Ok, I don't know what the fuck this is, but they promise to take me to Saturn, and I don't even have to buy carbon offset credits, because it's 100% Green.
As we know a picture is worth 1000 words, and since our share of the AdWords pot is based on words, I'm going to let this picture do the talking.
What you see here is Commander Dr. Doug Haynes doing practice runs for his Saturn Trip that is due to commence at the end of Jeffuary.
Dr. Haynes and co. are taking reservations now through the Blue Nebula automated E-Ticketing system to such destinations as the Sun, Mercury, and of course to Uranus. Do not be fooled by the low-quality of the images - have you ever tried to use a digital camera in a zero gravity environment? Of course not!
Now some people are going to say that he just took screen captures from previous Star Trek episodes and Photoshopped MS Painted a picture of a UFO into them, but you're missing the point. Space travel is here now and Dr. Haynes will get us there. I haven't read the terms and conditions, although I imagine it's standard stuff - if you die blah, blah, blah. I'll keep you all informed as to my launch date, but I promise you that Open Hockey will be in outer space before you can say "Bettman sucks." If you want us to go to any specific destination (a list can be found on Blue Nebula's home page), shout it out in the comments. And those of you looking to break out of your daily grind and do something new and exciting, they're hiring in their "Employmen Village." I hope that they employ women too - it's going to be a long trip to space with just men.
God Bless the Interwebs, fore without we would have to watch TV.
First, we have to use HYPER-MATCH 101010 to avoid the wrath of Roger Goodell's goon squads, then we have to deal with the league's Fortnight of Jackassery, and now, we can't watch the Hyper-Match on any TV that is bigger than 55 inches. I'm not fucking kidding. While Bettman (obviously) sucks and I highly doubt the NHL has problems with Stanley Cup Finals Parties, this crackdown on churches showing the "big game" is just fucking Bettmanesque.
Now I can be a big critic of churches. Never really had much of a use for them myself and I find a lot to dislike, but most church-going folk mean well and I'm sure that the large majority of these parties are without [much] ulterior motives. Sure they want people to come back on Sunday, but this isn't about that - bars showing the game have a much bigger vested interest than the churches. The fact that these churches are "violating copyright law" by offering free admission, free food, not requesting donations and not evangelizing because they decide to show the HYPER-MATCH on a bigger than 55" screen or [god forbid] a projector is just idiotic.
January is almost over and I'm sure everyone has forgotten about 2007 a long time ago. But just like the banks sending out W-2 forms at the last possible second, I sneaked this in just under the wire. I thought about several nominees for 2007 Dicktard of the Year, but this is by far the biggest offenders I could come up with: the RIAA (Recording Industry Asshats of America).
The method of music delivery has changed forever with the advent of the digital download, and as a result consumers just aren't buying as many CDs. But don't try to tell the RIAA this. Have you ever made a copy of an CD, either into a compressed, portable format, or onto a CD-R? Well, if so, you're a filthy pirating thief in their eyes. I believe one of their lawyers would like to have a word with you, because you owe them some cash.
Instead of embracing the new technology, they and the record companies are fighting it to the bitter end by hiring an army of lawyers to protect their assets by suing everyone in sight. A brief list of those being "made an example":
That last one is part of an actual copyright reform bill being reviewed by Congress, called by Google's top copyright lawyer William Patry "the most outrageously gluttonous IP bill ever introduced in the US." The "damages" they are claiming aren't anywhere near the losses they are incurring as a result of illegal downloading. It's absurd. They just don't get it, and neither do the record companies that are allowing this to happen.
Congratulations RIAA: you are the 2007 DICKTARDS OF THE YEAR.
I swore off Slate a few weeks ago, just like I swore of CNN. But I didn't move them from the top of My Yahoo! RSS page. So I still get the idiot headlines from CNN and the self-righteous from Slate.
Anyway, I read Jack Shafer's column from time to time, because he does talk about things that get me all bent out of shape: Media matters and the idiocy of the main-stream media. Shafer can be a bit of a blow hard and I get the feeling that he really has to stretch sometimes to get his weekly Press Box column the material needed, but overall I find him significantly less annoying then most of Slate's stable of lefties.
This week he goes after the online tabloids, Foxnews.com, MSNBC.com and CNN.com. I almost never go on Fox News, because I just don't care what they think, but as I mentioned CNN is at the top of my RSS reader and man does that site suck. I am/was under the impression that CNN was some sort of respectable source of news...I don't know how I got this marketed into my head, because it's so not true. I've had a few run ins with MSNBC and I think I made myself clear on how I feel about them.
The problem here is such: Many people, myself included, think that these three news "sources" are the "place to go" for your daily news. That's right, Rupert Murdoch, Ted Turner and Bill Gates are determining what you find important each and every day. Fuck this, CNN is being banned from the top of my RSS reader right now. Ok now it's NYT followed by WaPo. That should be a step up from stories such as "Haiti's poor resort to eating dirt" and "Dr. Phil bums out Star Wars fanatic's wife."
Oh and don't look now, but the Sabres have won three straight and have won (outright) 4 of 6 over the past few weeks. They're ahead of the Washington Ovechkins for 10th in the conference! Vanek had the decider last night, which means that Buffalo is now paying him a mere $714,285 per goal. A deal if you ask me consider Scott Gomez is making $909,090 per goal and Drury's making around $550,000. We'll not mention Brad Boyes' $55,170 per goal of course. Or Corey Perry's $19,000 per goal (for the record, Vanek would need to score 526 goals this season to be that efficient).
Of course this little tangent is more or less for the Bettman Sucks tag...'cause he's who put us in this situation. Fuck you Gary Asshole.
During the NFL's insufferable FORTNIGHT OF JACKASSERY leading up to this Sunday's HYPER-MATCH 101010, I would usually just turn off the radio and television in order to avoid the media coverage completely. However, with my team, the Giants, representing the NFC I was forced to wear earplugs and blindfolds for the duration, removing them only to watch hockey (could be true). I also made it a point to not visit any sports websites that didn't rhyme with "Fredspin" or "Missing Floozy Folder". Basically, everyone takes 5 minutes of analysis and spreads it out over 2 horrific weeks. Call me crazy, but I'm not listening to a guy who didn't watch this Giants team play for the past 20 weeks, yet has suddenly become an expert on the subject. Even more maddening, the non-sports media can't shut up about it either, covering related stories that no one cares about, like the expensive commercials, the halftime show, how to throw a party, the mayors' bets and blabbity blabbity blah.
So this will be my only preview post concerning pro football's HYPER-MATCH. I'm only going to interrupt the festivities to bring you BREAKING HYPER-MATCH NEWS, of the variety that ESPN News is known for. For example, yesterday on the channel it informed me on the bottom of the screen: BREAKING NEWS: New England Patriots and New York Giants play in Super Bowl XLII Sunday 6 PM. Be sure to tune into ESPN this Sunday for the EUROPEAN FIGURE SKATING CHAMPIONSHIP.
Good to know. Well, here at the OPEN HOCKEY BLOG we have this item just coming in--
BREAKING HYPER-MATCH NEWS: Pats QB Tom Brady is an attractive human being of the male gender. He has won previous HYPER-MATCHES in his career, the number of which is still unknown. Stay tuned!
So you see, there really isn't anything new to repor--
BREAKING HYPER-MATCH NEWS: Wes Welker is white.
BREAKING HYPER-MATCH NEWS: Despite team's success, Coach Coughlin is still a screaming moron.
Okay, I don't know why that was "breaking", it wasn't like we didn't already know . . . wait a sec . . .
BREAKING HYPER-MATCH NEWS: Rob is reporting that "Brady is setting up for some kind of Schilling phony bloody sock thing this Sunday, with his 'sprained' ankle."
Okay, at least this is something, and I agree. He's still milking that? He probably took notes from T.O. a few weeks back: 1. Wear a boot and/or use crutches in the presence of cameramen. 2. If you have a great game people will shower you with golden praise and call you Superman; if not, you have a built-in excuse for your crappy play. It's a WIN-WIN, people!
BREAKING HYPER-MATCH NEWS:Eli Manning is Peyton's little brother. It has been confirmed that they are both Archie Manning's sons. Yet they're not exactly alike, for some unknown reason which we've yet to uncover. Stay tuned!
BREAKING HYPER-MATCH NEWS: Kris is reporting from OPEN HOCKEY'S French office: "Sorry, it's been foretold by Tecmo Bowl . . . no use even playing the game now."
Yeah, you're right, now that Tecmo has spoken the game is a mere formality. The background music is freaking great; all it's missing is Harry Kalas' narration:
Everything was coming up Big Blue, until Eli threw an ill-advised pass across his body into the end zone for an INT . . . Before long the record-setting combination would hook up again, as Brady dropped back 30 yards to throw an 80 yard bomb to Moss . . . On 2nd and 3, Jacobs had a wide open hole that closed before he could find it . . .
IT'S LIKE I'M SEEING THE FUTURE.
BREAKING HYPER-MATCH NEWS: Puppies are cute! Stay tuned for Puppy Bowl IV!
This is an undisputible fact, but hardly news.
BREAKING HYPER-MATCH NEWS: While most bars have HD-capable flat panel screens installed, most of them still do not haveHD. WTF?
During my past two weeks of media avoidance, I discovered that it's quite expensive for bars/restaurants to get DirecTV in HD: a plan that costs less than $100 a month from Cablevision costs over $200 from DirecTV. Furthermore, the satellite provider bases all of their charges on "estimated viewing occupancy", so the more people you can fit in your establishment, the more they bilk you for cash. This is why most bars do not have HD set-ups, or simply have the (exclusive to DirecTV) NFL Sunday Ticket plan without HD. That's poor marketing.
BREAKING HYPER-MATCH NEWS: An anagram for the New England Patriots is "Grow Talent and Penis".
Sorry, that one didn't make any sense. That's it, I'm ending this--
BREAKING HYPER-MATCH NEWS: (YOUR TEAM) is very confident that they will win! This could give the opposing team much needed locker-room bulletin board fodder, which is a proven motivational tool! Stay tuned!
What? Stop th--
BREAKING HYPER-MATCH NEWS: Wes Welker is still white.
Okay, enough jackassery. This is all I'm going to say about the Giants team that I root for, despite the fact that they are burdened by playing in the NFL.
The Giants are an inconsistent, mediocre team. They are merely the NFC team that managed to suck the least in 2007. They've played good enough during this playoff run, and while Elisha has been solid (53/85, 599 yards, 4 TD, 0 INT, 0 FUM, 6 SACKS), and the defense has been serviceable, this in itself will not add up to a win. To get this far they've had to rely on mistakes by the Cowgirls (penalties, interceptions, poor tackling) and the Packers (INT in OT due to reckless gunslinging); they will get no such gifts this Sunday. To say they have to play mistake free football is a massive understatement. If even one player has to re-tie their shoelaces, all is lost.
I said everything was a bonus after they beat Tampa, and then Dallas. But it will be incredibly frustrating to watch this team get this far only to have Tommy Dreamboat & The Super Spies capture yet another HYPER-MATCH ring, thus increasing the douchebaggishness of New England sports fans exponentially. Either way, it's an excuse to get incredibly drunk somewhere on Sunday night and miss work on Monday. I have no delusions that this team is good enough to repeat this feat again, so this may be the last time we see this team in the HYPER-MATCH for a while. I'm going to enjoy this game one way or the other.
Oh crap, not another one--
BREAKING HYPER-MATCH NEWS: An anagram for the New York Giants: Win A Strong Key.
I got these babies on sale for 4€50, which in USD is something like $50, but believe me, it's not too much here. I doubt I'll wear them much, but I have never LLOL for a pair of slippers before and every time I look at my feet that's what happens; I burst out laughing. And I have not even drank alcohol today.
And the best thing: Your feet go right into his mouth. Brilliant.
They're not bad for comfort either, although I could foresee overheating being an issue.
Anyway, I give this product and/or service the official Open Hockey Award for Excellence in the field of Marketed and/or Licensed Product and/or Service.
UPDATE (Jeff K): Nice! Just make sure you don't get arrested while wearing them, or you'll look like this guy:
I was inspired to write this list when I saw Google's graphical tribute to my #1 toy (see the bottom of this post). This is my list, and therefore, it is inscrutable. Here we go:
10. Barbie dolls. Before recalling millions of Chinese produced toys because of dangerous amounts of lead paint (whoops!), MATTEL was responsible for the most iconic and popular dolls of all time. Introduced in 1957, Barbie is currently responsible for 80% of the company's profits. (And that's my sole nod to "toys for girls".)
9. Fisher Price Little People. I had the Main Street set when I was a kid, with the post office, barber shop, and fire house, and all sorts of people and vehicles to go with it (even a little wooden dog that chewed the plastic ears off of). I think I played with it until I was in 8th grade. (I wish I were lying.)
8. Slinky. Still made in the USA, this toy was invented by a Marine who, instead of focusing on the war effort, observed a torsion spring roll around on a ship's deck. I still cannot get the jingle out of my head: "It's Slinky, it's Slinky, for fun it's a wonderful toy. It's Slinky, it's Slinky, it's fun for a girl and a boy."
I could never get one of them to go down the stairs, let alone two of them. So I used to just dangle it from the top of the stairs and try to hit someone in the head with it. After about 3 days it would get all bent and tangled, and you'd have to go buy a new one.
7. Superball. A simple round piece of hard rubber, you couldn't wait to get it outside and try to bounce it over the roof . . . and then you promptly lost it. According to this commercial from the 50s, it had 50,000 pounds of compressed energy! How could an 8 year old kid possibly control that?
(I remember that Super Elastic Bubble Plastic. Man, it looked and smelled nasty.)
6. Play-Doh. Everyone claims to have eaten this as a kid, but I can definitely say that I just played with it. You could find little hardened bits of this crap everywhere.
5. Wiffle Ball. For those of us who couldn't really figure out the curveball using a traditional baseball, this was a godsend. From adolescence to college, I can't even tell you how many of the Wiffle Bat and Ball sets I've bought. Nothing beats a game of Wiffle ball.
4. Frisbee. Sure, it's just an inverted pie plate that someone at the WHAM-O company in 1957 reshaped to fly straight. But it's that kind of simple innovation that makes the frisbee a lasting toy. (Yes, those of you who take "Ultimate Frisbee" really seriously, it's just a toy.)
3. Atari 2600. Released in 1977, it ushered in the era of home videogame consoles, and made the word "joystick" an acceptable household word. From Combat, Space Invaders and Adventure, to the Activision classics Pitfall and River Raid, to the truly shitty home version of PAC-MAN, this system had an endless list of game cartridges, as well as an endless number of retro sitesdevoted to it today.
I could never figure out that stupid Raiders of the Lost Ark game.
2. NERF balls. I think it's safe to say that everyone has owned a NERF ball at some point in their lifetime. How classic is the NERF football, or the NERFoop? Both released in 1972, they are still sold in toy stores today. NERF even sells sports attachments for the Nintendo Wii.
1. LEGO. Celebrating its 50th birthday today, the modern plastic LEGO block is the ultimate universal customizable toy: easy for a child to learn, and it affords seemingly endless building combinations. I used to have a huge box of these that I played with for my entire childhood, and just visited the LEGO store in the mall the other day. Timeless and classic.
I guess this was bound to happen, but after a year of subscribing to XM satellite radio I find myself only listening to about a dozen channels (Ethel, Lucy, Fred, Squizz, Loft, SBUX Cafe, Chill, XMU, Verge, Home Ice, Opie & Anthony . . . I ran out of steam there). The worst part about XM seems to be the talk shows. I still don't see the allure of listening to the audio from CNN, CNBC or E!. The live broadcasts of golf and NHL games is nice to have (as is the scoreboard), but I have absolutely no interest in listening to any of the sports talk radio.
So maybe this less of a rant and more of a warning to XM Radio subscribers. I just heard a commercial for a new channel to be added February 4th called "ESPN Xtra" (Channel 141). From the press release:
"The ESPN Xtra channel will also air content produced by ESPN exclusively for XM throughout the year, live coverage of events ranging from the X Games to the ESPY Awards, and ESPN columnist Bill Simmons' popular podcast from ESPN.com."
Wow, that really covers the whole spectrum of sports. Live coverage of the ESPY awards in my car! Imagine how great the BEST PLAY nominees will sound. "Did you hear that goal by Rick Nash?" "Dude, listen to that snowboard!" Will we also be able to hear a bunch of nobodies play poker too? The possibilities are endless.
Wait a sec:"Bill Simmons' popular podcast". Popular? Really?
"Bill Simmons, a.k.a. "The Sports Guy," is a columnist for ESPN.com's "Page 2" and ESPN The Magazine. The New England native, renowned for his passion for Boston sports teams, will be heard Fridays at 3 p.m. and at 10 p.m. ET when ESPN Xtra airs his popular 40-minute podcast from ESPN.com."
Okay, okay, it must be popular, since you said it twice. I don't know a single person who has ever listened to this podcast, but if you (the self-proclaimed Worldwide Leader in Sports) say so, how can I argue? So does the Boston Sports Guy have J-Bug and Hench talking about the Pats and the Sawx on there too? God, I hope so.
During the All-Star Weekend, Gary "Fucking Twunt" Bettman announced the NHL would kick off the 2008-2009 season with several games in Europe. As part of this tour, the Rangers/Lightning would play 2 games in the Czech Republic (two minutes for cross-Czeching - GET IT?), and the Pens/Sens would similarly faceoff in Stockholm, Sweden. Additionally, he said the Rangers will play 2007 Russian Superleague champion Metallurg Magnitogorsk in the inaugural "Victoria Cup", created by the IIHF to pit an NHL team against the European club champion.
However, Bettman overstepped his authority here, as he failed to mention that the NHLPA has not approved these games. As a result, players' union boss Paul Kelly is not pleased and said that a lot of details have yet to be worked out, especially with the IIHF, with whom the NHL is having player transfer issues. Oops. Bettman also promised that ABBA would be getting back together and playing a concert during the games in Sweden, although he hasn't actually talked to the band members yet.
In other words, Bettman sucks.
Regardless, I seriously don't know what the NHL is trying to do, besides suck as much money as they can out of hockey fans without actually improving the sport. If these games are going to count, aren't you also taking away games from season ticket holders in the process? Why don't they work on getting the average US sports fan to give a crap about the NHL, instead of outsourcing it to Europe? And as much as I like ESPN getting the shaft whenever and wherever possible, the NHL signing an extension with Versus through 2011 isn't going to exactly increase their visibility in the States.
After watching most of the 2008 NHL YoungStars!/SuperSkills! and the All Star Game, I have to say they both pretty much sucked. They could have used Sidney Crosby to show up at the festivites limping out to greet the crowd wearing Tom Brady's boot. It certainly was a lackluster showcase for the league's most talented players. Here's the PLUS/MINUS breakdown. (Yeah, I'm probably not the first one to come up with that.)
PLUS: The goalies they chose to mic up during both events, Rick "2020 Or Bust" DiPietro and Manny "Tarnished" Legace, were both very entertaining and added to the telecast. MINUS: The constant VERSUS audio issues, which led to about 20 exchanges like the following:
Doc Emrick: We've got a microphone on the goalies. Hey, DiPietro, what did you think of that shot? Rick: ... Doc: I guess he can't hear us.
Ugh.
PLUS: Placed in the middle of the skills events the new YoungStars! game, with only one faceoff and two 6 minute "halves" was short and to the point. Of course, it allowed for a ridiculous amount of breakaways but what did you expect? MINUS: Fastest Skater, which was a sprint and not a lap around the ice, just flat out sucked. Predictably, the NHL/VERSUS couldn't get the timers to work correctly.
PLUS: THE AMAZING ZENDO'S 103.1 MPH SLAPSHOT! MINUS: FURRIES! Those NHL mascots are frightening.
PLUS: I actually liked the revamped Obstacle Relay, with the goalies shooting at the empty net at the end. Althought Rob didn't like the "saucer pass" part ("they should have had little kids on the ice for that") I thought it was okay overall. MINUS: I don't normally agree with Wes Goldmember from Sportsline, but they have to get rid of the "judged" Breakaway Challenge event. It had potential, but it ended up being awful. It was worse than the NBA Slam Dunk (if you can believe it); it was like watching 30 straight failed dunk attempts. Some of the players didn't even seem to know what they were supposed to do. After trying (and failing) to bat the puck out of the air, Ovechkin said afterwards, "I didn't practice that." Yeah, no shit, Ovey. I couldn't tell at all. The goalies were also just getting in the way of the fun; they should have just put a stuffed dummy in each goal. And it's a bad sign when the computer animated trick shots were 100 times better than the final product. I could have just watched the 2KSports simulation of the Skills competition all night.
PLUS: I missed The Hives doing the musical introduction, which I heard was the highlight of the All Star Game. The sad thing is, I'm not kidding. MINUS: When Gary Bettman joined Doc and Eddie in the booth at the beginning of the 3rd, I had to turn off the audio. Insufferable little twunt. This led to the following imaginary exchange:
Doc: Do you have a question for the commissioner? Me: Yeah, I do! How about you have a nice big cup of 'shut the fuck up'?
Bettman sucks.
PLUS: A sweet breakaway in the ASG by Rick Nash, who had a hat trick for the losing Western team. All 17 fans in Columbus said "Huh." MINUS: Eric Staal somehow got the MVP, and Bettman was booed by the crowd when he made the center ice presentation. THIS MAN IS BOOED IN EVERY ARENA, DOESN'T ANYONE SEE A PROBLEM WITH THIS? Do you think Bettman gets booed while he’s out eating dinner?
PLUS: As Rob said, "At least it was in HD". Agreed. MINUS: Not all the cameras were HD (hey, it's VERSUS, how many HD cameras do you think they can afford?).
All in all, I was pretty non-plussed. But it still beat watching the Winter X Games.
When I saw them for the first time, I really thought they were American...I saw a live acoustic version and the lead singer (her name's Rosemary) played up the twang. The Neil Young harmonica, the steel guitar, the stand-up bass...it tricked me good.
On the studio version, you can catch a couple of words that she doesn't completely manage to hide behind an affected twang (last time I checked grass doesn't have an "h").
Anyway, it doesn't really matter where they're from, I like this song:
It's finally here: 2008 NHL ALL-STAR WEEKEND. From all around the globe people are flocking to the hockey hotbed bone-dry city of Hotlanta to see the NHL's best from East to West--uhm, Wales to Campbell. Aren't you psyched? (Okay, maybe you're not, but at least it's something to watch after the golf is over.)
Despite the fact that Bettman sucks, the NHL did smarten up and put this on during the off-weekend during NFL football's annual Pre-Big Game "Fortnight Of Jackassery". Unfortunately, poster boy Sid the Kid will not be playing due to an ankle injury. Or as the Onion puts it: NHL Out Three To Five Weeks With Sprained Right Poster Boy. (Gotta love the Onion.)
Unfortunately, Martin Brodeur will not be attending for the first time due to family issues (which I assume has something to do with banging his ex-wife's sister spending time with his kids). Actually, I don't blame Marty for not wanting to sit there for target practice while the defensemen watch from afar. But Crosby, Zetterberg, and Luongo all missing takes some of the juice out of the proceedings (even though it's never really much of a game).
But who are we kidding? The Saturday night YoungStars/SuperSkills Competition has become the best part of the whole All-Star shebang. Look at the roster: between Patrick Kane, Milan Lucic, Sam Gagner and Kris Letang, I think the average age is 15. I don't think any of them have even started shaving yet. David "Kelly" Clarkson is probably going to have to sneak out to get liquor for the rest of them, unless Erik Johnson gets a fake ID and changes his name to "McLovin". Since no goalies are listed as playing this game, I guess they'll have to place the goals facedown and shoot at the netting on top. Kicking off the night Jack Johnson will be singing his hit "Slashing, Hooking, Checking", and (hellish Hannah Montana spinoff) The Jonas Brothers will be performing with the Staal Brothers and the Sedin Brothers. And naturally, Usher and Wyclef Jean will be there, because their music is synonymous with hockey. Yeah, sure.
As for the SuperSkills Competition, it's just amazing to see what these guys can do (man, I wish I had Chara's 100.4 MPH slapper). I would also love to see if semi-unretired Scotty Niedermayer can skill skate the fastest, although I don't know if he's even participating. But since I've enjoyed the Skills Competition as it is, they've decided without bothering to ask the fans to make some changes this year, which include:
Fastest Skater: players sprint from goal line to the opposite blue line, instead of a lap around the ice;
A bizarre 45 second Obstacle Course Relay that ends with the goalie attempting to score on the empty net (if only Marty were here . . . );
Breakaway Challenge which includes points awarded for "creativity, execution and ability to score"
Yes, that's right. Bettman, in his ongoing effort to ruin the NHL by turning it into a gimmicky, NBA-like circus, has decided to make this more like that sport's slam dunk contest. They've even got Dominique Wilkins and Tomas Glavine (who decided to play baseball and ruin the Mets instead of play hockey) on the judge's panel. Why not choose an entire panel of former NHL players? Nah, why do that? That would make too much fucking sense, and possibly honor the sport's heritage. BETTMAN SUCKS.
On that note, allow me to jump into the Open Hockey Time Crapsule™ and present the highlights from the 1990 NHL ALL STAR GAME.
Priceless stuff.
This is a great clip of the 1990 NHL Entry Draft, one of the deepest drafts ever: Nolan, Nedved, Primeau, Ricci, Jagr, Sydor, Hatcher (only the Isles pick at #6, Scissons, was a complete bust).
Mullets galore! I also like the fact that it ends with "the rest" of the first round, "Oh yeah, before we go to commercial, the Devils got some kid goalie named Martin Brodeur way down at 20 . . . "
This clip is fantastic: the 1979 Challenge Cup. This took the place of the All-Star Game, and featured 3 games played at MSG which pitted the NHL All-Stars vs. The Evil Russians.
The USSR went on to beat the NHL players 2 games to 1.
And this Flyers clip from 1990 I'm putting up here for no other reason but to laugh at Mike Emrick and Bill "Hands of Cement" Clement from their younger days (1:25).
Dana Jacobson is an ESPN anchor (or so they tell me, I don't watch the channel enough to have seen her) who recently got into a bit of trouble. Allegedly, she got rip-roaring drunk at something called "The Mike & Mike in the Morning Celebrity Roast" (some self-congratulatory piece of shit ESPN function), got up on stage and dropped some F-bombs. She said something to the effect of "Fuck Notre Dame, fuck Touchdown Jesus, fuck Jesus". This apparently "embarrassed" ESPN (as if their horrendous programming isn't doing that job already) and forced them to give her a week's vacation.
(Before anyone gets outraged about these out of context remarks, remember that this is a roast, so there's bound to be some off-color remarks made. And even if she said this to Jesus' face, I believe he would forgive her. So basically, you bunch of overly sensitive PC pussies, get a fucking sense of humor.)
1) She's 36 and single 2) She's a sports fan 3) She's tall (reports have her as being anywhere from 5'9" to 6') 4) She loves Belvedere vodka 5) She hates Notre Dame 6) She can't endure worthless banter surrounding two completely uninteresting sports radio hosts while sober
What's not to like about this woman? I'm trying to find a fault and I really can't, except for her employer (but who am I to talk?). Some internet trolls have declared her "unattractive", but I can only assume they are all capable of dating supermodels when they're not commenting on Deadspin and downloading hentai porn.
What I'm trying to say is . . . Dana, will you marry me?
(Feel free to leave your answer in the comments.)
UPDATE: Baseball Musings found this fantastic picture. How can you beat that?
Game winning kicks like this bring out the punsters. These are the worst I could come up with (which means I'm sure some of these have been used):
IT'S ABOUT TYNES! TYNES IS MONEY! FOURTH TYNES A CHARM! OVER-TYNES WINNER! TYNES TO MAKE THE DONUTS! TYNES ARE THOSE POINTY THINGS ON A FORK!
That will never, ever get old.
Some things I learned this Sunday:
1. Fuck you, Joe Buck, for calling this exciting end to a thrilling game like you were reading the Starbucks coffee menu. It almost sounds like you were disappointed by the outcome. Your father, Jack Buck, was a legendary announcer. You sir, are a twunt. (We should make the use of this word a regular OH blog feature.)
3. The officiating in the NFL is still horrendous. This highlight reel mentions Sam Madison's personal foul call, a mysterious penalty which was somehow missed by all 34 FOX cameras and therefore, as Rob postulated, doesn't exist. Also Sir-Not-Appearing-In-This-Film: Chris Snee's holding call, which erased a go-ahead 4th quarter Bradshaw TD.
4. Speaking of Bradshaws, Terry was the only broadcaster who actually picked the Giants to win. But then again, he's insane.
6. God, I fucking hate the two week break before the BIG GAME. To avoid litigation, Rob has suggested we call it HYPER-MATCH 101010. That would look great on a T-shirt.
7. I love my dad, but watching a game with him multiplies the agony and frustration by a factor of 100.
8. FOX spent more time promoting Tom Petty's halftime show than the actual game. What are his fans called, PETTYPHILES?
The Urban Dictionary says that this word's been around for a while (since 2000 according to some accounts); all I know is that I just ran into it and I like it.
twunt[twuhnt]noun:
"James Mangold is a fucking twunt."
(It needed to be said)
Hiya Jimmy-boy (assuming your Google Blogs search for your own name hits on this post).
Yes, this is the team that I blognosticated would go 7-9 this year. Instead, this enigmatic squad of ne'er-do-wells proved me wrong and made it to BIG GAME #42. It's bizarre, but they got hot at the right time, and Elisha has gone 3 games in a row without a fumble or INT. After witnessing their past playoff debacles, I figured they'd miss that 36 yard game winning FG attempt, but could never have predicted the Corey Webster INT and the 47 yard winner in OT. Unfathomable.
So the Giants are now 4-0 in NFC Championship Games. In BIG GAME history? Uhm, not undefeated. Still, it's been an interesting ride, one that will probably give me a heart attack before it's over. Now they meet the undefeated wicked good Patriots, and Mr. Bookless said it best: "If there is some way the Giants could beat NE in the [biggest football game of the year] I would walk away from watching professional sports. There would simply be no way to ever top that."
I'd have to agree, I'd definitely kiss the NFL goodbye if that happened. But I'd still watch golf and hockey.
So just allow me to repeat the chant screamed by Giants fans who survived the ice bowl at Lambeau last night: LET'S GO GIANTS!
Holy crap. Nash makes the Phoenix D look silly with a stunning assortment of moves.
AND it was the winning goal with 21.5 seconds left (which more than made up for a high sticking penalty two minutes earlier that created a PP goal to give Columbus the lead). Wow.
We have our first 0% movie of 2008! That's right. Out of 55 reviews, NOBODY has recommended the cinematic turd entitled "One Missed Call".
As you may know, January is the annual dumping ground for bad movies. I should clarify: bad movies come out every week, but these are the ones that Hollywood knows are bad, AND don't think they can make any money on, and that equals fucking horrible. And sweet bastard, the slate of movies coming out this month sure do look atrocious. Someone (not me) should go see all of them and write a book.
Infesting a theater near you in January:
First Sunday. I've never thought Tracy Morgan was funny. Sit through the trailer for this and try to argue otherwise.
Cloverfield. "Blair Witch" meets "Independence Day"--the hybrid no one asked for! Once again, please stop beating up the Statue of Liberty, you Hollywood assholes.
Mad Money. Chick flick alert! I bet Queen Latifah says something "sassy" in this one, am I right? Diane Keaton really needs to stop making movies, period. I wouldn't watch this even if Jim Cramer was yelling at them the whole time.
So I'm looking for a non-DRM online music store. I have iTunes, and it's easy to use and all, but it bugs me that I pay 0.99€ (which is like $1.46) for songs that are stuck in iTunes and on my iPod...I just hate Apple on principle. I don't know, I need to do research about DRM music and what I can do to make this music available elsewhere.
I guess the bigger news here is that I'm looking to go legit. Don't get me wrong, I don't really feel bad about using BT or whatnot, it's just that at a certain point it becomes such a pain in the ass to find one obscure song through p2p, when iTunes (or somewhere else) has the ability to provide this for a small fee right away...Plus I'm an avid capitalist and this type of system helps to prove my ideology that the way forward isn't suing and being a general bitch but innovating and creating demand for new and unique services. As much as I dislike Apple and Steve "Hand" Jobs, it's hard to be a hater on what they've managed to do.
Anyway, the whole point of the post was that I'm looking for an alternative to Apple. I found Sony Connect Europe and click on the Google link and got the following message:
For those of you that can't read the text it says: "We have performed a basic system check and detected that your system is not compatible with the CONNECT service. We recommend to download and install the item below and try again." The download is MS IE...The last way to get me to use your service is to tell me that I have to use the insecure and for-shit Internet Explorer because Firefox is "not compatible." Fuck off Sony. No really, just fuck off.
