunkerque and borders Belgium. The brewery is probably better known for the "Sans Culottes" beer than this offering, which contains raspberry extract to give it that refreshing summertime taste.

As you can see, the bottle is brown, with a simple off-white label containing a few images of raspberries and the beer's name and a brief description. The best part is it contains a generic white cap - nothing says artisanal like bulk purchases of caps. The beer pours a dark reddish color with a large but fluffy head of off-white/reddish. The head dies quite quickly and becomes a sort of thin film that would more likely be associated with superfund water site.
The scent is overwhelming raspberry - not bad - I just was incapable of smelling anything else.

I expected it to be sweet. Many fruit flavored beers that I have drank are debilitatingly sweet from the extract (or maybe its the sugar) that they add. However not this one. First taste is not bad and at 6% ABV, there is no real alcohol flavor to deal with. There is a crisp and clean taste to this beer. The more I drank this the more I could imagine spending afternoons hanging out in the yard or by the pool having a solid stock of these brews on hand. It is very refreshing - something about fruity flavoring makes the beer very conducive to warm-weather quaffing.

The aftertaste is not bad, per se, just strange. It tastes almost like old raspberries, not necessarily rotten, but the crisp raspberry taste gives way to a more bitter, less satisfying aftertaste.

I would not order one of these in a bar, but would definitely consider in on an outdoor terrace in the middle of a July afternoon. Extra points are given because we are looking at these beers from a summer stand point. It is probably above an 8, but I don't want to go all the way to 9. So, I will round down. Excellent summer beer for passing your time in the great outdoors. 8 thumbs up.

NB: While I do not want to read the reviews on Rate Beer or the Beer Advocate before I write my own, I will do my best to link a review from one or the other (probably rate beer, because I already have an account there) once I have completed my review. Here's the review from Rate Beer.

REAL FOOTBALL

In honor of that "global football exhibition" starting up again today, here's a clip of some REAL FOOTBALL.



Now THAT'S what I'm talking about! If any of these guys left the field on a stretcher, they would have EARNED IT. In fact, some of them might never have walked properly again. Oh, and guess what? Besides a few shots to the head, the vast majority of these were clean hits: no yellow cards, no red cards. Now that's a sport. No overacting sissies need apply.

Best Summer Brew - Contest Closed

Jeff and I have decided to start tasting a number of beer in an attempt to find the "perfect summer brew." As you can see, two reviews have already been posted and we both have fridges full of possible contenders. In true Simpsons style, we had foreseen our reviews on the "10-thumbs" scale. Jeff's going for more American beers and the stuff that he can find over there. Being that "American beer" in France consists solely of a couple of terrible Anheuser-Busch products (which as irony would have it, is brewed in the EU for free-trade purposes), I was planning on focusing on the Belgian, German, and European markets in general - I have something from Poland waiting to be tasted right now. Anyway, up to this point the beers are all fairly unknown stuff, but I realized this morning that we made a mistake. Why go out of our ways to find beer stores, then go to said beer stores to try to find a unique summer beer when the whole time the obvious winner has be sitting in front of us. That's right, the coldest tasting beer has introduced the "Cold Wrap." Not only does it taste cold, but that cold cold taste is now protected from contact with your sweaty palms as you chat up that blonde that is waaay out of your league.

Without even tasting this beer, I know, based on the marketing budget that the Coors Brewing Company has, that Coors Light with OUTLAST® TECHNOLOGY (for fuck's sake, it has "technology," name another beer that has that) is undoubtably the best beer for summer. Sorry, Jeff, I'm going to have to declare a winner already - don't waste your time (and money) tasting some crap that is brewed from hippy sweat in some barn in Vermont. I think we can all admit that any beer company that has the computer programming savy to add a Flash "Refresh-o-meter"to their website KNOWS how to make a beer.

I'm going to just go ahead and pour out these other beers that I have. It's not even worth the trouble. I've got to run (not walk) to my local supermarket now and pick up some of this fine, fine product. Happy summer everyone and if you have one brain cell left, you'll be enjoying it with a Frost Brew(TM) Liner Can or a Cold Wrap® Label Bottle.

BEER REVIEW: ALLAGASH WHITE

I'm currently searching for the perfect summer beer: something easy to drink with a nice bite of flavor, but nothing too heavy, spicy or complex, must taste good cold and have a relatively low %ABV (lower than 7). So I decided to buy a few different types of beers to see how they hold up to my criteria: a couple of India Pale Ales, a Belgian wheat beer (or witbeer, for you beer queers out there), an ale, and a lager. It doesn't have to have "summer" in the name, but it sure makes my decision making in the beer store much easier.

I was hashing this review out while chatting with Kris earlier, and I realized that I have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to tasting beer. That's not to say my tongue doesn't work properly, it's just that I sometimes can't exactly put what I'm tasting into words. At first, we thought it might be easier to describe what qualities it DOESN'T have, such as:

Me: "No dog shit smell, doesn't taste like toothpaste . . . "
Kris: "no lingering asphalt mouthfeel"
Me: "throat did not burn upon swallowing"
Kris: "slight to no swelling after ingestion"
Me: "skin on roof of mouth did not peel off, like when you eat a really hot slice of pizza and the cheese sticks to it"

But I knew that wouldn't fly. So bear with me, because this might not make any sense whatsoever. Here's my review of Allagash White, "an interpretation of a traditional Belgian wheat beer", by the Allagash Brewing Co. of Portland, Maine. Didn't see the %ABV on label, but Ratebeer says it's 5.5%.

Okay, on to Step 1: take the bottle out of the refrigerator. I poured out the 12 oz. brown bottle into a tapered pilsner glass (which is probably the wrong vessel for a white beer such as this, but screw you--should I spend my money on beer or fancy glassware?). Appearance: straw colored cloudy pale amber color, with virtually no head to speak of (even after following the "pour, swirl, pour yeast" instructions), light carbonation.

At first, it didn't smell or taste like anything. Even more alarming, there was no mouthfeel--I couldn't feel it in my mouth! But as it breathed and warmed slightly, it gave off a yeasty odor, with a hint of lemon. (Maybe the fridge is too cold? No way to know without a calibrated NIST traceable thermometer.)

As for the taste: yeasty/bread-like with a distinct alcohol tinge, not overtly sweet or hoppy. A little lemony, and earthy, like grass. It says "brewed with spices", but I couldn't detect much, unless you consider grass a "spice". Or maybe it's lemongrass? (And what's the difference between an "herb" and a "spice" anyhow? Is one a leaf and the other a seed? That might be a discussion for another day.) There was no appreciable aftertaste, and finished smooth but unexciting.

For a summer beer, I don't think this particular one cuts it, since it doesn't really taste like anything when it's cold. You certainly wouldn't want to drink one of these right after mowing the lawn, because it tastes like, well, the lawn you just mowed. I'll have to look for their summer brew in my travels (uhm, I suppose Maine would be a good place to start). It's a respectable brew, however, well-balanced and easy to drink, I'm just not a huge wheat beer fan. I was going to give it a 6.5, but Salo couldn't figure out how to make a half a thumb in Photoshop. I give it a 6.

BEST SUMMER BREW™ REVIEW: DELIRIUM NOCTURNUM (UPDATE)

(Update 1: 11:46pm - Jeff wanted a picture of the beer, and generously sent me a picture of said beer, but me, after reading of McCain and Feingold's new restaurant and their great strides towards transparency and "truth," have decided that whenever possible, I will try to post a picture of me with the beer. I could say that I tasted Trappist Westvleteren, but that's probably not going to happen any time soon. That's right folks, Open Hockey, your new homepage for integrity in blogging).

I'm pretty sure that this means the beer will make you delirious at night in one of these European languages and I'm pretty sure I know why (the dancing pink elephant on the bottle, helped me determine this as well). At 9% abv, this stuff has as much alcohol as nearly 2 pints of Guinness, and it shows.

Pouring this reveals a very dark, nut brown colored liquid with a large foamy head that is off white. Its olfactory properties include hints of nutmeg and other spices that I can not describe in words. It also smells of alcohol. This stuff is like wine. Thick and sweet is the name of the game once you taste it. The mouthfeel is...well, I don't know, I just wanted to get the word "mouthfeel" into this review. Strong, strong alcohol taste that does little to convince this drinker to "drink."

I'm sure this beer rates well on ratebeer.com and the beer advocate because it is a well developed Belgian triple, but as a summer beer I can only say, no way.

It's undoubtably a good beer, but I wasn't in the mind set for it. I should've had something lighter (like a Guinness). In any case, I don't want to skew the ratings against this beer too much. On the one to 10 thumbs-up scale, I give it a 7.

PELE SINGT!

Der größte Fußballer aller Zeiten veröffentlicht seine erste CD! Peleginga mit Eigenkompositionen des Fußballhelden ist eine schöne Mischung aus Smooth Jazz, Bossa, Samba und Tropical Swing.

"Peleginga" ~ Pele (CD+DVD) (NTSC) [DOPPEL-CD]

Disk: 1
1. Ginga
2. Moleque danado
3. Quem sou eu
4. Acredita no véio
5. Banho quente
6. Meu legado
7. Cidade grande
8. Meu boi
9. Trocando as bolas
10. Sou Brasileiro
11. Perdao nao tem
12. Vexamao

Disk: 2
1. Cordas
2. Metais

Preis: EUR 22,99

MOJO HAS LOST ME: BEER NUTZ REVIEW

I'm constantly in search of quality non-sports HD programming, but it's harder to find than you might think, and since I don't watch most of the network HD shows like "CSI" or "Law & Order" and "America's Got , my choices are limited. So when INHD premiered a new block of original shows, I was intrigued:

MOJO on INHD
A Brand-New Programming Block of Original Shows in Hi-Def
New Episodes Every Sunday
Visit mojohd.com for schedules, videos and more.
THREE SHEETS • BEER NUTZ • LONDON LIVE • DECADES • AFTER HOURS with DANIEL

These shows, brought to you by British rock magazine MOJO all revolve around drinking, eating and/or music, so they should be right in my wheelhouse. Over the weekend I caught a little of "London Live", which features both good (Editors) and bad (The Automatic) new British bands in a straightforward live performance setting which features great sound & video. Three Sheets is a show about drinking which I've yet to see, but really, how bad can it be (the host is a British comedian, so I'm thinking "Insomniac UK")?

I know this is, by definition, impossible, but I have an answer to that rhetorical question: it could turn out to be a complete stinker, like the one show I caught in its entirety: Beer Nutz. It has what sounds like a foolproof concept: two guys visit various cities and their best beer bars and microbreweries, and try out new and different brews and beer-related dishes. It should be a slam-dunk, but unfortunately the execution is piss-poor. First off, the two hosts are insufferably unfunny ("Hey look, the Freedom Trail, do you think it leads to any bars? Yuk yuk yuk!"), and their commentary about beer is insipid, akin to two ignorant frat boys whose only experience with beer is courtesy of the Coors Brewing Company; they seem jaw-droppingly astonished that beer exists that actually has taste AND color. On top of that, the style of the show itself is completely grating, especially the VH1-esque pop-ups that contain "beer facts" (Did you know Belgian monks make BEER? Who knew?!?). And just like the old idiom that skinny chefs are not to be trusted, the same goes for skinny beer fans.

One other irritating moment from the show: while chatting with the chef of a Boston restaurant that encorporates beer into 90% of their menu item (Publick House in Brookline), they asked why the desserts have been removed from the menu. He said, "That's a long story", and without explanation they moved onto the next topic. Guys, this isn't being broadcast live, you could have edited that shit out. The kicker: one of them didn't eat the restaurant's famous mussels cooked in beer because he's allergic to shellfish. That's fantastic. What were they thinking when they sent this guy to Boston? In the off-chance this is the ONE RESTAURANT IN BOSTON that doesn't serve any shellfish? Better yet, why the hell is this guy even on the show? I've got news for you: if you're on a food-themed show, the last thing you should have is food allergies. Next I'll find out that the host of "Three Sheets" is vodka intolerant.

My review: skip it. Getting the same info from the website is far less irritating. Better yet, just visit Beer Advocate or RateBeer for advice.

(UPDATE: I just found out that the allergic guy is Canadian, so he has more problems than previously thought. And the other guy who is a jerk on the show, turns out to be a jerk in real life.)

FRIDAY NIGHT VIDEOS

Two days ago, I had already earmarked this video to be posted on Friday. But after seeing a Today Show feature on YouTube this morning, featuring a guffawing Al Roker, I suddenly lost all interest. Something about morning shows that suck the fun out of everything. Well, the mainstream media has finally found YouTube, hooray for them. Why don't they stick to puff pieces about bears falling out of trees, and Britney Spears being a dumb skank, and leave the Interwebs alone? BTW, the blocky Flash animation looked FANTASTIC on my HDTV, you network nitwits.

Although my thunder has already been stolen, here's William Shatner performing "Rocket Man", from some 1978 SciFi awards show. This was BEFORE he was in on the joke.



Yes, this is the same man has won TWO Emmys.

2006 U.S. OPEN HIGHLIGHTS - THE ONION

Another infographic I missed: it's the 2006 U.S. Open Highlights, courtesy of the Onion.

CRAPA MUNDIAL 2006

I gave it a chance. I went into it with an open mind and zero expectations. Heck, I even WANTED to enjoy it, and gave it every opportunity to entertain me. But I have decided that the FIFA World Cup 2006 is UNWATCHABLE.

After the debacle that was the USA team's first round ousting (by all accounts marred by poor officiating), I continued watching with no real rooting interest. Yesterday, I decided to limit my viewing to the final 20 minutes of each of the two matches, since these matches seem interminable and offer very little action or drama. But between a lethargic England team who somehow still beat Ecuador who showed no signs of wanting to score EVEN IN THE LAST 10 MINUTES OF AN ELIMINATION GAME, and the Portugal/Netherhollandutch match sabotaged by a horrible ref having to give out a billion yellow cards to these play-acting buffoons, I've decided that I'M DONE WATCHING.

Now I did see the conclusion of the Italy vs. Australia match, which was not really my choosing; during my lunch break Avanti was showing Azzurri, naturally. But in the 93rd minute (3 minutes into stoppage time), Azzurri received a total gift penalty, as a player was "tripped up" inside the box, and they won 1-0 on a penalty shot as time ran out. Brutal. When the commentator says "Oh, he really sold it!", in other words it WASN'T a penalty and the striker did a good acting job to get the call. What a horrible way to decide an elimination game. The Socceroos must be PISSED.

As soon as I saw witnessed this trainwreck, I came to a realization. When played correctly and fairly, soccer is a sport; however, the current incarnation of the FIFA World Cup is not a sport, it's an exhibition. Yes, you read that correctly, my fanatical soccer-loving friends out there. I'll agree that it's an excellent showcase for the best soccer players from every nation to come together and show off their talent, but I would beg to differ that it contains the best played soccer matches. When a single referee's judgment call decides who wins and who goes home, and the actual game play is overshadowed by shoddy officiating, it's more akin to an exhibition, like figure skating, than an actual sport.


Oh, one last thing: let's go Germany! (I picked them in a pool that I was drunkenly talked into.)

NEW FEATURE: FRIDAY NIGHT VIDEOS

Inspired by Pitchfork Media's 100 Awesome Videos (among others), I've decided to post a video every Friday, courtesy of the best internet timekiller discovery of 2006, YouTube. Whether it's stupid, fun, ridiculously bad, or stunningly good, they're all going to be featured right here, every week (unless I get bored of the idea). I've already linked a Loverboy video, so you know it's going to be special.

This week: David Hasselhoff's "Hooked on a Feeling" (1999).

Apparently, he felt it was necessary to cover the classic 70's song by B.J. Thomas, and put out this fucking ponderous video to promote it. I'm completely speechless. My love for this video is immeasurable.



WARNING: although it's safe for work, it's not safe for your sanity. Ooga chakka indeed.

RUFF LOVE

The NHL regular season awards have been . . . awarded, and they showed Lindy some Ruff love, as he edged Peter Laviolette by one point to win the Adams Trophy for Coach of the Year. I'm sure Lindy would rather have his name on the Cup.

I agree with most of the awards, except for the Joe Thornton one. He didn't start playing until Boston dealt him to San Jose, so it wasn't him that carried that team, like Jagr carried the Rangers (he was voted by the players as the Lester B. Pearson winner). Plus, Thorny looks a little too damn happy in those pictures, considering he let the Oilers slap his ass out of the playoffs just last month.

Here's the list of 2005-06 NHL winners (my blognostications in parentheses):

HART (MVP): Thornton, SJ (Jagr, NYR)
CALDER (ROOKIE): Ovechkin, WAS
LADY BYNG (MOST GENTLEMANLY): Datsyuk, DET (Richards, TB)
SELKE (DEFENSIVE FORWARD): Brind'Amour, CAR
NORRIS (BEST DEFENSEMAN): Lidstrom, DET
VEZINA (GOALIE): Kiprusoff, CGY (Brodeur, NJ)
MASTERSON: Selanne, SJ (Yzerman, DET)
ADAMS (COACH): Lindy Ruff, BUF

Meanwhile, the Hurricanes victory parade consisted of driving the Cup around in pickup trucks around the arena. Yee haw! And I thought the Devils' parking lot celebrations were lame! Oh wait, they were. I heard some "'Caniacs" planned to riot and loot in downtown Raleigh, and then they realized that there isn't really much of a downtown. So they harrassed the waitstaff at Chili's instead. And they did "We Are The Champions" on the karaoke! That was insane.

In other news, the NHL approved the sale of the St. Louis Blues and their arena to a group led by former MSG president Dave Checketts. So it's only a matter of time before NY Rangers color commentator John Davidson takes a job down there. Best of luck, JD!

As predicted, the no-longer-Mighty Ducks changed their name, and they dumped the teal and purple for a rather boring black and gold motif.

Oh, and the Onion is all over the Stanley Cup stuff. They're the best:

Carolina Residents Confused, Terrified As Victorious Hurricane Players Riot In Streets

...North Carolina Gov. Michael Easley mobilized the National Guard to contain over two dozen members of what he described as "some sort of depraved, violent, heretofore unheard-of gang calling themselves as the Hurricanes."

"We couldn't believe what was happening," said Sam Weber, owner of Playmakers, a Raleigh sports bar. "I still don't understand it. We had a decent crowd here to watch the 1982 North Carolina vs. Georgetown NCAA Championship game on ESPN Classic when out of nowhere a lamppost comes crashing through the front window. Then these huge pasty white guys, all wearing, like, matching sweaters, run in screaming like madmen and holding this giant planter over their heads, which they demanded I fill with beer.

"I had never seen a scarier group of people," said Raleigh resident Max Sherwood, who was enjoying a quiet, calm Raleigh evening in the park with his mother. "They all had scraggily looking beards and they reeked of sweat and alcohol. They were screaming things like 'We fucking did it!' and 'Stanley!' When I politely asked them who Stanley was and not to cuss in front of my mother, well, that's when they came after us."

Sherwood suffered a mild concussion as well as facial lacerations after being forced to drink warm champagne out of "some type of weird birdbath."

"I still do not understand exactly what caused these 'Hurricanes' to hold their strange celebration in our streets. But I think I speak for all of North Carolina when I say I hope that they never repeat whatever it is again."

SEE YA NEXT YEAR, NHL (if they actually have a TV deal)!

WTF? - STRONTIUM EDITION

From the WTF? Files, it's the Bill O'Reilly Factor for Kids. For fair and balanced potty training, I guess.

Connecticut has passed a "no blowout" policy for all high school football games, that will suspend coaches one game for beating opponents by 50 points or more. This is why the rest of the world is catching up to us, and will eventually leave us in the dust, because we're bringing up a whole generation of kids who won't know how to face adversity, a society where "everyone wins!" This way, when you finally go out in the real world and fail, it will be that much more painful. Brilliant.

Just when I thought the Worldwide Leader In Shit couldn't get any worse, they've managed to sink even lower. I thought Chris Berman doing the U.S. Open on Thursday and Friday was a bad programming decision, but on Monday ESPN2 showed the 2005 World Domino Tournament from The Las Vegas Hilton. Yep, that's a spectator sport. FUCKING DOMINOES.

Corey Haim and Corey Feldman are back again, and this time it's for a TV comedy series. The brilliant name they came up with: The Coreys. Good God, I can't fucking wait. I am definitely getting a TiVo now.

Speaking of the 80s, check out this website of 80s music videos! Gah, this makes my head spin. Since everything needs a list, I'll have to pick my Top 10 from these.

This is bizarre: motorcyclist killed by lightning while driving in rush hour traffic. The best part of this story: they point out that he was wearing a helmet. Uhm, would that have helped? I blame this stupid reporting on that QB guy.

For the ultimate TV loser fanatic: it's DirecTV Titanium package. You can sign up for satellite service that gives you every possible channel, including all PPV movies and events and support for up to 10 DVRs, all for the low, low price of $7500 per year (which breaks down to $625 a month). Great. Yet another status symbol for the ridiculously wealthy who have so much money they can't figure out how to spend it all. I like how the website says "TITANIUM" is a trademark of DirecTV. Funny, because it's already on my periodic table. For that price, the remote should be made of pure titanium.

While we're on this topic, why did the marketing geniuses choose titanium as the "ultimate metal"? What if something better comes along? What's better than titanium? Uranium? Plutonium? Nah, too dangerous. Molybdenum? Nah, too hard to pronounce. I'm going with STRONTIUM. It just sounds cool, and it surely kicks titanium's transition metal ass.

Finally, a blog dedicated to cats that look like Hitler!

LESSER KNOWN STANLEY CUP CELEBRATIONS - THE ONION

God bless the Onion.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOUR 2006 NEXTEL--UHM, STANLEY CUP CHAMPIONS!

I can't wait to attend the parade in Hartford up I-91 to the Trumbull Street exit to the Civic Center Mall this weekend!

Now that "their team" has won Game 7 by a score of 3-1 to end the season, fans in the greater Raleigh area can get back to focusing on moonshine running and whittling. However, I don't have anything against the Hurricanes team; they're a likable bunch who play the game the right way, and I liked seeing guys like Glen Wesley and Peter Laviolette hoist the Cup. To sum up the Hurricanes win, Ray Whitney blurted out the f-word when handed the Cup, exclaiming "This fucking rocks!" Welcome to North Carolina! Yee haw!!! And I don't know if I've said this before, but god DAMN is Brind'Amour an ugly man.

And thanks to the Edmonton Oilers for making this a series, and making me believe in small market Canadian teams again. So let's do it again next year, eh?

Now everyone can go shave those ugly-ass playoff beards off, for cripes sake.
(Why doesn't Gillette Fusion sponsor this event?)

2006 U.S. OPEN RECAP: PHILLED WITH REGRET

After waiting a day to let it sink in, I don't know what else to say about FIGJAM Mickelson's collapse yesterday at the 108th U.S. Open that hasn't already been said. Up 2 strokes with 3 holes to go, with every contender falling by the wayside right in front of him, the stage was set for his first U.S. Open win. All he had to do was par the 18th. But he blew it.

There have been several explanations bandied about in the golf world about the reasons why this happened, but none of them satisfy me.

Did he revert to the Phil of old, the risk-taking gambler that he used to be, instead of the seasoned smart golfer he had become that allowed him to win three majors? Maybe.
Was this just a series of faulty decision making and poor course management? That's part of it.
Had he become cocky after winning the most recent Masters and PGA Championships, after years of close calls and shoulda-beens? Possibly.
Was Winged Foot Golf Club the real winner? That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Stop saying that, you idiots.

Anyway, all of these reasons are too convenient and logical.

I'm going to blame this choke job on the gallery.

For some reason, the New York crowds adore Phil. This bizarre phenomenon started in 2002 at the U.S. Open at Bethpage on Long Island, when he was the underdog without a major battling the evil juggernaut Tiger Woods, where he would end the weekend as the goofy-grin-and-bear-it runner-up. Ever since then, he's had adoring (and annoying) throngs of fans follow his every move on the golf course, peaking with his 2005 PGA Championship win at Baltusrol in New Jersey. But that was nothing compared to the big gay love fest in Mamaroneck this weekend.

I think it was this incredibly Philophilic crowd that convinced him he could do no wrong on Sunday, as their unwavering affection made him believe he could make them roar with approval with every mighty southpaw swing. With unrelenting chants of "Let's Go Phil!" in the background on every hole (as if his last name was Simms and he was in Giants Stadium in 1985), he tried too many times down the stretch to hit the miracle shot to wow the crowd, instead of the smart lay-up to save par, and it bit him in the man-breasts. On the 16th 5th, he drove the ball into the second cut of rough and tried to make a tricky save shot using a fairway wood; he only hit it 3 feet, and ended up bogeying. He bogeyed the 16th after missing yet another fairway; he had only hit 2 out of 13 all day and none on the back 9. Yet he kept going back to it, and on the 17th he drove the ball into a garbage bag along the left side of the gallery, and somehow managed a scrambling par.

Yet standing on the 18th tee, all Phil needed to do was par the final hole, as everyone else had already folded like a cheap beach chair in the 95° heat. Harrington bogeyed not ONCE, not TWICE, but THRICE down the stretch to end at +7; Furyk stepped away from his par putt attempt about 17 times and predictibly missed it, bogeying to finish +6; Majorless Monty, after waiting forever in the fairway after a great drive, made a last second club change, and shanked it short into the right rough, eventually carding a three-putt bogey to finish +6; Ogilvy managed a chip-in par on the 17th, and a solid up-and-down par on the 18th to finish at +5, birdieless on the day and seemingly destined to be a runner-up.

With the gallery lovingly screaming his name in ecstacy, pumping his ego up to a tremendous size, Phil reached for the driver on the 18th tee, the one club that had forsaken him all day. Did I mention he had hit his last drive INTO A GARBAGE BAG? Johnny Miller even said at this point that the prudent move would be to hit a conservative 4 wood down the middle. He didn't, and instead he sliced his drive way way way left, the ball bouncing off the Champions Pavilion tent and onto the trampled-down rough near the gallery.

At that moment, I had a flashback to the old Phil, the one who could never seal the deal, and could see that he was going to lose it. I saw a picture in my head of Jean Van de Velt in 1999, with his pants rolled up and standing in the water, triple bogeying the 18th to lose the British Open. This is the moment when he made his most costly mistake.

For his second shot, instead of chipping it into the fairway from there to salvage the hole, Lefty tried again tried to make the miraculous shot, a huge slice to reach the green, but the ball hit a tree and only traveled 25 yards ahead of where he was standing. The next shot ended up deep in the left bunker, and a simple up-and-down bogey would force a playoff. But he sent it all the way in the right rough, and he would eventually end up with a double bogey to finish +6 and give Ogilvy the crown in front of a deflated crowd.

Yes, the old Phil reared his goofy smiling head, but it's not completely his fault. And as much as I've bashed the guy on this blog, and I'm mystified as to why people adore him, I felt kind of bad that he unraveled like that at the end. But I blame it on the gallery, who sounded like they were attending an Aerosmith concert instead of a golf tournament. The guy has already won three majors, so what are you rooting for? For him to win every tournament, and make even more money (don't be sad, he still made half a mil while losing yesterday)? Next time he's in town, why don't you annoying people leave him alone and find a new underdog to torment, and maybe go to the Stadium to boo A-Rod instead?

STANLEY CUP FINALS GAME 6: DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES?

The Oilers have done it again. They dominated the Hurricanes last night, winning 4-0, to force a Game 7. After Game 1, I thought they were done. Ditto after Game 2 and Game 4. But they have staved off elimination (who uses the word "staved" anymore?) as hometown boy Fernando Pisani (from Edmonton) once again nets a goal in the blowout win. This game was never close, with Carolina only having 7 SOG through the first two periods.

However, this game marked the return of Erik Cole, skating for the first time in 3½ months after suffering a "season ending" injury. Of course, that would have been true back when the season didn't almost end in July, as it does now. He wasn't a factor, but you have to give him credit for growing an impressive playoff beard, just in case his services were called upon.

So one way or another, a new Stanley Cup Champion will be crowned in Game 7 on Monday night in Raleigh. Edmonton can make history by being the only team since the 1942 Toronto Maple Leaves to win after being down 3-1, and hopefully the Carolina fans won't be too hungover following today's NASCAR Michigan 500, or whatever the fuck it is. Regardless, I'm looking forward to a fitting end to an entertaining season of hockey.

BTW, the videos on this site (my-nhl.com) are hilarious. Especially the "Behind the Mask with Ilya Bryzgalov" ("closing the door, not pissing the pants") and Rod Brind'Amour's "Braveheart" speech ("he's like CIRCUS ugly"). This is why I love hockey, because the fans have a sense of humor and a love for the game. Even JD made a funny comment during Game 6 after Spacek got called for diving, "He must have been watching the Czech team at the World Cup". There's nothing remotely funny about soccer, the fans are too serious.

2006 U.S. OPEN: KICKED IN THE ASS BY A WINGED FOOT

After having attended the 106th U.S. Open on Friday, we learned a few things:

Winged Foot (West) Golf Course is gorgeous, but it can kick your ass. Firm, undulating greens, graduated rough that is 6" in some spots, incredible length (the picturesque 512 yard 9th leading up to the clubhouse is a freaking par 4). In a word: brutal. Just ask Retief Goosen, Sergio Garcia, Davis Love III and defending champ Michael Campbell, all of whom did not make the cut. Oh yeah, and some guy named Tiger (picked to win on this blog), who at +12 missed his first cut in a major event since turning pro in 1996.

We managed to jinx every player we decided to go see play on the course. In the morning, we did a full circuit of the golf course to check it out and see as many players as we could, and in the afternoon we seeked out those on the leaderboard who were playing well. Along with the aforementioned Tiger, here's a short list of players we mushed: Harrington was playing great until we met him on the 13th, where he carded a bogey (he birded the 18th as soon as we left); Kenneth Ferrie was shooting -4 on the day, but we saw him shoot consecutive double bogeys on 14 and 15; David Duval was cruising along at -4, but doubled the 6th while we were waiting for him to tee off on the 7th.

The New York galleries are apparently still gay for Phil, following him around with even more fervor than Tiger. When we asked one spectator why he was a FIGJAM Phollower, he said, "Because I went to Arizona State." Uhm, so fucking what? I went to Villanova, but that doesn't stop me from saying that Howie Long is a dick. Tiger has long been considered "more machine" while Phil has been considered "more human". But with Tiger turning 30, getting married, and having his dad pass away in the span of a couple of years, while also appearing to be mortal at some of these tournaments, he seems more human than ever. Phans of Phillis claim they like him because "he's a regular guy", but to me he just seems like a rich, spoiled, San Diego kid with a goofy grin who's never worked a day in his life. Anyway, we avoided the Philophiles in the afternoon, in the same way we steered clear of the Tiger Tsunami in the morning. Always a great choice, it allows you to actually ENJOY the day.

Canadians actually follow around Mike Weir, although they're inconspicuous and polite. I mean, they look exactly like us, and some of them even live among us! What's that all aboot?

It was nice to see David Duval shoot a 68 to make the cut on Friday. It was good to see him play well, and the crowd was really behind him. Not suprisingly, Freddy Couples and Padraig Harrington are also big fan favorites.

As on The Simpsons, crotchety old man C. Montgomerie is NOT a favorite. If you cough or fart while he's addressing his ball, he'll step off. It's no wonder why everyone hates him. Somehow a New Yorker belting out a sarcasticly derisive "We love you, Monty!" is more cutting than if he had just booed him instead. Monty burns my ass with his attitude.

Henrik Stenson is too Swedish to win the Open. He's too Swedish for his shirt, so Swedish IT HURTS.

Ian Poulter may not win this, but at least he has his own line of clothing. As Nick Faldo said: "Yeah, you're only on the tour for 5 minutes and have your own clothing line. Forget about winning 6 majors." But he was in James Joyce last Friday, so I respect him despite his hideous pants.

Tadd Fujikawa is even smaller and younger looking in person. However, Mike Lupica is a midget, and Tadd could kick his ass.

Cab companies have the balls to charge $40 to drive you 11 miles from White Plains to Nyack; yes, I know gas is expensive, but it's not like it's doubled in price since March, when we were only charged $25 for the same trip. Meanwhile, you get what you pay for with the $1.50 TZXpress bus, the most unreliable bus service ever. This is why people decide to drink and drive, because the alternatives are horrible.

They only had Bud and Michelob Ultra at the U.S. Open, so since they didn't sell beer, those Guinness pints at the James Joyce tasted fantastic. We were long overdue to ReJoyce.

THE NAME OF THE GAME

For some reason, football (or as you Americans call it "pointless prancing about and kicking") players like to go by one name. Did this all start with Pele? Who cares. Anyway, here's some names I'd like to see:

Ajax
Spatula
Bisquick
Thesaurus
Wasabi
Tempurpedic
Gillooley

STANLEY CUP FINALS GAME 5: HURRICANE ALBERTA

Hold the phone, eh! It's not over yet. Hometown boy Fernando Pisani just scored a shorthanded OT goal to give the Oilers a 4-3 win, and send the series back to Edmonton, his hometown. He scored the first goal just 16 seconds into this game as well, as the Oilers came out flying tonight, shocking the Skoal-spittin' NASCAR-lovin' crowd in Raleigh by blasting three goals past Cam "Shaft" Ward in the first period.

So we're going back to the Great White North one more time for Game 6 on Saturday night in Pisani's beer-challenged town, with Carolina clinging to a 3-2 series edge. Which means one more rousing rendition of O Canada by the Oiler faithful. Did I mention Pisani is from Edmonton? Just checking.

(My first choice for a title was "THERE WAS SOMETHING IN THE AIR THAT NIGHT, THE STARS WERE BRIGHT, FERNANDO", but I decided to steal Chris Pronger's line instead.)