THROW UP AT SHEA, BLOW UP AT SHEA

After many years and many memories, an historic baseball stadium is finally being demolished.

Of course, I'm talking about Hiroshima Citizens Stadium, which is going to be bulldozed after 51 years. In their final game in the old stadium, fans threw inflatable pink dildos through the air while the Hiroshima Carp beat the Tokyo Yakult Swallow. Personally, I think while Hiroshima's Crap, the Tokyo Yakult Swallow!

No, I'm talking about the 44-year old Shea Stadium, the multi-purpose monstrosity that has finally closed its doors today. There's nothing special about this dump; it was ugly when I first went there in the late 70s, and it's ugly and outdated now.

Is that it? The 2008 Mets (a team some say "underachieved" but I say "wasn't that good") are done putting the finishing touches on their second straight September collapse? Great. No postseason ball in NYC for the first time since 1993? Beautiful.


Is everyone out of the building? Piazza and Seaver have symbolically closed the center field gates? Yogi finally made it out to his car? (God, that awful pun reminds me of that awful Bon Jovi song "Never Say Goodbye". Thanks for that, idiots.)

Good. It's time to BLOW UP AT SHEA. What? City laws prohibit imploding buildings? Goddamn politicians. Don't they know I need an explosive catharsis? Okay then.

BULLDOZE IT.


Wait, is that Doc Gooden and Straw together for the first time since, well, forever? No, I mustn't be swayed by pointless nostalgia. This place is an ulgy ass eyesore.

DESTROY IT.

No one really cares about it. The stadium housed teams that won IN SPITE OF IT, not because of it. Seriously, get rid of this massive hunk of shit. I don't want to talk about it again.



(I wonder if Yogi knows which stadium farewell party he's at.)



Aw shit, I thought those explosions meant they were about to level the building. Alas, it was only fireworks.

Photos courtesy AP/Al Bello-Getty Images