2008 STANLEY CUP PLAYOFFS PREVIEW EXTRAVAGANZA!

The 2008 Stanley Cup playoffs are finally here! After a brutal playoff push that saw two Canadian teams get ousted, the Kaps and Lyers rise from the dead, and last year's Presidents' Trophy winner fizzle out, we're finally down to 16 teams. Let's take a look at the matchups and get into the blognostications.

Prince of Wales [Eastern] Conference
This is about as perfect a collection of eight Eastern teams that you can imagine, especially if you're a hockey traditionalist. While I would prefer jettisoning the Philthy Lyers and putting the Sabres in their spot, you really cannot ask for better matchups here. All of the teams in this conference are fighters, and none of them are a pushover. Best of all, there won't be a single game played south of D.C.! Screw you, South! Go enjoy the beach or NASCAR or dogfighting or something, and leave the hockey to us.

(1) Montreal vs. (8) Boston. A matchup of Original Six teams with a long history. Which reminds me: I made a sandwich the other day with honey maple turkey, cave-aged gruyere and wasabi mustard on toasted 7 grain bread. The ingredients by themselves were great but it just didn't work well together, sort of like this defensively minded but otherwise toothless Bruins team. Why French Canadians would chant in Spanish ("Olé, olé-olé-olé!") I'll never figure out. Habs in 5.

(2) Pittsburgh vs. (7) Ottawa. How far the Sens have fallen, and everyone has written them off. However, don't count them out here, because as long as the Pens have M.A.F. in goal I don't see them etching "Crosby" into the Cup. (This is my shocking pick of the bunch.) Sens in 7.

(3) Washington vs. (6) Philadelphia. What a fantastic run for the Kapital Komrades. This is just Year One of their resurgence (also known as "Finding Talent To Play With Ovechkin"), and while their late season momentum might propel them into the next round, that's about it. Expect a lot of late hits and soft goals given up by the Philthy Lyers. Typically, Philthy's slogan is "VENGEANCE NOW". Who, exactly, are they exacting revenge on? The league, for rightfully suspending their players for being dirty? Who did them wrong, besides their own management? Screw them. They shouldn't even be here. Kaps in 6.

(4) New Jersey vs. (5) New York Rangers. A rematch of 2005 where the Devs swept their Blueshirted nemeses, I see this as a better matchup between two teams that are mirror images of each other. Devils: world-class goaltending, weak power play; Rangers: great goaltending, weak defense. I said this last year, and I'm just going to cut-and-paste it in here: "New Jersey has had some serious ups and downs this year but as always it's about Brodeur, who had an amazing season this year." Interesting fact: Brodeur has played 164 career playoff games, while the rest of the starting goalies in the East (Price, Henrik, Thomas, Huet/Kolzig, Biron, Emery/Gerber, MAF/Conklin) have played a combined 107 (45 of which are Kolzig, who won't start for the Kaps). Devils in 6.


Clarence Campbell [Western] Conference
I'm not as impressed by this conference as I was last year, as there seem to be more fighters in the East, though the top 2 seeds are as tough as it gets.

(1) Detroit vs. (8) Nashville. Ahh, the mighty Red Wings are in first again. I'm getting so sick of typing that. Nashville was the only team in their division to hold their own against the Wings. But I don't see them emerging from this series against a loaded Wings team, despite their (scary) enthusiastic home crowd and the presence of Vince Gill. Wings in 5.

(2) San Jose vs. (7) Calgary. I have no idea what to make of Keenan's Calgary squad, since I've seen about 2 whole periods of them in action. Although Ignila scored 50 goals and carried this team, and Kiprusoff's been solid I don't think they have enough firepower. Nabakov has been borderline Vezina this year and I expect him to continue his stellar play. Sharks in 5.

(3) Minnesota vs. (6) Colorado. I like this Avs team, I don't know why. They have some good young talent mixed in with wily vets like Sakic and Forsberg. Oh, and I also will root for no team with Chris Simon as a member. Did anyone catch Ian "Stone Quarry" Laperriere fighting Martin "Zsa Zsa" Gaborik the other day? The former still had his gloves on because the latter was wearing a visor. What kind of fight is that? "Who throws a shoe? Honestly, you fight like a woman!" Avalanche in 6.



(4) Anaheim vs. (5) Dallas. I think I say this about two teams every year, so here we go again: can both of these teams lose in the first round? No? Has any team worn out their welcome faster than the Ducks? This season they've been predictably ornery, with Pronger being a complete douche. And although Nieds and Selanne are well-rested (assholes), this is the year that Turco FINALLY steps up and forces them to retire. Again. Stars in 7.

For those who care (and there aren't many) I will also be simulating the playoffs using NHL 2002 on the PC with the current rosters (as close as I can get them, anyway). Enjoy the hockey related songs I put on the Playlist as well. Okay, that's all I've got. Let's drop the puck!

KUKLA'S CORNER EYE ON THE MEDIA - TV SCHEDULE
VERSUS TV SCHEDULE
HDSPORTSGUIDE.COM NHL SCHEDULE
NHL.COM TV SCHEDULE

(Interestingly, VERSUS has only chosen to show 2 games each from the Sidsburgh/Bruins and Devs/Rangers series, yet the combined forces of NBC/VS are showing every single Detroit/Nashville and Philthy/Kaps game. Where's the Sid and Marty love?)

BLOGARBAGE: BOTH ARMS WELCOME

This is a collection of garbage (or as my 2 year old nephew calls it, "garboop") that doesn't really belong in its own post, but also doesn't belong in my head. It's BLOGARBAGE!

Because of my illustrious job, I get generic drug prescriptions for free (the one and only perk). However, this time around I got an antibiotic from Watson, probably made by disgruntled employees at the Carmel, NY plant (where I used to work). As Rob said, hopefully these were made before the plant closing announcement and employees found out their jobs are being outsourced to India. That doesn't change the fact that I feel like my innards were scrubbed clean with a wire brush.

I think that in order to be an authentic Def Leppard tribute band, you should be required to have a one-armed drummer. However, this is not a sticking point forDef Repplica according to their want ad: Required to wear detailed costume/accessories to visually simulate Rick Allen as close as possible, both arms welcome."

I understand having 40 coffee places in the mall: you want everyone to be well caffeinated (is there second-hand caffeination?) while they're shopping. But do we really need 3 soft pretzel vendors? The Palisades Mall has Auntie Anne's, Pretzel Time and Wetzel's Pretzels, for some unknown reason. Auntie Anne's is by far the best one, probably because each bite contains a pound of rich creamery butter. The other two can close down and make way for more cell phone vendors, which we also don't need.

Despite what Bud Light's commercials tell me, I am NEVER typing in "dudemadness" into my browser. One spelling error will direct you to gay porn. Actually, that might not be worse than Bud Light (according to unnamed sources).

The detestable word "bling" was used in the headline of an article about Sarkozy in the Wall Street Journal. I'm going to go out on a limb and say the word is officially dead. Oh, and the WSJ, now owned by Rupert Murdoch's News Corp, is also dead to me.

Something I found out about China: the men prefer the women to have flat asses, and even have surgical procedures to reduce their ass size. Good to know they're just as fucked up as we are.

Google GMail chat calls their little animated smiley faces "emotisprites". I didn't think I could hate a word more than that.

I used to defend the state commonwealth of Massachusetts by saying, "Eh, it's not bad. Cape Cod's pretty, and Boston's a nice town . . ." and then I ran out of steam. But after sitting in traffic on the Mass Pike at 10 PM on a Sunday night, I had an epiphany: I have no fucking use for Massachusetts. What have they ever given us? The Kennedys? Big fucking deal. Everything they provide, some other nearby state does better. Restaurants? New York. Taxes? New Hampshire. Beaches? Maine. Skiing? Vermont. Historical landmarks? Philadelphia. Sports radio? Anywhere. Boston is run by a marble mouthed moron, the Big Dig project was a giant disaster plagued by cost overruns, accidents and corruption, the average ticket price for a ballame at Fenway costs over $50, and after you drive past Worcester it's a complete wasteland. And Mass drivers are the worst, as they combine the erratic style of New York drivers and the reckless speed of New Jersey drivers. Seriously, screw the Bay State and all the Massholes in it. (You know who you are; if you laughed at this, you're not a Masshole.)

I just heard someone say that their family traditionally eats rabbit on Easter Sunday. Really? I'm going to guess that the same family doesn't allow their kids to believe in the Easter bunny, otherwise they'd be scarred for life. "Remember when I said the Easter bunny delivered all that candy? Well, as he was trying to hop out of the house, I shot him dead, skinned him and threw him in the oven. Man, he sure looks tasty! EAT UP, KIDS!"

On that note allow me to leave you with a commercial, because I have nothing else to add. It's a classic M&M's commercial from the 80s.



Thanks Easter Bunny! Bock bock!

OVER 10000 PEOPLE'S TIME WASTED

Congratulations to the 10,000th reader of the Open Hockey blog! It seems impossible, unfathomable to me that that many people have accidentally stumbled upon this blog. Thanks for checking us out. But most of all I'd like to thank myself, and the great OH blog team--we never gave up hope! And I wanna thank Jesus, and say hi to my special lady, Marge: we did it, baby! Whooooo hooooo! Anyway, sometime on Monday, Lucky Fan #10K turned over our counter to read 5 digits, and while I can't be sure who it was I'm going with the guy who searched for "is dana jacobson single" and found my "Dana swilling Belvedere vodka" tribute post. Yes, Dana is still single and refuses to call me. And no, random Googler, you don't have a chance in hell of getting her to date you because you don't have a fantastic blog like mine. So there.

Other random thoughts:

* I think we can stop putting those irritating "security" stickers on top of DVDs and CDs, since there are a bazillion torrents available on the internet of pretty much everything now. Those impossible to remove "thief proof" stickers along the top of the case are laughable, and with rampant the file sharing that goes on it's akin to putting a band-aid on a severed head.

* You know when you're walking towards someone else in a hallway, and you turn into a doorway or down another hallway before you pass them? What is the minimum "greeting radius", the distance from the person that requires you acknowledge them in some way? I say it's 30 feet, and if you're further away than that you don't have to say "hi", or "morning" or nod.

* During the hockey shootout, the players should take off their helmets. Why do they need to wear them? Of course I'm talking about the shooters, not the goalies; that would be silly. No, I think the goalies should remove their pants.

* While it was enjoyable to see Villanova blow the doors off of Syracuse by 19 points yesterday, today's loss to Georgetown by the same margin (and score, 82-63, during which they drained a ri-fucking-diculous 17 3-pointers) was frustrating. So it's now official: they aren't going to be in the NCAA tournament. Coming up next: are the Wildcats going to be overlooked for the NCAA tournament? Yes, they are. Or are they? Sportsline's Gary Parrish was paid to say "I have no fucking idea." Joe "Bracketology" Lunardi says they're one of the "Next Four Out", whatever that means. Jay Bilas of ESPN says the 'Cats are in, but Jay Bilas also likes vanilla and long walks on the beach. So fucking what? His opinion is just as valid as mine, and I say he's full of shit. When was the last time anyone from ESPN was right anyway? I'm going to go with back in the early 1980s when they decided to show Australian rules football.

* Now that "The Wire" is over, I was looking for another show to waste my time watching. There's good buzz surrounding AMC's "Breaking Bad", a show about a high school chemistry teacher who is told has terminal cancer decides to start his own meth lab. However, everything seems to be conspiring against my ability to watch this show. First, every show is available on my Cablevision OnDemand channel . . . EXCEPT THE FIRST TWO. And those first two aren't on the AMC site. Also, what the hell does "Breaking Bad" even mean? And how can you call your network "American Movie Classics" when you don't show classic American movies? Okay, now I've lost interest in watching the show. Maybe I'll look for "Mad Men" DVDs to rent, or something.

* If you were born after 1980 you probably prefer "Family Guy", and if you were born before 1980, you probably like "The Simpsons". If you are born after 1980, and you come up to me saying "Family Guy" is overall funnier than "The Simpsons", you're wrong. End of discussion. Now get off of my lawn! (Of course, some Stewie and Brian scenes are funny . . . no, I won't back down.)

* Coors Light has bar coasters featuring a bunch of green colored Coors bottle caps in the shape of a shamrock, with the slogan "Irish Enough". What the fuck does that mean? It's Irish enough for you, just drink it, stupid.

* GOLF magazine says in their Masters preview issue that if it comes down to a final round showdown between FIGJAM and Tiger, FIGJAM would win it. Tiger is playing as well as we've ever seen him, so what are they basing that on? Phil has "confidence". Yeah, right. I too can be pretty confident, but I ain't winning a match against the greatest golfer ever. What am I saying? I'm not even confident about posting this crap on the blog.

WEEKLY TOP 10: LOVELY CASHMERE THROWDOWN

10. Why is the term "in broad daylight" only used to describe a crime scene? Why can't you say, "I played golf today in broad daylight"? No, it's always "the victim was brutally beaten with a golf club in broad daylight".

9. There no better way to announce "it's over" than putting a marginal talent in a popular, award winning musical. I thought it couldn't get any worse than "Tony Danza in Mel Brooks' 'The Producers' In Vegas!" until I saw this: Clay Aiken joins Broadway's 'Spamalot'. Okay, it's now officially over.

8. Quote from the NY Times Magazine that I never thought would be attributed to an NHL hockey player (New York Rangers' Sean Avery):

"I just got a lovely cashmere throw from a friend who works at Calvin Klein."

It's lovely? Seriously? He also says he'd like to be the "editor of a fashion magazine", that his next big purchase will be the "spring/summer Dior men's collection". Wow, I'm speechless. He also says the most annoying piece of equipment is his helmet, "It's always tight no matter how much I loosen it." Hey, how about you make your next big purchase A HELMET THAT FITS! What, does Armani Exchange not sell them?

7. Reason #2934875 Not To Watch Fox: Subliminal Messages during playoff baseball games.



Gee, I wonder if that Transformers DVD is out yet. Sweet buttered christ.

6. iAppleRipoffTunes is now selling its DRM-free 256 kbps songs for $0.99 each, down from $1.29. That's funny, because Amazon has been selling those (most of them at a cheaper price) for a month now. Feeling the heat, are we, Stevie? Reminder: I must buy something from Amazon this week.

5. TV, I tried. I tried to enjoy your new offerings this season, but they left me feeling empty. I sat through "Pushing Daisies", "Cavemen", "Carpoolers", "Tell Me You Love Me", "Curb Your Enthusiasm"--none of them are horrible, but none of them are exciting. I even watched 20 minutes of "Journeyman" and "Reaper", and accidentally viewed 30 seconds of "Chuck". Ugh. I guess it just wasn't meant to be, TV. Let's just be friends and watch hockey together, okay? Meanwhile, I'm going to catch up on "The Wire" before January.

4. Action-packed hockey game on Monday night between the Maple Leaves at the Miller-less Sabres (on VS HD, no less), where the two teams traded goals back and forth in the final 10 minutes, seemingly scoring on every shot, ending in a Sabres 5-4 OT win with :03.7 remaining. Although there's a nice NHL highlight video of this, sometimes it's best to enjoy games like this through the open thread on Bfloblog. When they Sabres are on, they're ON (they had 19 shots in the 3rd + OT). Crazy, and it's only game #5.

3. Congratulations to the Colorado Rockies for making it to the World Series, basically by beating the living crap out of everyone in their path. They've won 20 of their last 21 games, including sweeping the Phatally Phlawed Phillies and the Uninteresting D-Backs. After the miserable 40 degree rainy weather at Coors Field on Sunday night, I think they're just motivated to wrap this shit up before it snows.

2. Screw the NFL! NCAA college football has been incredible this season. Somehow, every major team has been upset in some amazing way, from last week's Kentucky upset #1 LSU in OT and Oregon State beating #2 Cal, to the 40 point underdog Stanford beating USC two weeks ago. This weekend #2 South Florida (?!) visits Rutgers . . . could we be looking at another upset? Regardless, it will be interesting to see. Oh, and Notre Dame being winless is completely hilarious.

1. NOMINEE FOR BEST PRODUCT OF THE YEAR (thanks Kris):



"The Back Up: some people are buying one for each side of the bed!" Sure, it's great and all, but I'm constantly tripping over the legs of my bed and falling over, so I'm sure I'll blow my nuts off if I had one (or two) of these.

I HATE ME ALREADY

For the first time the incredible history of this blog, I feel intense pressure to post something, anything, due to Kris' suddenly prolific and rantastic week here at Open Hockey. The one-two punch of the new header/slogan was more than enough of a contribution, but three posts in a row? Unprecedented.

I like this blog for what it is, a place to verbally unload whatever is weighing us down, hopefully in a humorous context. It may not always work, and we may not even care about what we ranted about 24 hours prior, but that's part of the charm and fun of it. Sure, there's some hate to go around, but none of it gets too personal, political or aggressive, and is quite frequently pointed at ourselves. Overall, I like the fact that practically no one really reads this blog or, if they stumble upon this blog, even know who we are.

I will readily admit that I'm a private guy. I don't like to stand out, despite the fact that being 6'4" means that it's pretty unavoidable. Although I can have a bit of a temper, I'm basically non-confrontational. Most of all I don't crave attention, which is probably why I deleted my MySpace profile after 6 months, since it's the antithesis of my personality. I don't collect acquaintances, but instead have a handful of good friends that I keep in touch with. (And no, I don't plan on going to my 20th high school reunion next year, in case you were wondering.)

Basically, I'm not sure why I blog; perhaps it's a form of a therapy. Since on a daily basis I find myself ranting without actually following up on it, this blog is a perfect mirror of that. I don't know if it's an interesting and/or funny read or not, and quite frankly I don't care. But try to enjoy it anyway!

(Don't worry, there will be dick jokes later.)

TO HELL AND BACK: DEMYSTIFIED

Everyone always uses the expression "To Hell and Back" to describe a horrible endeavor or experience, without the need to quantify it. But according to Google Maps, if you want to go to Hell and Back, it's only a 1,200 mile drive from Hell, Michigan to Back, Texas, which you could do in under a day. I didn't say it would be pleasant, since after all you have to drive through two Springfields (Illinois and Missouri), Gary, Indiana, St. Louis, the entire state of Oklahoma, and you end up in the Texas panhandle. But if you have a vehicle with air conditioning and some good music, it's manageable.



(Okay, that's the funniest post I could concoct on a Monday.)

WEEKLY TOP 10: US-CONNECTION!

10. After returning from a 5 day trip to Maine, I realized that it's time for me to move near the beach. ANY beach. I can't stand being hours away from one.

9. Just like everything else, GM managed to screw up Saturn as well. Meanwhile, there's a bunch of sissified blogulation regarding the iCar, a possible joint venture between Apple and Volkswagen. Personally, I think they're made for each other--both of them preach style over substance, and are overpriced for what you get.

8. I'm Freaking Old Moment #356: I realized that the neck tattoo is not just for prisoners anymore, after seeing an otherwise attractive female sporting a rather conspicuous one. I found it hideous, but I imagine someone out there must like that look.

7. After his much-ballyhooed win at the Douchebag Deutsche Bank golf tournament at TPC Boston, Phillis Mickelson now has a jillion zillion FedEx Cup points, as Rob put it. Way to go, FIGJAM! Even though Steve Stricker has only one 1 tournament in the past 7 years, he's currently at #2, higher than Tiger Woods! Again, what a great "playoff" "system" this is.

6. I have decided to buy a Dell Vostro laptop, because it sounds like an Eastern bloc tennis player. Oh, and because you can get a well-loaded computer at a reasonable price, and there's no "bloatware" (my new favorite word) installed on it. Extended warranty? How can I lose? (Actually, this is one of those rare moments I will actually buy one. I've never owned a laptop, and I guarantee that it will fall apart after 1 day after the normal warranty runs out.)

5. Speaking of tennis, there are only 3 American men in the Top 50 ATP rankings. James Blake and Andy Roddick (and the latter is about to get schooled by Roger Federer tonight) are in the Top 10, and they're not even that spectacular. The other one? Mardy Fish at #41. Yikes. Meanwhile, where is the Russian factory that is churning out these tennis playing girls? (Yeah I know, she lost already, but any excuse to get a Maria Sharapova picture up here.)

4. I'm Freaking Old Moment #443: when asked about the show "The Hills", I realized that I'd never even heard of the show, or knew that it was on MTV for three seasons already. In fact, along with ESPN, I don't remember the last time I voluntarily turned on MTV. Sorry, I'm out of your target demo.

3. I am actually more looking forward to the upcoming hockey season than the NFL season (which starts tomorrow night), maybe because the Devils have more of a fighting chance than the Giants do. In fact, I even know that the Devils play their first 9 games on the road, mainly because of a slew of concerts by Bon Fucking Jovi (that's right, they don't even get to open their own arena). Meanwhile, I just found out that the Giants start their season this Sunday night. Ugh, what a way to kill my interest almost immediately. And that's only the first of FIVE games at 8:15 PM this season. As for the NHL, contrary to the word on the street and what may have been said here in the blogodome, I might actually attend a Devils game at "The Rock", if NJ Transit figures out that new weekend train schedule this fall. There's nothing like live hockey, and I'm sure I'll be sucked in . . . to Newark? Ugh.

2. I'll come right out and say it: I really dislike the work of Kevin Smith. I was even at the legendary Hazlet Multiplex premiere of the original Clerks, and left thoroughly hating the movie. So if you try to sell me a TV show or movie with the caveat "DIRECTED BY KEVIN SMITH!", I will run in the other direction.

1. Have you ever found yourself in France without the means to order a replica of a 1940's Texaco gas pump? Did you ever suffer a summer heat wave in the south of France without a Coca-Cola thermometer? Does your Parisian American-themed restaurant lack that certain art deco je ne sais quoi? Personally, I haven't had any of these problems . . . yet. But if you do, I'm quite certain that there's only one place to go: US-Connection. The authentic (yes, actually made in the USA) American diner furniture looks great, and reminds me of a time when every restaurant wasn't a TGI Applechili's Garden Bistro. And I personally love the decorative enamel signs (if I had my own bar, I would cover the walls with these things). Visit the US-Connection website right now if you're interested!

WEEKLY TOP 10: TIGER IS STILL GOOD, ELVIS IS STILL DEAD

10. Why does Boeing advertise on TV? Are there really people out there that don't know who Boeing is? Are there billionaires watching golf that will decide to buy a Boeing plane because they saw their commercial? Actually, I don't want to know that.

9. The proliferation of pointless preseason games has begun, meaning the 2007 NFL season is right around the corner. Apparently, referees will be using HD for their video reviews this season. So they will be able to see in crystal clarity what HDTV owners have been seeing for years: just how badly they fucked up the call.

8. This year, the Pittsburgh Steelers (for some reason) have a new scary mascot, and the "fans" have voted to name him . . . Steely McBeam. WTF? Any relation to Hootie McBoob? Maybe they should have gone with Big McLargehuge, from MST3K's Space Mutiny.

7. There's just something about a woman saying in a personal ad that one of her favorite artists is "Kip Winger (solo)" that's a complete turnoff to me. Call me picky, but life is too short for that.

6. As of 8/16/2007, one US dollar is worth 1.07 Canadian dollars. That's horrible! A few years ago it was about $1.30. Well, you had your chance Montreal strippers, but I don't think it's even worth coming up there anymore. I don't care if the Roughriders are playing the Rough Riders for the Grey Cup, I ain't coming up there if there ain't no cheap whores to throw my loonies at! So you can forget aboot it!

5. Apparently, everyone in Hollywood has decided that Chuck is the new name of comedy (or lack thereof). In a matter of weeks we are inundated with two movies ("I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry" and "Good Luck Chuck") and a TV show (obviously named "Chuck"). There are probably also some porns in the works (I'm guessing maybe "Fuck Chuck" may be one of them). Enough. I want to upchuck.

4. Man, I am THISCLOSE to buying a Sony Playstation 3 and a copy of Madden '08. It just looks crazy good, and it's in HD and everything. Plus, I would have a Blu-Ray player, and although it's early, it appears to be winning the format war vs. HD-DVD.

3. Tiger Woods won his 13th major (the 89th PGA) on Sunday, which was pretty much a foregone conclusion after his asskicking 63 on Friday. When asked how he felt to have his wife and baby girl waiting in the clubhouse, he said, "I've never felt anything like this. It's cool." Tiger: a phenomenal golfer, and a tremendous dork. One question to CBS: if Ernie Els had won the tourney, did you have a cutesy childhood photo montage of him ready? I'm thinking probably not.

2. I might have to visit BARCADE! This cool-ass establishment is exactly what it sounds like: a bar filled with classic arcade games. Unlike a cheeseball place like Dave & Busters, it actually has excellent brews on tap (25+) to back it up: Abita, Rogue, Smuttynose, Victory, et. al. I just wish it was in my neighborhood instead of in Brooklyn.

1. It's 30 years later, and Elvis Presley is still dead. To honor The King, here's the "laughing version" of "Are You Lonesome Tonight?" from 1969. Allegedly, after a fan removed his toupee in the audience he changed the words to "Do you stare at your bald head and wish you had hair?", and subsequently could not stop laughing.



Funny story: back on August 16, 1977 I was with my dad and sister driving up to Maine, and as we were flipping around on the radio there seemed to be a lot of Elvis songs on the radio. After several hours of this, a DJ finally announced the news of his demise to clear things up. It was a big story in Maine, because he was supposed to play a concert/destroy a buffet in Portland the next day. To this day if we ever hear several songs by the same artist on the radio, we say, "Another song by him? Did he die?"

I HATE THIS BLOG

I'm looking at this blog, and man do I hate it. It just all seems so pointless. I really have nothing interesting to say, including this post right here.

Today, I thought about putting up another post about hockey (Brodeur getting another Vezina, ho hum), or golf (Tiger having a baby girl and naming it after Sam Snead?), or the Mets (I'm going to the game tonight, and god have they truly sucked lately), or how the College World Series is 2 months long and impossible to follow, or that health care "documentary" about health care and how evil pharmaceutical companies are (ugh). I thought about looking for another Looney Tunes cartoon, or some music or sports video (which, because it's on YouTube, looks like complete and utter crap, the sound is poorly synched, and 572 stupid kids have commented unintelligibly about it for no apparent reason). Maybe I'll write a drinky drinky column about something I'd like to be drinking right now, but I can't because I'm at work (which is the ultimate torture).

But I've got nothing. I'm not just in a rut. I think I'm officially spent.

This is it. I need to make a move, I'm not happy with my job, my apartment, my high blood pressure which was brought on suddenly by god knows what. Most of all, I'm not happy with this fucking lame blog. It doesn't serve a purpose anymore, and no one reads it but me (and maybe Rob). Maybe I'll feel motivated to post something down the line, but right now my time would be better spent focusing on getting myself out of this.

So if you actually DO read this, oh well. I guess you can go find some other free entertainment/complaining out in the InterWebs. Cheers.

P.S. Bettman sucks.