NHL.COM: THE INTERVIEW THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN

The guys at MYFO like to make up elaborate certain conversations; like the one in the Modano/Ford marital bed or what Offspace would have been if it took place in Canada. This is a great idea because 1) fact-checking takes much less time and 2) It's even easier to make fun of Gary Bettman.

Anyway, some say mimicry is the best form of flattery. All I know is it's easier to steal MYFO's idea than it is to come up one of my own.

NHL.com. If you knew [the Philadelphia/Pittsburgh] series was going to end with Sidney Christ going home, would you do something different?

COMMISSIONER BETTMAN: No. I always hate to speculate about what might happen. So even my mere answering your perfectly appropriate question would suggest that we even think in those terms.

But depending on how these series end, we have a variety of contingency plans that deal with whether or not we would waive the trade deadline to allow Malkin and Crosby to play on a finals team.

Q. Very well said.

COMMISSIONER BETTMAN: Thank you (smiling).
[...]
Q. Going forward, is there any talk about expansion, especially some potentially attractive markets out there, Las Vegas, Mexico City?

COMMISSIONER BETTMAN: There are expressions of interest that we've been getting from a variety of places, Vegas, Cancun, Istanbul. We're looking into a number of different methods to attain maximal market saturation using a push-pull method of expansion through traditional and non-traditional consumer outreach.
Did you know that GOOOOOOOL! is Spanish for "goal" in hockey too?!?
[...]
Q. Is it important to have goalies on the goalie equipment committee?

COMMISSIONER BETTMAN: That was actually our thinking. Since our formally-binding decision may slightly affect their job, we felt the least we could do was allow goalies the impression of a involvement. Off the record, you realize we don't really care. The market will determine if they keep their pads or if we decide that the best move would involve Reebok...umm...RBK, working up some kind of "jogging pant" and a sort of T-shirt that would allow the true skill of the player to been seen.

Q. There's been a significant amount of criticism over the refereeing in this year's post season. How do you respond to these critics?

COMMISSIONER BETTMAN: I honestly haven't heard any more misplaced critiques than you tend to hear each post-season. As you know, the hockey fan-base is the absolute best in the world and when a team loses, there will always been certain kind of fan who will never be happy with the result.

Additionally, we are seeing the rise of unprecedented levels of blogging and everyone knows that while bloggers on a basic level are good, they are not true professionals. You mustn't confuse what these jobless folks do in their mother's basements and what the true heros do in the War Room in Toronto.

It's a start. Hopefully, it's be funnier in the future.