T.I.H.: SPORTS EDITION

I've hit a blog wall. From day to day, I'm not sure what to blog about. I've got blogger's blogk. I'm suffering from blogspot dysfunction.

I could see if it was because I've had a busy summer, but that's not the case. I don't feel like I did anything constructive, interesting or groundbreaking, and now with August almost over and I feel like I should have been lounging on the beach sipping mai tais for the last few weekends. There's no time like the present, right?

Anyway, why not go to the old fallback position: THINGS I HATE! This time it's a special SPORTS EDITION. Here we go!

The FedEx Cup. This thing is so pointless, I can't even begin to tell you. It's "the playoffs" of golf according to those who started this points system thing, but judging by the sparse crowds at the Barclays in NJ this week no one's buying into it. So who is the #1 point getter? Why it's TIGER WOODS, who has been out for the past 2 months due to knee surgery. Okay, so let's ignore that minor oversight, and instead focus on #2 in line to win this pointless award. It's got to be Padraig Harrington, who won two majors (PGA and The Open), right? Nope, he's astonishingly down at #4, behind FIGJAM! You'll never guess who is the leader: KENNY PERRY. I could not name one tournament I've seen him play in this year, and I watch most of them. To add to this absurdity, all Hunter Mahan had to do to go from #37 to a "projected #1" is shoot a 62 yesterday. Nice try, FedEx, but how about you focus on delivering packages instead of a silly golf playoff format that that no one cares about.

Chris "Mad Dog" Russo. For the past 19 years, New York sports fans have had to put up with this sports radio personality, and his egocentric partner on the "Mike (Francesser) and the Mad Dog" show on WFAN, until he called it quits last week. During his tenure this buffoon is a San Francisco Giants fan and has OPENLY ROOTED AGAINST NEW YORK TEAMS including the Yankees and Mets, and he couldn't give a crap about the Giants or Jets. He knows (and talks) more about tennis and Springsteen than football, hockey, horse racing and basketball combined. How he has amassed a fortune in sports radio is beyond my comprehension. Now he's moving to Sirius XM radio to ply his unfathomable trade. God, I just wish this guy would choke on his own bile.

NBC Sports interrupting sporting events. They're already on my shit list for their hockey coverage (and their sports coverage in general) but they've now hit a new low. I honestly haven't watched much of their insufferable Olympics coverage (except the last 3 Michael Phelps races, which were all irritatingly hyped by an on-screen "Phelps countdown"). Part of the reason I haven't watched is that the vast majority of their events have been on tape delay, so you would think they would show the live events in their entirety since they are so few and far between, right? Alas, that's not the case. On Friday night, they interrupted a mens swim relay to show a commercial, right in the middle of the race, TWICE. NBC, you monumentally suck at broadcasting sports.

Brett Fucking Favre. I don't care, ESPN. I don't care, New York media. I don't care about Brett Favre, where he's going, where he's been, who he's text messaging, what photo op he's attending. I DON'T CARE. Furthermore, despite the giddy excitement by their fans the New York Jets Bretts were NOT one player away from the playoffs, and certainly not a 38 year old QB away. Yes, he will be able to throw those 65 yard bomb interceptions that Chad Paperthin could only dream about. Congratulations to the Jets management for finding a way to sell more jerseys, ones that will look pretty silly in about 18 months or so when he re-retires. Thanks to the media, however, for showing him for what he really is: a selfish player who just wants attention. Well, you will be showered with it in New York, especially negative comments when you fail to make the postseason.

HOW FRANCE SEES THE USA

I've been looking for train tickets for my parent's this summer and I've past through the TGV international page a few times, but never paid much attention until just now, when I realized that they represent France (and W. Europe) as bigger areas than the USA. I understand that they have a limited space, but come on, is anyone going to argue that some digital artist or French manager didn't do this on purpose to spite the US?

MORE HATE: LASER PRINTING YOUR OWN MONEY

The way I see it, this is the only way to make buying new toner for a personal laser printer worthwhile.

Ok, let's take a step back. I'm looking to buy a color laser printer because my Oh Brother Inkjet takes 2 hours to print anything that's bigger than a monochrome Word file and I'm just sick of it. Entry-level color lasers cost around €150 right now. With that you get four toner cartridges (CYMB) that should last for something like 1,000 pages depending on your usage, then you need to buy more toner! I've been pricing this a bit and many consumer brands (Epson, Canon) price the four cartridges of toner at a little less than the printer itself (maybe 10% below the cost). Today I got a brochure from Dell and figured I'd check it out. The printer with 4 cartridges is €169. Replacement cartridges (normal capacity) €33 Black, €49 each CYM! So a little math tells us...€180. Hmm. Here's the thing, when it's more economical to throw out the printer when the toner is done, something isn't working.

I know that they bundle and all that shit, but do they think that people are that stupid? It's fucking ridiculous that it costs more money to buy the fucking toner than it does to buy the printer that is bundled with the toner. I know, I know economies of scale...Fuck that, computer chips and plastic and metal that are used in the printer costs money too. If a computer company respects you this much about a printer, imagine how much they're going to respect you when you have a problem with your system ('of course we can fix your computer, it will only be 112% of your purchase cost'). I'm pretty happy, over all, with Dell, but come on Mikey....That's fucking stupid.

WHERE'S THE HATE?

Honestly, for a blog that proclaims to "hate you already" we've been pretty big pussies in terms of spewing that vitriol that we all love. Luckily there's a bunch of stuff that's been pissing me off lately.

1. I'd mention Apple and the i[gotscrewed]Phone Version "double their profits," but everyone knows where I stand on that and I'm so sick of them I don't even want to waste time it. Ok, just for old times sake: Fuck Apple.

2. Once again proving Vertullo's First Law of Humanity (everything goes to shit), Mozilla came out with Firefox Version S3ck this past week. Because I do have herd tendencies, I wanted to help Mozilla kick the living fuck out of Microsoft and get some Duff Guinness Book of World records for most downloads on crack (or something). Yeah, well it turns out V3 sucks the hairless balls of Bill Gates. They basically made Firefox exactly like IE7.Shit. The same shitty zoom (when you zoom you increase the entire page, not only the text size), the same fucking interface (FF2.x had a neat little green arrow that would allow you to load the page, they deleted that - fuckers) with the similar header "look." Plus since I DL'ed early many of my add-ons didn't work right. And of course (of course) once you update you're fucked beyond belief if you want to go back to the stable and easy V2.x. The dictionaries work for shit too. The old dictionaries actually "recognized" misspelled words. The new one, not so much (both in French and in English).

Yes yes, I know you're going to say that programmer "דּïř3dØg978" has come out with a "'fox 2.0" theme or some shit. I don't fucking care. If I have to work this hard to make something I used to like work correctly, someone fucked up. I also don't notice the decreased memory usage or the shortened loading times on gmail or other stuff. I'm almost (almost) tempted to give IE7.0 again.

Fuck them right in their pants.

3. GPS. I've always hated [for the most part] the idiots who stick those portable GPS units on their windshield (except for those people who have a top of the line Garmin system attached to the cracked windshield of a 25-year old beater that probably wouldn't make it 20 miles down the highway, I love them). I agree that GPS does have its uses, sometimes, but yesterday we had a car cut us off three times and I realized what the problem was. Pre-GPS you either had to a) Look at a map and determine where you wanted to go b) Ask someone's help or c) Wander around aimlessly until you ran out of gas or accidentally happened upon your destination.
If you choose options "a" or "b" your main focus would be finding the correct roads. To do that you would need to (and stick with me here now folks, many of these phrases are going to seem incredibly foreign to you) "Pay attention to the directional signs and street names" and "Watch the road." With a GPS the act of driving has become:
1. Drive at half the marked speed limit.
2. Listen for audio prompt from GPS.
3. Hit brakes and swerve (left or right, it doesn't really matter)
4. Look at GPS screen to "make sure" the computer meant "Right"
5. Start to turn left. Slam on brakes. Stop.
6. Reprogram GPS in the middle of the road. Accelerate.
7. Repeat as necessary

And I would say that there's a 90% chance they they were looking for the "Stadium" or the "Highway" both of which were marked by large, clearly indicated signs right in front of their fucking car. GPS is making good drivers bad and bad drivers worse, while dumbing down people who already thought that the sun rose in the South.

I truly truly think that a driver's license should be for 15 or 20 years, after which you had to repass the road test. It's easy for the state to ban drivers for drinking 2 beers (in France you're illegal above 0.05 BAC, which they claim is two 25cl bottles of beer - one pint) or driving 8 mph over the limit on an empty highway. I'm not going to be one of those idiots who say I drive better drunk, but I am sure that I drive better than a large majority of the drivers after a pint and a half of beer, which would make me illegal in France.

T.I.H.™: PEOPLE

This is bound to be a frequent subject...hell, our blog subtitle basically requires that we hate people, but, despite my extreme cynicism (to the MAXXXX), I am still astonished by the idiocy of people on a fairly regular basis. I just don't understand how people can be so fucking stupid, time and again. I'm probably overly judgmental of people, but so what...that's my right.

Anyway, today's people-hater column is about the "environmental" wienies who eat organic food because it's "better" for them. Let me give a little background. My family is quite a bit to the left of the run-of-the-mill leftists. They are not communists, but probably socialist. They are very aware of the impact that their lives have on the earth. They are, in this vein, very environmentally conscious. I am significantly less so, but I take a lot of my environmental awareness from them. Like for example, just buying organic for organic's sake can be stupid. Did you know that in Peru they are clear-cutting old growth rain forest to plant "organic" coffee plants because the FDA's rules state that you have to prove five years of non-utilization of pesticides for an organic label...However, if it's virgin land, there's no such requirement. So these environmental yuppies are actually doing worse for the world because they insist that their beans be marked "Organic". I know a bunch of people like this, and it bugs me, a lot...It's like the Apple fanboys or someone who will only drive BMWs, they think they're better...IT'S ALL ABOUT MARKETING, YOU FUCKING IDIOTS.

Anyway, the NY Times has an article about organic vs fairtrade vs local-grown flowers. The line that pushed me to rant: "Why would [organic flowers] matter? We’re not eating them." I fucking hate people. I fucking hate people. I lost my copy of the study that proved beyond a reasonable doubt that organic was "better" for you. I'll buy organic if it's not that much more expensive, but I'm not convinced that's it's 200% better for me than non-organic foods. If I buy organic it's because I prefer that my consumption has a minimal impact on the world, not for some selfish asinine reason that has been drummed into my head by green marketeers. (I'm plenty selfish on other fronts, lest you worry).

I heard a story on the radio today about Greenpeace taking it to the [French] auto manufacturers because of the greenwashing of their vehicles. They are selling the same cars with the same motors that they sold 5 years ago, but now these cars are "green" and they're saving the world and they're "stopping global warming" (which is the environmental cause du jour, nothing more, nothing less IMHO). Greenpeace wants them to make actual strides for environmental cleanliness. And here I part ways with Greenpeace. While I have environmental sensibilities, I also think that the free market is a wonderful thing. I hate people who buy big H2-like SUVs, but if there's a market for it, then the auto makers should make them. I would like to see the market disappear, but how where the fuck does Greenpeace get off saying that a public company, like GM (or whomever), should be forced to stop making a profitable vehicle. My weakness is high-powered station wagons (necessary specs). Some of these people want a world to exist where no vehicle has over 100hp...Fuck that.

Enjoy your whale meat. (yes, I know it's Sea Shepherd Conversation Society members who were being held on the Japanese whaling ship, but this cracks me up to no end). I don't like whaling, but I find it delightfully ironic that they the Japanese whalers offered to feed the protesters whale meat.

T.I.H.™: THE LEAGUE THAT IS ABOUT FOOTBALL ON A NATIONAL LEVEL

First, we have to use HYPER-MATCH 101010 to avoid the wrath of Roger Goodell's goon squads, then we have to deal with the league's Fortnight of Jackassery, and now, we can't watch the Hyper-Match on any TV that is bigger than 55 inches. I'm not fucking kidding. While Bettman (obviously) sucks and I highly doubt the NHL has problems with Stanley Cup Finals Parties, this crackdown on churches showing the "big game" is just fucking Bettmanesque.

I'll just summarize really quick for those of you too lazy to click through: Some churches have used the "Big Game" (their words because the League has previously cracked down on "Super Bowl"©®™ Party) as a way to reach out to some people who would not normally find themselves in such an establishment. Additionally, it was a way for parishioners to get together and have fun. The League of all things Football on a National-level didn't like the fact that this was driving ratings down (200 people watching TV in one room does horrible things to Nielsen ratings). Easy enough...Threaten to sue for copyright violation (of course). It's simple as the league's spokesasshole says: "We have no objection to churches and others hosting Super Bowl parties as long as they . . . show the game on a television of the type commonly used at home" (which they define as 55"). I understand, it's not like these TV's are that easy to get your hands on. Hell, you'd basically need to know a black market Russian importer to do this. You can however have 40 TVs that are 55" - that's no problem, but one TV that's 56" - you're going to jail, you bible-thumping motherfucker.
If you've recently bought a 60" screen, and you're planning on watching the HYPER-MATCH 101010, Roger Goodell's "Executive Assistant," Bruno, would like a word with you in the alley behind Bourbon Street in the next 5 minutes.

Now I can be a big critic of churches. Never really had much of a use for them myself and I find a lot to dislike, but most church-going folk mean well and I'm sure that the large majority of these parties are without [much] ulterior motives. Sure they want people to come back on Sunday, but this isn't about that - bars showing the game have a much bigger vested interest than the churches. The fact that these churches are "violating copyright law" by offering free admission, free food, not requesting donations and not evangelizing because they decide to show the HYPER-MATCH on a bigger than 55" screen or [god forbid] a projector is just idiotic.

FUCK THE NFL©®™ - the royal twunts that they are.

The League is being threatened with a lawsuit by a civil liberties group.

[WaPo, NFL Pulls Plug on Big-Screen Church Parties for Super Bowl]

T.I.H.™: THE NEW TABLOIDS

I swore off Slate a few weeks ago, just like I swore of CNN. But I didn't move them from the top of My Yahoo! RSS page. So I still get the idiot headlines from CNN and the self-righteous from Slate.

Anyway, I read Jack Shafer's column from time to time, because he does talk about things that get me all bent out of shape: Media matters and the idiocy of the main-stream media. Shafer can be a bit of a blow hard and I get the feeling that he really has to stretch sometimes to get his weekly Press Box column the material needed, but overall I find him significantly less annoying then most of Slate's stable of lefties.

This week he goes after the online tabloids, Foxnews.com, MSNBC.com and CNN.com. I almost never go on Fox News, because I just don't care what they think, but as I mentioned CNN is at the top of my RSS reader and man does that site suck. I am/was under the impression that CNN was some sort of respectable source of news...I don't know how I got this marketed into my head, because it's so not true. I've had a few run ins with MSNBC and I think I made myself clear on how I feel about them.

The problem here is such: Many people, myself included, think that these three news "sources" are the "place to go" for your daily news. That's right, Rupert Murdoch, Ted Turner and Bill Gates are determining what you find important each and every day. Fuck this, CNN is being banned from the top of my RSS reader right now. Ok now it's NYT followed by WaPo. That should be a step up from stories such as "Haiti's poor resort to eating dirt" and "Dr. Phil bums out Star Wars fanatic's wife."

Despite all of this, it's impossible to avoid the winning trifecta (children, sex and animals) in online reporting: Man Arrested After Cat Finds Child Porn Stash

Get that journalist a beer.

[Slate.com]

Oh and don't look now, but the Sabres have won three straight and have won (outright) 4 of 6 over the past few weeks. They're ahead of the Washington Ovechkins for 10th in the conference!
Vanek had the decider last night, which means that Buffalo is now paying him a mere $714,285 per goal. A deal if you ask me consider Scott Gomez is making $909,090 per goal and Drury's making around $550,000.
We'll not mention Brad Boyes' $55,170 per goal of course. Or Corey Perry's $19,000 per goal (for the record, Vanek would need to score 526 goals this season to be that efficient).

Of course this little tangent is more or less for the Bettman Sucks tag...'cause he's who put us in this situation. Fuck you Gary Asshole.

Garybettmansucks.blogspot.com - visit it in its pink glory TODAY!

T.I.H.: ESPN AND XM, A MARRIAGE MADE IN HELL

I guess this was bound to happen, but after a year of subscribing to XM satellite radio I find myself only listening to about a dozen channels (Ethel, Lucy, Fred, Squizz, Loft, SBUX Cafe, Chill, XMU, Verge, Home Ice, Opie & Anthony . . . I ran out of steam there). The worst part about XM seems to be the talk shows. I still don't see the allure of listening to the audio from CNN, CNBC or E!. The live broadcasts of golf and NHL games is nice to have (as is the scoreboard), but I have absolutely no interest in listening to any of the sports talk radio.

So maybe this less of a rant and more of a warning to XM Radio subscribers. I just heard a commercial for a new channel to be added February 4th called "ESPN Xtra" (Channel 141). From the press release:

"The ESPN Xtra channel will also air content produced by ESPN exclusively for XM throughout the year, live coverage of events ranging from the X Games to the ESPY Awards, and ESPN columnist Bill Simmons' popular podcast from ESPN.com."

Wow, that really covers the whole spectrum of sports. Live coverage of the ESPY awards in my car! Imagine how great the BEST PLAY nominees will sound. "Did you hear that goal by Rick Nash?" "Dude, listen to that snowboard!" Will we also be able to hear a bunch of nobodies play poker too? The possibilities are endless.

Wait a sec:"Bill Simmons' popular podcast". Popular? Really?

"Bill Simmons, a.k.a. "The Sports Guy," is a columnist for ESPN.com's "Page 2" and ESPN The Magazine. The New England native, renowned for his passion for Boston sports teams, will be heard Fridays at 3 p.m. and at 10 p.m. ET when ESPN Xtra airs his popular 40-minute podcast from ESPN.com."

Okay, okay, it must be popular, since you said it twice. I don't know a single person who has ever listened to this podcast, but if you (the self-proclaimed Worldwide Leader in Sports) say so, how can I argue? So does the Boston Sports Guy have J-Bug and Hench talking about the Pats and the Sawx on there too? God, I hope so.

ESPN sucks.

JIMMY MCNULTY'S BACK AND OTHER STUFF

(No spoilers).

I've got a ton of shite that I've wanted to blog about for the last week and a half or so, but with the whole getting back to France, struggling with jetlag and getting back into the work thing, I've not really had time.

Anyway, I watched S5E1 of the Wire last night and I'm just happy to see that McNulty's back to his drunk and stumbling, womanizing ways...he's far more enjoyable like this than the stand-up guy that he was last season. I won't go into any depth because I know that Kammann's not watched it yet, but I will say this: FUCK SLATE FOR RUINING EVERYTHING GOOD THAT EVER HAPPENS ON TV. They did this same thing for the final season of the Sopranos; they are these talking heads who think that critiquing pop culture makes them even more smarter. I don't fucking care if you think that the Wire is more Shakespearian or Dickensian. I'm done with Slate; I swear I'm going to remove it from my RSS reader...tomorrow.

SCREW THE SABRES. I had the opportunity to watch 4 games in the last three weeks. They won one, lost two in the shootout and lost one by 3 goals. I honestly can't complain about the loss in Jersey, cause we were there and I said that if it went to a shootout I wouldn't bitch; I lied, but I was happy to see a shootout. On New Year's Day the game was so fucking awesome that it's not really that big of a deal that they lost. I'd have liked to see them win, but watching Sid-the-Kid save hockey and then scream like a school girl was pretty funny. You know he loves hockey, and that's great to see. Lindy was smiling while he was losing...That you never see.
I caught the 3rd period of the Sabres shit performance in Atlanta on Sunday...Come on 5 to 2. What the fuck.

Jeff talked about this beer, but Blue Point Oatmeal Stout Cask was my personal beer of the year. It was the first cask beer that I'd had and it was just brilliant. Three Philosophers was probably second. Let's hear it for NYS beermakers. I had these on two consecutive days between Christmas and New Years. Plus we ate at Hudson House...Those few days made up for the rest of the crappy year.

T.I.H.™ OPEN FUCKING OFFICE 2.3. Sun Microsystems can suck my balls for providing a free program that is such a pain in my ass. Ok I don't hate it enough to pony up $400 for Microsoft Office, but I've been fighting with Oo2.3 since yesterday morning and it's starting to grind on me. Part of it may be my fault, because of my inexperience with FauXcel, I keep making mistakes that have little-to-nothing to do with Oo2.3, but still, the eggheads who program should have thought that someone, like me, may try to paste entire sheets into one cell and planned for this. But they didn't, so it crashes and I have restart at my last save point (I just did it for the third time in the last 30 minutes: I suck).

CAN SOMEONE WAKE ME UP WHEN IT'S TIME TO VOTE FOR RALPH WIGGUM? I'm so fucking sick of the primaries and they just started. Ok, we understand, it's going to be either Hillary or Obama...or someone else and McCain or Huckabee...or someone else. One state does not make a trend, and it's irrelevant anyway. Do people actually think that anyone is going to make a difference? It's all about cash.

Who determines the size tires on your car? I just bought tires for mine. I've got 175/65/R13 80T's. If they were 175/70's I would pay about 15 euros less per tire, but because there's a 5% difference in the tire's profile, I have to pay more. I'm convinced that VW does everything in its power to make your life a living hell if you don't buy your parts from them. It took me an hour to change the back wiper on that fucking car because VW has some propriety rear wiper system...Turns out that propriety means nothing to a man with a hammer, pliers, a razor blade and some bolts. Fuck VAG.
I think I'm going to put dubs on my VW Polo...20 inchers bitch. My 55hp (I'm not kidding) should handle that perfectly well!

Check that...FUCK Oo2.3 IN THE PANTS. It just crashed for no fucking reason whatsoever. FUCK FUCK FUCK!
They have this asshole "recovery" thing that just "recovers" your document to the last time you saved it. Goddamn fucking cocks...they must work with Gary ("I SUCK") Bettman. I know that it's "free", but damn it, it's as fucking unstable Lindsay Lohan on ice skates.

This cunt program has crashed 4 times on me this morning...I have honestly lost at least 2 hours of work. Dickheads. Fuck them.

Download it now, kiddies. Openoffice.org.

T.I.H.™: POLITICIANS (ESP. THOSE WHO WON'T ANSWER A DAMN QUESTION)

Sometime back in the 17th century, political debates were a vital forum for candidates to state where they stand on certain issues, and propose their solutions for the nation's problems (I assume). However, in the current 24/7 news media climate we live in, the whole purpose of these debates seems to be to not say anything of substance, or even answer a question in a straightforward way. These politicians all act like lawyers, making sure they say nothing incriminating, questionable, or concrete that you can call them out on at a later date. The best sound bite that one can hope for is a cheeky comment like the one from Mike "I Heart" Huckabee who, when asked the asinine question, "What would Jesus do about the death penalty?", his cheeky reply was, "Jesus was too smart to run for public office." Oh boy, we've reduced political discourse to a punchline. That's fantastic.

In my attempt to be a good, informed citizen, I attempted to watch one of these "debates", but the candidates' complete inability and unwillingness to ACTUALLY ANSWER A QUESTION was completely infuriating. Here's a sample from the 5 minutes that I recently endured of last week's CNN/YouTube Republican Presidential Debate (the very name makes me want to puke blood). This is taken from the transcript and features the sassy Anderson Cooper trying (and failing) to get a straight answer out of Governor Mitt Romney. (Personally, I would never vote for someone named after a baseball glove, but maybe that's just me.)

Cooper: Governor Romney, you said in 1994 that you looked forward to the day when gays and lesbians could serve, and I quote, "openly and honestly in our nation's military." Do you stand by that?
Romney: This isn't that time. This is not that time. We're in the middle of a war. The people who have...
Cooper: Do you look forward to that time, though, one day?
Romney: I'm going to listen to the people who run the military to see what the circumstances are like. And my view is that, at this stage, this is not the time for us to make that kind of...
Cooper: Is that a change in your position...
Romney: Yes, I didn't think it would work. I didn't think "don't ask/don't tell" would work. That was my -- I didn't think that would work. I thought that was a policy, when I heard about it, I laughed. I said that doesn't make any sense to me.
And you know what? It's been there now for, what, 15 years? It seems to have worked.
Cooper: So, just so I'm clear, at this point, do you still look forward to a day when gays can serve openly in the military or no longer?
Romney: I look forward to hearing from the military exactly what they believe is the right way to have the right kind of cohesion and support in our troops and I listen to what they have to say.

Etc., etc., ad fucking nauseum. He was rightfully booed at this point, which is the exact point I turned it off. Sweet fancy Moses, this stuff is mind-numbing. How the hell are you supposed to decide on who to vote for when no one will answer a question?

Whenever I think I've reached my breaking point with 2008 election coverage I realize, oh my lord, there's ANOTHER YEAR OF THIS CRAP. I have to say that I love all the candidates equally, which is to say I loathe all of them. So I've decided that I'm voting for Hilary Duff for President, which was also my write-in vote for the NY Senate. (Did you know I can't find one single person that I know in New York that voted for the other Hillary? Funny, that.)

As always, the Onion News Network seems to say it best.



Poll: Bullshit Is Most Important Issue For 2008 Voters [Onion News Network]

"No one party has the monopoly on bullshit . . . "
"I've always been a big fan of Hillary. She's so full of bullshit."

I like how ONN calls their election coverage "War For The White House".

CNN/YouTube Debate transcript [Part 1] [Part 2]

T.I.H.™ MYSPACEBOOK

This of course goes without saying: Myspace is the perfect example of why human beings will be extinct in less than 50 years.
Now, I wasn't trying to create an account for "me". My company needs all the linking help that it can get and apparently according to the good great amazing wonderful awesome people at Google, the more links from high PageRanked sites (normally the ones that have lots and lots of retards on them; i.e. Myspace), the better PageRanked you become. Since it shouldn't have been too much trouble to create a corporate account and link to my corporate website (excuse me for one second) [mobilier diner, produits coca cola, produits deco années 50] (right, where was I). Oh yeah, so I went to create a Myspace account. First, they didn't like my password, so I changed it, then they didn't like my [of lack a] gender, finally I got to that anti-spammer fucked-up letter screen. It took about 10 screens before I could decipher it correctly - then they told me that my password was too close to my "First Name". Long story short...Myspace finally and completely proved that I don't belong on there, in personal or corporate guise. Fuck them and their 40-year old teenage girls.

I have been thinking about posting about Facebook for a few weeks now, because I actually do have an account over there...but it just such a waste of time (both Facebook and writing about it). I will say this though: For all you stupid nancy-boy pricks who are bitching because Facebook is using your information to make money [go figure], if you don't like it you have this funny little function in Facebook:

Confirm Facebook Account Deactivation

Why don't you use it and just shut the fuck up.

All these fucking pricks want something for nothing and they want their birthday kept private from the masses are marketers out there. Man I hate people (I'm sure this comes a shock to many of you).

T.I.H.™: IDIOT REPORTERS FROM HELL

STUDY ABROAD QUERIED AFTER ITALY KILLING screams the fucking absolutely worthless headline on MSNBC today (edit - it's actually an AP article).

As with most main-stream media reports about things of which they know little, this story just enrages me to the point that I can't even think clearly...My brain just feeds out a stream of profanities.

It's hard (for me at least - I searched Google for a total of 2 minutes!) to determine the exact number of American students that study abroad each year, but if we consider that the American Institute for Foreign Exchange has 50,000 students exchanged each year (so one-half are Americans if it's a "true" exchange), that's 25,000 students for one program. Let's be conservative and say that it's double that (I'm sure it's more, but I don't want to over-estimate). That's 50,000 US students that go abroad every year and study at a foreign school. How many are arrested for murder or suspicion of murder? As far as I can remember the total number, after accounting for statistical variation inherent in this type of higher math, is one in the last 10 years or so (so 0.10/year). Yet all of the sudden we're going to start questioning study abroad programs. FUCK YOU NBC (and you too Billy G, since you prostitute your name to this "news" source) and the AP.

Some of the arguments against study abroad (which as a really short aside was an incredible experience for me. It very influential in my transition from a US college student to an adult): The students are going to these places to drink and do drugs (did anyone have any problems getting alcohol at their US university when they were under 21? drugs if that was your thing? yeah I didn't think so); It's only the "English-speaking" (Brits & Aussies count) who are raising Cain in the streets of these pristine "European capitals" (any reporter who has ever set foot in a European capital knows that it's not just the "anglos" who are running rampant...every weekend all types of students run amok in all the cities of Europe - just like...wait for it...the US. Amazingly college students will be college students, sans geographical limitations); it's obvious that these foreign bars are targeting anglos/Americans "out to get drunk" because the bar signs are in English!!! (and the restaurants in NYC are targeting the French only because they have Boeuf Bourguignon & Filet Mignon on the menu and sommeliers on staff). Fuck you MSNBC and the AP.

Quote of the day: “For [the foreign students], it is a new world. They come here, have fun and get trashed in the evening.” (Holy shit, 'cause that is so much more different that what I did as a college student in upstate NY - we all just sat around every night and watched prime-time TV or discussed the history of the Chinese dynasties).

Anyway, I just happened across this article and couldn't resist the urge to point out the absolute lunacy of it all.

Further proving that MSNBC is a highly reputable news source - the #3 viewed article today is "Did Reese and Jake join the mile-high club?" That, my friends, is hard-hitting, spare-no-feelings, news reporting right there.

Fuck you MSNBC. Oh and lest you forget, Bettman Sucks.

T.I.H.™: TAX LOVING ASSHATS

Really quick: Fuck France. There are so many taxes here, I think the take-home pay is about 2% of your gross pay. And sometimes they tax you on "imagined" earnings.

As the creator of a company, I can't pay myself yet, but the French somehow figured this out and they make you pay social contributions (~30% of your gross salary) based on the minimum wage (which is something like 12,000€ or something). So even though I don't pay myself anything, I still have to pay ~3000€ per year because I "should" make that amount of money.

Luckily, there's a loophole for the first year. I can apply for a grant that waives most of these taxes, except two little taxes: The Generalized Social Contribution and Reimbursement for the Social Debt. 300€ that [according to the government] should have earned.

Fuck them. Since they make me pay taxes on imaginary income, I'm going to go on imaginary business trips and reimburse myself money for them.

T.I.H.: ADOPTING FOOD

People "rescuing" farm animals: Is there anything stupider (more stupid?) than adopting a white turkey? This thing's sole role in life is to be roasted for 3 hours at 325°F and eaten with a side of mashed potatoes. Wait, wait; there is something more stupid - submitting to a way-of-life and financial audit to be able to adopt said turkey. I am not kidding, these fucking people have to swear that they are vegetarians and submit to income tax reviews and site visits. I think that it's tougher to adopt a turkey (which has a life span about 2-3 years) than it is to adopt a Chinese [girl] child.

You're not doing anyone a favor by giving a turkey (or a pig or a chicken or whatever) a home. These animals were genetically formulated to be juiciliciously good eatin'. If you want to adopt something, how about going to the local pound and finding a dog or cat (or hell a fucking parrot if you want) that's about to be euthanized.

I'm not a big fan of turkey farms with thousands upon thousands of not-occurring-in-nature animals, but that's the nature of the beast in today's economy. Everyone wants to pay 29 cents a pound for their turkey at Thanksgiving and $9.99 for great, juicy, marbled steak the rest of the time. Just like your shoes are made by barefoot Asian kids, your meat is made by Dow Chemical and genetics researchers in labs around the country.

Somehow I think that these people would do better for the world overall if they were to focus their energy (and money, Farm Sanctuary has a $5.7 million budget!) on the evils of factory farming, instead of trying to find foster homes for 50 lbs turkey breasts with legs.

BONUS FOOD SUPPLEMENT: Mother nature extracts her revenge as millions or billions of jellyfish attack a salmon farm off the Northern Irish coast. Apparently jellyfish prefer organic Salmon as well.

T.I.H.™ - DYLAN SHILLIN' FOR SHIT

What the fuck, Zimmy?

What the fuck?

On a side note, it sounds like he's trying to displace Tom Waits as "Most Damaged Voice Ever"

The 2 minute "Full Version"


And the 60-second version with hypnotic guitars


Ok I know what the fuck happened:
GM: Here is a large sack with dollar signs on the sides
Dylan: What will be I selling?

[youtube via jalonik)

5 THINGS I HATE (T.I.H.™) THIS WEEK

I've been looking for a name of a semi-irregular column to write for OH and I hope to have found it...Using the simple, but straightforward "Things I Hate" line, I'll try to do a column from time to time (usually when the bile rises enough that I must get it out).

1. Now that the French Rugby Team has lost, I don't know who to root against for the Final...I guess the English, the drunken louses that they are, plus the RSA team is just so much more fun to watch...Watching the rose-emblems play is like watching the pre-strike Sabres play hockey. They can win, but it ain't pretty.
Anyway, this isn't about England, of course, it's about Le Quinze de France. I meant to post before, but didn't get around to it, but I hate, absolutely hate how the French are the biggest bandwagon jumpers in the history of, well, history. A month and a half ago, no one in France, save the South-west where rugby is popular, followed rugby at all. Then all of the sudden the French team started to win, people were proud to be French again, they were flying le tricolore for Christ's sake...No one ever flies the flag here, but Saturday they were on cars and buses and in windows. Maybe I just don't get it as a person or maybe I just don't get it as an American, but the whole 'pride via sport' just baffles the shit out of me. You're proud of your country or you're not, but winning against a rugby team from a country of 4.1 million people doesn't make you any more or less of a country in my eyes. Hey at least they didn't celebrate their soccer victory over the Faroe Islands (it's the town barber in goal!).

2. France again: The government has proposed DNA testing for immigrants who wish to take advantage of the familial regroupment. In France, if an immigrant gets formal residency s/he can bring their family to live with them. The government has proposed a voluntary (yeah, I agree with the protesters on this, nothing is 'voluntary') DNA testing the members that wish to come to France. They're dropping N-bombs (Nazi), they're talking about creating a national-database for immigrants, they're using terms like 'purity of blood', they're talking all kinds of bullshit. All of their complaints are complete bullshit to me. Yes, many immigrants are honest people and yes, we should respect everyone the same, but I cannot, do not, see the crime in asking someone who is requesting to be given permanent residency to prove that they are who they claim they are. The anti-testing agents are saying that people are sometimes adopted: Ok, make it clear to the immigration officials from the beginning and there's no problem. I just can't see how this is a problem, except when there's something to hide. I hate to take party lines here, but this reeks of the Left seeing a chink in the government's armor and and seizing on it...

3. “You shouldn’t have to buy a G.P.S. [to find a commercial route from LI to Upstate NY]”. Guess fucking what: YOU DON'T HAVE TO. Anyone who knows me, knows more-or-less how I feel about SUVs and especially about large, asinine, my-dick-is-so-small SUVs. Here's the scenario: You buy a Hummer H2 and some holier-than-thou guy in a Prius flips you off, you're tempted to run them over and they jump onto a Parkway that says "Passenger cars only". What do you do? Do you take the risk and go after him or do you stay on the interstate because you're driving a land-tank?
This NY Times article discusses the complicated mess that the tri-state parkways are for driving (it was created by bureaucrats, what the fuck do you expect?). This is hilarious:

[H]earses are allowed on the Merritt, but not if they are part of a procession. In New York, they are banned unless they are, among other funereal duties, part of a procession.

Anyway, they have some priceless quotes from the Chevy/GMC dealer in Bedford Hills, where they would like to sell more 3/4 ton pickup trucks, but can't really because they're too heavy to driven on NY parkways:
"[M]any people considered a GMC Sierra 2500 pickup with crew cab and diesel engine, at about 9,000 pounds fully loaded, a family car." Yep, I cross shop Chevy Impalas with these all the time.
"They can seat six comfortably, and some people want them to plow their driveways." In Bedford Hills? People are going to drop $60,000 on a truck, then plow their own driveways. Ha! Right after they climb to the summit of Mt. Marcy and haul in the 20 face cords of wood for the winter. Get the fuck out of here.

Oh and the quote above? Some rich kid from LI went upstate to buy a miniature horse. They had a horse trailer that couldn't take the parkways so they had to buy a GPS! Little tidbit: Google maps. It just took me 2 minutes to do there is only a few miles in the middle of the Island (and you have to avoid the Garden State) where they have to go out of their way. Oh and it was free, unless I had to print it, in which case you have to count the $0.0001 for paper and $0.005 for ink.

4. Hollywood. And the people who write about it...I usually avoid Time and Newsweek and their ilk like the plague, but Julie happened to procure a couple of magazines during one of her recent drug-mule runs. I was reading Time's article on "Nobody likes westerns, so why are they so good?" They state two facts and I see two glaring errors. #1, I like some Westerns - High Noon, Unforgiven, some Leone stuff, etc. As much as I like a Spaghetti Western here and again, they were not "good" movies. So then the article goes on for three pages talking about how much no one likes Westerns, while steadily stroking Brad Pitt for making "Blahblahblah Jesse James blahblahblah coward blahblah" (yeah that title is just too fucking long). Then they have the money-shot quote from James Mangold, the director of the remake of "3:10 to Yuma"

John Ford could just run amuck, carving out trails between sacred burial grounds and monuments. Now the environment is so protected in these national parks that we had 350 rangers watching every move if we step on one indigenous plant.

You heard it in time first, the Western is extinct because of the Department of the Interior. Fucking government. I wonder if it ever occurred to these dicks to rent private land from people? I'm sure that there are ranchers who would hire out their land for filming...

5. The "Service" Industry. Why is it so difficult to get someone who is supposed to be providing you with a service to actually provide you with said service? This is an ongoing problem here in France and of-late a really big pain in the ass. I don't get it; people are supposed to be getting me information, which would allow me to pay them money. But they don't do it. So I don't pay them...Simple as that.

Bonus: This is just to get the "Bettman sucks" tag on this post, but why the fuck hasn't anyone in Philly other than the two league-minimum-losers gotten in any trouble? I saw that Jeff touched on this, but it is fucking outrageous that those cunts (yep, I said it) up in Toronto just don't give a shit...They took a lot of heat about head shots and stuff, so they've decided to dish out the penalties, but I am convinced that it's just a way to shut up their critics (don't worry faithful readers , Open Hockey will always criticize Bettman, no matter what); I don't think they really care one way or another if people take/give head shots.

THINGS I HATE

Here's the deal. Kammann's the only one that posts to this blog, therefore, one could presume that he's the only one with an axe to grind against the world in general...not true. Having taken a nice 3-week vacation that consisted on totally ignoring the a) radio, b) TV news and c) newspaper left me in a bliss that is only experienced by 97% of Americans. Coming back not only meant working, or giving the semblance of working, but also learning that the rest of the world didn't stop turning, it's still a shitty place. Anyway, I should do 10, but I fucking hate top-10 lists, so I'm going to do 5 things that I absolutely, fuckatively hate.

1. I watched Knocked Up the other day (it may have been yesterday, it's still relatively fresh in my mind) and I laughed a couple of times; then started searching online for Judd Apatow's home so I could go and beat the living shit out of him ruining my time that could've been spent, oh I don't know, staring at a brick wall. How the fuck did this get a 91% rating on Rotten Tomatoes? If there is one thing that I hate, it's making socio-political statements in films. Listen, I don't care if you're for or against abortion, this film just pussied out on the whole issue and since the fact that they "kept" the baby is kind of a main plot point in this film, it's fucking idiotic...They never even really discuss the whole keep it or not...They address it just enough so most of the idiotic reviewers give them a pass, but they never get anywhere near dealing with the issue. I know it's not an abortion film...but come on: They keep the baby and live happily ever after...James Dobson in 2008.
Beyond that what did I learn? Hanging out with your buddies is immature. If you don't do 9-to-5, you're not a "man". Oh yeah, and threating a woman with physical and/or mental assault is the best way to calm her down (and probably attract her too).
1a: Why the fuck does Rotten Tomatoes make me go to their UK site? I don't want to go to their UK site, I want to go to the US site...just because I have a European IP address doesn't mean that I should be forced to go to the Blighty site...what the fuck did the Brits ever do for me anyway?


2. Crisis management and slimy marketing advertised (and believed) as "Doing the Right Thing."Mattel apologizes to China for toy recalls. Ok...where to start? Should I start with the fact that it does no use apologizing to China because it should be their government that actually keeps an eye on things and makes sure that foreign companies don't export lead-paint based toys? Or should it be the fact that Mattel should spend less time apologizing to China and more time apologizing the the parents of lead poisoning victims? Oh, and Mr. Thomas A. Debrowski, executive vice president for worldwide operations, did you apologize the workers who inhaled lead paint in their menial few-dollar a week jobs who made this shit in the first place? Fuck it. My kid's going to play with local made, hand carved, wood toys...and s/he's going to like it.

3. French trade unions who are going to make my life a living hell starting on October 18th. I like Sarkozy, but I don't love him. He's a politician and he's got his shtick and all that...good for him. And I like the fact that he's got the balls to go up against the trade unions. And I like the fact that [I hope/think/believe] that he's going to stare down this strike and figuratively (and maybe literally) give these dinosaur unions the finger. But the unions are going to try to push back. If they block the highways like in '95, I hope Sarko calls in the army and busts some heads, really. These unions have no respect for the law and no respect for their fellow Frenchmen...there are people here who want to bust their balls and make money...if you don't, just get the fuck out of the way, but don't stop the rest of us from getting to work, or getting food and gasoline, or whatever. I'm so sorry that you have to wait until you're 57 to retire and you can't retire at 50 anymore, you fucking louses.

4. I can't even get my bile up for this. This is more a wholly depressed kinda rage, but the people spend their time following celebrities. You know, the whole People Culture, but I just, I don't know...I try to convince myself that its just people's way of forgetting about their terrible little lives, but then you realize that the majority of Americans do this, and, fuck me, these people vote? That's why John Edwards spends $400 on his hair. Does anyone vote on political beliefs, ever?

5. This kind of ties in with #4 and #2: The media buying whatever it is that the people (politicians, celebrities, spinmen, handlers...) feed them. This story about Rudy taking a call from his wife is case-in-point; of course that was staged. At least it only took 4 comments to come to the same conclusion as me, but CNN "blogs" doesn't even talk about that...isn't that the point of a blog? To be able to say things that you wouldn't be able to say in a news report? Time and again you see this. I like to read about cars, but even Jalopnik.com, which I think is the best of the automotive blogs, falls for the old company line. Time-and-again...just regurgitate the shit that the marketing departments feed you. Fuck you all. I'll see you in Hell.

PS: I saw a Ron Paul sticker on a Cadillac...vintage 1975, purple with velvet seats...I don't know what that means, but it made me smile.

Oh and I hate Harlan Coben too and his cliqued, worthless, contrite drivel. I have rarely read an author that sells so many books, but is such a bad writer.