Thursday, March 27, 2008


This is a collection of garbage (or as my 2 year old nephew calls it, "garboop") that doesn't really belong in its own post, but also doesn't belong in my head. It's BLOGARBAGE!

Because of my illustrious job, I get generic drug prescriptions for free (the one and only perk). However, this time around I got an antibiotic from Watson, probably made by disgruntled employees at the Carmel, NY plant (where I used to work). As Rob said, hopefully these were made before the plant closing announcement and employees found out their jobs are being outsourced to India. That doesn't change the fact that I feel like my innards were scrubbed clean with a wire brush.

I think that in order to be an authentic Def Leppard tribute band, you should be required to have a one-armed drummer. However, this is not a sticking point forDef Repplica according to their want ad: Required to wear detailed costume/accessories to visually simulate Rick Allen as close as possible, both arms welcome."

I understand having 40 coffee places in the mall: you want everyone to be well caffeinated (is there second-hand caffeination?) while they're shopping. But do we really need 3 soft pretzel vendors? The Palisades Mall has Auntie Anne's, Pretzel Time and Wetzel's Pretzels, for some unknown reason. Auntie Anne's is by far the best one, probably because each bite contains a pound of rich creamery butter. The other two can close down and make way for more cell phone vendors, which we also don't need.

Despite what Bud Light's commercials tell me, I am NEVER typing in "dudemadness" into my browser. One spelling error will direct you to gay porn. Actually, that might not be worse than Bud Light (according to unnamed sources).

The detestable word "bling" was used in the headline of an article about Sarkozy in the Wall Street Journal. I'm going to go out on a limb and say the word is officially dead. Oh, and the WSJ, now owned by Rupert Murdoch's News Corp, is also dead to me.

Something I found out about China: the men prefer the women to have flat asses, and even have surgical procedures to reduce their ass size. Good to know they're just as fucked up as we are.

Google GMail chat calls their little animated smiley faces "emotisprites". I didn't think I could hate a word more than that.

I used to defend the state commonwealth of Massachusetts by saying, "Eh, it's not bad. Cape Cod's pretty, and Boston's a nice town . . ." and then I ran out of steam. But after sitting in traffic on the Mass Pike at 10 PM on a Sunday night, I had an epiphany: I have no fucking use for Massachusetts. What have they ever given us? The Kennedys? Big fucking deal. Everything they provide, some other nearby state does better. Restaurants? New York. Taxes? New Hampshire. Beaches? Maine. Skiing? Vermont. Historical landmarks? Philadelphia. Sports radio? Anywhere. Boston is run by a marble mouthed moron, the Big Dig project was a giant disaster plagued by cost overruns, accidents and corruption, the average ticket price for a ballame at Fenway costs over $50, and after you drive past Worcester it's a complete wasteland. And Mass drivers are the worst, as they combine the erratic style of New York drivers and the reckless speed of New Jersey drivers. Seriously, screw the Bay State and all the Massholes in it. (You know who you are; if you laughed at this, you're not a Masshole.)

I just heard someone say that their family traditionally eats rabbit on Easter Sunday. Really? I'm going to guess that the same family doesn't allow their kids to believe in the Easter bunny, otherwise they'd be scarred for life. "Remember when I said the Easter bunny delivered all that candy? Well, as he was trying to hop out of the house, I shot him dead, skinned him and threw him in the oven. Man, he sure looks tasty! EAT UP, KIDS!"

On that note allow me to leave you with a commercial, because I have nothing else to add. It's a classic M&M's commercial from the 80s.

Thanks Easter Bunny! Bock bock!

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