Friday, July 28, 2006

BEST SUMMER BREW™ REVIEW: HINANO

We're trying a new format for the beer review of Hinano. Jeff and I were chatting and Jeff had the idea to post the comments we had as kind of a stream-of-consciousness review.

[We now join this chat already in progress]

me: Check this out

Jeff: mmmm beer gun

me: that's one way to speed up slow delivery in the bar...making a gun that'll take 12oz bottles...tough

my f--king neighbors have a bird, and all it does, all day long is chirps...I swear...I'm investing in a bb gun


Jeff: There are a lot of good ones in the beer category

me: nice: This is probably one of the most creative - http://www.google.com/url?sa=D&q=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.worth1000.com%2Femailthis.asp%3Fentry%3D304440

Jeff: one word: defogger

just set it off when they're not in the apartment

love that

i can't stand those smug f***ing Apple commercials

me: yeah, the problem is that their windows are on the same wall as mine - so to get to this damn bird isn't that easy...

Did you read the review in Slate.com about those apple ads?

Jeff: no

why, should i?

or "why should I?"

Sent at 5:14 PM on Friday

Jeff: oh, i have to get some beer reviews up on the blog

me: I never get to see US commericals, so I get my news from stuff like slate...I don't even remember exactly what he said, but it was somewhere along the same lines as what you just said

Jeff: it's not like i haven't been drinking any, i've just been lazy

me: Part of his conclusion from Slate: And isn't smug superiority (no matter how affable and casually dressed) a bit off-putting as a brand strategy?

Jeff: Sierra Nevada Summerfest, Brooklyn Weisse, Magic Hat #9 IPA, Saranac Kolsch (which was AWFUL), Shipyard Summer Ale, all of these and more have been consumed!

EXACTLY

just sell your iCrap and shut up

me: Wow! I drank my Togolese beer, but I was at the beach and didn't pay much attentioni...Other than that I have a Weisse in the fridge and I NEED to go to the beer store soon b/c I'm all out

Oh, yeah, I drank a Fijan (fijian?) beer and it was awful...Bud in a different package...no taste...I didn't even review it

Jeff: And those were just the ones I had BEFORE work!

Fijian?

me: from Fiji

Jeff: What was with that weird animated smiley thing?

That scared me. But then again, I'm drunk. [nose smile]

me: I don't know - Gmail does it whenever you do THAT

Jeff: CREEPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jeff: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! MAKE IT STOP!!!!

me: wow, Google, taking over the world, one animation at a time

Jeff: You know someone was in a basement in Palo Alto working on that for 72 hours straight.

me: GET IT RIGHT DAMN IT!!! I don't want some 1/2 @ssed "Microsoft" image!

Jeff: MORE RED BULL I MUST CRUNCH CODE FOR INVERTING EMOTICONS

Sent at 5:21 PM on Friday

Jeff: There is no emoticon for what I'm feeling!

me: that beer I had was so underwhelming that I can't even remember the name, or actually confirm that it was from Fiji

Jeff: Fijiweiser?

me: Budiji?

Jeff: Fijiller Lite?

Sent at 5:24 PM on Friday

me: Jebus...it was from Tahiti: http://www.google.com/url?sa=D&q=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.hinano.com%2Findex.php

Jeff: I went to a place called The Map Room while in Chicago. If I wasn't already drunk and could read the chalkboard, I would have tried several more of their beers. I think I had an Ayinger Weisse but I can't be sure . . .

Tahiti???

http://www.google.com/url?sa=D&q=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.maproom.com%2F

Yeesh.

me: yeah...Who knew that ancient french colonies could make fake bud?

Jeff: It's probably better than drinking the water . . .

Sent at 5:26 PM on Friday

Jeff: I think I've drank so much bottled/filtered water over the past few years that I can't process regular tap water anymore--the water I had in the Catskills a few weeks back tasted like antifreeze

me: yeah...that's true...Hopefully the alcohol kills any bacteria still in the water when they make the beer

Sent at 5:27 PM on Friday

Jeff: eh i just closed the window accidentally

i'm so wasted . . .

me: Created in 1955, they noticed their problems early and in 1957 "Mr Robert Ledoux realised the first taste improvements"

Sent at 5:29 PM on Friday

Jeff: Huh???

me: I don't know either...it's a bad translation from French I'm sure

are you really still drunk?

Jeff: i wish

no i haven't had a drink all week

just talking my liver into tonight's festivities

i had a Summer Ale on Tuesday, and about 1/5 of that awful Saranac crap

I lied

me: We went out for some going away party for julie's coworkers last night and since I don't know anyone, I buried myself in the bottles and bottles of red and rosé thatt were at the table

I was ok this morning, burning headache was all

Sent at 5:33 PM on Friday

Jeff: nice

me: I'm still looking at the Hinano website, check out this entry from 1976: "The sales to China takes over the presale" WTF? I don't even understand

Sent at 5:34 PM on Friday

Jeff: 1965: Hinano lawyers determine mass deaths were not for the purpose of the lager found with at the party.

me: 1993 "New label improvement made more modern"

2006: "Sale of bad crap beer, still main interest of company"

Jeff: 2005: Plutonium bottle scrapped for aluminum one, for increased image enhancer potential.

Sent at 5:37 PM on Friday

Jeff: 1959: Smoking and beer taken together proven by top scientitians to be double enjoyment for Hinano lovers!

me: 2007: Cancer rates for Hinano drinkers decrease 2000%

Jeff: I was just LLOL and my boss came in and asked "What's the matter?"

I admitted I"M DRUNK . . . ON LIFE!

me: nice!

does your boss speak english?

Jeff: I immediately pretended to be really into an Excel spreadsheet

Yes, XingXing knows many English words, and will disclose them when forced to.

The first panda bear to ever be taught English.

me: well, at least you've got that going for you...you "can" communicate, in a pinch, if need be

Jeff: I might be drunk by the time I make it to the dentist's office.

Uhm, sort of.

Sent at 5:41 PM on Friday

me: well, pandas had to start learning to speak sometime...It may also be the first panda bear to lead a chemistry group...have to look into that

Sent at 5:42 PM on Friday


[...]

Jeff: You have full permission to use any of my jokes herewith at your discretion.

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Anyway, you get the idea, Crap Beer. Zero thumbs up