2006 RYDER CUP PREVIEW EXTRAVAGANZA

The 2006 Ryder Cup is here, pitting the best European golfers vs. the best American golfers this weekend, and it should be a great showdown. Here's the deal:

Course Name: The K Club, Straffan, County Kildare, Ireland (weather)
Par: 35-37-72
Distance: 7,335
Ryder Cup history: Started in 1927 as a British vs. U.S. tournament, it was only expanded it in 1973 to incude all of Europe because they got sick of us kicking the bloody crap out of them (The U.S. won 12 out of the first 19, tying once). Since 1973, the U.S. has won 9 out of 16, tying once.

The Teams (Player name and world ranking)

Americans
Chad Campbell (22)
Stewart Cink (21)
Chris DiMarco (17)
Jim Furyk (2)
J.J. Henry (50)
Zach Johnson (33)
Phil Mickelson (4)
Vaughn Taylor (52)
David Toms (19)
Scott Verplank (38)
Brett Wetterich (60)
Tiger Woods (1)

Europeans
Paul Casey (28)
Darren Clarke (34)
Luke Donald (10)
Sergio Garcia (9)
Padraig Harrington (16)
David Howell (14)
Robert Karlsson (20)
Paul McGinley (56)
Colin Montgomerie (13)
Jose Maria Olazabal (18)
Henrik Stenson (11)
Lee Westwood (48)

So how is the U.S. media pumping up the team to help lead them to victory? Here are a few choice headlines:
Sports Illustrated: Too soft to win (Swift)
Golf Digest: The worst U.S. team ever? (Johnny Miller)
ESPN: Woods' anger will lead U.S. team to victory (Gene Wojciechowski)

What? Only ESPN (ugh) has any faith in them, and that's only because Tiger tore into the Irish dirtbag press that printed fake nude photos of his wife. Even SI's Rick Reilly is rooting for the Europeans. That's fantastic! I hope all these sports media douchebags get a chance to eat their words this weekend. Some of the reasons I keep hearing as the reasons why the U.S. can't possibly win:

"The Europeans treat this as a major." Gee, that's nice, considering that they can't win any of the majors over here. I think the last time a Euro won the PGA was 1812 using a sheep's bladder stuffed with feathers. Since this is a 'major' for them, if Monty plays well will they award him a 'pretend' major? They can have a little ceremony where they give him the coveted . . . navy jacket. It will be fabulous!

"This the Europeans' home turf." Home field advantages only matter in true team sports, which this is not. Consider this: at the 2006 Open in Liverpool (in jolly old England, which is part of Europe last time I checked) 3 out of 4 Americans topped the leaderboard. And I believe the St. Andrews (Old Course) can also be considered on their turf, and even though they've all played there Tiger still kicked their asses in 2000 and 2005. While we're at it, let's point out that Americans have won 10 of the past 12 Opens. Uh huh, the Europeans really thrive on their home turf.

"There are few household names on the U.S. team." Sure, and every household in Europe is just buzzing about Henrik Stenson, Robert Karlsson and David Howell! You can't walk down the street without seeing a poster of those guys! Give me a break.

"The Americans are rich and soft." Look up "soft" in the golf dictionary, and you will get a photo of Sergio "Los Pantalones Feos" Garcia. I'm sick of the media and fans coddling him and forever saying, "Oh, he's the best not to win a major." More accurately: he's mentally weak, and one of the most overrated players ever considered by the sports media as being worthy of winning a major. And he wears hideous pants to blind everyone from this fact (please, someone from Adidas give him the nice stuff, I beg you). There I said it.

The only European guy I'm not rooting against is Darren Clarke, but he'll be a non-factor.

One last thing: they're playing this on the Club K "Palmer Course". Who is it named after? Why, that would be course designer Arnold Palmer, an AMERICAN GOLF LEGEND. HA!

BLOGNOSTICATION: The U.S. is going to stun the Europeans this year. Guinness? Feck that shite! Fill the Ryder Cup with Pabst Blue Ribbon!

TV Times (EDT)
9/23 - Opening Fourball Matches/Opening Foursome Matches: 8 AM - 6 PM ET
9/24 - Foursome Matches: 8 AM - 6 PM ET
9/25 - Singles Matches: 7:00 AM - 12:30 PM ET

Pairings will be announced Sept 21.

I'll even give a shout out to the BBC blog, who had some funny quotes. (I'm even feeling better about rooting hard for FIGJAM, who quoted Caddyshack already this week.)